And that was the worst day of my life.
The day Cas died.
It was one of those moments, the over complicated ones, yet one of the simplest.
It was so damn stupid, and I failed him. I was dumb, and to this day, there isn't a moment where I don't rethink it, don't imagine I could have jumped in front of that speeding car, pushed him out of the way, anything. Cas deserved better than that. He deserved everything...
I had just taken him to another bar, like I did most nights anyways. Cas had lost his grace by this point, and the guy couldn't have been less clueless, but he was beyond wasted. I grabbed his arm, and led him out to my car, preparing myself to drive him home. "Go around the other side," I told him, trying to coax him into the passengers seat so I could keep an eye on him.
Now that sentence, that was the mistake of all mistakes.
I watched him stumble around the back of the Impala, his left hand on her sleek paint, guiding himself, yet keeping himself from falling.
I couldn't yell to Cas soon enough. The car came right at him, and in slow motion I stood, unable to move, unable to speak. The bright headlights filled my vision and I heard my friend cry out in pain, a short burst, and that was it.
Silence.
The car quickly pulled away, and screeched down the road, but that wasn't my worry. My friend made no noises. I screamed, snapping myself out of the half-drunken stupor, like some sort of magic. I ran around to the other side of Baby, and what I saw destroyed me.
It was so bloody.
I fell to my knees beside him. "Cas!" I started to cry, and grabbed his shoulders, shaking violently. "Cas!" He slowly opened one eye, and looked at me. "Cas, no, no, no! You're gonna be okay, don't talk, okay, don't move!"
He smiled at me, "Let it go," he said, and closed his eye, and let out a final breath.
And then it was over. My best friend, my *only* friend, was lying dead in my outstretched arms. "No!" I was sobbing, and I swore at the sky, refusing to let him go.
The worst possible moment was when a passerby had called 911, and the coroners took his body away. I kept the silly coat, the one I always thought was ridiculous, and I never understood why he wore it so often. That's what kept me warm that night, sitting out in the cold, not wanting to leave without Cas.
That night, was the worst night of all, because this wasn't normal circumstances, and unlike those, there wasn't anything I could do to bring a former angel back to life, no demon was that powerful, because trust me, I'd tried every possible thing.
And to this day, I'd have done anything, given anything, but I've spent years rethinking my life, all the choices I've made, all the ways I'd let everyone around me down.
But in the end, Cas was always there for me, and I couldn't be there for him then. I think that was the part that destroyed me the most. He never let me down, and the one time it counted, I let him down the most.
I learned a lesson that night, that cars are killers. Because Cas' final day.. That's the reason i don't drive anymore, the true reason why my Baby is in pieces at a scrap yard now.