Author's
note = I don't know why, but today I had this sudden need to write a fic like
this, so I just started typing this evening and didn't stop till now. I
finished to write this fic in this moment… ::sighs:: this is my
pathetic attempt to a tearjerker Daiken with a Daisuke/Jun brother/sister thing,
but it came out sort of…uhm…stupid…-_-;; ::sweatdrop::
But keep
it hid in my PC is no use, right? So I thought that post it wouldn't harm…I
would really appreciate comments and suggestions…what did you think of this??
Please
remember I didn't spell checked this, yet ^^;;
Ja-ne!!
Jun
carefully pushed the door open and entered Daisuke's room. She looked around
slowly, carefully…her hazel eyes glimmered in the gloom as they darted around.
She slipped inside the room and softly closed the door, inhaling deeply the
smell of dust mixed with the indescribable scent proper of Daisuke.
"Niichan…?"
she called.
Only the
silence answered her.
She
lowered her head, chewing gently her upper lip. Her back fell against the door
with a muffled sound and she sighed, tilting her head backward. Her eyes turned
toward her left, and fell on the clock on the wall. It was green, with a picture
of a soccer player, caught in the moment of concentration that precede the shot.
She allowed a small smile to curve the corner of her lips. It was a present,
something she brought for Daisuke for his sixth birthday.
Today it
was his thirteen birthday.
Happy
Birthday, Daisuke.
Happy
Birthday, nii-chan.
Happy
Birthday to you…Happy birthday to you…
The
red-haired girl looked outside the half closed window. She could hear the yellow
seconds hand move slowly - painfully, *agonizing* slowly - in the quadrant.
Tick-tack.
It was a
soft noise, quiet and calm. Regular, soft, somehow filled with majesty. But yet,
for her it was a disturbing sound. Something that was eating her from inside.
Tick-tack.
Tick-tack.
Tick-tack.
Outside
it was bitter cold and even if she was warm and safe at home, she felt like an
icy wind was blowing inside her depths, blocking outside every possible warmth
provided by the setting sun.
Tick-tack.
She
closed her eyes, perfect mirror of her brother's ones and waited, with the
cruel sound of the time flying away resounding in her ears.
Tick-tack.
She ran
her fingertips through the wooden surface of the door. She smiled, remembering
the cute look of happiness which had played over Daisuke's plump features the
day she had gave him that clock. He was ecstatic. He had said he was a big man,
now. And she had laughed, remembering him she was still the oldest one and that
he still had to respect her. He had sighed, puffing out his cheeks. He had
attempted to look angry, maybe scary, but he just looked utterly cute with his
unruly brown hair falling over his forehead and his chocolate brown eyes
narrowed.
Tick-tack.
Tick-tack.
Tick-tack.
She
opened her eyes again, gazing around.
Tick-tack.
The
flying dust shimmered in the fading light and uncaringly dropped down to laid on
the furniture. The uncertain light of the setting sun glittering on the blanket
of Daisuke's bed seemed unreal. Unbelievable in its purity and indescribable
in its warmth. She sighed, her breath sliding out her lips in a low, elaborate
sound.
Tick-tack.
Jun
licked her lips, her eyes focused on Daisuke's bed. There was a little teddy
bear there. It was azure, a tired tone it turned to with the years, and it was
dirty. It missed an eye and had a large cut on its belly. But it was their teddy
bear, hers and Daisuke's. They would never left it behind.
Tick-tack.
Jun
remember that teddy bear was the first present she had ever given to him. It was
the morning of thirteen years before and Jun was waiting to welcome her mom back
home. When the door opened, Jun turned her expecting eyes to the door, opening
her mouth; but she immediately closed it again, a confused, intent expression
showing over her rather plump face. Her mom was in the doorframe, carrying with
indescribable tenderness a little bundle. Jun, observing it, turned her eyes to
the bundle a little wonderingly.
Doing
so, she found eyes to eyes to a round, sweet, tanned skinned face, smiling
wonderingly up at her. Something passed across her countenance: a distinct
disappoint mixed with something else…an expression that resembled happiness.
She immediately looked up, but noticing where her mother and father's
attention was diverted, the look in her eyes turned hard. They were completely
lost in the way the little boy moved, blinked or even breathed.
