Title: The New Guy

Author: cherusha

Category: Crossover with 'The Office'. Yup.

Characters: Alex Mahone, Michael Scott, Dwight Schrute, etc. No pairings really.

Summary: Let's just pretend that at the end of 'Prison Break', Alex Mahone has not only survived but has decided to make some pretty big changes in his life. Firstly, he cut off all connections to his previous life. Secondly, he packed bag and found a nice, relaxing job at a small, relaxing town. Sadly for him, the company that hired him was Dunder Mifflin and the job was in Scranton, Pennsylvania. He just did not see some things coming.

MICHAEL: So since Ryan has now officially skedaddled off to corporate-land, has -- I won't say betrayed, I won't say turned his back on Scranton and everything that I helped him through -- I decided to hire another temp. No fresh, young buck this time, no. I decided to hire someone who is a little more experienced. And a little more... stable.

"Alright, everyone, I'd like you to meet our newest member of the Dunder Mifflin family. Everyone, I'd like you to meet Alex Mahoney."

They were all gathered in the conference room, and Michael was eager to show off his new temp.

"It's Mahone actually," corrected Alex.

When he walked in that morning, he had stopped and stared at the big sign that had been hanging down from the ceiling. It had giant red letters on it that said WELCOME TO SCRANTON BIG AL, and he'd almost turned around and walked back out again. There was a kind receptionist at the reception desk named Pam who had greeted him and showed him to his desk. "Um, don't mind Michael," she said, gesturing to the grotesque welcome sign. You'll get used him. Eventually."

A few minutes later, Michael walked into the room. He stopped and stood in the middle of it, becoming the focal point of attention amid a littering of desks and morning-weary workers. "Hey hey! There's my new guy! My new top dog!" he cried and pointed. "Howya doin', Big Al?"

ALEX: I have a feeling that Michael wants to get chummy with me. I used to know a Michael, and... [pauses ...we were not chummy.

MICHAEL: Big Al? Oh yeah, we're going to be the greatest of friends, I can tell. Unlike some [coughs previous temps I won't mention.

"So, Al, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself. Where you're from, what's your poison, who you'd like to boink..." Michael whacked Alex chummily on the back.

Angela rolled her eyes and glanced at her watch while Pam winced inwardly.

"This guy," continued Michael, "believe it or not, was a fibbie. That's right, he was a functional member in the F.B.I. before he came to Scranton. Now I know what you're thinking, Al, 'Paper? Well that's child's play.' Well, it's not. It's a tough job pushing papers (Ha, get it? Pushing papers?) Anyway. It's one of the toughest jobs out there, but I, along with the rest of the family, will be there to guide you every step of the way. So! Take it away, young Jedi."

"Um, I," Alex tiredly rubbed his head. "I actually wasn't planning on revealing that part of the past to everyone. "Yes I was in the FBI, but now I'm here." he looked over at Michael. "That's it."

Dwight, who had been glaring at Alex with a disdainful guardedness all morning, suddenly perked up with keen interest.

DWIGHT: Yes, I was suspicious of Special Agent Alex Mahone when he first came in. I am a vigilant and committed protector. But now that I know he's an FBI agent? I know he's safe. Fox Mulder was an FBI agent. And Fox Mulder gave his life to protecting the men and women of this country from the threats of alien terrorists and secret villainous agencies. Just like Alex has. [nods And just like I have.

Alex had finally settled back at his desk after the hour-long, one-on-one orientation session with Michael. He had been regaled with a bunch of barely disguised self-compliments about how great a manager he was and series after series of bad cop jokes. He was now looking forward to being left relatively well enough alone when he spotted the baby-faced weird glasses man lurking near the corner of his desk.

"Can I help you with something?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Agent Mahone," said Dwight, approaching the desk with a cautious kind of reverence. "My name is Dwight K. Schrute and I am a big fan of the FBI. If I didn't like being a paper salesman so much, I would be working for the FBI." He paused. "Or the CIA. Or some other kickass government body. Torchwood, perhaps. But even now? I am a Lackawanna County volunteer sheriff's deputy, so if you need a capable partner to help you out on your top secret cases: I'm your man."

Alex looked over worriedly at the camera. "Actually, I'm not with the FBI anymore. So you can just call me Alex."

Dwight nodded seriously. "Gotcha. Neither am I, Alex." He leaned forward, lowering his voice into a whisper. "Neither am I."

He backed away in small, reverent steps.

ALEX: Do I regret changing careers? No, no, I don't. You know, at this point in my life, I just want a job that's steady and peaceful. [looks at camera And boring.

