I have seen more Muppets since I wrote this, and am now aware that it does not fit as much as I originally thought, but it still makes me laugh and I hope you laugh too.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Muppets. Thank goodness.

The bathroom was always loud and the kitchen was even louder. Now, Scooter didn't mind loud by itself so much; no, it was the chaos that tried his nerves. He was a Muppet of Order, and prided himself in being the sole reason such a thing even existed. He was the one with the time, and the notes, and the sense of this-goes-here-that-happens-then that the other Muppets seemed to have lost in their pants pockets and destroyed in the wash years ago. As such he felt things around him should be in order, where-they-went-and-when-they-should-be, but unfortunately this was not the case in the Muppet house.

Perhaps that was why when Miss Piggy stormed into the bathroom raging that everyone needed to shut up now so she could think, Scooter took her side. And it is possible his feelings of union in the midst of all that disunity prompted him to go a little bit farther beyond the this-goes-here than he normally would have observed to do.

At least he hoped so, because otherwise he had no explanation for why he was now trying to convince talking food to be quiet so Kermit wouldn't find him hiding in the freezer, which he was doing because Miss Piggy had asked him to lead Kermit to the kitchen so she could surprise him and had also asked him, or told him, or whatever, to absolutely not let himself be seen because that would spoil the surprise.

He had not even asked what the surprise was. Woe was him.

Meanwhile, Kermit was following a string that sounded rather like his secretary, because it had urgently requested that he do so. He supposed that following around talking strings was not quite an ordinary thing for a simple frog to do, but then very little of what he did was. Anyway, he had seen worse (so he told himself, optimistically).

The string led to the freezer and ran under the door, but when he tried to open said freezer something inside it jerked the door closed again. This was also less than ordinary, even for Kermit. He scratched his head and examined the door, and tried to open it again. A little "Eep!" came from inside and again the door was closed from the inside. Kermit tugged harder, and then-

"YAAAAHH!"

Scooter heard the shout and figured Miss Piggy was tackling Kermit. He also figured that wasn't a very good surprise, and as secretary of Kermit it was his responsibility to say so. He was, after all, the one with the notes.

He was just about to open the freezer when another thought occurred to him. He also had a responsibility to Miss Piggy, as a supporter and aid of her plan, whatever that plan was. He was just about to step back when something else entered his head, or rather, flew into it and knocked him forward.

"AAAHH!" screamed the cheese.

"AAAHH!" screamed Scooter.

"AAAAAHHH!" screamed Kermit.

"QUIET!" yelled Piggy, who had actually not tackled Kermit but rather tried to give him a cake, except the cake was evidently alive and had tackled Kermit itself, which Miss Piggy knew was not usual, but somehow she felt that it was, and she was trying to figure it out except she couldn't think with everyone (and food) screaming like they were.

"AAAHH!" Kermit screamed again, as the cake bit his arm.

"I SAID QUIET!" Miss Piggy reminded them gently, and everyone not only stopped screaming but also stopped moving and even tried their best not to breathe.

And in the silence, Miss Piggy found the truth.

Of course the cake was alive. She'd asked the Swedish Chef to make it. "CHEF!" she snorted, turning from the kitchen to hunt the unfortunate chef with vengeance.

"Aah-Piggy-" Kermit grunted from beneath the cake. "Piggy?"

And then the cheese succeeded in opening the fridge, and Scooter fell out and landed on top of the cake. But this did not last long, because the cake immediately wriggled it's way to the top of the pile.

"AAAH!" Scooter screamed, all the while thinking that he had already filled today's screaming quota, and then some.

"AAAH!" Kermit agreed.

"AAAAHH!" said the cake contentedly. "Squishy!"

THE END