Friend or Fairy
There is a new friend in the house, but is she really a friend, or is she a fairy? Apparently there's a thin line in between the two, but only the individual itself can tell. Unfortunately, she can't remember anything, so the gang at foster's doesn't know whether to put her up for adoption, or to help her be hidden from the world to keep the hidden city of Haven a secret from the world!
Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl. Eoin Colfer owns that. I do not own FHFIF. Someone else owns that one too. I own…stuff. But not their stuff. Just stuff.
Chapter 1 'Windex© Explosion'
"Bloo-oo!" Mac called up from the foyer of Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. That is a place where imaginary friends go when their creators can't take care of them anymore.
"Oh, Mac," Frankie Foster cried from the landing of the huge staircase in the front of the house, "Thank goodness you're here!! Could you tell you're idiot that it's not ok to BLOW UP THE BACK YARD WITH COMMON HOUSE HOLD ITEMS!!!!
"Oh, crap, what's Bloo gone and done now!?"
"If I told you," sighed the red head, "I'd explode with rage again, and I just got calmed down. He's upstairs. Supposedly thinking about what he did."
The 8-year-old rolled his eyes, sighed, and trod upstairs. He passed the tall imaginary friend, Wilt, on the 3rd floor.
"Hey, Mac! What's up?" said the basketball loving friend distractedly.
"Apparently, Bloo is what's up." Mac was burning to know what his best friend had done.
"Oh, I'm sorry, but don't talk to me about him right now," Wilt rarely got angry, so this was strange for Mac to hear him talk this way.
"Why?" he urged "What did Bloo do this time to make everyone so mad?"
"I'm sorry, but what he did is definitely not ok, okay?" with that Wilt walked off fuming.
Mac kept walking, wondering what evil scheme Bloo had put into effect today. He couldn't understand how he had imagined something as annoying as Blooregaurd Q. Kazoo. But what he really couldn't understand is how, no matter what, Bloo and he always managed to have a good time.
A few steps later, Mac ran into Coco. She was possibly the strangest friend in the house. Being half bird, half plane, all she ever said was 'coco'. Most people couldn't understand a word she said, unless they lived with her. Then they knew her language, or could, usually, guess.
"Coco, co," she greeted, "Co coco cococo?"
"Oh, you know, Bloo's gone and done something or other, again, and everyone's too angry to tell me."
"Coco? Co coco."
"You will?" Mac didn't know whether to be relieved that he would know what his friend had one, or apprehensive for the same reason.
"Coco co co. Coco co co co coco coco coco coco coco coco, cococo co cococo co, co coco coco co cococococo coco."
"HE DID WHAT!?" Mac was ready to kill now! He charged passed Coco and practically flew up the stairs to the room that Bloo, Wilt, Coco, and Eduardo shared.
He burst through the door.
"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, BLOO!!" Bloo sat calmly on the bunk bed playing, and failing horribly at, paddle ball. He looked up.
"What's your problem? Not even going to say hi to your best friend!" the blob was going to act all innocently, Mac knew.
"NO, BLOO, WHATS YOUR PROBLEM!!" A vein stuck out from Mac's temple, a first for him. "Coco told me everything, Bloo! What were you thinking! Actually, I think the better question here is, WERE you thinking?"
"Mac, Mac, Mac, Mac, Mac...Mac…Mac."
"BLOO!"
"Mac, I think it's obvious I WAS thinking, or else I wouldn't have thought up something so COOL!!" Bloo's smug smile turned into an excited grin, "I can't believe you missed it! I've only seen explosion like that in movies!!"
"But you injured, like, six imaginary friends!"
"Five." Bloo admitted, "But look out the window! The crater gives you a pretty good idea of how cool it was."
Mac couldn't help but look. The back yard looked like a train wreck, or, like it had exploded, which it had. It was still on fire in some places.
"Wow. I didn't know Windex© was so destructive!"
"I know!" Bloo was ecstatic, "Who'd of thunk it, right!"
"That doesn't excuse anything, though. Man, I wish I could've seen it!"
"I knew you'd feel that way, so I videotaped it." He pulled out a camcorder.
