Title: Destiny Means Nothing
Chapter: One
Author: White Knight_7
Pairing: Xander/Tara
Rating: 12, maybe a 15 (For US readers, I think that confers to a PG-13 or PG-15)
Summary: After a brush with death, Xander ends up rethinking his place in the Scooby Gang, and his relationship with a certain shy witch...
Feedback: Yes please, this is my first real attempt at fanfic and so any ideas you have are welcomed as long as they are constructive.
Author's Notes: This is set after the first episode of Season Five. Basically that means that Dawn is around and every one except Xander, Giles and Anya have just started the new college year. This is not an overtly bashing piece but as always if you want to create an unconventional pairing there might be some friction. Also, this is NOT a 'Xander gets a power and the author completely changes the character' story. There's something special about him no doubt, just no real powers involved. B/S shippers, PISS OFF MATE!
Disclaimer: What idiot invented this thing anyway. Here goes. I don't own any of these characters, I'm just altering certain events in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer universe for my own benefit, to bolster the MEAGER T/X reservoir out there and show everyone what Joss should have paired people up with.
The cool night air blew across the walled graveyard as several young people walked across the central path of the eerie resting-place. To the untrained eye it would appear they were looking for a fresh grave. To the trained eye this was also true, they were looking for fresh graves, but they were more interested in what was going to come out of the graves rather than what was put in. A casual observer wouldn't be shamed for calling them a motley crew: among their ranks was the Slayer, two wiccan witches, one chemically enhanced ex-soldier, an ex-watcher, an 1121 year- old ex-vengeance demon and ... Xander. Not that he wasn't special, being able to survive for your entire life atop a mystical portal to Hell required a certain knack for avoiding danger.
Xander felt anything but normal among the Scooby Gang. When your friends all possess some special kind of knowledge or training, making them experts at the supernatural, the 'regular guy' was pretty much the freak. Despite the large display of Scooby unity before the final battle with Adam, he still very much felt like the outsider of the group. The only person who was in his situation (or at least close to it) was Tara, Willow's new girlfriend.
* Wow, I never thought that my little Willow would turn out to be a lesbian, it's just unfathomable * Xander mused to himself while they walked through the graveyard, respective partners linking arms with one another, scouting the newly dug graves for possible undead residents.
Although the little group could very easily be mistaken for a few confused teenagers wandering aimlessly at night, the self-dubbed Scooby gang had become surprisingly effective. Giles was now back full-time (although still unpaid) as Buffy's watcher, and the new Slayer training was really starting to affect her performance. Willow was gaining rapidly in her power as a witch, to the point where she was almost as powerful as Tara.
It had been quite a shock to the group when Willow announced her involvement with the shy witch, and while Buffy and Giles seemed a little disgruntled by Willow's new choice in life, Xander had become quite accustomed to the fact. After Oz's abrupt and un-timed departure from Sunnydale, Willow had been in a perpetual funk that she couldn't seem to dig herself out of, but when she met Tara her attitude improved dramatically. Xander didn't mind that Willow and Tara were going out (although he would be committing an outright lie by saying the advantages of knowing two lesbians closely weren't relevant) as long as both were happy.
That night the intrepid group of demon-fighters was almost at full strength, except for Giles and Anya: Giles very rarely came out on patrols with them, generally sticking to research as a valued alternative. Anya on the other hand had apparently no reason for not patrolling, bar the fact that she thought it was far too dangerous for him and refused to go out that evening. Instead, Xander had fallen into step with the two wiccans and were having a few rounds of idle banter.
' ... And I was looking through the Book of Azrael when I came across this really neat spell that can turn lawyers into little, bitty mice', Willow babbled excitedly to her two companions, who both had identical worried expressions painted on their faces
'Willow honey, maybe you shouldn't be playing with those transmutation spells so much, at least without someone to watch you', Tara said softly with as much confidence as she could muster.
'Yeah Will, I for one would like to keep my Xander-shape, I don't want to end up as a Xander-shaped toad', he told his childhood friend, a little nervous about her response as she had gotten quite sensitive concerning her magical pastimes.
When Tara heard this she let out a small giggle at Xander's words that made her blush slightly. Seeing this Xander send her a big smile, making her blush even further. Noticing this Willow smiled a little to herself; she liked to see her best friend and girlfriend getting along well. Out of all the members of their inner circle Xander had accepted her relationship with Tara (after the initial shock of course) very well and tried his best to make her feel at home.
' Don't worry so much guys, I'd never actually use that kind of spell on a person, and I'm only doing a few minor transmutation spells', Willow said, then turned to Tara,' but if I ever do you are totally invited to keep me under control, Officer McClay', she said giving her lover a sexy smile.
After this, Xander went quiet for a moment. Since he had not made an attempt at a joke they were getting worried as he stared off into space, when he replied,
'Mmmm, kinky visual moment', he said, earning him a slap on his arm, followed up by a harsh stare from Willow.
'Hey, what was that for!' Xander exclaimed, then turned to Tara,' You see what she's doing, she starts talking dirty then blames me for the consequences. Huh, witches'.
A little further up the path Buffy was deep in conversation with her boyfriend, Riley Finn.
'These new slayer training techniques are really great, it has really helped develop my senses, I can now sense a vampire or demon up to twenty meters away, it's so cool and.', Buffy rambled on, unaware of the stark look of the concern Riley was showing.
'Uh, Buffy, maybe you shouldn't be spending so much time training, with all that and classes I haven't seen you really outside of 'work' ', Riley said.
