Just a one shot post 4x10 because I am still not ok at all and I needed to write (considering the path my story took, it didn't make me feel any better ahah).
Sorry for the mistakes you might find, I'm not English and I wrote this on my phone.
I always thought she was gonna be the death of me. Then she became the reason why I lived. And now she's gone. And there is nothing I can do about it because I'm in a fucking prison cell. It drives me crazy that the last conversation we had was a fight. If we hadn't maybe she would have been with me this night. I replayed in my head the best two weeks I ever had in my life : the wedding, the first kiss, the winter thing, the living together, the first 'I love you', the laughing together... I'm not much of a funny man but when it comes to her I feel so happy that I can't help smiling. Couldn't at least. Now I don't feel like smiling anymore.
In fact all I could do was crying for the past few days. I didn't have the strength to hold back my tears. I hadn't been this emotional since my mother passed away. I never had to be because I stopped caring personally about people. I did my job, I saw sad things but I learnt to shut down all my feelings. Until Norma. She opened up the gates to everything : happiness, joy, love ... I used to be annoyed at her, because she played with me, made me feel things I never felt but didn't care. And then she gave me everything. She didn't give up on me even for her son who was her whole life. Her son ... It made me sick to my stomach that he was out there, in her house, in OUR house when I knew for sure he was the one responsible for this. But then again I wasn't going to prove it in this cell. I needed a plan. I have to take my revenge, for her. I have to kill him. I knew I was turning into my father, killing people like this, but right now I couldn't care less. I also knew that Norma would have hated me for touching her boy because you just can't not love your child can you ? But she is gone anyway and it's his fault. And I could spend a lifetime in jail for all that I knew, but I had to reach Norman first.
And what about Dylan ? I thought. The boy wasn't at the funeral so he must not be in touch with Norman. Maybe I should call him. I got up from the corner of my cell and called a guard.
"Could I have a phone call please ?"
"I'm not sure sir, I have to check the procedure."
"I know the procedure I'm the sheriff for god's sake ! Just get me a damn phone."
"I'll see what I can do."
I sat back on the cold floor, not sure if he was really going to do something or not. What an irony to see me locked up like this, miserable as hell after all the people I put there myself. God I hoped I wouldn't have to go with everybody, to eat or something, because a lot of people in there would dream to beat the shit up on me. Or worse.
I was lost in my thoughts, again, when the guard came back.
"Come on sir, you're allowed to one phone call and it mustn't be over two minutes."
I nodded and followed him to a phone. I realized I didn't know Dylan's number. Fuck.
"Can I have my own phone please ? I don't know the number by heart."
"I'm sorry sir I'm afraid you can't."
"You know once they release me, because they are going to, I can still be a very influent person and..."
"Ok, ok. But don't tell anyone, I'm jeopardizing myself for you there."
He went to the room they had my stuff and came back a couple of minutes later.
"Here. I leave you five minutes alone and then I don't want you to ask me anything ever again."
"Thanks, I owe you."
I didn't mean it. I never owe anybody anything, especially right now. The guy left so I looked for Dylan in my phone and called him.
"This number is no longer attributed."
Shit, bad luck was with me for sure. I remembered I took Emma's number just in case and blessed myself for this.
"Sheriff Romero ?"
"Yes it's me Emma. I don't have the time to explain can I talk to Dylan please ?"
She didn't answered right away and I felt I had been a little harsh so I explained myself.
"I tried to call him but it seems he changed his number. I'm sorry to bother you."
"Oh yeah he has. Just a second."
I heard her call him and a few seconds later he was on line.
"Hey, what's up sheriff ? Anything wrong with Norma ?"
Oh god. So the poor boy really didn't know.
"Dylan I ... I'm sorry I'm the one to tell you this but ... Your mom is dead."
There was a long silence and I cursed myself again for being in such a situation.
"Dylan ? Are you still there ? I don't have much time..."
"How ?"
"Gas leak in the house. It's criminal. I ... I'm pretty sure it's Norman..."
"Oh my god. But... When ?"
"Four days ago. I'm very sorry Dylan."
"What the hell, I spoke to Norman on the phone just yesterday ! Ok I'm coming back to white pine bay. Did I miss the funerals ?"
"Hum yes... In fact Norman organized it, it was yesterday.. He didn't invite anyone, even me..."
"This is so fucked up man. I'm sorry you were brought in our crazy family."
I was a bit surprised by his reaction. Of course he sounded sorry and sad, but not really shocked. I could only guess he saw it coming.
