by Weaver
Part One of Seven
Starring Pensive!James, StillGood!Peter, Serious!Sirius and Sticky!Harry.
In which several important decisions are made, and we discover a little
of what makes Peter into Wormtail. Angst and poignant moments abound, along with
choc chip cookies.
*
"The Fidelius Charm is an immensely complex spell involving the magical concealment of a secret inside a single, living soul. The information is hidden inside the chosen person, or Secret-Keeper, and is henceforth impossible to find unless the Secret-Keeper chooses to divulge it. There are many uses for the Fidelius Charm and its variants; the most common of these in our times is that of sending a person or people into hiding.
"Should the Fidelius Charm be used to conceal the whereabouts of a person, none but the Secret-Keeper will be able to see, touch, hear or otherwise sense the presence of that person. In effect, those under the Charm will vanish from the face of the earth. While it is arguably the most secure hiding charm for people, there are inherent dangers involved. The Charm itself is complex and dangerous, and several deaths have resulted from attempts to perform it. The ingredients needed are deadly, rare and difficult to obtain, particularly the demiguise hair that forms a vital part of the spell construction. The isolation that the Charm forces upon those who use it to hide is a deterrent, as very few witches or wizards are able to be happy while completely sequestered from everyone save their Secret-Keeper.
"The Fidelius Charm should never be attempted by any but fully qualified wizards with experience and expertise in both Charms and Potions."
--Magnus Ethelred
Defensive Enchantments and Conjurations
Obscurus Books
London 1983
Wednesday: The Last Supper
There are only six of us left, thought James, watching the animated gathering in his dining room. Only six of us have survived this long, and none of us unharmed. And one of us is a traitor.
It was the twenty-fifth of October, Lily's twenty-first birthday, and they had managed to put aside the losing war they were fighting and spend the evening talking over old times, in between insulting each other in the way characteristic of their long friendship. Remus was there, leaning back in his chair, looking happy and alert – of course, it was a week and a bit till the next full moon, so why wouldn't he be? Sirius was staging a mock fistfight with Peter, the two of them darting about the room and posing ridiculously. Lily and her long-time friend Angel were leaning against each other on the couch, laughing at the antics of the others.
James leaned back further in the fluffy armchair, one lanky arm wrapped around the testy one-year-old who was doing his best to escape from his father's lap. "Paff," Harry said emphatically. "Paffoo!"
"Paffoo's busy," James told him. He flipped the squirming baby over onto his back, and Harry stared stubbornly up at him with those ridiculously green eyes. Lily's eyes. I hope he doesn't need glasses later, it would be such a shame to hide those eyes behind lenses.
"Paffoo!" Harry demanded, more urgently.
"Dumbledore's going to be here soon," Lily called. "Shouldn't you take a few wards down?"
"Oh, he'll manage," James said lazily. "He helped put half of them up, remember?"
A loud bang from outside punctuated his words, and instantly everyone in the room was alert and silent. Despite their cheerful words, the ever-present danger of the war lay heavy on their hearts: an unexpected noise in the yard was more than cause for wariness.
Sirius glanced meaningfully at James: Stay put, and then he and Remus, with perfect coordination, glided carefully towards the front room. Peter slipped noiselessly to the windows and Angel and Lily darted for their wands, ready to activate the defensive charms at a signal. James scooped Harry up and hurried to Lily's side, wand out and ready. Once we wouldn't have known what to do, he mused. Once we wouldn't have needed to be scared of the things that go bump in the night, and he felt a faint fleeting sadness that their innocence had been left so far behind.
Sirius's bright, flashing laughter and a murmur of voices from the hall suddenly dispelled the tense atmosphere in the house. Remus called back "It's OK, Prongs, it is Dumbledore –"
The old wizard stepped into the dining room, rubbing an arm. "I'm afraid I've set off one of your wards by accident, James," he said wryly. "I believe it was this –" he held up a brown paper package that appeared to be glowing slightly. "The ward was set against Invisibility cloaks, and of course when I tried to bring demiguise hair through it… But it's here now, and you can perform the Charm tomorrow."