Holding him a bit closer to her, Buffy replied,
'I'm sorry Riley but I just want to be the best Slayer I can be and these new training sessions with Giles help that. But I promise I'll spend some more time with you', she said, giving her boyfriend a quick kiss on the lips before continuing their conversation a few moments later.
'So ... what do you think about Willow and Tara being, well you know, together', Buffy said a little wary of his answer.
'Not sure, I mean I respect her decision, Willow's I mean but she seems, well different', Riley said
'I know what you mean, it's like she's not my best friend any more, she spends almost all her time with Tara these days,' the worried Slayer agreed.
' Well at least Xander seems to be getting along with them, or maybe he's just enjoying being close to two lesbians,' Riley smirked.
'Yeah, I mean once when I had this telepathic ability back in highschool, I overheard Xander's thoughts and all I heard was sex. I think he really just likes the idea of trying to get them in the sack, it would do wonders for his ego. Anya probably goes in for that sort of thing any way', Buffy said laughing all the time with Riley at her side joining in.
They were however unaware that their voices carried more than expected in the empty graveyard, straight to the ears of a very disgruntled young man; Willow and Tara were talking more enthusiastically now so didn't hear but Xander was able to determine every word. He felt betrayed, how could she think so low of him. Did she really believe that sex was all that drove him? And that snide remark about Anya was really, REALLY arrogant. Apparently his recent actions and attempt at a reconciliation between them had meant nothing, she still thought he was useless. Secretly, in the complicated recesses of his mind, that was what really scared Xander: being useless in the eyes of those around him.
Noticing his glum mood, Tara turned away from her conversation with Willow and asked meekly,
'Xander are you all right? You seem a bit down.' she said hoping to let him get whatever was bothering him off his chest, as he had helped her do.
He sighed and answered,' It's nothing real-', his voice cut off abruptly as his gaze focused upon a large group of men walking straight towards them. Observing their slow graceful movement through the graveyard, they seemed almost at home here... Vampires. He staggered his movement up the path away from his friends, the concerned eyes of young witches burning holes in the back of his skull now, Buffy and Riley still oblivious to the possible demons approaching them.
* I may not have a certain Slayer's enhanced hearing and "spidey sense" but I know a vampire when I see one. Okay so far they only look like the undead but mascara and white skin will do that to you. Let's see, what else don't vampires like. Or what DO they like ... *
Removing a small vial of fresh blood from the blood bank, Xander quickly and quietly threw the container into a nearby gravestone where it impacted with a slight tinkle, leaving a dark red smear on the tablet. Keeping in his top pocket had kept the vial warm and when it impacted with the headstone, the lead vampire flinched, but focused on the gravestone.
* Okay, so he can smell the blood, that vial shattering was a bit too quiet for his hearing to worry about. I'm writing that little maneuver down for future reference *
'Buff?' Xander called out to her with as little sound as possible. When her head turned to see what he wanted, Xander pointed two fingers to him eyes, then towards the approaching gang of vampires, imitating a signal used by military forces everywhere. Unfortunately, signaling was not Buffy's forte, and she just gave him a confused expression. Tara however noticed this. Her great-uncle had been a colonel in the army and told her many things about the battlefield when she was small, and reminded herself to ask Xander about it later, as she had never seen him do that before, or be so focused.
'Xander, what? What do you want?' she asked, confusion clearly written on her features.
'Oh, for the love of ... VAMPIRES!' he said loudly, shaking his finger vehemently in the direction of the demonic band.
'Okay', she said turned to face the vampires now only ten meters away.
Out of view, Xander carefully slid a stake and cross from sheaths on the interior of his brown jacket, and looked on as the vampires approached, absently falling into a fighting stance.
'Hey pretty ladies, what's say we dump these two losers and me an' the boys will show you a real night out', the lead vamp said with a sickening air of arrogance.
'You idiot. Do you really think REGULAR people walk around graveyards at night', she said, punctuating the last remark with the withdrawal of a stake from her coat, while Riley brought a crossbow pistol to bear on the second vampire.
'Slayer, well zipp-dee-do. I hear your blood is the most powerful stuff on the face of the planet, I'm gonna enjoy drinking you down', he said cockily.
While this idle banter was going between them, Xander had a different plan.
* I'll show the high-and-mighty Slayer I'm not useless if it's the last thing I do, and it very well could be. * Xander thought to himself, sliding away into to the shadows, attempting to come at the vamps from behind.
* Hey, this is actually working * Xander thought gleefully. So enraptured were the nine vampires that they were paying no attention to their backs. Moving as slow as possible, Xander came up to the vampire positioned at the far rear of the group.
Watching the face-off between Buffy and the vampire gang in awe, Tara caught a glimpse of something moving out of the corner of her eye. At first thinking it to be another vampire she was about to warn Willow when the figure turned his head in her direction and winked at her.
* Xander, what are you doing? Okay, calm yourself, he probably knows what he's doing. I'll prepare that Flash spell just to be safe * Tara discussed internally with herself, chanting the required words under her breath like a mantra, so at any moment she could let loose the spell if needed.
Having stalked up behind the vampire he quickly devised a plan of attack. Directing the stake towards the vampire's heart in a thrusting motion, he easily pierced the creature's ribcage and plunged it full force into it's heart, turning it to dust immediately. Following through on his motion, Xander pivoted to his left and spun around, twisting the stake in his hands so the point was down instead of up. The force gained from the spin was enough to stake the other vampire as well, although the sudden loss of substance made him tumble back slightly. Regaining his position, he drew his polished oak cross from his jacket and imitated the stance of a samurai, cross held forward in his outstretched left hand while his stake remained pointing down on level with his hand ready for the vampires reactions.
