DISCLAIMER: Chances are, if you're reading this story, you know they
belong to Joss.
DEDICATION: To Palaskar. I didn't cheat this time!
A/N: POV switches between Xander and Willow for the entirety of the story. A/N2: This story was written in the summer of 2001. And please note: Don't bother flaming, because it will be ignored.
XANDER
Tomorrow is my wedding day. I'm getting married. Me. To a
wonderful, wonderful woman. A woman who makes me feel like a man.
And while that may seem like a trivial matter to a lot of people, it
means the worl to me. All my life, I've felt inadequate. Like I
didn't measure up. Ever since I can remember, my dad has told me how
much of a loser I am. How disappointed he is that he got me as a
son. And yet, tomorrow? Tomorrow he's gonna come to my wedding in a
tux. I saw it in his closet, when I was helping my mom put some
things away. My dad has never worn a tux. At least, not as far back
as I can remember. And tomorrow he's going to. For me. Because of
her. I know it's corny, but her love for me . . . well, it makes
anything possible.
Almost anything.
Anything but one vital, life and death thing.
Tomorrow I'm gonna stand at the head of a long aisle, family and
friends watching my every move. I'm gonna recite my vows. Vows that
include honoring, and cherishing, and loving her for the rest of my
life. The sad thing is, I'm not going to mean them. Not completely,
anyway. Because, as much as my head tells me that she's the woman I
want to spend the rest of my life with, that her love for me is all
I've ever needed . . . my heart tells me that my head is wrong.
Because, as much as I've fought it all my life, there is only one
woman whose love makes me complete.
That woman is my best friend.
**********************************************
WILLOW
Sometimes it's weird how life works out. You think one thing's gonna
happen, but instead something else entirely different occurs in its
place. Like with me and Oz. Or Buffy and Angel. We were supposed
to be together forever, kinda like Cinderella and Prince Charming.
Of course, it wouldn't have been just like that, `cause Oz is a
werewolf, and Angel is a vampire . . . oh, plus I'm a witch, and
Buffy's a slayer. But it could have been pretty damned close! Or,
it was supposed to.
Now that I look back on it, I realize that Oz and I weren't meant to
be. Don't get me wrong. I loved him. Loved him so much I almost
became a vengeance demon after he left. I mean, he was my first.
But it was kinduva kiddy thing, ya know. Like when you won't eat
anything but Lucky Charms when you're a kid, but when you grow up you
realize that it wasn't the right thing to do.
I'm getting off track.
I broke up with Tara two weeks ago. Or, she broke up with me. It was
kind of a mutual breaking up thing. We just discovered that we were
like that whole Lucky Charms analogy. She was what I needed at the
time, and I was what she needed . . . but we've kind of grown up. In
the sense that growing up is moving on, anyway. We'll always love
each other, but we both want different things.
Of course, my thing's kind of unattainable now . . .
**********************************************
XANDER
I'm sitting alone in my room, doing nothin' but staring at a wall.
It's funny how that wall has so many stories to tell. Liek the time
Will and I snuck down to the basement and painted ourselves blue. We
were on a Smurf's kick then. Or the time when we were 10, and we
convinced my parents to let us spend the night in the basement.
Only, we got so scared telling ghost stories that we nearly peed our
pants. Or the time we hid down here when my parents were having a
humongous fight. So bad the walls actually shook. That's kind of
what I remember most of all. Actually, now that I think about it,
there were a lot of times like that. She's always been there, you
know? Despite all my years of stupid male blindness, and all the
times I made her cry. Whenever I needed her, she was there. When my
dad took his anger out on my face, or my mom drank too much to
remember my name . . .
God, listen to me! I'm getting married tomorrow and I'm thinking
like I'm getting ready for my own funeral. Okay, I've got to cheer
up. I'm going to spend the rest of my life with a wonderful, funny,
saucy woman who loves me more than anything. Well, except maybe
money. And I love her. I do. I really, really do. And we're gonna
have a wonderful life together. So, okay, time to cheer up . . .
. . . Any minute now . . .
. . . Why isn't this working?
