Well, hello to anyone reading this, welcome to my new fic, it's not a long story. It won't have many chapters, but I've had this story in my folder for a while now, and I thought I would post it. I still have to write the last two chapters, anyway, hope you like.
I do not own Gravitation or the song, which is 'Shed My Skin' by Alter Bridge.
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Shed My Skin
Chapter One
Shuichi Shindou sometimes wondered what it would feel like to be loved. He knew his family and friends loved him, but that kind of love was different. He wanted to know what real love felt like. He wanted Yuki to love him as much as he loved the blonde haired novelist, but he knew he would never receive Yuki's love. The romance author had told him time and time again that he was just his convenient fuck hole. It hurt Shuichi deeply whenever Yuki said that to him.
It had been two years that Shuichi had been living at Yuki's apartment, but the blonde still treated him like he did the first day that they had met. Yuki was what he was, a cold-hearted bastard. He knows whenever Yuki looks at him. He doesn't see the real Shuichi Shindou. Shuichi had hid the real him for so long, he didn't even know who he was anymore.
He hid himself behind fake cheery smiles and his bouncy attitude. A baka with no sense, but he was so much more than that. To tell the truth, he was a lot quieter than most people thought. He didn't even think Hiro knew who the real him was. It was like he was all alone. No one understood him, or better yet, no one wanted to understand.
Hiro was too wrapped up with Ayaka to care about him, he really hated that bitch. He didn't understand what Hiro saw in her, all she cared about was Yuki. If he moved aside, she would be knocking on Yuki's door the second he left, happy to take Shuichi's place without a single thought about Hiro. He felt sorry for his best friend. He knew he was going to get hurt soon. But he would never listen to Shuichi's advice, why would he when Shuichi himself never listened to Hiro when he said Yuki was an asshole. Shuichi would always defend Yuki, but lately he had come to realise that the author didn't deserve it.
Shuichi knew he was better than Yuki. He knew he deserved better, but what he didn't understand, is why he couldn't leave. What is it that exactly keeps him here? He couldn't recall how many times he had packed his bags and stood by the front door, willing himself to leave. He would sometimes stand there for over an hour, talking himself into it. But he never went through with it, he would unpack his bags and it would happen again, it was like a vicious circle.
Was it because he was too afraid to leave, too afraid to be on his own, even though he felt alone all the time. Or was it because, no matter how bad Yuki treats him, he loved him with all his heart. Did that make him pathetic? Yes of course it made him pathetic. He wanted to be free. He didn't want to feel anymore. He hated his life, he hated himself.
He walked through the silent apartment, working himself up to leave once and for all, but where would he go? He had too many responsibilities. Could he leave the band? He wanted Bad Luck to succeed more than anything, and it has. He didn't know if he had the heart to break them apart, and he couldn't give up his singing. It was still his dream and passion in life, and now it was all he had left.
Making up his mind once and for all, he headed into Yuki's bedroom - it would never be their bedroom - and packed his bags. He guessed he had finally made up mind. After leaving Yuki a note, not that he deserved it. He left without looking back.
He had to be at work in ten minutes, so he walked to NG. On his way to the studio, his thoughts went to a part of his life he never wanted to remember. A secret he had been keeping for so long. A secret that no one knew, not even his parents. He knew that this was also adding to his decision about leaving. The guilt he had felt, it never went away, it was getting worse. He had nearly told Yuki his secret when his lover told him about Kitazawa, but something had stopped him.
He passed Tohma on the way, but he ignored the man. He couldn't be assed to put up with his snide remarks today. He entered the studio, and put his bags in the corner. He looked at the guys watching him. He guessed they wondering why he had his bags, but he didn't want to talk about it.
He sat at the table and took out a piece of paper. He had been working on these lyrics for a few days, and he had just thought of how to finish them. He kept his head down as he wrote. He knew everyone was watching him.
The door to the studio opened and Tohma walked in. He looked at Shuichi who didn't look up at him, and then he looked at the others, a question on his face, everyone just shrugged. Tohma once again looked at Shuichi, he had never been at a loss for words, but that's how he felt right now. Shuichi was completely ignoring everyone, and he wanted to know why he had his bags with him.
He left the room, without saying anything and returned to his office, he wanted to call Eiri. He knew he was always interfering in his brother-in-laws life, trying to get him to break up with Shuichi, but he had come to realise that Eiri really loved Shuichi. Eiri himself had told him that, so he had backed off. He wanted to know what was wrong. He wanted to make sure Eiri was all right. What had made him kick Shuichi out, because the vocalist would never leave his 'Precious Yuki'.
He sat behind his desk and dialled Eiri's cell phone number. He knew the author would be just finishing his meeting with his editor.
"Yes." Eiri answered.
"Eiri are you okay?" Tohma asked.
"Of course I am, why wouldn't I be?"
Tohma frowned. Maybe Shuichi did actually leave this time, or maybe Eiri doesn't care.
"Did you kick Shuichi out?" He asked.
"What? No of course not, I told you the other day how much he meant to me, why would I throw him out?"
"Well, he's here now, in the studio, and he's got his bags with him. If you didn't throw out, then he's leaving you for some reason."