CREED: I'm not worried that Alex was an FBI agent. I have never done anything that's against the law. And all those times that I did do something illegal? I didn't know they were illegal. Therefore in my eyes, it was legal.

"Hey, so how about the new guy? He looks like he's seen the world, huh?" asked Pam.

Jim was leaning over the reception desk, munching on the bowl of M&Ms that Pam had set out on the counter. "Alex?" He shrugged. "Seems like a cool guy. I think Dwight may be in love with him, though."

Pam giggled. "Well that's obvious. He's been hanging around his desk like a vulture. It's pretty creepy."

Jim looked over at where Alex was sitting. Dwight was standing by the desk, hands clasped behind his back, shoulders back and feet spread like a secret service agent guarding the U.S. president. He had also taken to wearing black shades.

"He looks kind of familiar, though," observed Jim. He mentally tried to replace Alex's light blue shirtsleeves and neutral patterned tie with a black-and-white FBI number. "Didn't I see him on TV one time?"

"We could always Google him," suggested Pam.

Jim wiped his hands on his pants. "Yeah, yeah, let's do that."

They hunched over the computer screen at Pam's desk.

JIM: Oh. My. F-- [gestures speechlessly I-- just-- [laughs Man, he is so lucky that Michael doesn't watch the news.

PAM: I don't know, it's kind of exciting, actually. [pauses [frowns I just hope he doesn't snap and murders Dwight for annoying him so much.

"...and so like Ryan was like 'I'm not gonna see you anymore', and I was like 'Fine, then, I don't want to see you again either' and then we split up. But, like, I'm really happy now because I'm seeing Darryl now and he's a really cool guy. He's there for me, you know? We go out for dinner, and sometimes he even takes me shopping, which Ryan never did, so. And oh my God, I bought this really cute dress on the weekend that looked so good on me, and it was on sale for 25 off. It's like a blue, strappy cocktail dress and it has a really cute bow that you can tie around your waist? Oh my god, isn't that just like the best thing ever? Well, aside from when Brad and Angelina got together. That was amazing. Though I feel really sorry for Jennifer, especially since Angie's kind of a slut, too. You know, I'm really enjoying talking to you, which is odd because I usually have nothing to say to anybody who's over the age of thirty-five, but with you it's easy. I wonder why? Anyway, I'm just rambling on. So you used to be an FBI agent, huh? That is so awesome!"

Alex had sneaked into the kitchen to get away from Dwight after telling him he needed to go check out the parking lot because he thought he saw some suspicious activity down there. He found Kelly already in there, busy adding heaping spoonfuls of sugar to her coffee.

Over Kelly's effusive chatter, he sipped his own coffee quietly, a look of abject misery on his face.

KELLY: Oh my God. For an older guy? He is so hot. I think he may be old enough to be my dad, though. [looks into camera Oh no, is that creepy? I didn't mean to be creepy.

"Hey, Al! I'm so glad I found you." Michael stuck his head into the kitchen. "You have a minute?"

"Yes!" Alex said without hesitation. He gave a shrug of apology to Kelly and followed Michael into his office.

PHYLLIS: Alex? Oh I like him. I got him to buy a refrigerator today. Well, he said he'd think about it, but he did ask me for Bob Vance's business card in case he changed his mind. My husband, Bob Vance. [smiles Of Vance Refrigeration.

ANGELA: Of course she has a crush on him. It's just so obvious. [shakes head I don't want to be judgmental, but for God's sake. She's a married woman.

Michael turned the blinds closed and sat down behind his desk. He folded his hands together and looked across his desk in a very serious manner. Alex was seated in the chair in front of him. He was rubbing his temple again.

"It has come to my attention that... someone... has been stealing supplies from the supply closet," said Michael. "And apparently it has been going on for years. Now, I have gotten very close to finding out who the perpetrator is, and with your help, I know we can find him. Or her." He paused. "Or it."

"And why are you asking me?"

"Well," Michael laughed. "I mean, come on. This is your line of work, buddy!"

Alex sighed.

MICHAEL: Me and Big Al. We are going to be a team. He is going to be my second-in-command. The Watson to my Sherlock Holmes. The Hispanic guy to my Sipowicz. The wingman to my Tom Cruise.

"Fine, you want answers?" asked Alex. "It's Creed. Creed is the one who has been stealing from the supply closet."

Michael looked over questioningly at the camera. "Cr-Creed? Creed's been stealing? How do you know?"

"I saw him taking packets of staples from the closet and stuffing them into his backpack."

CREED: I manage and operate my own small business. It's called Creed Supply, Incorporated. I make enough money to buy my own medicinal weed.

"Al, I have been monitoring this case for over three years and I haven't caught anyone stealing," said Michael.