Hearing the destruction of his gang behind him, the leader turned around to see the new threat. Taking this advantage and not noticing Xander's involvement in the situation, the remaining Scoobies attacked. With wooden twang, Riley released the bolt from his crossbow, hitting a vamp through the heart dusting him. Buffy moved forward to engage two vampires at once, delivering a flurry of punches and kicks that left the gang members dazed from the punishment.
Willow was not idle either, directing her right hand to a vampire she chanted a word, which was followed by a tight beam of fire that struck the targeted vampire in the chest, igniting it, destroying the creature in a plume of flames. Deciding to wait for the right time, Tara contained her spell's power for later discharge.
Using the vampires distraction at having two opposing threats Xander closing on them, using his cross to push them back so the demons were back to back. From the corner of his vision Xander saw the blow coming but couldn't move fast enough to avoid it. A bulky vampire on his left swung out a torn tree branch, smacking the cross and stake from Xander's hands. Faltering, this gave two vampires the opening to attack him. Advancing on the young man, they both swung their fists towards his head. Seeing their moves coming this time, he aptly ducked both swings and brought his leg about in a wide swing, knocking both overextended minions off of their feet. Seizing the opportunity, Xander picked up the discarded tree branch and drove it through the first vampire's heart but the second one was faster. Getting up almost quicker than the eye could follow he delivered a series of blows to Xander's mid-section, winding him and forcing him back up against a tree. Coughing blood now, he was held up against a tree and while the vampire's superior strength and Xander's injuries prevented him from fighting back.
* Oh my God, he's going to die * Tara thought desperately as Xander's limp form was pinned to the tree by his demonic attacker. The Flash spell she had been conjuring now good and ready, her nimble fingers crackling with an electrical glow.
'Illuminata'
After saying this word, she extended her arms quickly, a bright ball of energy at the very center of her arc, slowly growing to envelop her. This shell then instantly shattered like a sphere of glass, emitting a powerful shockwave that near-blinded all vampires engaging the core of their group but apparently left the demon attacking Xander unscathed. Dropping to her knees at the energy taken from her to cast the spell, Tara could only watch on helplessly as the vampire's sharpened fangs descended upon Xander's unprotected neck.
Through blurred vision, Xander watched the vampires inevitable approach to his neck and braced himself for the oncoming pain. He had heard years before that once a vampire bites into you the victim couldn't stop it, as an agonizing pain paralyzes them. Soon after he thought this, the pain came. The vampire's fangs tore into his soft neck, penetrating the jugular artery and drinking deep. The stunning pain shot through his body, but there was no fear, no regrets. He had done his job and died in service of his friends and the destruction of evil. He had accepted his fate. It was over.
So set upon this fate, he was surprised when he didn't black out, or collapse or anything. He looked forward to see the exhausted form of Tara, barely able to stand - their eyes locked. Few a few seconds they remained like this, until an understanding passed between them. He saw her lips move, then the words echo in his mind as clear as day, not caring that he couldn't read her lips of hear her speech.
'Never give up.'
A new strength coursing through his veins, Xander's previously pathetic attempt at resistance became stronger, fueled by Tara's words and the pure instinct of the will to survive. As he forced the vampire's head away from his bleeding neck, their eyes met. The determination and will in his focused on the demon's panic and ... fear. In this moment of disbelief, Xander summoned all the strength of his will, shoving the vampire to the ground; a petrified visage still painted upon its features. Groping the body of the tree, Xander's fingers found a short, thick branch. Keeping his eyes on the demon the whole time, he gripped it tightly, blood trickling down his palm from the multiple large splinters as he tore the improvised stake from the tree. Bringing it down upon the vampire's unbeating heart, it turned the previous bringer of death into nothing more than dry dust and ashes.
The remaining vampires were quickly dispatched thanks to Tara's timely intervention, and the concerned group rushed over to check if their wounded friend was okay.
The slow thud of his circulation was about the only thing he could comprehend at this point. His body was screaming out at him to give up, to let the now dulled pain subside and surrender to the oncoming darkness. Her words struck a cord deep within him, spurring him on even in this weakened condition. He had always been a stubborn person when it came to certain things - dying was one of them. He simply and bluntly refused to die. Somewhere in the distance her could feel himself being turned over, his friend's worried voices a crescendo of wails.
'Please, don't die.'
As before, her words cut like a razor-sharp sword to the heart of things, calling out to him, but her voice was clear and near to him, unlike the cries of the others. Clawing his way out from the abyss that was trying so hard to pull him in, Xander fought to keep conscious and felt himself being pulled to his feet and taken out of the graveyard, the entire world a blur.
Coming towards them from the distance a pair of powerful lights focused on the group and someone got out, running towards them. At this point Xander couldn't stay awake any longer and fell unconscious.
*******************************************
At Sunnydale memorial hospital, a small band of friends surrounded the bed of one Alexander Harris, hopefully awaiting their comrade's return to reality. To the outside world it appeared that he was dreaming, his face twisting ever so often in reaction to something in the dream. On the inside however, Xander was at war with his psyche.