Tomorrow… the word echoed through James's mind, reminding him of just how much they were risking, as everyone resumed their seats.
"Cheer up, Prongs," Sirius said jovially. "You poor deer."
Peter snorted. "That was a stag-geringly bad joke, Sirius, you should be pun-ished."
"Yes, he's not much good at pun-gent satire, is he?" Remus put in, hiding a smile. "We should pun-ch some sense into him."
Dumbledore was smiling slightly, enjoying the general laughter, although apparently slightly confused about the origin of the jokes. "Well, I must go – I came only to deliver the demiguise hair. I have another appointment later tonight."
"Yeah, you've got to be pun-ctual," Sirius added. "But first you should have some of Lily's vodka. It's excellent."
"Please," Lily added. "Have a choc chip chookie, too. Sirius, please, be serious – you spend too much time having pun."
"They're good biscuits, even if she does insist on calling them chookies," James said, choosing to refrain from wordplay. The quick glance Remus shot him was vaguely disappointed, and vaguely something else as well – concerned, maybe?
"I helped make them," Sirius announced proudly. "And then I cleaned up the mess I made when I helped make them."
"It's almost an obligation for Sirius, isn't it – he sees a bag of flour, he tips it on me," Angel said, with a grin.
"But I cleaned up! Doesn't that give me brownie points?" Sirius put on the 'appealing-puppy-dog-eyes' look he did so well.
We've been together so long, James thought, we know each other so well, and one of us is using that knowledge to have us killed – someone here would be happy to see Harry and Lily dead, and me too. One of us is a traitor. He couldn't seem to get rid of that thought, couldn't seem to fit in to the friendly, easy mood of the close-knit little group. Lily was eyeing him, looking concerned; he gave her a grin, and ruffled Harry's hair. Is it just coincidence that Remus looks so nervous? He's a werewolf... ultimately, a creature of the Dark. But, but, but he's Moony – he wouldn't … He let his thought fly off, trying to concentrate on being happy, being alive, this last night before they had to vanish indefinitely.
Dumbledore left the package on the coffee table. "Take care, James, Lily," he said solemnly, a most serious expression on his sober face. "And especially take care of little Harry. He has a big life to live, this one, and I think he may prove more important than we think."
"Oh, we'll look after him, don't you worry," Sirius said gleefully. "I plan to teach him how to rearrange the Hogwarts plumbing system, and Moony's going to show him how to set off Filibuster Fireworks at inopportune moments. And that's just this week's lessons!"
Dumbledore switched his gaze to Sirius. "Sirius – my offer still stands. I urge you to consider it most carefully. You will be the first person they come after, if they know that you're the Secret-Keeper. I would be more than happy to take on the responsibility myself, if you'd let me…?"
Sirius, all levity gone from his face, shook his head firmly. "You wanted me to do it, right Prongs? I – I want to feel like I'm doing something, like I'm helping. I feel pretty stupid about just standing around while my best friends and their son - my godson - are in danger."
Dumbledore nodded, accepting the argument, but he didn't look convinced. "We could use you on the front lines, though, and you know that when word gets out about the Fidelius Charm you'll need to go into hiding. If you're found, you'll be tortured – horribly. I'd like to spare you that."
"I know. But I still want to do it."
"Padfoot – you know you don't have to," James said suddenly. "If you –"
Sirius cut him off mid-sentence by the simple expedient of clapping a hand over his mouth. "I want to do it. I'm serious, Prongs, it's the only way I can be sure that you're safe."
"Mmphle murgle splmph," said James. "Mmph."
"What was that? I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch what you said…"
James reached up and forcibly removed Sirius's hand from his face. "I said, I wanted you to do it too. Git. I just didn't want you to feel like you had to."
"If you're sure then, Sirius?" Dumbledore looked resigned, but he was smiling. "Let me know if you change your mind. The ritual is set for tomorrow?"
Lily nodded. James nodded. Harry, on his lap, reached up and put his chocolate-sticky hands on his father's face, announcing "Paffoo good!"
"He's got more brains than his father," Sirius said, and paused. "Then again,
that wouldn't be hard."
