Well, although this is the most recent to be posted, this is my first attempt at humor in this fandom... I revised it the best I could, and all you are here reading it now... Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Don't own House or the Easy Button...just the idea and the words...Happy Reading!
House's Adventures With the Easy Button
Everything was normal in the glass-walled diagnostics lounge. Doctor Gregory House walked in without a passing glance to his three fellows and went straight to the coffee machine to pour his usual cup of caffeine-infused liquid.
"Any cases?" He asked over his shoulder.
"No. Aren't you supposed to know that?" Cameron countered from her position farthest from the door, momentarily looking up from her research.
"Actually, no. The reason why I hired you three is to find me cases... But very well, unless we get any interesting cases passing this way soon," he said, looking pointedly at Cameron, "don't bother me." And with that, he limped through the conjoining door, into his office. Bored, and realizing that they were going to stay that way until something miraculous came along, the three fellows glanced at each other before dispersing to the clinic or their own respective departments.
House looked up from the monitor in his office, sensing something amiss. Finding that Cuddy hadn't started her "Witch Hunt" to force him into the clinic yet, he looked to the conference lounge to see that his ducklings had left. At a first glance, nothing on the glass table looked out of place, but upon closer inspection, beside Chase's crossword book and Cameron's folded laptop, was a simple, big, red button with the word "EASY" written across the top. House, not really interested in something that wasn't causing trouble, resumed his computer game until Chase wandered in, still obviously lacking entertainment.
Chase perused the pages of his crossword book, only to discover every puzzle was filled in. Desperate now for an outlet for his discontent, especially after nothing really going on in the ICU or NICU, his eyes settled on the large, red button.
"Easy? I wonder what it could be..." He said aloud.
He reached out hesitantly, knowing that sometimes curiosity did kill the cat, and pressed the button with a dull "click". A flash of light engulfed the room, and Chase found that he was holding a brand new variety puzzle book. With a mild surprise, he sat and started a new crossword.
"Interesting. The Wombat has a new book... Wonder where he got it." House muttered, barely paying attention to what was happening in the next room. He gazed back to his Minesweeper game with a shrug, but decided to watch the room a little more closely out of the corner of his eye.
Cameron was the next to enter, finished with her and half of House's clinic duty, and uncharacterically lethargic. Spotting Chase near the end of the table working dilligently on a new crossword, she inquired where he got it; as it wasn't the book he came in with that morning. He hadn't left at all today, either.
"That button over there, I pressed it. Suddenly, I was holding this." He replied, never taking his eyes from the puzzle. "Eleven-letter-word for chaos...oh! Pandemonium."
"Really?" Cameron asked with a glance to the other end of the table where the brightly-colored button stared back at her. Eventually deciding that the benefits outweighed the risks, she reached out and pressed it lightly. After another prominent flash of light, the laptop on the table was replaced with one far more advanced.
"Wow." She breathed, sitting down to check out her upgraded system.
House nearly tipped too far back in his chair after seeing the "Incredible Transforming Laptop". A crossword book seemed plausible, in which Chase gets the sudden idea to trick someone, but a new computer? Still wondering where this stuff was coming from, and suspecting what the button had to do with it, he was now more interested in the goings on of the conference room than the Minesweeper game that he won at least three times already.
Foreman was next to walk through the doors, finding himself weary and still without a case through the goings on of Neurology. Seeing Chase chewing up the eraser of his pencil while looking over a crossword, he looked to Cameron to see her doing research on--was that a new laptop? After a subtle double-take, he concluded that yep, it was definitely new.
"Hey Cameron, where'd you get that?" He asked, walking to the coffee maker to get a cup of coffee.
"I pressed that button." She explained, she too, so involved with what she was doing she didn't even look up. Chase nodded in agreement and Foreman turned to see her hand pointing to a red button that he had not noticed before. Unknown to the three minions, House also watched from his office vantage point.
"Was it that easy?" Foreman asked, his skepticism turning to curiosity.
He stepped up to the button and reached with his down-turned palm to press it. Another blinding flash of light later, Foreman found himself sitting in between the other two, deeply involved with the new issue of "Neurology Today", the medical journal that he always found himself interested in.
Now that's just rediculous! House thought. Something just had to be done about this abomination that was causing chaos in his department: he had to push the button too... Wincing, he stood up, grabbed his cane from its position against the desk behind him, and walked to the door conjoining the two rooms.
"Happy times, my pretties!" He hollered, walking in and noticing with glee the minions' reactions. They either all jumped, like Chase, or simply twitched at the disturbance, like Foreman.
"We still don't have a case? You are all still wallowing in your own sweet boredom? I have the cure!" He exclaimed, palming the enlarged tennis ball from the other desk and juggling it.
"What would that be?" Cameron asked, taking the unknown bait. House looked in her direction, smirking.
"What, you ask? Why, my clinic duty of course! Go forth my minions, and cure the stuffy noses of the world!"
Gaining dirty looks from said minions, he scowled back. All three stood up, and House watched as they left the room for the first floor clinic.
House, making sure no one was watching, limped to the table and pressed the offending button without hesitation, watching the white light flash and fade. No books or computers appeared, but what House saw was about a dozen Chase replicas crowding the room.
"May we help you, Dr. House?" They all said in unison.
Now I can get used to this! House thought, thoughts running through his head at what he could do with so many Chases at his beck and call.
As if that wasn't enough, Cuddy soon walked into the room, almost trance-like, and told House that he was banned from the clinic for a year.
"May we help you, Dr. House?" The Chases chanted again.
"...Dr. House...House...House!"
The scene swam out of focus. Opening his eyes, he saw his three underlings standing over him, half-asleep in the chair behind his desk.
Damn it! That was such a promising dream too... House thought.
"Cuddy wants you." Cameron managed to say. House pondered this for a small moment.
"I knew it all along. I don't know why she didn't admit it sooner though. We could've gotten to the kinky stuff all that much earlier..." He replied, causing Cameron to roll her eyes.
"She wants to talk to you. She said that if you weren't down there in five minutes, she'd double your clinic hours this week." She explained.
"Well, of course she wouldn't proclaim her undying love for me to you, the competition." He scoffed, standing up. He grabbed his cane and walked through the door, muttering something along the lines of: "Five minutes? Have mercy on the poor cripple, why don't you?"
When he arrived at her office, she turned him right around and guided him to the clinic.
"Patients are calling you, House." She said.
"But Mom! Do I have to?" He whined, resisting.
"March!" She yelled in response, pointing to the clinic lobby.
"Fine...so commanding..." He replied, walking through the double doors. He was about to go and reluctantly accept a file when his gaze passed over the desk. There, in plain view, was a button exactly like the one in his dream. It was big, red, and had the word "EASY" written across the top of it. He started toward it instead of the nurse holding out the file.
Please get me out of the clinic. Please get me out of the clinic... he thought, reaching out his hand.
"I wouldn't touch that if I were you." House heard behind him. Turning, he saw Wilson walking toward him, probably to get his own clinic hours done. Ignoring his better half, House pressed the button and watched as the light engulfed his vision.
As soon as the light dissipated, he looked around to see what happened, if anything, and found a file for a clinic patient in his hand, in a brand new red folder.
"I said, don't touch that..." Wilson mocked, sounding slightly amused.
House huffed in disappointment and as Cuddy strutted through the door, about to scream at House again, he limped briskly to Exam Room 1, hoping to get this over with as soon as possible.