Felicity walked down the steps into, what she referred to as the Arrow Cave, and felt her heart break just a little more at the sight that greeted her.
Sara was sitting on her computer table with her legs spread and Oliver was standing between them. They weren't kissing or anything, just talking quietly. Intimately.
It hurt her beyond what anyone realized to see them together. How easily Oliver showed her affection. Whether it was on purpose or not, he has pushed her away and gathered Sara close. They weren't flaunting it in her face but they weren't hiding it either.
She had no right to be mad at either of them, it wasn't like she'd had any hold over Oliver when Sara arrived back. Oliver was free to be with who he wanted, when he wanted. It just sucked, big time, that Felicity had a front row seat to his choices.
"Excuse me, guys." She spoke softly but she knew they both had heard her the moment she opened the door. She didn't think they realized where they were, that they were blocking Felicity's work station.
"Oh, sorry Felicity. Didn't realize where we were." Oliver scooped Sara up and with her giggle echoing off the concrete walls he carried her to the couch and brought her down to straddle him and then they did start to kiss.
'How can he not realize what this does to me?!'
That is the one thought that kept bouncing around in her head. That is really what hurt her the most. The fact that either Oliver was truly oblivious to how she felt, or he just didn't care what it was doing to her to see them together every day.
She could hear the smacking sounds as the kiss turned more heated but she just typed louder in a futile attempt to drown them out. She heard a giggle and stupidly looked over her shoulder to see Oliver strip Sara of her shirt and toss it to the floor. His face was buried in her shoulder and Sara had her head thrown back giving him full access.
She didn't realize she was crying until she turned around and watched a tear splash across her desk surface. She hastily wiped them away and hoped she could stem more from coming. From experience, she knew it was futile. Once that first tear fell, much more were sure to follow. She had to get out of here before she lost it completely.
She stood up abruptly and grabbed her purse. She spun around and made eye contact with Oliver. She read the guilt and embarrassment on his face before he spoke. Sara was pulling her shirt back on with a similar guilty expression.
"Felicity, shit I am so sorry! I forgot you were here." Oliver seemed to realize how that came out since he opened his mouth to speak again.
"I figured. I have to go." She ran past them quickly hoping that the two people who notice everything didn't notice the tears running down her face.
"Felicity! Wait!" Oliver was calling out for her and Felicity ran faster. It was a Friday night so the club was packed, she hoped she could lose him in the crowd.
She stopped short and would have fell, if two huge familiar arms hadn't caught her.
"John." He took one look at her face and she watched as his turned to stone.
"This have something to do with why Oliver motioned for me to stop you?"
She just nodded and couldn't stop the full on waterfall from overtaking her. She collapsed and sobbed into his chest. Finally letting go of all the heartbreak that Oliver Queen had caused. She had been fighting it for so long. Knowing that when she finally broke that it would mean the true end of the thought of them having a future. Once she let herself acknowledge how much he truly hurt her, she would never forgive him. She would still respect and trust him but she would never forgive.
Oliver slowed as he caught up to Felicity, in time to watch her utterly deflate and sob into Diggle's chest. Diggle looked started and hugged her close, all while managing to glare a hole through his head.
He felt Sara approach from behind and wished she had stayed back.
He was stupid to do what he did. He couldn't believe he had forgotten Felicity was there. It was Felicity! He had been careful to not show too much affection to Sara while around her, but he let his body take over earlier and didn't realize. He felt like shit for doing this to her.
He knew damn well how she felt about him. He knew as much as he knew how he felt about her. But they couldn't be together right now. There was too much danger for her to be that close to him. She was in enough danger already. Sara could defend herself. Sara could save herself if she was snatched off the street. But Sara wasn't who he loved.
The one he loved was currently having a meltdown on his best friends chest because he practically had sex with another woman with her right there! Diggle just might arrow him over this one.
"This is because of something one or both of you did. Isn't it?" Diggle had to almost shout to be heard over the music but the woman in his arms didn't react at all.
Oliver just looked at him, he didn't need to say anything to confirm his suspicions. His face must have given it away.
