~Wednesday Afternoon~

A Liebs Company cart was stopped in front of the safe house, which meant it was that time of the month. Inside, Squad Levi gathered around the supper table, opening and emptying several crates. Everyone was looking at or passing around various items and valuables; food, guns, fine fabrics and curious trinkets that they had to ask the Director about. He watched them all, rubbing his hands, leaping at the chance to advertise his products. His balding head shone slicker than polished glass.

"Butter!" Sasha burst out, lifting the wrapped condiment out of the food supplies. She eyed her find like a slobbering wolf, panting. "I have never tasted buttered bread before!"

"Sasha, put that back before you get germs on it," Historia called from where she sat in the corner with Armin. The two of them sat looking at a dusty book. Armin pointed at the delicate illustrations, quietly smiling.

Connie and Jean appraised the guns. Picking up a pistol, Connie struck a pose. "Check me out." He aimed the weapon at the ground, slackened his mouth and drooped his eyelids heavy enough to look half-asleep. "I'm Humanity's Most Bored Soldier."

"You look like you're about to shoot your foot off, dumbass," Jean said, inspecting a rifle.

Across the table, Mikasa and Eren sat in front of a crate of textiles. Mikasa pulled out two folds of fabric, running her hands against the different patterns. "Eren. Which one?" she asked him.

"Huh?" Her foster brother blinked, stirred from his mind-numbing boredom.

"They're both excellent, my girl," Liebs threw in unhelpfully.

Mikasa furrowed her brow, then winced at Sasha's loud voice. "Mikasa! I did not know you could sew!"

"My mother taught me."

"She did?" Eren's gem green eyes were clueless.

"My first mother."

"Hey, Jean. What's wrong with your ears?" Connie nudged his friend. "They're bright red, man."

"Can you imagine Mikasa all pinned up in a fancy gown?" Sasha gasped.

Both Connie and Jean's ears burned.

Liebs stepped close to Levi, who was inspecting the haul. "Quite a lively lot of kids," the Director chuckled.

"Yes. Children," Levi said. He blew the dust off a casket of wine and held it up to the light. "You know quality, Director."

"I wouldn't be Director if I didn't!" Liebs smiled, rubbing his hands together. "Find anything to your liking?"

Levi picked up a pint-sized bottle of clear liquid. "What's this?"

The Director's eyebrows arched in anticipation. "Ah, I was hoping you'd like that; I procured it with you in mind. It's a rare and very effective concoction for cleaning your clothes."

Frowning, Levi read the bottle's label out loud. "Tendresse."

"Taun-dress-h, yes!" Liebs said in his peppy, merchant voice. "Just put a dose of it in with the wash, and your clothes come out clean and soft as baby skin!" At Levi's skeptic look, the Director just built it up. "Doubt it? Have a look at this tunic I washed this morning, using that excellent product..." He rummaged through the crate. "Here! Feel that, all of you!"

Squad Levi gathered close and passed around the shirt. Sasha smelled it and giggled. Even Connie and Jean exclaimed as soon as their hands touched the fabric; its texture seemed to hug their skin in fuzzy, clean warmth. When it got to Levi, he said nothing; his fingers fondled the tunic with distinct admiration and just a tad of longing.

Liebs wore a gleaming smile. "Well?"

Levi pocketed the bottle. "I'll take it."

~Thursday Afternoon~

In his pristine bedroom, Levi shouldered on his freshly cleaned jacket. Tendresse sat on his dressing table, the container glass glittering. Levi lifted his sleeve cuff to his nose and inhaled deeply. The faint touch of a smile flashed across his mouth. His boots walked across the waxed floor and he knelt to pick up the laundry basket. He froze when he saw a shape wriggling in the folds.

Cautiously, he drew the cloth aside to reveal a short-haired kitten. It purred, rolling and rubbing in the laundry like there was no tomorrow.

The captain stared, skin crawling. "Tch!"

Hastily he retrieved a handkerchief from his jacket and used it to pick the kitten up by its scruff. It scrunched into a compliant ball of fur, still purring. Holding it at arm's length, Levi walked to his window and pushed the shutter open. But as he held the kitten out, it turned its huge eyes on him, mewling.

