No one was home. There wasn't a single noise in the big house. Silence magnified echoed through the wood paneling when I arrived and I sighed. There wasn't anyone to call either. Hanna was off shopping with her mom, trying-understandably-to distract herself; Emily was with Paige, trying desperately to make her see that everything was going to be fine; and Spencer had gone psycho.
So I put on my over sized flannel pajamas (I couldn't wear my usual night shirt, it was Ezra's and I just couldn't go there right now) even though it was only four o'clock in the afternoon. I grabbed my big, fuzzy blanket, a carton of Ben and Jerry's ice cream and burrowed myself into the couch in front of the TV. Old cartoons could mend a broken heart, couldn't they?
I saw black and white, no splash of color to be seen as I rummaged through the fridge, looking for anything to eat-the carton of ice cream was by now gone. I had no concept of the time, after all, time was irrelevant to the broken hearted. Just another minute or second since the breaking of the heart, the shattering of the soul. Why keep count. It's easier to just ride out the pain with a lot of good food and good tv.
The only problem was there was no food in the house, much less good food. There was week old spaghetti which upon inspection was hard as a brick bat, moldy bread and some sort of meat that was so desiccated I couldn't even identify it. Inwardly, I wondered if I'd been a little too preoccupied in my friends and our problems and missed out on my whole family moving from the house, leaving me here to rot in my own sadness.
With a sigh, I worked my way through the house back toward the living room, the fuzzy blanket rapped around my shoulders like a queen's cape and hair hanging down from a sadly massacred ponytail. Slowly I was becoming consumed by everything.
The hunger, the loneliness, the sadness.
It was all penetrating, intensifying as I slumped back into the couch, drawing the blanket around my shoulders. Color bubbled from my black and white world of it's own invention. The drapes deep purples, the characters on the black and white TV special taking on new life. Sound arose too, a mighty clamor of just nose. Water dropping slowly from a facet somewhere in the house, the fan in the next room whirling cruelly around it's axel. It was maddening, the sudden heightened senses when all I really wanted was to crawl into the fetal position and stop existing.
The sounds crescendod, the symphony of life playing on as I slowly died inside. One sound was growing steadily, a static sound as if from a disconnected radio but there wasn't one on. It was growing louder, trying to get my attention, so I stood, trying to find it. I spun, head spinning and heart racing with unknown adrenaline. It was all too much and the incessant static wasn't helping matters. It was in my head, but I couldn't get it to leave. My fingers came to either side of my head, rattling my brain to jar the sound away but it only intensified until-
KNOCK KNOCK. The sound of someone knocking on our hollow wooden door, but was it? Or was it just more of my diluted madness?
KNOCK KNOCK. It came again and I exhaled, slowly approaching the door and drawing the blanket around my body. I opened it with a slight tilt of my head, expecting to see nothing but an empty street on the other side.
Instead it was a curly haired figure with warm brown eyes-Holden. Holden's always present big smile was falling into a frown at my appearance. "Aria, what's wrong?" His voice was laced with worry.
"Ezra and I broke up." It was a simple enough response but he nodded knowingly.
"I brought Chinese." He told me, raising a brown paper bag and offering me a weak smile.
"Thank god, there's no food here." I smiled back at him thankfully, opening the door fully and leading him to the living room where I'd been camped out.
He chuckled as we walked. "Yeah, your mom called me." He finished as we stepped into the dark living room and he lifted an eyebrow. "What happened to the TV?"
My eyes snapped back to the TV. Instead of old time animation, I saw fuzzy gray and inwardly wondered how long the cable had been out. I reached down, flipping off the TV. "I have no clue."
He sat on the couch beside me and handed me a carton before standing. "I'll go grab some forks."
While he was gone I sat staring at where he'd been a moment before, eyes fixed and body stiff. I hadn't seen him in so long, but now that I saw him I remembered just how cute he'd always been. I guess I just hadn't seen it because of Ezra. But now as I watched him walk toward me, holding a couple of forks out to me, something sparked. I needed him. Now.
The carton he'd handed me was on the coffee table in seconds and I was standing in front of him with a fierce look in my dark eyes. I could understand the confusion that colored his sweet puppy dog face. "Aria, what's wrong?"
I shook my head. "Shh." It was a whisper and a plea as my hands reached up to cup his face, painted fingernails weaving into his curly hair. My lips crashed against his and I groaned audibly at the feeling of his exquisite lips against mine and his toned body (thanks to his martial arts fetish). It should've felt weird to kiss Holden like this, after all, for so long he'd been like a brother to me, but no, it wasn't weird. It was amazing and I just wanted more.
His strong arms wound around my waist when he awoke from his state of shock and he was pulling me toward me. I sighed quietly, allowing my fingers to slip the hem of his shirt pulling it off without hesitation and tossing it on the floor among the discarded things: the forks, ice cream cartons and I noticed the Chinese food would soon join the club unless they moved.
Naturally, I pushed him to the couch and climbed over him, lips reuniting with his in one glorious moment. His lips met mine without hesitation, hands in my long hair, soft noises of contentment falling from his lips that was until my fingers reached down to unfasten his jeans. He then froze. "We can't." It wasn't a question. It was a statement that asked to be reckoned with.
I deflated, pressing my face to the crook of his neck. "I'm sorry." I whispered, but he wouldn't hear it, instead wrapping his arms around my frame and draping the blanket over out bodies.
"Sleep."
And I did.
It was one of those sleeps that sent you to other worlds. Blissful and wonderful. Holden was there with me and I felt like I would be okay without Ezra, something I never would have believed before those moments when his lips pressed against mine.
oh my gosh the beginning was so good. what happened?
review.
thank you.
hannahxx