**********************************************
WILLOW
I look at the clock. Three AM. Funny, I can usually sleep straight
until eight AM. It's just that, well, I have so many thoughts
running through my head right now.
He's getting married tomorrow. To her. I know she's nice. Well,
now that she's not a vengeance demon, anyway. And that she loves
him, and she treats him good and all that. I just . . . I can't help
but think . . .
I remember a time when I thought we would get married. I even
remember asking him. We were walking home from the movies - I think
we had just watched E.T. or something - and all I could think about
was how much I loved having Xander for my friend. And how, in my
seven-year old mind, I wanted to be with him for the rest of my
life. So I put on my resolve face, and I looked him straight in the
eye, and I asked him. He said yes. And now he's marrying her.
Okay, I know we were seven, and we both have different lives now,
but . . .
When I asked him why he couldn't have noticed that smart girls were
hot way back in the tenth grade . . . I wasn't just reminiscing. I
know that now. A small part of me was hoping that . . .
. . . That . . .
. . . What am I thinking? I need to go back to sleep.
**********************************************
XANDER
Okay, no longer staring at the wall that makes up my bedroom. I am
now staring at the wall that greets people as they enter the church
that is right now playing host to my wedding. I think I've been
staring at it for awhile now, actually. I wonder why no one's
notices me? Maybe if I sit here long enough . . .
God, what am I doing? I can't do this. I can't sit here and . . . I
woke up at three AM this morning, and couldn't get back to sleep.
She was staying at Buffy's, and all I had to keep me company were my
talking walls. Actually, it was kind of weird. I didn't really
notice she was gone until quite awhile later. I had so many thoughts
going through my head . . . and she didn't enter any of them. I
don't think that's a good thing. Is it? I mean, seven hours before
my wedding, and I don't once think of my bride.
I was actually remembering the time that my dad had too much to
drink. I was nine. He had too much to drink, and was angry about
something . . . well, when I came home from school, he decided to
take his anger out on me. I still remember the look in his eyes, and
the sound it made when he gave me the black eye. Hand on my wound, I
ran down to the basement to hide. And then she showed up. Didn't
say anything, just came in with tears in her eyes. I guess . . .
somehow, she had known. She just came into the basement, and hugged
me, and held me . . . and loved me, while I lay in her arms and
cried . . .
. . . I can't do this. I can't - I can't stand at the head of that
long aisle and tell lies in front of my family and friends. For once
in my life, I'm gonna do the right thing.
I turn the key in the ignition, and my car roars to life. Then, foot
on the accelerator, I get out of there as quick as I can . . .
leaving the church, and my dad in his tux, and the woman who makes me
feel like a man behind.
**********************************************
WILLOW
I'm sitting here in the church, staring at the altar. It's kind of
the one safe place to focus on right now. Okay, well, I guess that's
a lie, but . . . every time I look at an actual person? I have
flashbacks. Like when I look at Buffy. I remember the time when he
used me to practice asking her out. And when I look at Giles? I
remember the time he almost caught us making out. I know those
things were kind of a long time ago, but the feelings of hope and
desire . . . they're still so incredibly vivid. I kind of have to
pinch myself to come back to reality. It's like, well . . . Every
person is a memory, and every memory is . . .
Gods! What am I doing? He's getting married today, and I'm acting
like . . .
I finally got back to sleep last night. It took me awhile, though.
I kept thinking about today. I don't know why . . . okay, yeah,
another lie, but . . . I think I'm gonna start pulling my hair out
now.
Wait a minute. Something's happening. People are getting up all
around me, gathering in clumps. Buffy's and Giles' eyebrows have
knitted together. Mrs. Harris is carrying on a hushed conversation
with Anya and the priest in the back of the church. What's going on?
Then I realize . . . Xander's over an hour late. I'd been so busy
not looking at anyone that I hadn't noticed how much time had gone
by. Suddenly, Mrs. Harris starts walking hesitantly toward the
altar, giving her husband a trembling smile as she passes by.
"Um, hello," she greets the crowd awkwardly. For once in her life,
she is perfectly sober, and I can tell that she's regretting that
decision as she stares out at her audience. Finally, after a moment,
she clears her throat, and stutters through the rest of her
announcement. "I'm, uh, I'm afraid there's been a change of plans.
