Mini Author's Note: Umm, hi, everyone? This is my debut fanfic—meaning comments will really, really be appreciated, flames or otherwise. I've always been interested in the 'alternative viewpoints' that JKR doesn't insert into her books, so I've been dreaming up plausible (and maybe not so plausible) excuses for certain characters' behaviour throughout the series. Petunia Evan Dursley's POV and circumstances struck me as rife with possibility and I chose her because—number one, she's a muggle (or otherwisely unmagical) and therefore few spells have to be researched (yeah I'm a lazy git), number two, her family doesn't appear all that much and I don't have to look back at the canon fics too often (just as well, since I'm on boarding at the moment and there aren't any JKR novels on hand), and number three, I'm just weird (but then of course you know that already). So, um. Enjoy?
Obligatory Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series, nor do I wish I owned them. Because if I did, it would be the Draco Malfoy series or Legacy of the Dark Arts series or The Fall Of The Light series. So therefore I do not hope to ever have owned, or ever to own, this brainchild of JK Rowling. And neither should you hope so.
Requesting: A Beta, and Criticism. (and someone to stop me from being weird)
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Alright; everyone ready? People, set, props?
Good. Let's start, then?
Filming of story's introduction, take one, start!
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Introduction, START
-Viewer on the Flowerbeds-
….
Hmm.
….
Hmm.
….
…All right; this—this is too much. I've had enough! …Oww, my hand… shouldn't have slammed it down on the table so hard. Any fingers dislocated? Thank god, no. At least it can still turn the doorknob without pain. Flex it a bit behind my back. Now where was that annoying little… aha! Still there on my flowerbeds, and all goggle-eyed with a pole-axed expression. Hrrmph.
You there, punkoid. C'mere. Yes, you. Yes, here. Where to? Dense, aren't you? Here, into the foyer, of course. What do you take me for; an exhibitionist? I have no intention of letting the neighbours gossip more about your presence here than they already have, thank you very much. And hurry, before that snoop opposite opens her door and makes to have a good look at what's happening here-wise.
Mm; quick on your feet, aren't you? Close the door behind you. Good. I so love efficiency. What, no response? Hrrmph. I suppose manners are too much to ask for from the young generation after all. Well, follow me and we'll have a sit-down at the kitchen. And keep your hands where I can see them. I spent half a day cleaning up the place and I will not have disgusting outside-germs all over my ornaments.
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Introduction, END
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Cut! Good show, Pet.
Is Chapter One all set and ready to go yet? Yes? Super.
Meet you all back here in fifteen minutes!
Break time!
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Author's Note 2: I've decided to re-segment this fanfic, because judging by the way the whole story is going, it's going to create a whole lot of headaches and unnecessary grief if I retain the primary format. Sorry to anyone who got confused by all the 'fake' postings! Also, a big thank-you to Eleka Nahmen and PotterManiacGrl for their reviews to the original 1st chapter of SOARP; they made my night!
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Author's Replies:
Eleka Nahmen: Well, not surprising—there aren't really many Petunia fanfics on the net (laughs). For some reason or another, people just prefer writing about characters that appear much more frequently than these muggles. Queer, no? And thank you for liking my story It means a lot to me.
PotterManiacGrl: umm… tentative spoilers alert: during the course of this fanfic, Petunia will not be seen to be on good speaking terms with James… in fact she will more-or-less hate his guts. (swallows) I do hope that you don't mind? And I agree on the annoying-ness of the clichéd I-wish-my-sister-had-never-been-born angle—it's just… I dunno… (keels over; word-factory block at the moment—it's just too late at night to think coherently) o.o BTW, nice catch on the term "cynical". I was trying for "dry" but your word sums up a lot more XD