*
Their happy evening drew to a close, as evenings tend to do. Angel, slightly tipsy from the amount of vodka she'd consumed, hugged James and Lily a little more vigorously than she had perhaps intended to. James, trying to detach her, shook his head sadly. "And she used to be such a sweet, shy little thing… Remus, can you get her home OK?"
"I can get home jutht fine," Angel said, and began weaving her way unsteadily towards the broomshed – the Potters had been disconnected from the Floo Network ever since they'd been told they were on Voldemort's hit list. Remus shrugged and hurried after her, but James caught his arm and pulled him into a hard and sudden hug.
"You take care, d'you hear me Moony? Watch yourself. Don't get into any sticky situations. Are you sure you can manage?"
Remus pounded him fiercely on the back, almost breaking James's ribs. "I'll be alright, Prongs, I always am. I'll write, too, I promise – and I'll come and visit, and spend half an hour talking to thin air – and it'll all be OK in the end, right?"
James bowed his head and then flung it back, staring up at the sky while tears threatened to burn the back of his eyes. Will it all be OK? Just take care, Moony, even if you are betraying us I want you to be safe…
Remus slipped away into the dark after Angel, who was attempting to fly away on the fence. It looked painful. James smothered a laugh as Remus gently guided her in the right direction.
"You know, we've been saying since school that those two belong together. Do you think it'll ever happen?" He hadn't heard Lily come up behind him, but there she was, cradling a sleeping Harry and looking less than wide-awake herself.
"No... probably not. Not if she's waiting for Moony to initiate anything, anyway," James replied, sadness weighing on him as he watched the two soar into the star-sprinkled night. "I think he's afraid of himself." He turned back to the lighted inside, where Peter was pulling his coat on and Sirius lay sprawled comfortably on the couch, his unreadable black eyes directed out the door at the vanishing figures of Remus and Angel.
"You're off too, Pete?" Lily was watching him check his pockets for his wand – nobody went out at night unarmed any more, and wands were always ready to hand. Peter didn't look much bothered. He never had, lately. He just didn't seem to care any more.
It had been just over a year ago that Peter had married Anne Prewett in a gorgeous beachside ceremony, the two of them laughing and loving life, a bright spot in the darkness that had fallen everywhere else. Just a week later, during their honeymoon in northern Australia, Anne had vanished. Peter had woken up to bloodstained sheets and a green, glowing skull hovering menacingly over their holiday bungalow.
He blames himself, James thought, glancing at Peter's shadowed eyes and the rapidly-multiplying grey strands in his sandy hair. Nobody knows why Anne was killed and he was left alive, and he thinks it's his fault, he thinks he should have protected her. He took the sleeping Harry from Lily's arms, and she surrendered the baby with a sigh of relief. He did get heavy, sometimes.
"Yeah, I should get home –"
"Wait!" Sirius snapped his lanky body upright, a gleam in his eyes. "Wait. I have an idea."
"You have an idea," Peter repeated. "Beginner's luck."
Sirius punched him. "No, seriously, I've been thinking."
"First time for everything -" Peter ducked. "-you left yourself wide open for that, Padfoot!"
"I've been thinking," Sirius repeated severely, "about what Dumbledore said. Prongs, c'mere for a minute. Mouse – just stay there and talk to Lily." He pulled James over to the wall. "He said I might be tortured. What if that happens – what if I am tortured, and I give up the secret?" His voice was low and urgent.
"You won't," James said, firmly. Why is he worried now, all of a sudden? What has he got in mind?
"I might. You know how powerful Voldemort
is now, you know how close we are to losing or you wouldn't be going into
hiding… and if they do get me, then what? I've never been tortured,
Prongs, I've never found out if I can stand it… I might crack really easily, and
you'd be up the proverbial creek." Sirius looked absolutely determined,
his expressive face set hard as granite.
"Padfoot –"
"Listen to me, Prongs, don't interrupt!" Sirius slammed a fist against the wall, making James jump.
"Don't wake Harry," Lily called, from where she and Peter were sitting on the other side of the room.
"You won't give us up," James repeated, not really sure what Sirius was trying to get at but doing his best to reassure him anyway.