The-the wedding has been canceled. Thank you for coming, but - but
I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you all to go home now."
A great murmur of voices arises from the church. Buffy and Giles
exchange a worried look, Anya sobs silently in the back, and Mr.
Harris shoots out of his seat. "Damn loser of a son! He's gonna pay
me back every cent I spent on this blasted tux!"
Xander's not coming. I don't believe it. Is he okay? I pinch
myself, trying to come back to reality. And though I feel the pain
that pinch makes, and despite the hurt evident on Anya's pale face?
This time, the hope and desire don't go away.
**********************************************
XANDER
I just got done talking to Anya. She's in the process of moving
out. Gonna stay at Giles' for awhile, I guess. The only thing I
really know for certain is that it's over.
I know I should be sobbing uncontrollably right now, trying to pick
up the pieces of my broken heart. I mean, the beautiful woman who
has never done anything but love me - she hates me now. Okay, well,
maybe she doesn't hate me, but . . . I had to stop her from turning
back into a vengeance demon. When I got to my place, she had already
set up a spell to . . . I'm not gonna get into the gruesome details.
Let's just say I wouldn't have ever been able to call myself a man
again. The thing is, I could have lived with that. The one thing
that hurts me more than anything is that she couldn't bring herself
to do it. Though I hurt her so badly that all the light has gone out
of her eyes, she loved me too much to go through with the spell. And
I had to tell her that it was over. She understood, or, she said she
did. I guess she's always known, but . . . well . . . when I saw
that hurt in her eyes, and heard the tone of her voice? . . . I think
a part of me died.
That's only happened to me one other time in my life. That was the
day Will caught me making out with Cordelia. My world was never the
same again.
The things is - though I know I lost a little piece of myself
tonight? I lost a whole helluva lot more when my redheaded best bud
walked out of my life on that cold January day when I broke her heart.
But now I have a chance of getting that back.
**********************************************
WILLOW
I'm sitting on the couch, watching TV and trying not to think about
what happened today. Okay, yeah, I know - it's called avoidance,
but . . . I'm not really ready to deal with this yet. I mean, he
didn't show up for his wedding. Okay. But that doesn't necessarily
mean that . . . what am I thinking? Of course it doesn't mean that.
He's made it perfectly clear that . . . And even if it DOES mean
that? After everything he's put me through . . . And everything I've
put him through . . . I mean, yeah, I guess we are kind of even,
but . . . This whole "us" thing, well it's pretty much. . . I think I
just failed at the whole "keeping my mind off of it" thing. Maybe I
should switch the channel. Okay. When did they start showing Snoopy
reruns at eleven o'clock at night? I switch the channel again. It's
the Smurfs. Great. This isn't working. Maybe . . . oh, wait a
minute. Someone's knocking on the door. Who could be coming over
at . . .
He's here.
**********************************************
XANDER
Before I realize what's happening, I'm standing on her front porch
and knocking on the door. How did I get here? I don't remember
coming this way. I don't know why I'm surprised. I mean, all those
years when I didn't really want to come home? Her house always kinda
beckoned to me. Like a lighthouse in a storm. The one safe place.
My home.
I hold my breath as someone answers the door.
"Hey, Will."
**********************************************
WILLOW
We decided to take a walk. Okay, not really the smartest thing to do
in Sunnydale. But I have a crucifix. Besides, I kind of needed to
get out.
"So . . ." I search for something to say. "Where were you today?"
Why did it have to be that?
**********************************************
XANDER
We've been walking along for the past five minutes in silence. I
never knew how horrific silence can be. Finally, just as I think I'm
gonna go crazy, she starts to talk.
I suck in my breath. I don't remember her being so direct. But, I
guess I should have expected it.
Still, it takes me several minutes to reply. I mean, this is kind of
it. The test. Did I just make the biggest mistake of my life,
or . . . "It's over," I finally say. "Between me and Anya. I - I
couldn't do it, Will. I couldn't bring myself to lie in front of all
my family and friends."