Alex shrugged. "I'm an observant guy."

Michael huffed out an irritated breath. He had been banking on Alex and him getting together to form an investigative team, questioning each employee in turn with a series of good cop-bad cop scenarios, hashing out stings, going out on stakeouts. But now it was all being thwarted by a man who was just too clever for his own good.

Michael spread his hands. "Well, Al. Well, that's not enough proof. I know all about how the justice system works, I've seen all the cop shows. This is only circumstantial evidence that you've given me, and right now I need to see some hard evidence."

"So go check Creed's bag."

"No. No." Michael pointed his finger crossly. "We have no authority to go around just asking people to open their bags. We have to have a search warrant for that. Okay, just forget about this case, now, because you've ruined it. You ruined the vibe we had going. So tell me then, Mr. Fibbie Hotshot, what else do you know about the people in this office?"

Alex snuck another despondent look at the camera and began. "I know Jim and Pam are dating," he said. "And based on their body language and their ease around each other, I'd say that they've been -- if not dating -- then very much into each other for a long time."

He took a long breath before continuing. "Dwight views his job as the highest priority in his life and is your most loyal employee. Stanley just wants each workday to end faster than the last and counts backwards to the day when he can retire. Phyllis is only working here because she can so easily slack off unnoticed and she has a fear of change. Meredith is an alcoholic. Angela has dated Dwight before, and they probably had a messy breakup recently because she's been doing her best to avoid him."

"And you," Alex suddenly leaned forward, eyes flashing, "are not very good at reading people because if you were, you'd know that every one of the people who works in this office is uncomfortable around you. You rarely do anything that helps them and you make offensive jokes all day. You want to be the best boss in the world, but you suck at it, and I think you may even be aware of that yourself. You hide it under a disguise of conceited arrogance and your greatest fear is being alone. Would you like me to continue?"

Michael stared down at his hands. "No, that's okay," he said quietly.

Alex softened. "Look, I'm sorry I got in your face. I'm still adjusting to this new setting."

Michael nodded. "I understand." He looked up suddenly. "Hey, what do you think about Oscar then?"

"Oscar?" Alex furrowed his brow. "He's a good accountant, maybe? I mean I didn't notice anything peculiar about him--"

"Ha!" Michael broke into a wide grin. "Well I can tell you that Oscar is gay. He is a gay man. Didn't read that from him, now did you?"

Alex blinked at Michael without expression. "No. I did not know Oscar's gay."

"Looks like you're not as good a detective as you thought then, eh? Because I could tell right off the bat that he was."

Alex just gave Michael a resigned 'thumbs up' gesture in reply.

MICHAEL: One cannot learn to be a good manager overnight. One has to be born with the skills and abilities necessary to be a good manager, and even then, one has to undergo years of training and experience in order to become a good manager. I am a good manager because I know how to read people. I know that Oscar is gay, and I know that Alex has had a really bad experience. Somewhere in the past. Probably on the job. Hence his career change.

ALEX: I never thought I'd say this, but you know how I said I used to know another guy named Michael[gives a sad smile to the camera and sighs I kind of miss him right now.

"Psst. Hey Dwight," whispered Jim from his desk.

"Working now, Halpert. No time for pests."

Jim leaned forward. "You know Alex?"

Dwight looked up. "Yes I do know and better than you do. And you need to show some respect for an officer of the law, Halpert. The name is Agent Mahone."

"Sure. Yeah. Anyway, I was just outside and this weird man dressed all in black with sunglasses on approached me. He said he had a message to relay to Agent Mahone. I said that I worked with him so he told me the message and he even flashed me a secret FBI sign, I think it was."

Dwight stood to attention. "Every message to Agent Mahone comes through me first. As his partner-slash-deputy, I shall determine the legitimacy and importance of the message."

Jim grinned. "That's why I was coming to you!"

As Alex was walking to his car that evening, Dwight suddenly sprung out of a nearby bush, making Alex start at the intrusion and reach for his gun, before remembering that he didn't carry one on him anymore.

"Psst!" said Dwight.

Alex groaned to himself. "What is it, Dwight? I'm on my way home."

"The moon is rising over the thrifty field," intoned Dwight. "On Friday, the cow will jump over the moon and the cat will play the fiddle. Look out for the S. C. O. in Jackson. One man will fall as another rises."

Then he fell onto one knee, leaned forward and kissed Alex's palm. "Good night and good luck," he said, before hopping back to the bushes on one leg.

Alex looked up at a darkening sky. It looked like rain, he thought to himself.

He wondered if running away from his past was the answer.

Then he got into his car and drove away.

-end-