Diggle just shook his head and bent to lift the tiny blonde into his arms. He watched as Felicity threw her arms around Diggle's neck and continued to sob. Watching her in such a state broke his heart. He swore he literally felt it fracture in his chest. What has he done to her?!
They followed silently behind Diggle and opened the door leading down to the lair. Diggle carried her down and sat on the couch with her curled up on his lap. She looked so much like a child in that moment. Maybe not physically but emotionally.
"Felicity, I need you to talk to me. Are you okay?"
Diggle's soft voice must have got her attention, she pulled away enough to take her surroundings in and her expression didn't change when it glanced over him and Sara.
"Can you get me off this couch Diggle? Please?" Her voice was small and broken. The sound of it was like a knife in his chest.
"The couch?" Diggle looked up to him and Sara and they both looked to the floor in guilt. Diggle was good at putting two and two together. He would figure it out.
"Of course honey." Diggle rose with little effort and carried her across to the training mats, unknowingly going to right where he and Sara got back 'together.' He made eye contact with Sara and they both silently decided to not say anything, turns out it wasn't their decision anyways.
"Not here either. I saw that one on the security tapes." Her voice was soft and they barely heard her. Diggle glared at them both and shook his head as he made his way to another padded mat, that one was okay.
He and Sara looked hastily back at each other, shocked. Security tape? He remembered then that after the Undertaking, while he was gone to Lian Yu, Felicity had installed security camera's down here. He had completely forgotten.
That must be why when he announced that him and Sara were back together, that Felicity didn't seem the least bit surprised. She had seen them get back together. He felt physically sick.
"Felicity, what's wrong? I have never seen you like this." Diggle was talking softly but they could both hear him just fine in the silent room.
"Because you weren't there when my father left me." For her to compare what she felt now to what she felt when her father walked out on her, hurt Oliver to his core. She had expressed how she didn't want to lose him the same way and here she was feeling that same way. And it was all his doing. He hadn't stopped to think about how much his actions would have hurt her.
"Why did you stop me? I was trying to get home before this happened. I didn't want him to see how much he got to me." Some bite was in her words and he felt it to the bone.
"I can take you home if you want." Diggle was already starting to rise.
"No, now that he has seen he will want to talk, and I would like to get that over with. Then. Then can you take me home?"
Diggle nodded and Felicity rose with his help to turn in his and Sara's direction. She took a deep breath and her gaze rose to meet first Sara's and then his own. What he saw in her expression will haunt his nights for a long time to come.
"I am not mad." That was not what he expected her to say. "I had no hold or claim on you Oliver. I know you knew of my feelings but it was up to you to act on them. You chose not to. I understood and accepted your choice to be with Sara. What I don't understand or accept is you seemingly throwing that choice in my face. Tonight was a perfect example. You two all lovey dovey on my desk, with no regard for how that would make me feel. Then I had to listen to the make out session from the couch and like an idiot I stuck around until you started to strip Sara. That was my final straw Oliver."
He started to talk, and say- what?- he didn't know but he couldn't listen to the truth from her vantage point. It made him face the harsh reality of exactly what he had done to the woman he loved.
She kept right on talking though.
"I had fought letting all the hurt out, facing the truth behind your actions. I know myself, and I know that once I faced it that a part of me would always hate you. That a part of my heart would never be the same again. That a part of me would never be the same again. And I was right."
She looked down at her feet and didn't wipe away the tears that had steadily kept falling. Oliver felt true agony. Nothing done to him on the island could compare to what he was feeling now.
"It isn't fair to ask you both to alter your actions when I am around. So I won't. I just won't be around a lot anymore. I will still do what I need to do for the Arrow but I will be doing it from home. I have a similar setup in my home office and I can do everything I do now from there. I will be resigning from my Executive Assistant position on Monday. I want to go back to the IT Department, I want to stop throwing my career away that I worked hard for all by myself. I put myself through MIT and all that hard work is wasted now. I can't play your assistant and order flowers for Sara on her birthday and your anniversary. I can't do those things for you Oliver. Working with Isabel and her never-ending comments are hard enough, but deep down I knew you never cared for her so I was able to get over it."
She looked to Sara and nodded her head.
"Sara though? Sara is exactly who you need to be with. She is fully capable of handling any situation thrown at her, she wouldn't be stupid enough to go out in the field and get caught, which would put you in an awful situation."