During
this moment of content staring, Jun scanned her parents intently and, suddenly,
she felt forgotten. So, she did the first thing that came up on her mind.
She
threw her blue teddy bear to the little bundle.
Her
mother yelped and her father raged, raising a menacingly hand toward her. But he
froze as the little boy -- Daisuke as she heard they had called him -- started
to giggle.
Somehow
his little fingers had balled around the soft plushie and he was now tossing it
up and down, his eyes placed on Jun. Deep, sparkling orb, holding the promises
of a bright tomorrow, of a happy future.
It was
that the moment when she started to love him.
That
single look, that sweet giggle had made her vow she would always be there for
him.
Tick-tack.
She
guessed their relationship was weird. They never get along too well, but she
doubted they ever truly saw each other as enemies. He was actually the person
she loved the most. She doubted he felt the same way though. And she'd never
tell him how important he was to her.
She
never had.
She
never will.
But
somehow she was sure he knew.
That's
why she was there now.
To show
him her undying love, helping him with *his* undying love.
Tick-tack.
Tick-tack.
Tick-tack.
DING!
DING! DING! DING! DING! DING!
She
allowed herself one last look at the outside world before turn toward the clock.
Six
o'clock.
It was
time.
A
strangled noise at her right caught her attention, and the older Motomiya turned
slowly around. Her lips contracted in a thin line and her eyes widened. On
Daisuke's desk there was their videorecorder. And the same moment the alarm
clock had rung, a tape had slid out it. Jun sighed. It was time.
Tacking
slow, calibrate steps toward the desk she slowly took the videotape in her hand.
Slowly turning to her side, she reached over for the tape case placed on his
bedside table and carefully slid the tape in. She bit her lips once again and
tipped her head backward, facing the ceiling. She slowly let her lids drift down
and it was with closed eyes that she reached out for the phone and dialed the
number.
"…Hikari?"
she whispered quietly, as soon as the girl on the other end of the line greeted
her. "…I've something for you, from Daisuke. It's for all the
digidestined, actually. Come here to see it." She sighed and let the phone
slid down her hand and gently put it down, not even caring to wait for
Hikari's reaction to her knowing about the digidestined.
"…I
hope you made the right choice niichan…"
* * * *
*
Daisuke's
house was on the edge of the town, in a usually vivid and noisy place. Perhaps
it was just the cold day, Hikari thought to herself, but around it was deadly
silent. The digidestined approached the house quietly, uncertain about what they
could find and even about how they felt. Ken shivered. Not because he was
afraid, but because some inner instinct in him responded to the unusual silence
settled in the vicinity of the house.
It took
a little while, but finally Taichi's insistent knocks were finally answered.
The door swung inwards a little and the face of Jun Motomiya peeped from behind
the heavy wood, examining the group of strangers.
"So,
how did you know?" Taichi exploded. Jun shook her head, but she did not offer
anything else. She silently opened the door fully and showed them the way to
Daisuke's room. As they entered she motioned them to sat down and they did so,
exchanging confused looks. All the digidestined older and new, were now sitting
in a circle in front of a TV.
"This
is…" Jun said as she carefully hit the play button on the recorder.
"Daisuke's birthday's present. He gifted this to himself." She said as
she slowly sat down on the floor, near the other kids, now completely
speechless.
"Daisuke's
birthday?" Taichi chocked out at last. Jun nodded.
"It's
today." She said. "He turned thirteen."
"But
I…"
"You
didn't know." She said sharply, narrow-eyed. "Why should you care, Kari
Kamiya?" she said, a note of irritation rising to her voice. She fell silent
for some time; then she sighed, a quick shudder shaking her shoulders..
"Shhh." She shushed the forthcoming questions she felt were about to be
asked. "It's starting."
Everyone
turned toward the screen, with looks of pure curiosity running over their faces.
Jun narrowed her eyes and smiled bitterly. She stared deeply at the screen, her
face falling from its smile and her eyes turning downwards. Then, she started to
sing under her breath.
"…happy
birthday to you…happy birthday my Daisuke…" the words slid out her lips as
soft as butterfly's wingbeats. Sweet and low, filled with brotherly love.
