Chapter 28

It was close to 11 a.m. by the time Ryan finally got away from the Cohens, leaving Sandy and Kirsten not only with Nate, but also the task of actually speaking to Julie and telling them he would not be in the office for a few days. He could not bear the thought of saying anything to that woman at the moment. Her motives for what she had done were so transparent to him. She never approved of him back then. She had to keep Marissa away from him, but what a way to do it! And now they had made their peace why continue to keep it from him? He had a whole seven hours plus to think about this and Marissa, always Marissa.

It was almost 8 p.m. by the time he was looking at the familiar sites of Newport Beach. He'd sacrificed a bit of speed on the freeway for the beauty of the Pacific Coast Highway, knowing he would gain time in the end by not going through the LA traffic madness.

He wasn't sure where he was going to start looking for Marissa, but he did know that he was going to need somewhere to stay. Ryan pulled into the parking lot of the Mermaid Inn near the pier and checked in. He cringed a bit when he got up to the room and realized it was the same room he had been in with Theresa over a decade ago, and flinched even more at the thought that Theresa's son, at one time possibly his son, had to be eleven or maybe twelve, only two or three years younger than Nate. He was too tired from driving to bother asking to change rooms, it wasn't that big a deal to him. He threw his bag and jacket on the chair and collapsed on the bed falling asleep almost instantly.

Marissa arrived in Newport just before 9 and decided to go straight to the waterfront. Coming into Newport things had seemed familiar yet unfamiliar. It was like she knew where everything was but was seeing it for the first time. Just trying to figure out what she was feeling was quite dizzying so she decided to check into the Mermaid Inn since it was right by the beach and the pier and it would be a good place to start from in the morning. She brought her box of memories into her room with her, turned the television on, sat on the bed and continued to try to evoke memories from the box. The TV played to no one and Marissa didn't even realize that it was incredibly loud.

Ryan woke just after 9 to what sounded like a door slamming in the room next door and then a really loud TV. He could practically hear every word through the wall. With any further hope of sleep now dashed, he thought a walk might do him good. Besides, he thought, if Marissa had come down here, there were a few places around the beach area she might be. He grabbed his room key and headed off up the beach past the pier.

When he reached the lifeguard stand that Marissa had spent so much time at when they were teenagers, his heart started to beat a little faster. He almost expected her to be there waiting for him. His heart sank a little when he got there and realized she was not there. He walked around to the far side and up the ramp and slumped down in the spot where she always sat. The sound of the waves crashing and crisp ocean breeze lulled him into another sleep.

Back at the Mermaid Inn, Marissa was struggling to evoke any new memories from her box. She had finally realized the TV was excessively loud and turned it off. Becoming restless and now not very tired, she decided a walk on the beach would make her feel better, or at least give her some fresh air. She had had visions of a lifeguard stand in her memory flashes, and instinctively headed in its' direction without being entirely sure where it was. In her memory flashes, the lifeguard stand had always been a place where she could think, and where Ryan would inevitably find her. Whenever, Ryan appeared in her memories she was not sure if they were real or created by her desire to have him there. That was something she would eventually have to talk to him about and separate fantasy from reality.

As she approached the lifeguard stand, she felt a sense of comfort sweep over her, almost as she had when she picked up her Share Bear. Perhaps this would be the place to bring on more memories. As she rounded the stand to go up the ramp she noticed a figure already sitting there. As she got closer, her stomach did a flip. Was she dreaming? Was her mind willing her to see things in their real context now?

The sound of her walking up the ramp, roused Ryan out of his cat nap. As he saw her come up the ramp he stood and smiled at her.

"Hey" he said quietly.

"Hey" she replied shyly, looking down at the floor. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing" he said with a smirk.

"Yeah, I was gonna call you, but I just felt I had to do this on my own. You kept saying that I had to piece together the truth by myself, so I figured this was the best place to start. Back where it all began." She leaned back against the railing and hugged herself in a shiver.

"You cold?" Ryan asked

"Always" she answered softly. "So are you going to tell me why you're here?" she said looking up from her where her eyes had been counting the slats on the floor.

Ryan took the hoodie he was wearing off and wrapped it around her standing beside her leaning against the railing.

"Well, I've been feeling a little nostalgic myself for the last couple of days. A little trip down memory lane if you will" he said cheekily "aaand I felt this overwhelming urge to save one Marissa Cooper."

Marissa laughed. "I'm beyond saving I think."