**********************************************
WILLOW
My heart drops at the thought of how much Anya must be hurting right
now. Because, despite how much we so do not get along, she's still a
decent human being. I hate the thought of her hurting so much. And
I know that should be enough to make me tell him to go away. That
and, well, after everything he's put me through. Buffy. Cordelia.
Faith. But I've put him though things, too. Plus, it's him.
Xander. My Xander. The boy who's been there through every life
changing moment . . . and more. Telling him to go away would be like
telling my heart that I no longer need it. So, despite the fact that
my head tells me what I'm doing is wrong, I decide to listen to my
heart. Placing my fingers under his chin, I maneuver his head so
that he's looking into my eyes. "Lies?" I question softly, hoping
against hope that he'll say what I want to hear.
**********************************************
XANDER
She places her hand under my chin and raises my head so I'm looking
into her eyes. I had almost forgotten how beautiful those eyes
were. Huge and green and shiny. I want nothing more but to fall
into them. But I know it isn't time for that. I hope against hope
that someday it will be.
"Lie?" she whispers, prodding me to say more.
I swallow as a swarm of butterflies take residence in my
stomach. "Yeah," I nod. "I wouldn't have been telling the priest
the truth." I pause, wondering if I should say more. In the end,
however, those green eyes force me to continue. It's almost like, by
looking into them, I'm seeing out entire life flash before me - past,
present, and . . . future? They tell me that I'm doing the right
thing. I lick my lips nervously. "I would have been saying the vows
to the wrong person."
"Xander?" she breathes, and I detect hope in her voice where before
there had been doubt.
"It's you, Willow Anne Rosenburg. I love you. I always have, and I
always will."
What I see next is the most beautiful site I've ever laid my eyes
on. Her entire face lights up and her eyes grow bright with tears.
She looks like an angel. "I love you, too, Xander," she whispers.
It's all I need to hear. In one smooth movement, I've pressed my
body up against hers, and our lips have met in a passionate, loving
embrace.
I know we still have a lot to talk about, and even more to work
through. But for now, the world has fallen away.
I am complete.
belong to Joss.
DEDICATION: To Palaskar. I didn't cheat this time!
A/N: POV switches between Xander and Willow for the entirety of the story. A/N2: This story was written in the summer of 2001. And please note: Don't bother flaming, because it will be ignored.
XANDER
Tomorrow is my wedding day. I'm getting married. Me. To a
wonderful, wonderful woman. A woman who makes me feel like a man.
And while that may seem like a trivial matter to a lot of people, it
means the worl to me. All my life, I've felt inadequate. Like I
didn't measure up. Ever since I can remember, my dad has told me how
much of a loser I am. How disappointed he is that he got me as a
son. And yet, tomorrow? Tomorrow he's gonna come to my wedding in a
tux. I saw it in his closet, when I was helping my mom put some
things away. My dad has never worn a tux. At least, not as far back
as I can remember. And tomorrow he's going to. For me. Because of
her. I know it's corny, but her love for me . . . well, it makes
anything possible.
Almost anything.
Anything but one vital, life and death thing.
Tomorrow I'm gonna stand at the head of a long aisle, family and
friends watching my every move. I'm gonna recite my vows. Vows that
include honoring, and cherishing, and loving her for the rest of my
life. The sad thing is, I'm not going to mean them. Not completely,
anyway. Because, as much as my head tells me that she's the woman I
want to spend the rest of my life with, that her love for me is all
I've ever needed . . . my heart tells me that my head is wrong.
Because, as much as I've fought it all my life, there is only one
woman whose love makes me complete.
That woman is my best friend.
**********************************************
WILLOW
Sometimes it's weird how life works out. You think one thing's gonna
happen, but instead something else entirely different occurs in its
place. Like with me and Oz. Or Buffy and Angel. We were supposed
to be together forever, kinda like Cinderella and Prince Charming.
Of course, it wouldn't have been just like that, `cause Oz is a
werewolf, and Angel is a vampire . . . oh, plus I'm a witch, and
Buffy's a slayer. But it could have been pretty damned close! Or,
it was supposed to.
