"Look what they done to my show, Ma,
Look what they done to my show.
The first five years they did half right
But now it's turning out all wrong, Ma,
Look what they done to my show."

(apologies to Melanie)

Can you guess that I don't care a lick for the season finale or the train wreck that led up to it? I understand character evolution—but this is character devolution . They're going backwards; the people who swore to uphold the law are breaking it left, right, upside down and all the way to murder.

I don't see how they can come back from this travesty—but it's not totally impossible… A little bit of Dallas, a smidgeon of Newhart and a nod to St. Elsewhere…

Summary: Season 11 rescue plans.
Note: Probably AU—darn it.
Betas and cheerleaders: IMDb NCIS message board posters, for the unintended contributions
Genre: Satire? Wishful thinking?
Pairing: None
Rating/Warnings: T (to be cautious)
Spoilers: All over the place, mostly for the end of season 10 (which I have yet to see)
Time frame: All over the place.
Disclaimer: All NCIS characters are the property of Bellisarius Productions, Paramount, CBS and the appropriate copyright holders within those companies. Some characters in chapter 8 are the property of Joshua Brand, John Falsey, MTM Enterprises, NBC and the appropriate copyright holders within those companies. All other characters for this story (barring real persons mentioned in passing) are my original creation and property.

SEASON ELEVEN: UN-JUMPING A SHARK

Chapter One
McGee: Writer's Block(ed Off)

"This is the last time we'll be in contact."
"No… I will find you."

McGee stared at Abby for a long time, waiting for a response. Finally, when he couldn't stand the suspense any longer: "Well?" He almost winced at how desperately hopeful he sounded.

"Well…" she hedged. She didn't want to hurt his feelings… but…!

He signed. "I don't know where to go."

Abby propped her chin on her cupped fists. "I know," she said sympathetically. "Talk about a rock and a hard place."

"Where did it start slipping? Maybe if I rewrite—" he said hopefully.

"To be honest… it started going downhill when you had the Director go on a blood vengeance head trip to get the arms dealer she thought killed her father."

McGee bristled. "That far back? That's three books ago!"

"Well—it just got so convoluted, and then she died—" she said quickly.

He sighed again. "No—convoluted was that stupid port-to-port killer plotline."

Abby let out a breath. If he was willing to call it convoluted (and call it stupid!). "I still don't understand it all and I read it three times!"

"The Mexican drug cartel, the mess in Israel, Lisa being held prisoner, blowing up the headquarters—" McGee was shaking his head.

"And now another revenge 'mission?'" Abby made quote marks in the air and Tim groaned. "Timmy… I hate to say it, but…" He gave her a wary look. "Maybe it's time to say goodbye," she said gently.

"I can't even focus on the other members," he said morosely. "They're all so… damaged."

"Not everyone," she said, pushing forth a perks smile. "Well… not totally," she said, remembering Dr. Ballard calling the FBI investigation "a witch hunt." Ducky would have had a fit. "Come on," she said encouragingly. "Think about Ducky's friend, Dr. Breannan. She has that great series about a forensic pathologist—" She bounced up and down on her chair. "Oh! You could do a series about Dr. Ballard!"

"Or Amy Sutton," he teased.

She grinned. "Sure!"

"But first…" He pulled the paper from the platen, put it with the sheaf of papers and shredded the offending outline. "I guess Tommy and Lisa need to be killed off."

"While you do that…" She headed toward the kitchen. "Chili? Fajitas?"

"Anything you make is fine," he called. Now that he knew what he had to do to fix everything—life was good. He listened to Abby knocking about the kitchen, singing something he didn't recognize, and smiled. Life was very good.

Twilight Zone, "A World of His Own" anyone?