"So can I take it that since you ended up here, you're remembering a lot more?" Ryan asked hopefully.

"I am. I went to Cindy's house first and she gave me a box with some stuff in it. I ended up falling asleep there with my Share Bear and I dreamed again. I filled in a lot of the blanks."

Ryan smiled at the mention of Share Bear. "You know, I was the only one who didn't have some sort of inanimate companion. I felt kinda left out sometimes."

"Ah yes, Captain Oats and Princess Sparkle. They signed my senior yearbook, did you know?" she giggled.

"Wow, you remember them too? You have been digging deep." Marissa shivered again and he instinctively put his arm around her shoulder and rubbed her arm to warm her up. "What else have you remembered? How much we fought?" he was trying to keep things light. He didn't want to remember a lot of what Marissa had gone through in the past, let alone have her remember it.

"Um, I've managed to put faces to the names in a lot of cases, and I remembered Johnny and what happened to him." So much for keeping it light, Ryan thought. "But it's weird, I've remembered some really sad things, but I remember without emotion. It's like I feel disconnected from it. But yeah, I have remembered a lot about us". Marissa turned to him and smiled, her blue eyes twinkling in the moonlight.

"I remembered more of the day at the model home before the accident actually." She continued. "I remembered the four of us just laughing and swimming and having a great time, and then us talking inside. My impression is that we were really trying to be friends without being 'Ryan and Marissa'."

"Yeah, pretty much. We never really were friends…I mean we were, but mostly the kind with benefits." He winked. "When we weren't together, it was difficult to be friends. Too many feelings. Too much history. And we always ended up finding each other again…just like now."

"Except, you found me this time." She said coyly and then changed her tone to become more serious. "Ryan, I'm not sure where we're at here."

"We're in Newport, Riss." He joked.

"I know." She countered rolling her eyes. "I mean 'we' as in 'us'. My memories are so jumbled at the moment, I don't even know if my memories of you are what they were or what I want them to be. I practically threw myself at you yesterday morning in your living room and you stopped me, but then we kind of grew close again. It's just all so confusing." She gazed into his ice blue eyes and saw a look in them that made her not care if she'd known him 10 years or 10 minutes.

"Let's break it down then." He said turning to face her directly. "You think I'm hot, right?" he smirked again. He didn't know why he felt the need to joke with her at a time like this..

"Ryan! Be serious please…" she slapped his chest playfully.

"Ok, I joke, but I'm kinda serious too. You said yourself you were crushing on me pretty hard during our meeting on Thursday. So, without knowing anything about me other than I'm a young semi-successful, upwardly mobile, good looking guy who drives a nice car, would you go out with me?"

"Of course I would, but that's not what you are, and there's this whole history that you remember and I don't remember it all, or at least don't know if I do and all I can hear in my head is that stupid quote." She was getting frustrated and exasperated.

"What quote?" Ryan sensed it was time to stop joking around with her.

" 'Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it'" she recited. "I feel like that's us. That I don't remember enough and that you so badly want that Marissa that we are doomed. I haven't learned who I am well enough, and you just haven't learned. Why would you want to put yourself through all this again?" Marissa had been able to remain calm through most of their banter, but now the tears had come and she was genuinely scared for the future.

"Hey, come here," Ryan said pulling her to him for a hug. He wrapped his left arm around her waist and used his left hand to pull her head to his shoulder. "You want to know why I want to do this again? I'll tell you. No holding back, no regrets, just the truth. I was never good at that before and most of the time, that's why we fought, but I'm going to do it now, and then you can decide if you want to take this journey by yourself, or if you want me there with you every step of the way. Deal?" he pushed her back from him gently and her hands in his.

Marissa stared into his eyes and nodded.

"When you 'died' a part of me died too. I believed that everything was my fault; that you had ended up with Volchok because I couldn't support you and how you were feeling about losing Johnny, that I couldn't keep us from going off the road, that I should have just pulled over, that if I'd told you I love you more things would never have gotten bad…ever, and most of all that if I had broken that friend zone we were trying so hard for at the end and told you that I never stopped loving you, that I could have saved your life."

He paused for a moment to catch his breath and let the lump in his throat settle.