Now that I look back on it, I realize that Oz and I weren't meant to
be. Don't get me wrong. I loved him. Loved him so much I almost
became a vengeance demon after he left. I mean, he was my first.
But it was kinduva kiddy thing, ya know. Like when you won't eat
anything but Lucky Charms when you're a kid, but when you grow up you
realize that it wasn't the right thing to do.
I'm getting off track.
I broke up with Tara two weeks ago. Or, she broke up with me. It was
kind of a mutual breaking up thing. We just discovered that we were
like that whole Lucky Charms analogy. She was what I needed at the
time, and I was what she needed . . . but we've kind of grown up. In
the sense that growing up is moving on, anyway. We'll always love
each other, but we both want different things.
Of course, my thing's kind of unattainable now . . .
**********************************************
XANDER
I'm sitting alone in my room, doing nothin' but staring at a wall.
It's funny how that wall has so many stories to tell. Liek the time
Will and I snuck down to the basement and painted ourselves blue. We
were on a Smurf's kick then. Or the time when we were 10, and we
convinced my parents to let us spend the night in the basement.
Only, we got so scared telling ghost stories that we nearly peed our
pants. Or the time we hid down here when my parents were having a
humongous fight. So bad the walls actually shook. That's kind of
what I remember most of all. Actually, now that I think about it,
there were a lot of times like that. She's always been there, you
know? Despite all my years of stupid male blindness, and all the
times I made her cry. Whenever I needed her, she was there. When my
dad took his anger out on my face, or my mom drank too much to
remember my name . . .
God, listen to me! I'm getting married tomorrow and I'm thinking
like I'm getting ready for my own funeral. Okay, I've got to cheer
up. I'm going to spend the rest of my life with a wonderful, funny,
saucy woman who loves me more than anything. Well, except maybe
money. And I love her. I do. I really, really do. And we're gonna
have a wonderful life together. So, okay, time to cheer up . . .
. . . Any minute now . . .
. . . Why isn't this working?
**********************************************
WILLOW
I look at the clock. Three AM. Funny, I can usually sleep straight
until eight AM. It's just that, well, I have so many thoughts
running through my head right now.
He's getting married tomorrow. To her. I know she's nice. Well,
now that she's not a vengeance demon, anyway. And that she loves
him, and she treats him good and all that. I just . . . I can't help
but think . . .
I remember a time when I thought we would get married. I even
remember asking him. We were walking home from the movies - I think
we had just watched E.T. or something - and all I could think about
was how much I loved having Xander for my friend. And how, in my
seven-year old mind, I wanted to be with him for the rest of my
life. So I put on my resolve face, and I looked him straight in the
eye, and I asked him. He said yes. And now he's marrying her.
Okay, I know we were seven, and we both have different lives now,
but . . .
When I asked him why he couldn't have noticed that smart girls were
hot way back in the tenth grade . . . I wasn't just reminiscing. I
know that now. A small part of me was hoping that . . .
. . . That . . .
. . . What am I thinking? I need to go back to sleep.
**********************************************
XANDER
Okay, no longer staring at the wall that makes up my bedroom. I am
now staring at the wall that greets people as they enter the church
that is right now playing host to my wedding. I think I've been
staring at it for awhile now, actually. I wonder why no one's
notices me? Maybe if I sit here long enough . . .
God, what am I doing? I can't do this. I can't sit here and . . . I
woke up at three AM this morning, and couldn't get back to sleep.
She was staying at Buffy's, and all I had to keep me company were my
talking walls. Actually, it was kind of weird. I didn't really
notice she was gone until quite awhile later. I had so many thoughts
going through my head . . . and she didn't enter any of them. I
don't think that's a good thing. Is it? I mean, seven hours before
my wedding, and I don't once think of my bride.
I was actually remembering the time that my dad had too much to
drink. I was nine. He had too much to drink, and was angry about
something . . . well, when I came home from school, he decided to
take his anger out on me. I still remember the look in his eyes, and
the sound it made when he gave me the black eye. Hand on my wound, I
ran down to the basement to hide. And then she showed up. Didn't
say anything, just came in with tears in her eyes. I guess . . .
somehow, she had known. She just came into the basement, and hugged
me, and held me . . . and loved me, while I lay in her arms and
cried . . .