"Damn, I'll be there soon." Eiri hung up, wondering what he had done. Wondering why his little brat wanted to leave. He could go home first, to see if he had left a note, but he wanted to get to NG as soon as possible, just in case.
Turning his car around, he drove to NG, grateful he was only a few minutes away from the building. He really couldn't think of what he had done wrong to make Shuichi leave. He had tried to act nicer. He didn't call him names anymore and he didn't throw him out of their apartment, so why did he leave?
He parked his car out side of NG and went in to find Tohma waiting for him. They both made their way to Bad Lucks studio, opening the door they entered. Yuki watched as Shuichi sat on the stool in the recording booth, he had his eyes closed as Hiro began to play his guitar.
"I am not alone It seems I've gone away Shed my skin
I live with the
memories, regret is my home
This is my true freedom
Express all
the feelings of what I've become
I watch the rising sun
I hope
I find some peace today
It seems
I've lost myself
It seems I've really lost my way
It seems I've
lost myself
It seems I've...
Oh, are you
ready for me?
Or purge my love
Oh, are you ready for me?
All the occupants of the room was more than surprised to hear Shuichi singing in English, with only a slight accent. None of them knew Shuichi had even learnt the language.
Yuki wondered if these lyrics were how
he was feeling. The song was definitely different to what he usually
sings. Did these lyrics have a hidden meaning to them, the emotion in
his voice almost brought him to tears, and he was not an emotional
guy. "A bitter sinking feeling It seems I've
gone away Shed
my skin
Awake to the fact
there's no going back
To this world in which I was living
I'm
searching for something but found less than nothing
I watch the
rising sun
I hope I find some peace today
It seems I've lost myself
It seems I've really lost
my way
It seems I've lost myself
It seems I've...
Oh, are you ready for me?
Or purge my love
Oh, are
you ready for me?"
Yuki looked at the others and they all
knew this song had some meaning to it. Did Shuichi really mean what
he was singing? Is this really how he felt? Was Yuki too late to fix
whatever he had done? "Yeah, 'cause I'm dying to
feel All my life
I've waited Years have gone
What I have lost
Oh, and what I was
Endless days have taken
Taken what made me
free
I'm broken
Left the past
unspoken
Those years
Oh, they haunt me still"
Hiro was nearly close to tears as he heard Shuichi's voice nearly crack, he spotted the tears flowing freely down his face. He too noted the lyrics had some meaning to them, he wondered why Shuichi never spoke to him like he used too. Was it because he was with Ayaka? Did Shuichi think he was being pushed away just because he had a girlfriend? He guessed it was true. He hadn't seemed to have much time for his best friend lately.
He really hoped Shuichi wasn't
leaving, he wondered why he had all his stuff with him. He was either
leaving Yuki or leaving all of them. He looked around the studio, and
his eyes met Yuki's. He hoped the author would be able to fix
whatever was going on. "Shed my skin All my life I've waited Years have gone
Oh, are you ready
for me?
Or purge my love
Oh, are you ready for me?
&
shed my skin
Endless days have
taken
what made me free
I'm broken
Left
the past unspoken
Those years
They haunt me still"
As the song finished Shuichi opened his eyes. His eyes met with golden ones, and he wondered why Yuki was here. He immediately looked away and left the booth. Picking up his bags, he left the studio without looking back.
Yuki followed him out, grabbing his arm. Shuichi didn't look around, just stood with his back to the author. Yuki found it uncomfortable not being able to see the singer's eyes. He himself walked in front of Shuichi. Yuki cupped his chin, raising his face. He looked into dead purple eyes that scared him.
"Are you leaving me?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
Shuichi nodded. "I think it's for the best." He answered, and began to walk away, but Yuki stopped him once again.
"What have I done?" Yuki asked, feeling rather desperate.
"Nothing." Yuki looked confused, so Shuichi continued. "You never do anything, you never say you love me, you're a cold hearted bastard. It feels like I'm slowly dying inside, it's like I've lost myself and I can't find my way back. I've had enough, I can't take it anymore, it's over."
Shuichi pulled his arm out of Yuki grasp and walked away.
"Shuichi, I do love you." Yuki called after him.
Shuichi froze, but didn't turn. Yuki had finally said the words he had wanted to hear for so long, but why didn't they feel enough? Why did it feel fake? He finally turned around to face the only guy he had ever loved, and probably would ever love, and shook his head.
"It's too late."
He turned back round and walked away, this time not stopping when Yuki called after him. Yuki himself fell to his knees. He had just told Shuichi he had loved him, he thought that was what Shuichi wanted, but why was it too late? He cursed himself for not saying it sooner. He felt a hand on his shoulder, looking up he saw Tohma looking down at him. Yuki turned away, he felt tears fill his eyes and slip down his cheeks. It can't be over, can it? No, he told himself, it's not over, it would never be over.
He got to his feet and ran, not turning when Tohma called his name. He ran out of NG and looked around. He spotted a familiar pink head getting into a cab. He ran to his car and followed the cab. He would not allow Shuichi to get away from him. This wasn't over until the fat lady sings, but in this case Yuki, and as that will never happen, it will never be over.
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Well that was the first chapter. Was it okay? Please review. I want to know what you guys thought. Thanks for reading and next chapter up soon.