"I forced myself to move on, along with everyone else as well, and for me, I think it happened too quickly. I never grieved your loss properly, just covered it with work and Taylor and in the process wasted 8 years of my and her life. I don't want to waste another second of my life not knowing if you and I could have made things work. It was all I could do not to sweep you up in my arms the day you walked into my office. I love you, Marissa. I always have, and I can't fight it any more. To hell with taking things slow, I'll do anything to help you remember everything and me and us. I've been spinning my wheels for eight years, I want to start moving again. But all it will take is for you to say you don't want me to be there when you take this journey, and I'll walk away. It will kill me, but I'll do it, for you."

Ryan finished his plea breathless. He could hardly believe that he had laid it all on the line. Ever since he knew Marissa was alive he had been holding himself back, telling himself it was in her best interests. Now he had pushed all that aside for his own interests and hoped that he had not pushed her away too. His eyes, as expressive as always, conveyed his hope to her.

Marissa stood looking from his eyes to their hands and back to his eyes as he spoke and when he was done, she locked her gaze on his eyes. In that moment, pulling all her jumbled memories together and combining them with the feelings she had when she thought they were strangers, she knew what she wanted.

Marissa threw her arms around Ryan's neck and brought their lips crashing together. The suddenness and intensity of the kiss surprised Ryan at first, but he quickly understood that she was giving him her answer. He moved his arms around her sliding his hands up and down her back, as his tongue pried her lips apart and began its assault on her tongue.

The few kisses they had shared in the last couple of days had been timid and almost comforting for both. Now it was furied and passionate as Marissa moved her hands to the back of his head and rubbed his hair pushing their lips together even harder as the kiss intensified.

Ryan tightened his grip on her and in one fluid motion lifted her off the ground and spun her to pin her against the wall of the lifeguard stand pressing himself against her. He slid his hands under the back of her shirt and began to explore her soft skin, reacquainting himself quickly with every curve. Marissa responded immediately with a familiarity that surprised her by breaking their lips and offering her neck for him. Their eyes met as Ryan moved his head to suck on that part of her neck that he knew drove her crazy. In that instant, they truly connected, speaking without words, doing a dance that had been choreographed long ago and never forgotten by either of them.

As Ryan continued exploring her body, brushing his fingers over her breasts, Marissa's hands found their way under the back of his shirt and around the inside of the waistband of his jeans. She slid them around his sides and grazed the top of his hardness that she could fell pressing against her. When she began to undo the button on his jeans, Ryan suddenly stopped.

"Wait." He said breathlessly stepping back

"What is it?" she asked letting go. "I thought this is what you wanted."

"Oh, believe me, it is" he moaned seductively. "We've…or I've just waited a really long time for this" he began to kiss her again between sentences "I think we can do a bit better than the old lifeguard stand" Marissa smiled wantonly and accepted another attack from his tongue.

"As much of a turn on as this is, there are things I want to do to you that are best kept behind closed doors" Marissa raised her eyebrow innocently "I'm at the motel down the beach…let's go" he grabbed her hand and started a dash down the beach.

"I am too" she yelled as they ran down the beach "your room or mine?"

"Yours" he said quickly remembering the room he was in.

They had run faster than either of them thought possible back to the motel and Marissa fumbled with her key to get the door open while Ryan stood behind her with his arms around her waist once again brushing the sensitive spot on her neck with his lips.

"Stop or I'll never get this open. You're distracting me" Marissa giggled as she finally got the key in the lock. Ryan spun her around and pressed his lips into hers. He skillfully reached for the key in the lock behind her, opening it and pushing her inside at the same time. Closing the door with his foot, all inhibitions were abandoned, both scrambling madly to get the others shirt off while losing only minimal contact with their lips.

Standing topless in front of each other, Ryan stopped to admire the beauty of her tanned skin and hard nipples, pulling Marissa tight into him, urging his tongue further into her mouth and pressing their bare skin together, feeling the firmness of her breasts against him. Marissa moaned into the kiss feeling herself throb with wont for him. She pushed back from him grabbing the front of his jeans.

"You gonna stop me this time?" she said coyly, starting to unbutton them.

"Hmm, lemme think about that…no" he said leaning in for another kiss and holding the top of her low rise jeans "you gonna stop me?"

"Not a chance, but me first" she said sitting down on the bed in front of him. She slowly undid his belt, button and zipper making sure to graze the tip of his erection with her fingertips as she did so, feeling the sticky sweet fluid already glistening on the top. Marissa slid his jeans down his legs as Ryan moaned in anticipation and obligingly stepped out of them. He was never sure where she had learned her skill and hoped that it was an innate ability that she had not lost. This was something she had always been exceptionally good at.