Caught off guard, Levi paused, locking his eyes on it as if it were about to explode.

The kitten just yawned, pink tongue stretching out.

Levi looked from side to side, frozen to the spot. Hesitantly, he took the kitten in both hands and rubbed his forefinger against its furry head. It licked his thumb and rubbed him adoringly.

"Tch." Levi sighed, and closed his window.

~Friday Morning~

The Squad didn't look twice when their captain came out of his bedroom for breakfast. As Connie walked to the table with his buttered toast and eggs, he saw the kitten. It rubbed around Levi's heels when he sat down.

Connie stared, mouth falling partly open. "Sir, what's that?"

Levi just looked at him like he was a particularly loud, cud-chewing cow.

Sweating, Connie quickly sat at the table and didn't look up from his food for the rest of the meal.

~Sunday Evening~

A warm breeze billowed through the sheets hanging in the yard. Levi calmly took each of them down, folded them into neat, straight-edged squares and plopped them into the basket. As he took down the last sheet, his eyes were drawn to frenzied movement at his feet. He frowned.

Three kittens were playing with his boots. Nudging them aside, Levi sighed and kept working.

~Tuesday Afternoon~

The less visits the safe house had the better, so Levi personally retrieved mail and other notices from a contact in town. Around the time he came back, Eren and the other boys were lounging outside. Their banter ceased as soon as they saw him. He had a parcel under one arm and his bored eyes scanned a handful of letters. He passed right by the boys without glancing up, even as their wide eyes couldn't look away.

At the door, he paused and flattened them with a stare. "What are you all doing out here?"

"Uh...!" Eren scratched his head and clumsily moved his gaze everywhere at once. Jean and Connie didn't even try. Their eyes were glued to the area around Levi's feet.

Armin saluted. "Standing guard, sir!"

"All together?" Levi scoffed. "Idiots. Get lost. You're drawing attention."

With that he headed inside the house, and in his wake followed three kittens, a puppy and a bunny rabbit.

~Wednesday Evening~

Squad Levi finished up a generally quiet and stiff dinner. As they got up to clean dishes, Levi picked up a bowl of left-overs and headed for his bedroom door. The squad watched nervously. They could all see the little lump under his cape, crawling up his back. A red-furred squirrel poked its head out and perched on Levi's shoulder, snout quivering.

"Cap-!" Sasha almost burst out before Mikasa slapped a hand over her friend's mouth.

Levi didn't hear them as he opened his room and a chorus of squeaks, yaps and meows poured forth. He stepped in with the food and closed the door.

The squad's collective sigh blew crumbs across the table.

"The captain's finally lost it," Connie muttered, staring at his plate as if it were a portal to a dark abyss.

"So he's got a soft spot for cute, little animals," Jean said. "That's not weird." He had a deeply disturbed look on his face.

"It's really creepy," said Eren.

"Well, sorry but, I mean, I think it is rather sweet," Sasha said. She blushed when everyone stared at her. "What?"

~Thursday Morning~

A soft, wet tongue assaulted Levi's cheek. He woke up to a puppy in his face and cringing, he pushed it off the bed. With a groan he sat up. His eyes flew open wide and his lips sealed tight, holding back an involuntary gasp...

Squad Levi prepared breakfast. Finished setting the table, Armin turned a curious look at the captain's door. "He's usually up by now."

Eren walked up and knocked. "Captain?" he called in cautiously. "Are you awake, sir?"

No answer.

Eren shot a nervous look at everyone, then knocked again. "Captain?"

"Move." Mikasa shoved Eren aside and tried the doorknob. Locked. Without hesitation, she stood back and gave the door a vicious kick. It burst inward and a blur of feathers and beak shot straight at Mikasa's face. Animal noises roared out, pushing everyone a good two steps back.

Eren ran in. "Captain!"

Levi's normally spotless bedroom had been transformed into a den of furry, betailed madness. Mice, squirrels, bunnies, a dozen or so cats, puppies and several birds swarmed the area; they ripped up laundry, climbed up furniture, and crawled over every inch of Levi. The captain looked supremely pissed.

"What in the hell?" Jean and the rest came in, staring. They ducked their heads under birds and tried not to trample on mice.

Levi snatched up a sack. "Stop staring and help me clear them all out, idiots."