Sirius turned away, and suddenly the granite shattered and immeasurable pain was carved into his profiled face. "I won't… but … I think Remus would." The last four words were so quiet James could barely hear them. Sirius leaned both forearms against the wall, resting his head on the paneling between his elbows. "I think it's Remus," he said again, almost inaudibly.
Denials came instantly to James, denials and fury and the idea of shaking Sirius with all his strength until he talked sense, but he restrained himself. He wouldn't say that unless he had a reason. Anger flushed through him, even when he tried to rationalise. It's almost what I was thinking before. It's just that hearing it aloud makes me feel it's real. He wouldn't say it unless he had a reason. He wouldn't.
The silence stretched. Sirius didn't move, didn't look around, just stood there silently. Finally, James decided he could control his voice. "W—why do you say that?"
"He can't help what he is," Sirius said, his voice muffled by speaking into the wall. "He can't help it. Don't you remember what Danielle did? She was a good witch, she was our friend, but she – they're both –Werewolves are Dark creatures. It isn't his fault."
James bit his lip and didn't say anything. The quiet murmur of Lily and Peter's conversation buzzed in his ears. Harry yawned, showing off his scattering of tiny pearl-like teeth, and snuggled deeper into his father's arms.
"I went to see him last full moon," Sirius said, unexpectedly breaking the silence. "I went to the hut he's been using and he wasn't there. He hadn't been there. I couldn't find out where he was. I used a Locus charm – nothing." He was quiet for a while. "Voldemort's been calling Dark creatures to him. And Moony's been quiet, he's been subdued, he doesn't talk much any more. I hate to think it, I know you hate to hear it –"
"I do," James said, very quietly. "But that doesn't make it any less true."
"And he – nothing terrible has happened to him," Sirius went on, not acknowledging James or indeed anything else in the room. "Fin – Fin's dead." His voice was slightly unsteady – just slightly, but his shoulders were tensed and his hands resting on the wall were clenched into tight fists. "And Peter's lost Anne. My parents – your family – Lily's family – Peter's aunt – but nobody Remus cares for, nobody." At last Sirius looked up, pushing himself off the wall. "It's not his fault. I can't accept that he'd do it consciously. But –" He didn't need to say any more.
Gently, James pushed a tuft of jet-black hair out of the way of his sleeping son's eyes. Harry was warm and sweet and smelled of talcum powder and chocolate, and it was much easier to think about him than to think about what Sirius had said. Finally, he made himself look up. Sirius was watching Harry with the same devoted adoration. "He's like a light," he said softly, "and everyone knows. Do you see how people's faces light up when you bring him around? He's the darling of the whole wizarding world. Everybody who's ever seen him loves him. James –" Sirius took a deep breath, "—you have to keep him safe. If anyone hurts him and I could have prevented it – if anyone hurts you, or Lily, and I could have prevented it …"
James nodded. "What do you have planned?"
"Peter. Peter becomes Secret-Keeper tomorrow, but you tell everyone that it was me. No – don't interrupt. That way, they'll come chasing me, and Peter can hide somewhere and you'll be safe even if they break me."
"I – I don't – you'd do that?"
"I think it's the best idea." Sirius looked tired, but he managed his
trademark lopsided grin. "Even if your feeble mind can't see it."
"You'll
still be in danger, though – and if they torture you, if they use Veritaserum or
whatever, they'd find out about Peter, wouldn't they?"
"Yes, but you'd have
a bit of warning at least, you'd have a chance to get away. It's the perfect
bluff, Prongs – they'll never suspect Peter, not the way he's been since – since
last year. Voldemort will be sure to come after me, he'll never dream you'd ask
Peter…" Sirius was enthusiastic now, sketching gestures in the air to illustrate
his words.
"That's if Peter will do it," James said.
Peter was yawning ostentatiously and looking at his watch. "Do you two plan to let me leave any time today?" he asked innocently, seeing them watching him.