They both flashed back to when the Count had taken her. Oliver felt the fear overtake him all over again. Those nightmares hadn't stopped either.
"I am requesting that you respect my need to distance myself from you. And you too Sara. I know you didn't do anything wrong but it hurts to see you both together. My body physically hurts when I see it. I don't know any other way to heal than to remove myself from what is breaking me."
Her tears hadn't stopped this whole time, and Oliver felt each one that splashed to the ground in his soul. She was right. About everything. He had no argument that he could come back with to get her to stay. He had lost her. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she was no longer his future.
He was stupid to think he could treat her this way and then one day, when he felt it was the right time, that he would be able to go to her and she welcome him into her heart with open arms.
Felicity was stronger and smarter than that. He made the mistake of assuming she was like every other girl he had been with. She didn't need him in her life, she had done beyond well without him. And she would do amazing without him again.
"Felicity, I am sorry. I didn't realize what we were doing was hurting you this bad." Sara spoke cautiously and took a step away from him.
"I know Sara, like I said, I am not mad. There is nothing I have the right to be mad about. This is Oliver's space, you two should be able to behave however you want to here. Which is why I will be leaving, I have the issue then I will leave." Felicity started to turn around but stopped and looked back at Sara. "But watch his back. Don't let him do anything reckless or stupid and get himself hurt. Please."
Sara nodded and turned to head back upstairs but Oliver saw the sheen of tears in her eyes as she passed. Sara would not take it well that her actions with him had broken yet another woman's heart. She had wrestled with the guilt of what they were doing to Laurel up until the Gambit had went down. He knew she would take this with Felicity even harder because Felicity wasn't mad. Just hurt and that made it even worse.
Felicity had reached Diggle and without a word they both turned and left through the side exit. Oliver was stuck, he wanted to obey her wishes and give her space but he badly wanted to follow her and explain.
Explain what though?
Everything she said was the truth. Oliver knew how she felt but he ignored her feelings and got with Isabel and, then more importantly, Sara anyways. He had nothing to say in defense of his actions and he didn't think he had the right to voice them if he did.
He couldn't stop his feet from moving towards his Arrow gear. He needed to do something to get his mind off Felicity and the heartbreak that was so clearly written on her face.
He had patrolled for a little bit but his feet lead him to the fire escape on Felicity's building and he setup post to make sure she was okay.
He heard voices and strained to hear what was being said. He knew it was wrong but he had to know how far the damage went. He didn't have direct view of the living room, just the bedroom but he could hear them from the kitchen window that was cracked.
"I will be okay John. I just have to learn to live without him as such a huge part of my life. There is no way I will get over him if I have to see him every single minute of every single day. And half of that day is spent watching Sara and him play grab ass and try to swallow each other's tongues."
"Gross Felicity."
"Well you know it's true."
Diggle sighed. "I know hon. It bothers me and even Roy, makes us all uncomfortable for different reasons. We all know how you feel and watching Oliver's disregard to your feelings has had my blood boiling for a while now."
"You have to take a shot, you said his name."
"Shit. You know I have to drive home right?"
"Then stop saying Oliver's name. Damnit!"
It was silent for a minute and Oliver imagined them both throwing back a shot. He didn't know how he felt about their drinking game but he knew it wasn't good.
"It's not his fault John. He had every right to get with Sara, and he had every right to express what he feels for her. But I realized tonight that I have every right to walk away. I don't have to have a front row seat to the woman that was better for him than me. I love him more than I have loved anyone in my life. The loss I feel without him already surpasses what I felt when my dad left me. He has saved me countless times and that probably plays into how strongly I feel about him. Every girl wants their very own hero, right?"
He heard sniffles and his heart shattered. She loved him. He had known that she probably did but to hear it verbalized and then compared to her father's abandonment, he didn't think someone could hurt this much without a physical wound. He hoped Felicity wasn't feeling an ounce of what he was. He had a sinking feeling she felt it a lot more though.
"Honey, you are the strongest woman I know for standing up to him. I know it hurt but cry and eat ice cream for a few days and then start to move on. Go on a pointless date that you know isn't going to progress to a second, you won't feel the stress and you will get the hardest part of moving on over with."
