"Oh I'm so sorry" damn it, why do I always bump into people with my shopping kart? I was way too buried in my thoughts. I look up to meet with the same green eyes that once meant the world to me. "Holy shit." we both said it in unison and stared at each other for what felt like hours. My stomach turns and I really can't handle that right now. Why do I see her the only time I'm in Austin? Her hair was darker now, like chocolate brown or something. I love that colour. Focus Amy. She still wears cute summer dresses that fit her body perfectly. And speaking of her body? She looks better that ever. If her body wasn't perfect before, it now definitely is. My eyes wonder back to her face again and I see her mustering me the exact same way. Her face is more defined now, she looks so grown up. Bet she's a real adult now. Well I am, too. "Hey Amy" she says in an awkward voice and do I see her face blushing? Her voice instantly sends chills down my spine, as if it was the best thing I heard in a long time. "Hello Karma" I say almost cold. Why did I say this so emotionless? Damn it, it is almost 10 years ago that everything happened, people would think that we can discuss these things in a mature way. Or maybe not at all. Not at all would work well for me. But that doesn't matter anyway. "What are you doing in Austin, I thought you moved away to become a writer?" How does she know that? We never talked again after what happened. "Well yeah, I'm visiting Lauren, she's right over there" I point to the meat section of the store. It's so weird standing here with Karma and having Lauren right over there. I mean she basically became my best friend in my senior year of high school. So somehow she replaced Karma in a way. She's been there for me ever since. "Oh okey, well it was nice to meet you Amy, maybe we'll see each other around." I look after her as she trails away with her shopping kart. Fuck it, she still uses the same perfume like she did back then, I can't handle it right now. Why did I come to Austin? Why couldn't I stay in LA where I built my perfect life now? With the best room mate ever, Liam. We both are still not over the fact that we became friends over some one who broke our heart. And I'm glad that the incident only happened once, you know, that we .. slept together. The thought alone lets me shiver. "What was that all about? Who was that?" Lauren snaps me out of my thoughts and looked at me confused. "Well, that was the good old Karma Ashcroft" I say blankly as we move to the cue. Even though I don't look at her I can clearly imagine Lauren's Face. Eyes are widened, face is pale and of course the yaw is dropped. I can't help but chuckle at this face everytime. "No way, I though she was away this weekend, that's the only reason I invited you. I didn't think we would meet her here." I stop and look at her confused. "You know when she's in town and when she's not? How come you have such close contact with her?" Lauren looks at the floor and starts to blush, she keeps quiet for a few moments and I already wanted to ask her again when she decided to speak. "You know how Pablo and Shane are dating, right?" They still are? Good to know, but I won't say anything so I just nod. "Yeah well, Shane lives with Karma now, they really bonded over their desire to stand in the spotlight. And after the whole disaster in high school Shane decided not to tell you." More like he decided to not talk to me at all any more since I moved in with Liam. Oh that must have been because of Karma, because it "hurts her to see us together", goddamnit. I bet they talk about me all the time, or at least I hope they do. So I'm not the only one who always thinks about her. Still. And it would also explain how she knows what I'm doing right now. Lauren starts talking again. "Pablo decided to go hiking this weekend and wanted Shane and Karma to join him, he said that they were thrilled to to it, but it doesn't seem like it now." "Well, no it doesn't. But why wouldn't you invite me if she's in town? I'm mature enough to handle stuff like that, like Karma." She looks at me with a raised eyebrow and starts walking again. "Yeah you can clearly handle it" she chuckles at her own words. "It's not like I can see your tear drop that you couldn't suppress" She turns around and winks at me. Wait what? I bring my hand to my face just to feel the tear drop. Yep, there really was one, and I didn't realize it. Well I guess Karma's jace just opened old scars. Wonderful. I wipe the tear away and frown at Lauren's amusement. We pay, go outside and head home. I still can't believe that exactly that happened what I said would happen in the beginning. I said that one day we would say polite hello in the grocery store and pretend that we don't know anything about each other. "I need to talk to Liam" I say as I pick out my phone and I start texting.
You'll never guess who I ran into.
3 guesses?
Yep
I only need one : karma, everybody else wouldn't be interesting. Did she talk to you?
Apparently I'm an open book for her and she still gets informations about me.
Okey, so how do you feel now?
