Sango's Fall
A short and sappy ficlet concerning hidden love and a pained heart.
I should not be in love with him.
What am I saying? I cannot be in love with him! That...that lecher, sleezeball, that...monk.
Sango, Sango, how far you have fallen. That the last remaining member of the demon slaying clan should fall in love with, of all things, a monk. And a seductor of a monk at that.
But I simply cannot be in love with him!
Of course, it looks as if I do not have a choice. Damn my traitorous heart.
It could be worse, I suppose. I certainly do not envy Kagome, but she has few objections to loving Inuyasha. She sees the best part of him; brings out the human side of him. Other than him not returning her love, she sees no reason to try to stop.
But Inuyasha can be trusted around other women, saving perhaps Kikyo. Every time I turn around though, he has asked another girl to marry him, or to bear his child.
Maybe I should take it as respect that he did not ask me until I reminded him. But I keep hearing a nagging voice, that I suppose is in every woman's pining heart, telling me that I am not womanly enough for him, or not beautiful enough for him. My scars do nothing for my appearance, I know this. I do not regret the actions that led me to them, nor do I begrudge the people I saved in acquiring them, but I wish that they did not stand out so. They are ugly reminders of things that I wish to forget.
Things that he would help me forget.
Argh! What am I thinking about? He was there! He would only serve as yet another reminder! Wouldn't he?
God's protect me; I can't fool myself, much as I try. I am in love him. But why? I thought my heart to be stronger than that. Stronger than to fall in love with a womanizing, lecherous monk!
But I suppose that I must give him some credit. He is kind; he helps people with the curse put upon him, rather than hiding it away, though every time he uses it, it brings him closer to death. At least he is noble in every other aspect but where women are concerned.
And as I look at him now, staring at the stars, murmuring his nightly prayers to Buhhda, my heart burns in loneliness. I have lost all of my family, my friends, my life. Nothing is left to me but Kilala, and the friends that I have made avenging my family. It is a large void to fill, seeming to reach beyond the stars and heavens, beyond the seas and lands of this earth.
But, on my soul, I think that he could fill it all to the brim.
They think me cold. Who could blame them? I must be, or risk losing hold of the string that my sanity hangs on. Kagome knows me best, I think. She may even know of my true feelings for him. Thank the gods that she has the good sense to stay quiet, not only to them, but to me. I fear if she said anything to me it would all come spilling out.
But thinking about it only makes it worse. I must try to sleep this night. Perhaps my dreams will bring some measure of peace.
Miroku...