"…happy birthday to you…"
* * * *
*
~*~
Ken's POV ~*~
I
blinked down at the red-headed girl who is now singing slowly. When the first
images had ran on the screen, she had smiled sadly and had brought her knees up
to her chest, hiding her head between her knees and gently dangling back and
forth. I have this sudden need to go and place a hand on her shoulder. Maybe
it's because I'm the bearer of the crest of kindness and she seems so sweet
and alone, right now. Maybe it's because she resembles so much Daisuke…
When she
finally looks up at the screen, attracted by the soft giggle that's coming out
from it, I find my head turns as well.
In the
screen, a wonderful panorama, unreal for the vivid color it showed. But something is
definitely strange for the sky is at the bottom and the land at the top. In the
middle of the screen, within the dense grass, glowing in the rose light, there
is a pair of orange boots.
All of a
sudden, someone outside the scene giggles and soon a high voice can be heard.
«No, no, no, Vee!!! Turn it! Turn it! » with a disturbingly quick movement, the camera is
turned upright and now the sky it's back at its place. «Now raise it! Upper!
Upper! Up!!! »
I cock
my head to one side, so the my purple hair move from my sight. I smile briefly,
but for some reason this smile dies on my lips. I find disturbing the idea that
Daisuke had to make himself a birthday present 'cause no one of the chosen
children remembered today he turned thirteen. I unconsciously moves my hand
toward my pant's pocket, fingering the little box under the light cloth.
I could
never forget.
Not
Daisuke's birthday.
The
camera promptly moves up, and shows a tan skinned boy grinning goofily at it.
It's
Daisuke.
Daisuke Motimiya, the second child of courage and friendship. The leader of the
new group of Chosen Children. The carefree, unruly boy who leaps into situation
without using his head. The soccer player who looks up at Taichi Kamiya. Who
loves his sister Hikari. Who rivals with Takeru for her affection. The brave
leader and wonderful friend who had had the courage to befriend his former
enemy. My best friend, who has a bond with me no one could ever break.
For some
unknown reason my heart skips a beat. And I feel this sudden need to run to the
first digiportal and catapult myself where he is now. Or more accurately where
he was when he recorded this.
He needs
me.
I can
feel it.
He needs
*me*.
I'm
jerked out my deep thoughts when I hear Daisuke's laughter. An embarrassed,
goofy laughs escape his lips and his eyes are sparkling with the flame that
enchant me so much. Oh, Daisuke…
«…I
never thought I would end up doing…well, what I'm about to do, this way…»
he laughs again and scratches the back of his head.
He is so
wonderful with the sunlight bathing him in a gentle glow. His eyes are as dark
brown as they'd ever been, with golden flickers rippling their depths. His
hair, usually dark chestnut, turns golden. Is skin turns golden. And for a
moment I can swear he is glowing. My breath gets caught in my throat at this
sigh. He just misses the wings to be an angel.
My
beautiful angel…
Wonderful…it
was just a thought, but I'm sure now I'm blushing brilliant red. I bite my
bottom lip, hoping to tame the burning sensation that's creeping up my cheeks.
I don't know how it happened, but one morning I woke up and found out I was in
love with my best friend. No…to tell you the truth it feels like I've always
loved him, but it was that morning that I opened my eyes for the first time.
I doubt
that he could ever share this feelings I've for him. I know he likes me, but
in a friendly way. And then…he's too much for me. I don't deserve someone
like him, strong, brave, beautiful...
His eyes
are the most exquisite things I've ever seen...when he looks at me with his
unbelievable auburn eyes, I feel like I could drown in their depths. And then…
«...Ehy,
Ken?! Don't fall in one of your thinking moments, right? This is *my* personal
gift to *me*, and I need you to hear this… »
Daisuke,
unbelievable Daisuke…he knows me so well…how could he predict I would fall
in one of my "thinking moments", as he calls my pauses of reflection? I
can't help but smile as I spot his goofy grin.
«…Look,
Ken…do you recognize this place?» He spread his arms out and smiles at me. I
smile back and nod. Surprisingly enough he nods back.
