The Akatsuki weren't really bad guys. Not like they killed 400 of their clansmen on purpose (Itachi just lost his temper for a teensy second), or had a parent who was a fish (you can't choose your parents, right?), or were mutated so they'd have mouths on their hands (Genetics was a tricky thing, Deidara learned in 6th grade, right before he blew up his ninja academy). They were just... misunderstood.

xxXxx

The Akatsuki minus Kisame were gathered in the kitchen with the pipes dripping ominously, like it does in those scary movies. They were discussing the bathroom problem.

"It wasn't my fault," Tobi kept on insisting. " Deidara-senpai told me to!"

"Deidara-senpai!" Tobi called in the middle of a dangerous mission that involved rubber chickens, a chase bank, and a lot of money. "I need to poo!"

Deidara glared at him murderously. "Go back to the fucking hideout then, un. Kakuzu's gonna kill us if we mess up this mission, un."

"Ok!" The clueless Tobi raced back through the forest.

"Wait!" Deidara shouted. "I didn't actually mean you had to go back to the hideout, you piece of shit!" But he was left, dust-covered and sweat-dropping, in a tree overlooking the chase bank.

Tobi raced back to the hideout, and, being scared by squirrels once, left a pile of... fertilizer... under a tree. After much running Tobi arrived at the hideout. Somehow, he'd kept control of his intestines. "Let me in!" He shouted at Pain, who was keeping guard in front. "I need to poooooooooooooo!"

Pain just blinked, and then stepped aside. "Make sure you poo in the toilet this time. Last time Kisame almost blew up his brain when you shitted in his fishtank..."he rasped. Tobi ignored him ( Tobi's brain was so small, he forgot all about that).

The Akatsuki's only toilet was located at the very back of the hideout, because, "We're bad guys, and we need to keep up our reputation! Uchihas need to keep up our reputation. Besides, when in the anime did you ever see Akatsuki pooping?"

So Tobi had to race through a maze of various rooms for who-knows-what and get lost a lot of times. Finally, he reached the bathroom. With a sigh of relief, he reached for the door...only to find it was locked. Tobi ran in circles for 5 minutes. Finally, when he came to his senses, he realized there was only one course of action. BREAK DOWN THE DOORS. Why it took him so long to come to that conclusion, I do not know.

It took Tobi another 4 minutes to find the battering ram Itachi kept in his secret safe. "Here I goooooooo!" Tobi shouted, and plowed through the door.

When Tobi finally plopped down on the toilet, he pushed. His grunts echoed disturbingly through the hideout. Why isn't anything coming out? Tobi wondered. Bored, he started playing with the toilet paper- clogging the sink, wrapping up the showerhead, mummifying the poor plant that happened to be there. "Deidara-senpaiiiiiiiiii!" he finally shouted. "I'm constipated!"

And then the poo flowed out.

When it finally stopped, the toilet was clogged, Zetsu's drying underwear was covered in brown, and a satisfied Tobi walked out the bathroom to complete his mission.