A humourous short story about the techniques our lovely coneheads use to woo a bondlove. Story idea coined by myself and Misfit-Kiwi during a banter about why they haven't got girlfriends and the short skits we came up with as to why the ladies steer clear. Everything cannon in here is how I see it, for example, the cones are brothers, so if you don't agree then... oh well hopefully it is still good reading. Over and Out.

-story-

Rumble sat at a bench by himself, when three jets stormed in, raring to party. The young blue mech sighed, secretly looked up at hot pink and black femme over the other side - young like him, blue optics that could burn a hole right through your chassis. Rumble fancied her since she arrived just weeks before, but every time he approached her, every word he said came out jumbled, bumbled or just completely a mess.

A rowdy laughter echoed through the mess, originating from the jets: Dirge, Thrust and Ramjet. Pronounced in that order, for they were brothers, oldest to youngest, coolest to hottest. Dirge the awkward silent, Thrust the sassy coward and Ramjet the head-butting liar. Rumble envied the seekers ability, for they had indeed conquered many femme's together, as they claim, but Rumble only wanted one. This one: Fury.

Rumble then had an idea. If they were so successful then surely they could help him?

His idea was set, Rumble marched right over to the much larger cons and punched the saddest in the shin. Dirge complained of a nanite biting his leg, after clearly he saw it was in fact Rumble, so the little mech aimed again but Thrust took his arm and hoisted him high for Ramjet. The concussion jet understood the gist and prepared to give Rumble his biggest head whollop.

'Wait wait...' Rumble said, holding his hands out for peace 'I need advice.'
'Advice?' Thrust repeated, shaking the mech in his hand 'What for?'
'Fighting?' Ramjet laughed, and high fived Thrust.
'Drinking?' Dirge murmured, sipping his Energon casually.
'No...' Rumble sighed 'Fury. I am no good with ladies but you are, right? You can help?'

His admittance was in shame and Rumble braced himself for a barrage of laughter. The trine hesitated to answer, each eyed the other and Rumble groaned. Of course they wouldn't share their secrets with him - he wasn't their brother or a seeker. But hope was not all lost when a smile spread across Thrust's face, followed closely by Ramjet and only a small smirk from the eldest Dirge.

'We can help, but be warned" Ramjet said with caution - as if Rumble cared what consequences might occure if it meant he could have Fury begging for his attention.

'You have to take our advice, exactly.' Thrust added as Ramjet nodded, eager to get started.

'As you see or we say it, else no Fury." Dirge said mournfully to Rumble, almost breaking his spark.

'Yes yes. Tell me please!" Rumble begged, hardest he has ever - if he has ever, he can't recall. Thrust placed him on the table between them all.

'First we need... targets.' Thrust said, and spied the room carefully. He spotted a violet and green femme at the centre of a small group, leading them in vigorous conversation, and his red optics expanded with excitement 'Ohh... Yes. Ramjet. You've got Slipstream.'

'Slipstream?' Ramjet repeated nervously, but Rumble thought he's probably just being polite to the little con who needed help - Fury was no Slipstream. 'But I... Slipstream is like dating Starscream... and that-'
'We need a challenge!' Thrust nudged Ramjet in the shoulder 'To really show dear little Rumble here our skills.'
['Curse you,' Ramjet fumed silently through to Thrust's comms link]
'I'm sure you can to woo the opinionated Slipstream.'

'Alright then.' Ramjet sneered, glaring at his brother 'If I have Slipstream. Dirge is having...' Ramjet scanned the room, looking for the hardest con he could find 'eh...' Then he spotted her. A black two wheeler, with flames over her chassis and Ramjet laughed with evil glee 'Flamewar!'

Rumble saw Thrust even stiffened at the mention of the dark natured femme, and Rumble was amazed the brothers were confident they could win both Slipstream and Flamewar, this made Rumble confident he could win Fury with their help for Dirge was earthly cold but Flamewar was pluto cold.

'Really?' Dirge mused, and skulled the rest of his drink. He then stared around the room, hoping to find Thrust's target. He wanted the best and the hardest for the cocksure mech that dared set the level of targets to Slipstream.

Dirge noted many to choose, each harder than the other. He spotted a onyx and gold spider, Blackarachnia, climbing the wall with her sister, Airachnid - both clearly overdosed on HI grade as they shot webs at each other and were hitting everything but their target. Then there was Night Raid, Megatrons current favourite for both tasks against Autobots and the berth.

'Well?' Thrust said, not too patiently waiting for Dirge's choice - Thrust was also following where Dirge looked - worried about his current choices.
'Wait.' Dirge answered firmly then he saw a yellow, fuchsia and violet femme drinking alone with an enraged expression over her face. Entreaty, sister to Night Raid, and recently bondless after the death of her love Carbine. She would be impossible - for her processors had one purpose: revenge against Prowl - the Autobot second in command. Just as Dirge was about to speak his choice, another idea popped up and it was much better than Entreaty.

'I have decided...' Dirge said solemnly, and Thrust growled as he knew who Dirge was just looking at. 'Your target will be the Autobot Air Raid.'
'WHAT!?" Thrust blurted out loud, causing the room to fall silent and stare at him. Rumble cowered on the table, and Ramjet laughed hard, Slipstream sneered at his outburst, and then continued talking. The rest followed soon after.

'We need to show Rumble our techniques can work on anyone: including them.' Dirge said with a rare grin that spread across his face as he spoke.
'Grr!' Thrust couldn't think of anything better to say and instead sulked in his chair.
Ramjet slapped Rumble on the back, sending the little mech stumbling 'Now number one lesson is First Impressions!'
'Allow Dirge to demonstrate...' Thrust added bitterly.
'Frag you...' Dirge snapped, and stood from the table. Rumble watched on eagerly.

-authors note-

Thanks for reading. I don't know how long this will go but there is at least 6 lessons - which are the main humour - this chapter is a taste. I have introduced a few OC's too as they are just playing background character roles and most likely just for this chapter, so if you don't know who Night Raid, Entreaty, Carbine, or Fury are then that would be why. I am also mixing all Transformer universes in this, as it just makes life easier.