«…yeah…this
is our hill Ken…the one from which we fell…» he lets his hands drops at his
sides and his smile turns sad. «Ken…oh, Ken…my beautiful Ken…»
My eyes
widen and I can't help but blink. *My* Ken? My *beautiful* Ken?
What's…what's he trying to say?? He sighs then, and shakes his head, with
a defeated look on his face that crushes my heart. «Ken…» his voice is soft,
almost a whisper. I try to breath, but all I can do is inhale air through my
grinned teeth one single time, and hold it in. There's a spell between us.
It's as if he is looking right at me, despite everything, and I can't tear
my eyes off him. «…I love you.»
My eyes
widen in shock and my heart skips another beat. I wonder what else it can take
before stop definitively. «…and no…» he adds, somehow bringing me back to
Earth. «…It's not a joke. At first I thought those strange feelings I get
every time I look at you were just…well, strong friendship, but when I finally
gathered enough courage to face them, I suddenly realized that I love my best
friend…I love you, Ken. Ai shiteru.» He stops, running a hand through his
spiky hair. «…God, I said it…» he grins. And I can't help but smile
back.
The
camera starts to jump and Veemon's excited voice fills the air. «HAI! You did
it!! Be proud of yourself Daisuke!!» Daisuke blushes and the corner of my lips
twitches in a huge smile. «Hello Ken-chan! Tell Minomon moshi! » Veemon
squeaks and the camera jumps wilder. I have to bite my bottom lips to prevent
myself from burst into uncontrolled giggles…too bad Minomon is at home…
Daisuke
turns away and I suddenly feel like screaming. I want his eyes back on me! Now!
Daisuke look at me…look at me…
His eyes
dart toward the camera and he nods slowly. The camera nods back at him and he
starts to walk. His back is facing me and I suddenly lunge toward the screen,
placing my sweaty palms upon his image.
"Daisuke?"
I choke out and I'm suddenly aware I'm crying. I've never been so happy in
my entire life.
«…I
don't blame you if you hate me now, Ken…but I couldn't keep this bottled
inside anymore. I just hope…you're still my friend…»
"I'm
Daisuke…I'm…"
He casts
a quick glance backward and smiles. His eyes place on me just a millisecond
before I decide to do something drastic –and utterly useless, I should add–
as shake the television.
He turns
around again, moving his hands around to show us –me– the wonderful
surroundings. The sun is unbelievably bright, lighting up the sky. All the
colors are incredibly vivid and so true defined it seems to be looking at a
Michelangelo's paint. All I can hear is the faint tinkling of the wind
whispering something to me.
All I
can see is Daisuke.
All I
can feel is the yearning desire to have him near. The tormenting pain the
distance cause. The overwhelming happiness my heart is filled with.
« I
don't know how it happened...I mean, it happens to a lot of guys to fall for
their best friend, but when the best friend is a guy too, things get difficult!!»
he raises a finger, straightening his shoulder. «But when you best friend is so
beautiful and caring and wonderful and kind and incredibly perfect as you are
Ken-chan, there's no point in trying to suppress the feeling!!»
He stops
abruptly and in return my head jerks backward. He is in the middle of a field of
lilies, now. Their soft silver glow goes on for miles, brilliant in the
forgiving light of the midday sun. He slowly turns around and grins that goofy
smile I love so much.
«Ai
shiteru, Ken-chan and you can't do nothing to change this…»
«~~…Ai
shiteru…~~ ~~…you can't do
nothing to change this…~~»
Both
phrases echoes softly, and Daisuke cocks one eyebrow as he turn to face the
canyon behind him. Then he shrugs and shook his head, focusing his attention
back to the camera –to us– to me.
I smile
at the surprised look that colors his face. Yes, I smile…but once again the
smile dies on my lips. I can feel his pain…it's radiated from his whole form
and it don't mind that I'm just seeing a tape, I still can feel that he
hurts.
For some
seconds the camera moves wildly in every direction and soon Veemon is bouncing
toward his companion, with a huge smile spread across his chubby cheeks. Daisuke
smiles back at his friend and gather him in his arms, squeezing him as a teddy
bear. His shoulders move up and down, shacked by the soft sigh he lets loose.