. . . I can't do this. I can't - I can't stand at the head of that
long aisle and tell lies in front of my family and friends. For once
in my life, I'm gonna do the right thing.
I turn the key in the ignition, and my car roars to life. Then, foot
on the accelerator, I get out of there as quick as I can . . .
leaving the church, and my dad in his tux, and the woman who makes me
feel like a man behind.
**********************************************
WILLOW
I'm sitting here in the church, staring at the altar. It's kind of
the one safe place to focus on right now. Okay, well, I guess that's
a lie, but . . . every time I look at an actual person? I have
flashbacks. Like when I look at Buffy. I remember the time when he
used me to practice asking her out. And when I look at Giles? I
remember the time he almost caught us making out. I know those
things were kind of a long time ago, but the feelings of hope and
desire . . . they're still so incredibly vivid. I kind of have to
pinch myself to come back to reality. It's like, well . . . Every
person is a memory, and every memory is . . .
Gods! What am I doing? He's getting married today, and I'm acting
like . . .
I finally got back to sleep last night. It took me awhile, though.
I kept thinking about today. I don't know why . . . okay, yeah,
another lie, but . . . I think I'm gonna start pulling my hair out
now.
Wait a minute. Something's happening. People are getting up all
around me, gathering in clumps. Buffy's and Giles' eyebrows have
knitted together. Mrs. Harris is carrying on a hushed conversation
with Anya and the priest in the back of the church. What's going on?
Then I realize . . . Xander's over an hour late. I'd been so busy
not looking at anyone that I hadn't noticed how much time had gone
by. Suddenly, Mrs. Harris starts walking hesitantly toward the
altar, giving her husband a trembling smile as she passes by.
"Um, hello," she greets the crowd awkwardly. For once in her life,
she is perfectly sober, and I can tell that she's regretting that
decision as she stares out at her audience. Finally, after a moment,
she clears her throat, and stutters through the rest of her
announcement. "I'm, uh, I'm afraid there's been a change of plans.
The-the wedding has been canceled. Thank you for coming, but - but
I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you all to go home now."
A great murmur of voices arises from the church. Buffy and Giles
exchange a worried look, Anya sobs silently in the back, and Mr.
Harris shoots out of his seat. "Damn loser of a son! He's gonna pay
me back every cent I spent on this blasted tux!"
Xander's not coming. I don't believe it. Is he okay? I pinch
myself, trying to come back to reality. And though I feel the pain
that pinch makes, and despite the hurt evident on Anya's pale face?
This time, the hope and desire don't go away.
**********************************************
XANDER
I just got done talking to Anya. She's in the process of moving
out. Gonna stay at Giles' for awhile, I guess. The only thing I
really know for certain is that it's over.
I know I should be sobbing uncontrollably right now, trying to pick
up the pieces of my broken heart. I mean, the beautiful woman who
has never done anything but love me - she hates me now. Okay, well,
maybe she doesn't hate me, but . . . I had to stop her from turning
back into a vengeance demon. When I got to my place, she had already
set up a spell to . . . I'm not gonna get into the gruesome details.
Let's just say I wouldn't have ever been able to call myself a man
again. The thing is, I could have lived with that. The one thing
that hurts me more than anything is that she couldn't bring herself
to do it. Though I hurt her so badly that all the light has gone out
of her eyes, she loved me too much to go through with the spell. And
I had to tell her that it was over. She understood, or, she said she
did. I guess she's always known, but . . . well . . . when I saw
that hurt in her eyes, and heard the tone of her voice? . . . I think
a part of me died.
That's only happened to me one other time in my life. That was the
day Will caught me making out with Cordelia. My world was never the
same again.
The things is - though I know I lost a little piece of myself
tonight? I lost a whole helluva lot more when my redheaded best bud
walked out of my life on that cold January day when I broke her heart.
But now I have a chance of getting that back.