Marissa looked up at Ryan with eyes full of desire as she slid her hands back up his thighs to his boxers. Adeptly releasing his throbbing hard on from them, they soon joined his jeans on the floor. Taking him in her hands she slid her thumb and forefinger up and down the shaft before plunging it into her mouth, making Ryan groan out loud with pleasure.

"Holy shit!" he gasped watching her move back and forth. He ran his hands through her hair eventually pulling all the stray blonde strands back into a ponytail with his left hand to allow him unimpeded access of the exquisite view. Bending over slightly, he used his right hand to massage her left breast and playfully pinch the nipple between his fingers. Marissa moaned and quickened her pace.

There was something familiar about the situation to Marissa although she did not focus on specifics in the moment. She smiled to herself at the thought that she had probably done this many times before with Ryan as she felt him start to tense and push her head against him harder. He pushed her head back for their eyes to meet and silently asked her a question with his. Instinctively knowing what he was asking, she nodded, seemingly pushing him over the edge. Almost instantly she felt him jerk and the warm liquid slide down her throat as she sucked and swallowed the last drops out of him.

"Wow" Ryan said falling to his knees in front of her "that's a hard act to follow" he added catching his breath.

"Need a minute to reset your blood flow" she asked teasingly leaning in to kiss him softly on lips.

"Hell no" Ryan replied deepening the kiss once again urging his tongue into her mouth. Pulling away, he cupped both breasts in his hands and massaged them gently, then suddenly pushed her back on the bed with her legs still jean clad dangling over the bottom. Making quick work of the button and zip on her jeans, he grabbed the waist band of her jeans and her thong at her hips and started to pull them down. Marissa assisted by wiggling her hips a little to quicken the process.

Once divested of all remaining clothing, Ryan knelt in front of her admiring the beauty before him, planning his mode of attack. This was something he loved to do and he prided himself on his adeptness.

"Two, maybe three" he said licking his lips and smiling cheekily at her.

Marissa looked down the length of her body at him and giggled. "A bit full of yourself aren't you?"

"Actually not full of much anymore thanks to you" he winked starting to kiss up the inside of her thigh.

Marissa moaned and bucked her hips as she felt his lips move closer to her lips. Taking her movements as an invitation, Ryan moved his arms underneath her legs at her knees and in one fluid motion pulled her right to the edge of the bed. Bringing his hands back in front, he gently parted her outer lips with his left thumb and forefinger and began to flick his tongue lightly over her pleasure button. She had tried to hold herself up on her elbows to watch him, but that one simple action had caused her to fall backwards arching her back in ecstasy, letting out a guttural groan.

Smiling to himself that Marissa's range of noises and movements had not changed, he used two fingers from his right hand to tease her opening then push in flick his fingertips back in a 'come here' motion instantly sending Marissa into waves of euphoria as she reached her first climax.

"Oh god!! How the fuck did you do that so quickly?" she asked, catching her breath.

"I haven't forgotten anything" he answered in a deep, husky voice "every single one of your erogenous zones is emblazoned in my brain." He punctuated the point by pressing his tongue deep into her sucking her juices.

"Whoa, ok hotshot." Marissa panted completely out of breath. "Enough with your ego and showing off, I want you NOW"

"Your wish is my command, m'lady" Ryan responded, already hard enough again to fulfill her request, and reached for his wallet in his jeans.

"You don't need it" whispered Marissa hearing what Ryan was doing "I'm not able to…"

"What?" Ryan said moving to hover over top of her.

"The accident…I can't…not now, I'll explain later…I just want you" she pulled him down into a deep kiss. Ryan responded by sliding his arm under her back, lifting her up and sliding her up the bed.

"Ok" he quietly whispered in her ear, instantly trusting her judgement and not wishing to engage in a 'what if' debate at this particular moment. He nuzzled the side of her neck and gently eased inside her. They both moaned in pleasure as the final barrier between them was broken. Ryan kept a steady rhythm rotating his hips a little, changing the angle every now and then and Marissa matched him move for move with her hips. Once again communicating without words they knew when to quicken the pace, and were soon rapt in joint climax that sent them both screaming with pleasure.

Ryan collapsed to the side of Marissa as he pulled out, and Marissa moved to roll on her side and snuggled to his chest. Ryan wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed the top of her head.

"I love you" he whispered

"I can't…" she started.

"I know" he interrupted "but I have faith. We have a long journey to take together"