"You really think that will help?"
"Yeah, I do. Why you already got someone in mind?" He chuckled after but it was cut short. "Shit, Felicity you do don't you?"
Oliver felt his stomach start to churn. He knew how attractive Felicity was, he should have known there would have been men sniffing around his woman.
No. Not his woman. She would never be his woman.
"A few guys have asked me out a couple of times, but I had always turned them down. I didn't want to be with someone else if he ever decided to give me a chance. Stupid huh?"
"No, not stupid. Sweet and thoughtful and nothing that Oliver deserves."
"Shot."
"I can't Felicity, rain check?"
"I will do it for you."
A beat of silence.
"And another for me."
"You didn't say his name though. And you might wanna slow down. You have put quite a dent in the tequila bottle."
"Oliver. There now I said it. And I am not planning on going anywhere until Monday morning so if I want to finish the bottle I will John Diggle. You did not birth me, you are not my good for nothing Mama."
"Okay Felicity. I think you will be fast asleep before you even get another shot in you. Just remember, the rules: you only get one if you say his name. Since I am leaving there is nobody to talk to and therefore no reason to say his name."
"This is true Diggle. I think I will turn in. Night."
"Night Felicity, you call if you need anything. I will be by to check on you around lunchtime tomorrow. Bring some Big Belly Burger?"
"Sounds good."
He heard the front door shut but kept his position. He watched as the lights in the living room turned off and made his way silently to the bedroom window. With her sheer curtains he could see right in and watched as she climbed into bed in her pajamas with the tequila tucked under one arm.
"Tonight is the last night I cry over him. Tonight I get it all out and tomorrow I call Chad from the coffee shop and see if he is still interested in an early morning coffee date before work." She picked up the tequila bottle and uncorked it.
"Tonight though. Tonight I drink and cry. John will somehow know if I break the drinking game rules so: Oliver Oliver Oliver."
With that she tipped the tequila bottle back and chugged. She came up spitting but it all stayed down.
Oliver watched for the rest of the night as she took a few more gulping drinks before she passed out. He easily broke into her window and gently took the bottle, re-corked it and sat it on her night stand. He covered her up and put a trashcan on the floor by her bed. He got a glass of water and two aspirin from the kitchen and put them on her nightstand next to her phone.
He knew that she would know he had been there when she woke up in the morning so he wrote something on a sheet of paper and propped it up on the glass of water.
He watched her for a moment and before he could talk himself out of it he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. His whispered "I love you too Felicity" was quite and the only opportunity he would have to tell her.
Tomorrow she was moving on and he couldn't stop her. He had no right to stop her. He had her, all of her, and he broke her.
Felicity woke with a splitting headache. She never suffered from the memory loss like some people did after drinking so it only took her a second to remember what had led to this hangover. Oliver. Or more specifically her confrontation with Oliver and Sara.
She reached over to check her phone and saw two aspirin next to a glass of water and folded up note. She knew Diggle hadn't come back here last night so that left one other possibility. She cautiously reached for the note and took a deep breath before opening it.
Felicity,
There are no words I can think of to express how sorry I am for treating you the way I did. There is no excuse. I will not stand in your way, in any capacity. At QC or in any other manner.
I will process the transfer to IT first thing Monday morning, just report there when you arrive. I will place you back in your old position, since I am sure promoting you to head of IT (even if you deserve it) would not be welcome. If perhaps I am wrong, please let me know and I would be happy to take care of it.
I want to thank you for your willingness to stay on with our other business. You are a valuable member of that team and we can't do what we do without you. I can't do what I do without you.
You were right about everything. I have taken advantage of you and I am ashamed of that fact.
Take care of yourself and do not hesitate to call me if you need anything.
And I mean anything Felicity. I don't care what it is, big or small.
I will miss you so much.
-Oliver
Felicity finished the note and felt the tears start to fall again. He was such a good man, and she knew he would be eaten up with guilt for making her feel this way. That was the type of man he was, he felt so strongly for other people. That was the man she fell in love with.
She knew though, in the light of day, that she had made the right decision. It would be hard, she would have to fight to not go back just to see him, but she would do it. She had to do it.