I sigh deep and decide to call him.
"Are you sure it was her?" Oh Shane, I roll my eyes at him, thank god he can't see that through the phone. "Yes of course I'm sure, I talked to her." I snap at him. "Hey hey, calm down miss aggressive, so that doesn't sound that bad?" Yeah, he's right actually, it really isn't that bad that I ran into her. It's just that I can't stop thinking about her now. Again. That's the only reason why I decided to call Shane. "It feels like it all starts again. Everything I put behind me is suddenly in my brain again. Why is she doing that to me? It feels like my heart breaks for the 3rd time because of her ..." "Wait a second, she's not doing anything, young lady. The only thing she does is visiting her sister and best friend, and that's not a crime as far as is reckon. So just stick to what you're good in: not leaving the house until she's gone again." I frown, but what if I wanna see her again? "Great plan, but I don't know when she's leaving again." Shane with his amazing plans, they always go wrong. It's just like in high school when he offered me his help to get over Amy. And see how well that worked. I was devastated my whole senior year because I thought I'd never see her again. And I bribed Pablo into giving me every gossip he knows about Amy. I mean everybody knows that Lauren talks a lot about people. I still know everything about her. I think I should meet her. I could call Lauren's house since she's staying there. "Earth to Karma!" Shane snaps me out of my thoughts "Are you there Karma? Or are you on planet lesbian-fantasy?" I could hear him smirk. Great. He knows that I still put Amy over every one. Even after what she did back then. But I mean come on that was 10 years ago, things like that are forgotten and forgiven, right? I mean I wasn't a lamb either, I was really cold and distant and didn't listen to her at all when she tried to explain everything. Now I know that she was drunk and heartbroken .. because of me. "Clearly you're on Planet Amy right now, should I leave you to your weird fantasies?" I can't help but chuckle at his dumb comment. "No you don't have to, but I'm way too distracted to hold a conversation." "I figured he" he says amused. "So then I'll let you think about everything, don't do anything stupid while I'm gone, honey. I beg you." His concern makes me smile and I'm really happy to have him as a close friend. "Me? Something stupid? Never!" I say statistically "That's what worries me Ashcroft. But I hope that you make the right decision this time. Love you, bye!" I smirk. "I hope so, too. See you on Sunday, love you." With those words I hang up. I think back to the times we were still best friends. I think about this one song I wrote and I remember the lyrics clearly. When I'm with you I don't have to hide. When I'm with you I can be myself. Something changed the moment we kissed, I never knew we could feel like this. Thinking back now it really fits me and Amy. Even though I accepted my feelings after I shut Amy out of my life, I think it was a real thing. I can call her my ex-girlfriend. We dated. We did. I miss her. I miss her bad. I'm going to call her .. and then? What am I going to say? I can't just call her and tell her that I miss her, she'll hang up on me, I mean hello? I left her alone all these years. She's happy now without me. She doesn't need me. I feel the tears forming in my throat and try to suppress the crying. Well she might be happy without me, but I'm clearly NOT happy without her. I need her back in my life so badly it hurts. The tears win and my eyes start to drown and after a few seconds everything in my apartment is a blur through a veil of tears. Silent tears. I'm not the type for a loud cry any more. I cried to much over Amy to be. I try to get to my bedroom but stumble over my guitar on the way. It's my old guitar I got from Amy to my 13th birthday. It's too much for me. I let myself fall on the knees and start sobbing like a baby. I lie down on my floor and just stay there crying hugging me knees. I stare at the guitar which has a dedication from Amy on its back. For my favourite person in the whole wide world, so that you can fulfil your dreams and sing me to sleep for the rest of my life. Yeah, that's what I always did on girls weekend, I sat there one evening and just sang a song for her and she fell asleep with a smile on her face. The most beautiful smile I've ever seen. I feel so pathetic lying here but I can't help it, I can't move.
After an hour I finally calmed down enough to stand up and walk around again. I turn on the radio to distract me. It plays one of my all time favourites. Somebody to you by the Vamps. I love that song and sing along, I feel like dancing somehow, but I can't. All I wanna be, yeah all I ever wanna be, yeah, yeah is somebody to you. With that line of the second chorus I decide to take the phone. It rings a few times.
"Hello?"
"Hey Lauren, it's Karma, I know it's weird, but can I talk to Amy, please?"