"He will," Sirius told James confidently. Without further ado, he hurried over to Lily and Peter, sat down in front of them and began explaining the situation. James watched, cradling Harry and wishing he could be as cheerful as Sirius moments after logically reasoning out why their oldest friend was betraying them, before he noticed the tight set of Sirius' jaw and the tenseness of his back.
"You know what, Harry?" he asked the sleeping child softly. "Your godfather is an amazing man, but he's not so easygoing as he pretends to be." Harry gurgled in his sleep. James took him over to join the others.
Lily was very pale, her lips set tightly together. "…Remus…?" she was saying, looking horrified and miserable. Peter had his eyes shut and his arms wrapped around himself, as if he was trying to keep the cold out. Sirius was looking miserable again; he'd never been any good at hiding his emotions for long.
"I don't think I should do it," Peter said, glancing at James as if for support. "I'm no good at keeping secrets…"
"That doesn't come into it, not really… it's more like guarding something physical than just keeping something quiet. You could say to anyone 'The Potters are just there' and that wouldn't break the Charm. You have to willingly say the incantation to break it." James shrugged. "It shouldn't be a problem."
"No. Why doesn't Sirius do it? Wasn't that the plan?"
"We changed," Sirius said blithely. "They'll come after me while you're in hiding somewhere safe. I could come and check on you every week or so, 'cause I'll be hiding too – I'm the one they'll chase. Come on, Mouse, it's perfect!" Peter had been 'Mouse' since he began primary school; he was always one of the shortest, and nothing had changed. 'Wormtail' had been added on in their fifth year, after he discovered his Animagus form, and although he hated it the name had stuck. Sirius, James realised, was doing his persuading act again, bringing up memories of their earliest years at Hogwarts. He always could talk us into anything.
"I don't like it, Sirius," Peter was saying warningly. His face was blank and unreadable. "Are you sure you want me to do this?"
"Yes! Would I suggest it if I wasn't?"
"James?" Peter asked. "Is this what you want me to do?"
"I think… I think it's the best plan, Pete," James said, trying to reassure Peter.
"Is there any way you'll let me not do it?" Peter asked, sounding resigned. There was something odd in his eyes, something James couldn't quite read.
"No," Lily said quickly. "No, Pete, I think it's our best chance. Please?"
Peter closed his eyes briefly. "I'll do it."
*
I'll do it, but on your own heads be the consequences! I tried… I tried, really I did. They made me do it… it will be their own fault. Their fault, your fault James and Lily! I don't want to do it!
Peter rolled over and sat up, legs dangling off the edge of his bed, staring out at the starlight. But… if I do, if I give Him their Secret, He'll give me my Anne back. I'd do anything for that – anything.
Another voice spoke up in his head: --would you exchange your best friends' lives? would you see little Harry die just for you and her?—
Grimacing, he turned away from the open window, towards the dark shadows of the corner of his room. It's not my fault, they made me. I can't help it. I don't want to make this choice! Lily, James, Harry… and then Anne. But He'll torture her if I keep anything from Him, He'll hurt her, and I can't stand it when He does that… Oh, Anne, why didn't they take me too? I do everything He says, and I hate myself for it, but if I don't do it He curses you and pokes at you and makes you scream… Anything I could do to ease that pain, anything I can do I will, and He knows it.
If I had the guts to kill myself now He'd lose his most valuable source of information. But if I kill myself, He'll hurt Anne even more, and I won't put her through that, not for anything, not even for the sake of Light Magic's triumph. I will not do it.
---but James and Lily, Peter. would you see them die without a thought? what will you do Peter?---
Shut up! Leave me alone!
Peter folded himself down into rat-shape to escape the relentless beating of the thoughts against his skull. With the simplicity of the rat came new clarity of thought: It comes down to this, then. In your hands, you hold the lives of Lily, James and Harry. If you give them up He may give you Anne back, and then you can be happy. If you hide them from Him, He will hurt Anne more, but they would be safe.
Then there is a third choice. You can do nothing. You can hope He does not summon you until they have had time to get safely away, and then when He makes you tell, they will be gone and safe.
The rat squirmed around, making a nest for itself in the wide bed. Please let Him not summon me… please let me not have to make this choice!
Oh, Anne…
*
Revised 11th January 2003