The smell of cordite and gun oil permeated the air, but it didn't seem to offend his nostrils. The aura of the battlefield felt ... familiar. Like he had been here a thousand times before. His eyes snapped open and he looked around at the scene before him. He was lying face down in the foliage of some unknown jungle. Around him were piled the decaying bodies of his enemies, and friends. There were two people dressed in clothing similar to him, all over black jumpsuits and equipment pouches, and then an innumerable quantity of roughly dressed men carrying a variety of weaponry, mostly AK-47s. Each corpse was surrounded in a puddle of its own blood that soaked into the ground around it. Instead of the usual human sensation of vomiting Xander expected to feel, he was overcome with a grim sense of duty, and pulling himself to his feet, ran off into the night leaving his teammates bodies behind him.
Suddenly the scene of battle was torn away and a thousand lifetimes flashed before him, each different than the last but equally powerful in nature, effecting all that surrounded them in unexpected ways. He saw kings, emperors, soldiers, great oracles and visionaries and then, he saw himself. Undefined, formless masses clawed at him from the dark, wounding him over and over, shouting his worthlessness and weaknesses at him, crippling him inside. Then a strange being cloaked in red cloth, its face shrouded in shadow approached him. The sheer presence of the creature rolled off of it.
It pointed to him and said one word from the empty maw of its face.
'Unnatural'
The creature then faded into the immense darkness surrounding him, leaving him totally alone.
'I always knew I'd end up here', Xander thought to himself, his mutterings seemed to echo as if he spoke them.
Unaware of Xander's condition, Buffy, Willow and Tara were all lazily slouched on an old row of seats outside of his recovery room, drinking coffee and thinking heavily. They were all highly shocked by Xander's outburst of courage/stupidity, and were trying to rationalize his actions that evening.
'What was he thinking charging into the fray like that', Buffy thought to herself, not so much shocked by Xander but upset that he had put himself in danger willingly, again.
'I swear when he gets out of here, he and I are going to have a serious chat about his participation in combat. He nearly got himself killed this evening because he wanted to run off to the rescue ... again. He must have the biggest 'Knight in Shining Armor' complex on the planet, that jerk', Buffy fumed at her friend.
While she was considering what to do about Xander's self-sacrificial tendencies, Willow had the most distraught expression painted on her beautiful face.
'Oh God, oh God, oh God, what will happen if he doesn't come around. What if he's trapped in a coma for the rest of his life and can't get out? What if he's scared? What if...' Willow ran through all the worst-case scenarios if her head.
From next to her, the small voice of Tara said softly,' You're babbling in your mind again honey'.
'How could you tell?' Willow said, surprised at her girlfriend's insight.
'You get this cute concerned look on your face, and your expression changes a little bit every few seconds', Tara said simply.
'You know me too well', Willow said tenderly leaning her head on Tara's shoulder, making her envelop Willow with her arm.
Tara was also thinking a lot about the events of the previous battle and Xander's actions in it, although she hid her concern a little better than the two other women next to her.
' I never thought of Xander as the dashing into danger type. Those hand signals he was making were definitely from the army, even if the others didn't notice. Great Uncle Robert told me all about those. I think the one Xander did was like 'look over there'. Willow never said anything about Xander being in the army, where else would he learn those signals from. Oh I hope he's all right. Maybe we should sit with him, the nurse is gone now...'
In through the heavy double doors at the entrance to the ward came Anya, barreling down the hall towards them like all the fires of Hell were hot on her tail. Approaching Buffy first, she began shouting at her, obviously distraught at her boyfriend's condition.
'What the fuck did you do to my boyfriend slayer!' Anya spat out, causing Buffy to rise from her seat to stand eye to eye with the former vengeance demon.
'I didn't do anything to him, he did that all by himself', she retorted pointing towards Xander's prone form through the window.
'What! You must have done something, Xander doesn't try and play hero by himself!' she shouted vehemently.
Seeing the tension growing between the two, Willow steeped in-between them and tried to calm them down.
'Please, both of you calm down. Let's sit down and talk about this okay?' Willow said calmly hoping to persuade the two women from ripping into each other.
Unwillingly the two women sat down on the seats and began talking.
'Okay', Buffy said, calmer now after Willow's intervention,' We were patrolling in the cemetery, when I noticed a group of vampires approaching us. While we were fighting them, Xander ran straight at them. He was completely reckless. We managed to kill all the vampires but the last one bit into his neck before we were able to kill it. Then he collapsed and Giles picked us up and we took him here. Giles is at his apartment grabbing some of his clothes in case he wakes up.' The worry in Buffy's voice was clearly wearing through her aggravation at the young man that was unconscious in the room next to them.
'Oh yeah, and Tara cast a really powerful blinding spell that really helped us win', Willow said, her tone a little higher at her pride in her girlfriend.
'O-oh, it was n-nothing', Tara stuttered, her embarrassment showing clearly in her voice at the sudden attention.
'I'm sure'; Anya said briskly,' but ... how is he?'
Slightly annoyed at the quick dismissal of Tara's actions in the battle, Willow gave the doctors analysis,
'The doctors said that he'd be fine but that he's in a deep coma. He should be okay but the longer he keeps himself in it, the lower his chances of recover are.'
'What do you mean 'keep himself in it'. Last time I checked a coma wasn't voluntary', Anya snapped back.
'They reckon that he's in some kind of heavy dream that he will have to break out of to wake up. It's completely up to him.'
'Well isn't there anything we can do for him, to, you know, wake him up. I read something in a magazine that said you can wake people up from a deep sleep by putting their hand in warm water, or something like that.' Anya said, almost on the brink of tears.
'No, that'll just make him pee his pants', Buffy said nonchalantly, staring off into space.
'Oh.' Anya replied.
'Well, w-we could take t-turns sitting with him. Talking to people in comas can help them come out of it, sometimes they can even hear w-what you say to them, but not always.' Tara said to the group.