**********************************************
WILLOW
I'm sitting on the couch, watching TV and trying not to think about
what happened today. Okay, yeah, I know - it's called avoidance,
but . . . I'm not really ready to deal with this yet. I mean, he
didn't show up for his wedding. Okay. But that doesn't necessarily
mean that . . . what am I thinking? Of course it doesn't mean that.
He's made it perfectly clear that . . . And even if it DOES mean
that? After everything he's put me through . . . And everything I've
put him through . . . I mean, yeah, I guess we are kind of even,
but . . . This whole "us" thing, well it's pretty much. . . I think I
just failed at the whole "keeping my mind off of it" thing. Maybe I
should switch the channel. Okay. When did they start showing Snoopy
reruns at eleven o'clock at night? I switch the channel again. It's
the Smurfs. Great. This isn't working. Maybe . . . oh, wait a
minute. Someone's knocking on the door. Who could be coming over
at . . .
He's here.
**********************************************
XANDER
Before I realize what's happening, I'm standing on her front porch
and knocking on the door. How did I get here? I don't remember
coming this way. I don't know why I'm surprised. I mean, all those
years when I didn't really want to come home? Her house always kinda
beckoned to me. Like a lighthouse in a storm. The one safe place.
My home.
I hold my breath as someone answers the door.
"Hey, Will."
**********************************************
WILLOW
We decided to take a walk. Okay, not really the smartest thing to do
in Sunnydale. But I have a crucifix. Besides, I kind of needed to
get out.
"So . . ." I search for something to say. "Where were you today?"
Why did it have to be that?
**********************************************
XANDER
We've been walking along for the past five minutes in silence. I
never knew how horrific silence can be. Finally, just as I think I'm
gonna go crazy, she starts to talk.
I suck in my breath. I don't remember her being so direct. But, I
guess I should have expected it.
Still, it takes me several minutes to reply. I mean, this is kind of
it. The test. Did I just make the biggest mistake of my life,
or . . . "It's over," I finally say. "Between me and Anya. I - I
couldn't do it, Will. I couldn't bring myself to lie in front of all
my family and friends."
**********************************************
WILLOW
My heart drops at the thought of how much Anya must be hurting right
now. Because, despite how much we so do not get along, she's still a
decent human being. I hate the thought of her hurting so much. And
I know that should be enough to make me tell him to go away. That
and, well, after everything he's put me through. Buffy. Cordelia.
Faith. But I've put him though things, too. Plus, it's him.
Xander. My Xander. The boy who's been there through every life
changing moment . . . and more. Telling him to go away would be like
telling my heart that I no longer need it. So, despite the fact that
my head tells me what I'm doing is wrong, I decide to listen to my
heart. Placing my fingers under his chin, I maneuver his head so
that he's looking into my eyes. "Lies?" I question softly, hoping
against hope that he'll say what I want to hear.
**********************************************
XANDER
She places her hand under my chin and raises my head so I'm looking
into her eyes. I had almost forgotten how beautiful those eyes
were. Huge and green and shiny. I want nothing more but to fall
into them. But I know it isn't time for that. I hope against hope
that someday it will be.
"Lie?" she whispers, prodding me to say more.
I swallow as a swarm of butterflies take residence in my
stomach. "Yeah," I nod. "I wouldn't have been telling the priest
the truth." I pause, wondering if I should say more. In the end,
however, those green eyes force me to continue. It's almost like, by
looking into them, I'm seeing out entire life flash before me - past,
present, and . . . future? They tell me that I'm doing the right
thing. I lick my lips nervously. "I would have been saying the vows
to the wrong person."
"Xander?" she breathes, and I detect hope in her voice where before
there had been doubt.
"It's you, Willow Anne Rosenburg. I love you. I always have, and I
always will."
What I see next is the most beautiful site I've ever laid my eyes
on. Her entire face lights up and her eyes grow bright with tears.
She looks like an angel. "I love you, too, Xander," she whispers.
It's all I need to hear. In one smooth movement, I've pressed my
body up against hers, and our lips have met in a passionate, loving
embrace.
I know we still have a lot to talk about, and even more to work
through. But for now, the world has fallen away.
I am complete.