With that thought, she got up to find the number that Chad had given to her just a few days ago and started John's plan. She would go on a pointless date and then figure out step two.
Date set for Monday morning, she showered the tequila off of her skin and curled up on the couch for a weekend of ice cream and movies.
She could do this. She would do this. She would find a way to be happy without Oliver Queen in her life. She just had to figure out how.
At the lair Diggle was waiting for Oliver and Sara to emerge from upstairs. He saw on the security footage when they arrived. And was waiting next to Roy when they reached the bottom of the stairs.
They all four looked each other over and Sara was the first to speak.
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry?!" Roy took Felicity leaving hard. They had bonded and the three of them had become quite close since Oliver and Sara had gotten together.
"You pushed her out! Are you happy to be the lone female now Sara?!" Roy was screaming and his hands were shaking.
"Roy think of Thea." Oliver was trying to soothe his anger but Diggle knew from earlier that morning that it wouldn't work this time.
"Felicity, Roy. Think of Felicity. She has worked with you so much lately to control your temper. Close your eyes and hear her voice. She wouldn't want this."
Roy slowly started to calm down and opened his eyes to glare at the two shocked warriors before him.
"Yeah, Felicity took the time to talk to me and learn how to calm me down without using Thea all the time. She treats me like a normal human being, not the freak you two do. She is the sweetest, most caring and giving person I have ever met. Sara, she welcomed you back with open arms knowing what was probably going to happen. And it did. She still doesn't hate you, either of you. She doesn't judge and she is always willing to put her feelings and well being on the back burner if it benefits someone else. You two treating her the way you have been is not what a team does to each other."
"What he said." That was all Diggle was going to say on the subject. He was glad Felicity had got over the hurtle of expressing her feelings to Oliver and Sara. She could now have a chance to move on. To be happy.
"I know Roy. I have never felt this bad. Not even when it was Laurel, my own sister. Something about Felicity is so innocent and makes you want to protect her but we haven't been. We have been hurting her. And for what Oliver?" She turned with that and faced the silent man.
"We don't love each other. We don't belong together. We are bad for each other, we have too much history not to be. We are not worth her heartbreak. You have to fix things with her. I know you love her."
Oliver nodded his head. "You are right. About it all. We aren't worth it. I do love her. More than I even loved Laurel. My love for Felicity makes what I had with every other woman look like puppy love."
That shocked Diggle, he didn't think the man would ever admit to it. Roy and him shared a look and shook their heads, it may just be too late for that happily ever after.
"I broke her though. She has written me off. There is only so much a person can take before they give up, Felicity had to put up with so much more."
Sara put her hand to Oliver's shoulder.
"I think it goes without saying that we need to rethink our relationship."
Oliver nodded and smiled a small sad smile.
"I wish that would make everything magically better but it won't. I had her, all of her, and I ignored her. I had her, even if I never really had her, and I lost her."
"Nothing is forever Oliver." Diggle was mad at them both but he could see how deep this whole thing cut Oliver and he did feel for him, if only a little bit.
"You and Sara standing here alive when everyone thought you were dead, is proof of that. Give her time, let her wounds scab over and then go talk to her. Calmly. She may or may not listen but you can't just let her walk away."
Oliver started to protest but he kept right on talking.
"Do you regret not acting on your feelings towards her?"
Oliver nodded and hung his head.
"Do you want to regret not trying to fix things with her?" He stared blankly back and Diggle watched as a small smile crossed his face. He would try, not today or even this week. But soon, he would try.
"Hopefully that pointless first date you suggested is just that, pointless."
Diggle shook his head. "Should have known your nosy ass was eavesdropping. So how was she after I left?"
"Drank a good portion of the bottle and passed out. I set her up after she fell asleep, so she knows I was there. Don't know if that will make things worse or not."
"Have faith Oliver. Love like what she feels for you doesn't sizzle out that quickly." He turned serious.
"This is my warning though Oliver. Hurt her like this again, and I will personally drive an arrow through a vital body part. Then let Roy do the same."
Roy nodded and continued to glare at him. Oliver nodded believing the very real threat from Felicity's two adopted big brothers.