"Dylan there is something else I need to tell you. I'm in jail now. Nothing I can't deal with but I need someone to pay my bail so I can get to Norman."
I felt so bad for asking him this but I had to think about something really fast.
"I would pay you back of course."
"That's ok man, I'm coming to town as fast as I can."
"Thanks Dylan."
I hung up just before the guard came back.
"Time's over sheriff. You have to go back to you cell."
"Yeah I know. Thanks again."
I don't know how much time I spent waiting in my cell, torturing myself, making scenari where Norma would be alive, planning what I would do with Norman. Maybe 5 hours, maybe 10, maybe a day. The DEA came to ask me questions about Rebecca and Bob Paris and I cooperated without saying too much because I didn't want them to find a reason, good or not, to hold me longer here. I also forced myself to eat what they gave me because I knew I would need strength to confront Norman. So after this undefined period, someone finally came to deliver me.
"You're free. Someone bailed you out. You know the procedure, don't leave town."
"Or what ? I'm gonna have to arrest myself ?"
The guy gave me a strange look before giving me back my clothes, my badge and my gun. I knew the news of my arrest must have reach everyone by now and a sheriff going to jail isn't exactly someone you would trust for you city so sooner or later I would have to resign. And I was ok with this. As soon as I could deal with Norman first.
I found Dylan waiting for me at the exit.
"Hi son."
I don't know why I said that, I never called him like that. But it felt right at this moment.
"Hi sheriff. We got a lot of things to talk about I guess."
I took him to the dinner and ordered us something to eat before explaining him everything : how I found her lifeless body, my fight with Norman, the DEA ... I saw him holding back a few tears at the mention of his mom's death but I kept talking. I even admitted that I killed Bob Paris and even if he looked surprised I was grateful he didn't make any comments.
"So what are you planning to do with Norman ? You're not gonna kill him too are you ?"
I knew he would ask. And as much as I looked for it I just couldn't come with a good answer.
"I don't know Dylan. I will go and see."
He looked scared of me at this moment.
"Look, I know she was the love of your life. And she was also my mom. But still, he is my brother and I can't just accept the fact that you might kill him. You are better than this anyway. We can still legally commit him to Pine View."
I was better than this he said. That was the problem. He thought I was a good man but I was just a piece of garbage, filled with anger, remorse and sadness. I think he somehow read my thoughts because he added
"I don't want you to hate yourself any more than you do right now."
I wanted to explode, tell him that I couldn't hate myself more than I already did, scream that Norman was meant to be dead, not Norma, but instead I said in a very calm tone
"Ok. Let's sign those papers."
When I parked my SUV in front of the motel, I felt my heart pinching at the thought she wouldn't run out from the office to welcome me. I took a deep breath before going out, climbing the steps and knocking on the big house's door.
Norman opened it and a frightening look of anger immediately filled his eyes.
"I told you I didn't want you anywhere near here !"
He tried to shut the door but I was stronger than him so I managed to get in.
He went furiously to the kitchen and I had to go after him.
"Ok you piece of shit. I know you killed your mother and until I find a way to prove it and lock you up for the rest of your miserable existence, I'm gonna send you back to this institute for crazy people where you belong !"
I never felt so much hate towards someone. I didn't care about talking him like shit, he deserved it. He deserved worse.
"I didn't kill my mother ! You're insane and you are just blaming me because you can't accept she was better off without you !"
He was furiously cutting vegetables so he wasn't facing me and I had my hand on my gun. It was very tempting. But I didn't do it.
I went to the living room to cool down and what I saw made me froze. She was there (at least her body was) on the couch, resting still, with her dead eyes brand open. Tears of anger started to fill my eyes.
"I'm gonna kill you Norman I swear !"
I took out my gun from my belt and turned back, just before feeling a horrible pain in my stomach. Norman was standing there, less than an inch from me, staring at me with crazy eyes.
"Who's gonna kill who ?"
I open my mouth and gasped, feeling the taste of blood in the back of my throat. I looked down to see the kitchen knife in Norman hand. It was full of blood. My blood. Now the pain was spreading in my whole body and I fell on the floor. My vision blurred and I felt tears running down my chicks. My shirt had become scarlet red and I finally couldn't feel anything anymore. I thought about fighting it but then I saw her, crystal clear. She was turning her back on me, laughing happily. I knew it was all in my head but my heart started to beat louder. Or maybe the injury did this.
"Norma..."
She turned back and her beautiful blue eyes were staring at me. I suddenly felt peaceful somehow. We were doomed, this was my fate : she was supposed to be the death of me. I closed my eyes, mentally tracing every feature of her face, and let myself go.