The explosion WAS impressive. Like something off of 'Mythbusters'. Mac couldn't help being impressed, and envious of Bloo's ingenious mind. For the second time that day, he couldn't help wonder how he had imagined something as cool as Bloo was.
Something hit Mac then.
"I thought you said it only injured 5 friends."
"Yeah, so?"
"So, 6 people flew away from the explosion. I've never seen one of them before, so what's up?"
Bloo rewound the tape to where the explosion began, and paused it. Sure enough, there were six silhouettes flying away from the Windex© soaked toilet paper wad. One of which looked odd, even for an imaginary friend.
"Who do you think that is?" Mac squinted at the screen.
Bloo opened his mouth to speak, but Mac cut him off mid breath. "It's obviously not a ninja, monkey, galactic overlord, rogue librarian, or Abraham Lincoln. So don't even say it."
"I wasn't going to say any of that, but, now that you mention it, rogue librarian does sound right."
"No, Bloo. No. Bad Bloo, heal!"
"Alright, alright, sheesh. But I was going to say fairy." Mac looked exasperated. "Before you say anything, don't. I know it sounds crazy, but look at her!!"
"It does look like a fairy, I'll grant you that, but fairies aren't real, Bloo. Neither are galactic overlords."
"Man, you're so closed minded! Anyway, fairies are real. Frankie told me so."
"Why would Frankie, of all people, tell you that?" He looked out the window again. Down in the former back yard, Mr. Harriman was trying to convince a vivacious Goo to imagine the backyard as it had been as a temporary replacement, and obviously, it wasn't going well. Just then, Frankie stormed out of the house and started yelling at Mr. Harriman.
"Becaa-aause, its tru-ue! Duh!"
"Hey, come check this out, Bloo!" Laughed Mac, momentarily distracted, "Frankie's beating up Mr. Harriman!"
The excited blob rushed to the window to see the spectacle. Mr. Harriman must have struck a nerve with Frankie, because she was chasing him in and out through the bits and pieces of backyard Goo was imagining. Goo, as usual, was yapping her head off, oblivious to the fact that all the people who had been listening to her were in a huge brawl 20 yards from her. Bloo opened the window for further enjoyment.
"And when I catch you," Frankie was on one of her death threat fests. "You'll wish my grandma had never imagined a tongue for you, because I'm," the rest of her words were drowned out by the hysterical laughter of Mac and Bloo.
Now, 10 feet away, Goo was rattling on about what the garden should look like.
"Were there begonias in it, because I don't know what begonias look like, and if I don't know what they look like, how am a supposed to imagine them, because it'd be stupid for me to imagine something I've never seen, because how am I supposed to get it right, I mean duh, totally duh, because it might turn out to have scary teeth, or twenty foot arms, it could be carnivorous, or…" a stream of imaginary flowers was popping up behind her, and, of course, she didn't notice, because she was Goo.
"… And ones with pink polka dots and bat wings. But why would a flower need bat wings, huh, I mean, they're kind of rooted to the ground, and if it came un-rooted, then it would die, unless it was a magic…Hey, badger! Frankie!" Goo finally noticed that her audience had been fighting for quite a while and hadn't heard her speech. "Hey, you're not listening, and if you're not listening, then why am I talking? It's like I'm talking to myself, all crazy like, and I'm not crazy, so you not listening makes me look crazy, and I'd like you to stop making me look crazy… Hey, you're still not listening…"
Mac looked at his watch. "WHOAH! Is that really the time! I was supposed to be home 10 minutes ago, and now I'm goanna be late! See ya tomorrow, Bloo. I'll spend the whole afternoon with you to make up for today, okay?"
"O.k. Mac, but-"
"BYE!" Mac called over his shoulder from half way down the hall.
Truth was, he didn't have to be home early today, but he had had the sudden urge to get out of there ASAP. But when he got home, he wished he hadn't rushed out of Foster's so quickly. In fact, he wished he hadn't left at all.
A/n: yes, I know Windex© doesn't explode. It's not even flammable. But this makes the story even funnier XP. By the way, it needs to be as funny as possible; the next chapter gets pretty serious.