He stuffed a handful of bunnies into the sack, but they all spilled out and scattered. The next several minutes passed by painfully wasted, as everyone tried to catch the little pests. Connie found himself somehow stuck under the bed, needing Historia and Armin to pull him loose.

"I think there's something big under here," he called back to them.

"Looks like a badger," Historia murmured.

"Agh! Get-me-out-get-me-out-get-me-out!"

"$# &!" Jean shouted, batting another stray bird out of his face. "Where'd they all come from!"

"I got it!" Sasha shrieked, managing to grab a raccoon's tail. "I GOT IT!"

Eren yelped and slapped himself as the mice in his hand darted up his sleeves. "This is so creepy!"

Mikasa picked up a fourth kitten, cuddling the bunch in her arms as she approached Levi. "Captain, sir," she said with perfect calm. "How did it get this bad?"

Levi tripped over a bunch of puppies leaping at his legs. They piled on him as he hit the floor and he caught one up by the scruff, freeze-burning it with a deadly glare. "It's that stinking perfume that Liebs gave me. I thought-!" He cringed as the puppy licked his face, dropping it. "I thought they'd have all pissed off by now. I stopped cleaning the laundry with that damned stuff a couple of days ago. Hnn-!" He fell prone as all the puppies pounced on his back, chewing on his shirt and yapping up a storm.

Armin thoughtfully inspected Levi's clothing, shaking a chipmunk out of it. "Sir! I believe soap and water must make whatever's in that perfume more potent. There's no washing it out. I think our only option is to burn your clothes, sir."

Flat on the floor under the puppy pile, Levi grimaced. "I see."

Eren picked up the bottle of Tendresse, eying it warily. "What's in this stuff, anyway?" He popped off the cork and dripped some of the liquid on his hand.

Levi sprang up with ninja-like grace, raining puppies. "Hey!"

"Eren don't-!" Armin thrust out a hand.

Too late. Eren's confused expression bloomed slowly into one of abject terror as every animal in the room fixed a quivering stare on him. The swarm rushed as one, claws and teeth barred!

Neighbors for several blocks heard a high-pitched, girlish scream.

Several hours later, Squad Levi had nearly finished the extermination. All of them wore cleaning equipment and came in and out of the house, sometimes carrying a critter or two. The exception was Eren, staying a good distance away and nursing a thickly-bandaged hand. A pile of Levi's clothes smoldered in the backyard; the captain sported a brand new outfit, provided by Director Liebs out of the man's own pocket. He stood with Levi now, profusely apologizing.

"I swear I had no idea," he said, rubbing his bald head in a fit of nerves. "I'll, ahem, I'll have to pay more attention as to where my merchants get their goods, I mean, honestly..."

Levi pushed a bucket and mop into the blabbering man's hands. "Just shut up and clean."

Liebs looked hopeless. "Oh, well..."

Just then Sasha poked her head out the upper-story window and let loose a dove into the sunset. "That is the last one!" she called down. "Eren! It is safe to come inside now!"

The group moved to the house in twos and threes. Connie nudged Jean, smirking. He held up a drawing of Eren in Titan-form, being horrifically devoured by the swarm of small animals. They snickered at him as he passed by into the house, only to receive a flat glare from Mikasa. Jean quickly hid the drawing behind his back, pulling a bright smile.

Sasha came down just in time to meet Levi at the door. "Captain, um, I was hoping maybe..." She took a familiar ball of short-haired fur out of her pocket. The kitten purred, tongue sticking out.

Levi's eyes turned frigid. "No."

"I promise I would never let it loose in the house!" Sasha pleaded.

"No."

"But-!" She followed him inside and the house erupted with noise.

"AGH! Sasha!" Eren's voice jumped two octaves. "GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!"

Connie and Jean's laughter echoed out the door before it closed. In a patch of dewy grass where it'd been tossed, an empty bottle of Tendresse gleamed.

~The End~

Author's Note: Hello everyone, I'm Sarah and I'm happy to step onto the fanfiction scene with this embarrassing little one-shot. I hope you favorite and maybe leave a comment, I'd much appreciate it. I have more stories on the way, though most are still in the concept stage. See my profile for more information, :)

Sarah