'Yes, we can do that. We just tell him how much we want him back and he'll wake himself up from his stupid dream.' Anya said hopefully.
And with that decided, the four women sat back down on the seats and tried to keep themselves occupied. After the nurse had come back to check on Xander before the graveyard shift began, Anya moved into his room and started talking to him. She talked about her usual topics, ranging from the Magic Box to at one point her true reason for her fear of bunnies. Around midnight, Giles arrived with Xander's change of clothes and coffee for all concerned. He approached the group, put the coffee down then drew the small form of Buffy into his arms and gave her a strong hug. This was soon joined by a highly caffinated Willow who almost cut off their circulations with her intensity, and the unusual family sat down to watch over their fallen friend.
'Any change?' Giles asked hopefully, but he knew the answer before it was spoken from the expression on Willow's face.
'No, not yet. But this is still way too early to expect a change.' Willow said downheartedly.
Suddenly, an idea flashed through Buffy's mind, a faint glimmer of hope attached to it.
'Giles, could we use...' Buffy paused as a small group of interns passed on their rounds through the hospitals corridors,' magic to break his coma for him. I mean if he is in some kind of dream, it could be a really good one and he might not want to come back to us.'
Upon hearing the discussion turning towards magic, Tara quickly picked up on the topic and added,
'Uh, B-Buffy?' Tara said, and once she knew she had the blonde's attention continued,' Magic used for healing or regenerative p-purposes is very dangerous. If w-we tried to snap him out of it using magic it could seriously damage him. This is hard for all of us but we've got to let nature do its w-work.'
'Uh, thanks Tara', Buffy said, trying to put on her most appreciative look for her best friends new lover.
'It's just, I hate being so powerless.' Buffy said, looking quite lost.
About half and hour later, Anya exited Xander's room looking exhausted and approached the others slowly.
' I think I'm going to go home and rest. No sense staying here and looking even more ragged than I do already, Xander wouldn't like that.' Anya said before she walked out of the hospital ward, away from her stricken boyfriend, muttering something about him getting too involved in slaying.
'Okay, who wants to go and sit with him now? Will, do you want to or you and Tara can go home.' Buffy said.
' I'll do it.' Willow and Tara said at exactly the same time.
Both the senior slayerette and slayer present looked at Tara like she had grown a second head, obviously surprised by her care for Xander. Being the newest addition to the Scooby gang neither was expecting her to bond to Xander as quickly as she did and often looked away when they talked about him.
'Uh, Tara you really don't have to stay any longer. If you want to go home we can do that and Buffy can look after him. ', Willow asked her now blushing embarrassed girlfriend.
'N-No, I think I should stay here as well. Xander's always been r-really nice to me, a-and I think its kinda my fault he's here.' Tara said, a bit worried about their response.
'What? How could you think it's your fault? Xander really put himself here.' Willow said, shocked at her fellow witch's response.
'W-Well, I saw him sneaking around the back of the v-vampires before he attacked them. I should have said something but I thought he knew what he was doing. He seemed so confident, not like n-normal.' Tara explained to the two confused women in front of her, trying to hide her guilt at this admission.
'Wait, you saw him doing this and you didn't say anything to us? What made you think he was more confidant than usual anyway?' Buffy said, full of accusation at the shy witch.
'He just acted differently, a-and he used that hand signal.' Tara tried to explain to the now angered slayer standing before her.
'Still, you should have told ... hang on. What hand signal?' Buffy asked confused by what she thought happened and the viewpoint of the young witch.
'You know, he did this', Tara said, then placed her middle and index finger above her eyes, then pointed them forward, demonstrating her explanation.
'What's that mean Tara?' Willow asked, unused to this kind of perception from her girlfriend.
'It's a m-military thing. I think it means 'look over there', without saying it of course. Did Xander ever work for the army?' Tara said.
'No, no of course not. But he was once possessed by the spirit of a soldier at Halloween.' Buffy told her.
'Well t-that could be it. Victims of p-possessions often have memories of the things they were possessed by. A soldier in this case.'
'That explains the whole rocket launcher thing.' Willow said absent- mindedly.
'Rocket Launcher?' Tara said
'Yeah a few years ago we were fighting this big demon called the Judge. Basically no weapon forged could kill him. So we found one that wasn't forged. Xander knew how to work it and stuff then, but I would've thought those kind of memories would have faded by now. I mean, I don't think cars are demons still.' Buffy said. Tara was going to call her on the 'cars are demons' thing but thought better against it.
Picking up on the avid discussion, the previously sleeping Giles put in his own view.
'I think he has forgotten most of the soldier's memories, by his own admission. But perhaps he has some of the stronger instincts burned into his psyche. He may not even of know he did it.' Giles said, clearing up a few of the girls' questions,' Any further speculation should be saved for later, when Xander awakens. Buffy, I'll walk you home and Willow and Tara can stay here and keep him company. But don't stay too long, you both need your rest as well.'
Pulling herself to her feet, Buffy stood with Giles for a few moments while the four exchanged their good-byes, and then walked out of the hospital as quickly as possible, Giles in tow. Willow and Tara also stood and walked through into their friend's room and took up the two empty seats on the side of his bed.
They sat their like that for an hour, Willow occasionally asking Xander to get better of exchanging childhood stories, but her worry shone through. Eventually, she fell asleep and joined her friend in his unconscious state. Standing up from her seat, Tara walked over to Xander's bed and stared down at him. His skin was a deathly pale from all the blood taken from him; a large IV bag attached to him through a plastic tube, trying to replenish his supply. Watching closely, she saw that every so often, he twitched violently, as if he was being chased by something, or in pain. Tara reached out and placed her hand on top of his head, trying to calm him from whatever was coming for him.