«Why
everyone hates me, Ken?» everyone around me gasps. I don't care and move my
palms through his image, in a useless attempt to comfort him.
"No
one hates you, Dai-chan…"
«No one
care for me, Ken…» he shakes his head, as if he had heard me, and hastily
wipes his eyes, from which huge tears are threatening to spill out. «…they
think I'm a jerk…they hate me!!! My family... my parents have absolutely no
trust in me at all. They don't care where I go, what I do, say or feel…my
family is Veemon, you and Jun, Ken… she is always busy going after Yamato to
really give a damn about me, but….I still love her, you know? I think I love
her even more than how I love you and Veemon…»
At my
side the red-haired girl starts to sob uncontrollably, muttering something like
"He don't know! He truly don't know!" but for me she can be nonexistent.
Dai-chan don't be so negative…please…
«My
friends... they don't even notice all I'm doing. I've no friends Ken.
I've you and Veemon, no one else. I think you suppose the other didigdestined
are my friends, but that's just a lie…for example, there's Taichi... Sure,
I look up to him, but he just looks down upon me. I disgust him cause he thinks
I'm trying to emulate him…to take his place, I don't know…I truly
don't know…»
It's
Taichi's the strangled yelp that reaches my ears? Yeah…yes it is…but I
don't care, I don't care…Daisuke…Daisuke what are you saying??
«Hikari...I
loved her once, but she only loved to play with my feelings…I'm so grateful
that wasn't the real thing, Ken…I'm so happy I've you now…and Takeru?
...I can spell your nickname right, you knew that? It's TK…so
simple…TK…TK…TK…TK…»
I sense
the blonde jump at my side, but I can't tear my eyes off Daisuke…
«…just
because I had a crush on the girl you likes and that likes you back, that makes
me such an horrible person? That gives you right to hurt me? I wanted her to
*see* me Takeru, not to *love* me! How could she? She loves you and
besides…she hates me. I heard her once…she said she hated how I act around
her. BUT I JUST WANTED RESPECT! I'm human! I'm…human…cant' you see
that? And you made fun of me for my feelings…that's why I misspelled your
name…and all the others…Iori…he is the younger and yet he had always
looked down at me…cause he is smarter, and I…just because I do all I can to
show off a little, does that mean that I'm stupid? I wanted you all to see me,
Iori! I wanted *someone* to see *me*!!! Not the Taichi's clone or Jun's
little brother! I wanted you to look past this and see Motomiya Daisuke! Me!!
*ME*!!!» He stops, hugging Veemon so close I'm scared he is about to crush
him. But then he relaxes and shakes slowly his head. «And then there's Miyako…you…you were my *true* rival, and you
never knew…you loved the same guy I love with all my heart…sometimes you
seemed ready to help me, to accept me…and all I wanted was to reach out and
take your stretched hand, but you just mocked me…» he laughs bitterly and I
wince. This cracked noise doesn't sound right sliding out those lips. Not at
all.
«No one
of you care for me…Even though I was struggling to go past all the cruel jokes
and insults, you all kept bringing me down with more teasing and mean words. You
guys all call me jerk, but you all have been jerks to me, so how else should I
act to you?? Today is my birthday, but no one remembered. *No one* came by, *no
one* sent a card, *no one* even called. I'm tired Ken…I'm so tired…» he
starts to sob loudly, not able to hold it anymore. My mouth opens, but my tongue
is paralyzed. I can't let out a sound, I can hardly think and my vision is
blur for the burning tears which are quickly building up in my eyes. I don't
understand…what's he saying?
«I
can't take this anymore, I am tired of being told I'm not as smart as
Miyako, I'm tired of not being as brave as Taichi, or responsible as
Iori…good-looking as Takeru or as sweet as Hikari… I…I…I…I…I'm
tired of you liking me only as a friend, Ken. I'm tired of being ignored.
I'm a human being…I've feelings…I hate, I cry, I laugh, I love…why
can't you all see me?? Accept me for who I am? I'm tired…I'm so
tired…I can't take it anymore…everything is so hard…» my breath leaves
my mouth as a sort of strangled gulp. What's he saying? The obvious is that
he's crying, hugging Veemon as a lifesaver in a tempest. I want to look away,
but I can't…I fear that if I'll look away he'll disappear, leaving me
alone once again. To drown in the darkness that's inside me.
