As the white rising sun flooded from the window, I woke up. The bright sun―that's a very common thing, but hollows my heart badly enough nearly to suffocate me.
When I went out from the bed, my wife turned from side to side and her maroon hair flowed to my pillow. It was I that gave shade that couldn't be wiped out on her innocent face―I'm sorry. I murmured―I can't count how many times I said this to her!―and left the room slowly.
"Father."
The gravestone was solid. Very solid enough to keep the holly father off such me. I put a bouquet of white lilies on it, but I knew such a disguise wouldn't be accepted.
Fathers, I served you very badly.
I have two fathers because I was born twice. My blood father and I were forced to be separated when I was little. So I'd misunderstood him all through my childhood, and till his death. For him, I remained to be an obstinate child.
I was reborn two years ago. He sent me back to the life staking his own life, and I could become his real son by marring his daughter. However…
I feel so tremendous regret that I want to tear at my heart. I have nightmare every night―my father stood in the dark room filled with dirty cobwebs―went home bending his waist and walking with an unsteady gait―and just a year before today, he told me he would forgive me, and died.
During the meals, my wife sits right to me, my grandfather left to me, and my aunt next to him. There is one empty chair―which expected to be sat by a man who should be there, but was never sat. I drove out him violently from my house to under this heavy stone.
I was saved, and killed my savior. I'm the worst murder. I know I have no right to live, but I'm still alive because of the lack of courage to kill myself. I'm a disgrace.
Forgive me. I say this again and again. My fathers surely say they'll forgive me―but I can't forgive myself.
Lilies tore and scattered on the ground. Without notice, the gravestone stood solemnly in a downpour.
"Where were you!"
My wife held my cold body with warm arms for all that her dress would be wet. Don't be kind to me…I have no right to be been kind to.
"Darling, listen to me…I knew this today."
I couldn't bear the shock of listening to her admission and both of my body and heart were too cold. I fell down into my beloved two persons.
Half a year has passed.
Heavier than I've expected, but this weight is natural. I must protect him at the risk of my life as long as I live.
"What's the name?"
I smiled to my wife having taken a big role. I've not forgiven me, who killed my two fathers, yet, and won't be able to do. However, God gave me the chance of atonement.
"Jean-Georges"
I strained my arms to hold the treasure firmly. I'll never commit a sin again.
December 10, 1835.
Today, I became a father.