'Goddess, he's not in a dream, he's in a perpetual nightmare.' Tara said to herself, worried now for her newfound friend's mind. That kind of inescapable nightmare could drive him mad, even if he eventually awakened. Stroking back some of his hair, she prayed to all of the Wiccan deities for their protection upon the young man as his absence caused the group to seem a bit lost without him. To her knowledge, Xander had never really been taken away from them before. She stared down at him, and tried to detect how he was by her enhanced Wiccan senses.
'Come on Xander, wake up, we need you back up here.'
He was running as fast as his legs would carry him, sweat dripping off of his brow into the endless darkness surrounded him, as unknown demons and fiends chased him, wanting his blood with an unholy hunger. This torment seemed to go on forever, with no hope of ending. As it often did, the endless blackness took form around him, showing before him the Magic Box, all colour draining from the environment. On the floor were all of his friends, various horrific wounds covering their pale bodies. Everyone was there, all of his friends, people he knew, all dead because of his failure.
'So this is what I get for trying to help. I'll never be able to save them. I'm worthless...'
The darkness seemed to envelop him, enhancing his despair at his failures, their eyes all locked onto him, staring at him accusingly. He saw everyone he knew gone, almost everyone. Someone was missing. Given a task that didn't involve feeling sorry for himself, he searched the entire shop for that one missing person. Then it struck him like a bullet train.
It was Tara. She was the one not dead. This bit of information gave him a sliver of hope that maybe there was one person who had survived, that he cared about. That's when the aforementioned person appeared at the entrance to the Magic Box.
Dressed exactly the same as she had been the same day that he had been wounded, she strolled towards him and smiled at him.
* How long have I been away from them? Oh god, what if they're not dead? This could just be some kind of sick dream. *
The realization of hope had a profound effect of the environment around them. Colour poured back into the shop, flooding the stacks of books, walls, and ceiling, returning it to its former glory. The odd thing was that Tara had remain full of colour all the way through this transition, leading Xander to believe that she was able to help him.
She was still there, smiling at him mischievously, and it proved that her smiling was very infectious. He could feel one spreading across his face.
'Come on Xander, wake up, we need you back up here', Xander heard Tara's voice echo around the shop but her lips had not moved at all. Instead she pointed towards to door, smiled at him once more and then exited the shop. Following her lead, Xander walked out of the shop, and into the daylight.
*********************************
Chapter: One
Author: White Knight_7
Pairing: Xander/Tara
Rating: 12, maybe a 15 (For US readers, I think that confers to a PG-13 or PG-15)
Summary: After a brush with death, Xander ends up rethinking his place in the Scooby Gang, and his relationship with a certain shy witch...
Feedback: Yes please, this is my first real attempt at fanfic and so any ideas you have are welcomed as long as they are constructive.
Author's Notes: This is set after the first episode of Season Five. Basically that means that Dawn is around and every one except Xander, Giles and Anya have just started the new college year. This is not an overtly bashing piece but as always if you want to create an unconventional pairing there might be some friction. Also, this is NOT a 'Xander gets a power and the author completely changes the character' story. There's something special about him no doubt, just no real powers involved. B/S shippers, PISS OFF MATE!
Disclaimer: What idiot invented this thing anyway. Here goes. I don't own any of these characters, I'm just altering certain events in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer universe for my own benefit, to bolster the MEAGER T/X reservoir out there and show everyone what Joss should have paired people up with.
The cool night air blew across the walled graveyard as several young people walked across the central path of the eerie resting-place. To the untrained eye it would appear they were looking for a fresh grave. To the trained eye this was also true, they were looking for fresh graves, but they were more interested in what was going to come out of the graves rather than what was put in. A casual observer wouldn't be shamed for calling them a motley crew: among their ranks was the Slayer, two wiccan witches, one chemically enhanced ex-soldier, an ex-watcher, an 1121 year- old ex-vengeance demon and ... Xander. Not that he wasn't special, being able to survive for your entire life atop a mystical portal to Hell required a certain knack for avoiding danger.
Xander felt anything but normal among the Scooby Gang. When your friends all possess some special kind of knowledge or training, making them experts at the supernatural, the 'regular guy' was pretty much the freak. Despite the large display of Scooby unity before the final battle with Adam, he still very much felt like the outsider of the group. The only person who was in his situation (or at least close to it) was Tara, Willow's new girlfriend.
* Wow, I never thought that my little Willow would turn out to be a lesbian, it's just unfathomable * Xander mused to himself while they walked through the graveyard, respective partners linking arms with one another, scouting the newly dug graves for possible undead residents.
Although the little group could very easily be mistaken for a few confused teenagers wandering aimlessly at night, the self-dubbed Scooby gang had become surprisingly effective. Giles was now back full-time (although still unpaid) as Buffy's watcher, and the new Slayer training was really starting to affect her performance. Willow was gaining rapidly in her power as a witch, to the point where she was almost as powerful as Tara.
It had been quite a shock to the group when Willow announced her involvement with the shy witch, and while Buffy and Giles seemed a little disgruntled by Willow's new choice in life, Xander had become quite accustomed to the fact. After Oz's abrupt and un-timed departure from Sunnydale, Willow had been in a perpetual funk that she couldn't seem to dig herself out of, but when she met Tara her attitude improved dramatically. Xander didn't mind that Willow and Tara were going out (although he would be committing an outright lie by saying the advantages of knowing two lesbians closely weren't relevant) as long as both were happy.