He lifts
his head and look into my eyes once more. I can see the emptiness inside those eyes…the same emptiness that fills
me more and more as each day passes. «I can't believe any of them care for
me. They claim to be my friends but the truth is that I'm alone. And I'm
tired of this.» he looks down at the ball of digital fur in his hands. It is
smiling up at him. «You know what, Ken? I'm *too* tired.»
No…no
please Daisuke stop talking. Stop saying such nonsense. I know what are you
saying…Daisuke…Daisuke, no…please…please, I love you, I love you, I love
you!!!
I try to
say this aloud. It's so clear in my mind, a blinding light, but I cannot voice
my thoughts, my mouth is too dry. My fingers are shacking, my heart aches…
He
smiles bitterly trough the tears «I've never been brave or a good
friend…I'm so sorry…I betrayed my crest, Ken…I'm so, so, sorry…why I
haven't been a better leader?»
I can
feel a piece of my heart dying, the piece where the thumps of Daisuke's
heartbeat still echoes. Every word he says cuts my heart like a sword. Please
stop talking…it's so painful…so painful…I should have told you how I
feel…don't say anything Daisuke…please…stop talking, stop
explaining…stop…stop…it hurts so much, Dai-chan. It hasn't hurt this
much even when Osamu left me…or when Wormmon left me…
The
others are watching, too numb to say anything. Jun, in particular, had crawled
next to me and I can hear her muffled sobs. I can see her pale cheeks, streaked
with rivulets of tears, reflected in the TV screen. But I don't care for her.
I can't. Daisuke…my Daisuke is…
«…but
I've always lived following what my hearts told me…and this is the birthday
present it asked to let me have…» He pauses, then the shadow of a smile
appear on his lips. «…freedom…»
My hands
ball unconsciously into tight fists and I began to punch the screen with all the
strength I've left.
"Daisuke!
Daisuke! Daisuke!!!" He stretches out an arm toward me. My palm moves over
his, in a futile attempt to hold it. He smiles sadly and let the tears roll down
his cheeks. Quivering crystals that paint a wet line on the bronzed curve.
Slowly, my love pulls away, an arm still extended toward the camera, and he
walks backwards toward the cliff with a teary smile.
NO!! no,
no, no!!! Don't stop talking Daisuke! I beg you…talk to me…say
anything…please…please…please… I'm begging you…start again, don't
stop talking…don't stop…talk to me…Daisuke…Daisuke…I
chant the words over and over in my head, like a mantra.
I close
my eyes for the briefest of the moments. Opening them I look back at Daisuke. He
is smiling again, his eyes glazed with pain.
He is
smiling.
At me.
No,*not*
at the camera. He smiles at *me*. Through the screen, through the glass of the
camera, through the space, the time, the dimensions…he is smiling right at
*me*.
Only for
me.
«I'm
sorry everybody, I love you all. Don't be sad. I'm just doing something I
should have done a long time ago. And I'll look after you from wherever I'm
going to. Good-bye.» He tips his
head back, the faint glow of the almost set sun enclosing him in a warm hug,
gifting him with a soft halo. «Ken-chan…» he whispers. «Ai shiteru…»
He
closes softly his eyes, releases a long, soft sigh and slides downward, carrying
Veemon with him off the edge. His eyes meet mine before he disappeared from
view. And he is smiling. The burning flame of courage is in his eyes once again.
Steady and proud, burning with the promises of bright skies and freedom, of joy
and serenity.
Tears starts to overflow and I cannot see clearly his
last smile because of the blur, but I…
I smile
back…
The only
sound now is the whisper of the wind streaming trough his hair and playing with
his clothes. Then there's the sickening crash.
And the
silence prevails once again.
Unforgiving,
impenetrable.
Palpable
in all its cruelty.
So thick
and dark.
Cruel,
heartless.
A tear
slips down my cheek as the tape stays on that scene of unreal beauty that's
the field of moonlight silver flowers for a few minutes before the tape runs out
and shuts off.
Carrying
away the last moments of my love.
Ai shiteru, Dai-chan.
Ai shiteru.
Kitto.