That night the intrepid group of demon-fighters was almost at full strength, except for Giles and Anya: Giles very rarely came out on patrols with them, generally sticking to research as a valued alternative. Anya on the other hand had apparently no reason for not patrolling, bar the fact that she thought it was far too dangerous for him and refused to go out that evening. Instead, Xander had fallen into step with the two wiccans and were having a few rounds of idle banter.
' ... And I was looking through the Book of Azrael when I came across this really neat spell that can turn lawyers into little, bitty mice', Willow babbled excitedly to her two companions, who both had identical worried expressions painted on their faces
'Willow honey, maybe you shouldn't be playing with those transmutation spells so much, at least without someone to watch you', Tara said softly with as much confidence as she could muster.
'Yeah Will, I for one would like to keep my Xander-shape, I don't want to end up as a Xander-shaped toad', he told his childhood friend, a little nervous about her response as she had gotten quite sensitive concerning her magical pastimes.
When Tara heard this she let out a small giggle at Xander's words that made her blush slightly. Seeing this Xander send her a big smile, making her blush even further. Noticing this Willow smiled a little to herself; she liked to see her best friend and girlfriend getting along well. Out of all the members of their inner circle Xander had accepted her relationship with Tara (after the initial shock of course) very well and tried his best to make her feel at home.
' Don't worry so much guys, I'd never actually use that kind of spell on a person, and I'm only doing a few minor transmutation spells', Willow said, then turned to Tara,' but if I ever do you are totally invited to keep me under control, Officer McClay', she said giving her lover a sexy smile.
After this, Xander went quiet for a moment. Since he had not made an attempt at a joke they were getting worried as he stared off into space, when he replied,
'Mmmm, kinky visual moment', he said, earning him a slap on his arm, followed up by a harsh stare from Willow.
'Hey, what was that for!' Xander exclaimed, then turned to Tara,' You see what she's doing, she starts talking dirty then blames me for the consequences. Huh, witches'.
A little further up the path Buffy was deep in conversation with her boyfriend, Riley Finn.
'These new slayer training techniques are really great, it has really helped develop my senses, I can now sense a vampire or demon up to twenty meters away, it's so cool and.', Buffy rambled on, unaware of the stark look of the concern Riley was showing.
'Uh, Buffy, maybe you shouldn't be spending so much time training, with all that and classes I haven't seen you really outside of 'work' ', Riley said.
Holding him a bit closer to her, Buffy replied,
'I'm sorry Riley but I just want to be the best Slayer I can be and these new training sessions with Giles help that. But I promise I'll spend some more time with you', she said, giving her boyfriend a quick kiss on the lips before continuing their conversation a few moments later.
'So ... what do you think about Willow and Tara being, well you know, together', Buffy said a little wary of his answer.
'Not sure, I mean I respect her decision, Willow's I mean but she seems, well different', Riley said
'I know what you mean, it's like she's not my best friend any more, she spends almost all her time with Tara these days,' the worried Slayer agreed.
' Well at least Xander seems to be getting along with them, or maybe he's just enjoying being close to two lesbians,' Riley smirked.
'Yeah, I mean once when I had this telepathic ability back in highschool, I overheard Xander's thoughts and all I heard was sex. I think he really just likes the idea of trying to get them in the sack, it would do wonders for his ego. Anya probably goes in for that sort of thing any way', Buffy said laughing all the time with Riley at her side joining in.
They were however unaware that their voices carried more than expected in the empty graveyard, straight to the ears of a very disgruntled young man; Willow and Tara were talking more enthusiastically now so didn't hear but Xander was able to determine every word. He felt betrayed, how could she think so low of him. Did she really believe that sex was all that drove him? And that snide remark about Anya was really, REALLY arrogant. Apparently his recent actions and attempt at a reconciliation between them had meant nothing, she still thought he was useless. Secretly, in the complicated recesses of his mind, that was what really scared Xander: being useless in the eyes of those around him.
Noticing his glum mood, Tara turned away from her conversation with Willow and asked meekly,
'Xander are you all right? You seem a bit down.' she said hoping to let him get whatever was bothering him off his chest, as he had helped her do.
He sighed and answered,' It's nothing real-', his voice cut off abruptly as his gaze focused upon a large group of men walking straight towards them. Observing their slow graceful movement through the graveyard, they seemed almost at home here... Vampires. He staggered his movement up the path away from his friends, the concerned eyes of young witches burning holes in the back of his skull now, Buffy and Riley still oblivious to the possible demons approaching them.
* I may not have a certain Slayer's enhanced hearing and "spidey sense" but I know a vampire when I see one. Okay so far they only look like the undead but mascara and white skin will do that to you. Let's see, what else don't vampires like. Or what DO they like ... *
Removing a small vial of fresh blood from the blood bank, Xander quickly and quietly threw the container into a nearby gravestone where it impacted with a slight tinkle, leaving a dark red smear on the tablet. Keeping in his top pocket had kept the vial warm and when it impacted with the headstone, the lead vampire flinched, but focused on the gravestone.
* Okay, so he can smell the blood, that vial shattering was a bit too quiet for his hearing to worry about. I'm writing that little maneuver down for future reference *
'Buff?' Xander called out to her with as little sound as possible. When her head turned to see what he wanted, Xander pointed two fingers to him eyes, then towards the approaching gang of vampires, imitating a signal used by military forces everywhere. Unfortunately, signaling was not Buffy's forte, and she just gave him a confused expression. Tara however noticed this. Her great-uncle had been a colonel in the army and told her many things about the battlefield when she was small, and reminded herself to ask Xander about it later, as she had never seen him do that before, or be so focused.
'Xander, what? What do you want?' she asked, confusion clearly written on her features.
'Oh, for the love of ... VAMPIRES!' he said loudly, shaking his finger vehemently in the direction of the demonic band.
'Okay', she said turned to face the vampires now only ten meters away.
Out of view, Xander carefully slid a stake and cross from sheaths on the interior of his brown jacket, and looked on as the vampires approached, absently falling into a fighting stance.
'Hey pretty ladies, what's say we dump these two losers and me an' the boys will show you a real night out', the lead vamp said with a sickening air of arrogance.
'You idiot. Do you really think REGULAR people walk around graveyards at night', she said, punctuating the last remark with the withdrawal of a stake from her coat, while Riley brought a crossbow pistol to bear on the second vampire.
'Slayer, well zipp-dee-do. I hear your blood is the most powerful stuff on the face of the planet, I'm gonna enjoy drinking you down', he said cockily.
While this idle banter was going between them, Xander had a different plan.
* I'll show the high-and-mighty Slayer I'm not useless if it's the last thing I do, and it very well could be. * Xander thought to himself, sliding away into to the shadows, attempting to come at the vamps from behind.
* Hey, this is actually working * Xander thought gleefully. So enraptured were the nine vampires that they were paying no attention to their backs. Moving as slow as possible, Xander came up to the vampire positioned at the far rear of the group.
Watching the face-off between Buffy and the vampire gang in awe, Tara caught a glimpse of something moving out of the corner of her eye. At first thinking it to be another vampire she was about to warn Willow when the figure turned his head in her direction and winked at her.
* Xander, what are you doing? Okay, calm yourself, he probably knows what he's doing. I'll prepare that Flash spell just to be safe * Tara discussed internally with herself, chanting the required words under her breath like a mantra, so at any moment she could let loose the spell if needed.
Having stalked up behind the vampire he quickly devised a plan of attack. Directing the stake towards the vampire's heart in a thrusting motion, he easily pierced the creature's ribcage and plunged it full force into it's heart, turning it to dust immediately. Following through on his motion, Xander pivoted to his left and spun around, twisting the stake in his hands so the point was down instead of up. The force gained from the spin was enough to stake the other vampire as well, although the sudden loss of substance made him tumble back slightly. Regaining his position, he drew his polished oak cross from his jacket and imitated the stance of a samurai, cross held forward in his outstretched left hand while his stake remained pointing down on level with his hand ready for the vampires reactions.
Hearing the destruction of his gang behind him, the leader turned around to see the new threat. Taking this advantage and not noticing Xander's involvement in the situation, the remaining Scoobies attacked. With wooden twang, Riley released the bolt from his crossbow, hitting a vamp through the heart dusting him. Buffy moved forward to engage two vampires at once, delivering a flurry of punches and kicks that left the gang members dazed from the punishment.
Willow was not idle either, directing her right hand to a vampire she chanted a word, which was followed by a tight beam of fire that struck the targeted vampire in the chest, igniting it, destroying the creature in a plume of flames. Deciding to wait for the right time, Tara contained her spell's power for later discharge.
Using the vampires distraction at having two opposing threats Xander closing on them, using his cross to push them back so the demons were back to back. From the corner of his vision Xander saw the blow coming but couldn't move fast enough to avoid it. A bulky vampire on his left swung out a torn tree branch, smacking the cross and stake from Xander's hands. Faltering, this gave two vampires the opening to attack him. Advancing on the young man, they both swung their fists towards his head. Seeing their moves coming this time, he aptly ducked both swings and brought his leg about in a wide swing, knocking both overextended minions off of their feet. Seizing the opportunity, Xander picked up the discarded tree branch and drove it through the first vampire's heart but the second one was faster. Getting up almost quicker than the eye could follow he delivered a series of blows to Xander's mid-section, winding him and forcing him back up against a tree. Coughing blood now, he was held up against a tree and while the vampire's superior strength and Xander's injuries prevented him from fighting back.
* Oh my God, he's going to die * Tara thought desperately as Xander's limp form was pinned to the tree by his demonic attacker. The Flash spell she had been conjuring now good and ready, her nimble fingers crackling with an electrical glow.
'Illuminata'
After saying this word, she extended her arms quickly, a bright ball of energy at the very center of her arc, slowly growing to envelop her. This shell then instantly shattered like a sphere of glass, emitting a powerful shockwave that near-blinded all vampires engaging the core of their group but apparently left the demon attacking Xander unscathed. Dropping to her knees at the energy taken from her to cast the spell, Tara could only watch on helplessly as the vampire's sharpened fangs descended upon Xander's unprotected neck.
Through blurred vision, Xander watched the vampires inevitable approach to his neck and braced himself for the oncoming pain. He had heard years before that once a vampire bites into you the victim couldn't stop it, as an agonizing pain paralyzes them. Soon after he thought this, the pain came. The vampire's fangs tore into his soft neck, penetrating the jugular artery and drinking deep. The stunning pain shot through his body, but there was no fear, no regrets. He had done his job and died in service of his friends and the destruction of evil. He had accepted his fate. It was over.
So set upon this fate, he was surprised when he didn't black out, or collapse or anything. He looked forward to see the exhausted form of Tara, barely able to stand - their eyes locked. Few a few seconds they remained like this, until an understanding passed between them. He saw her lips move, then the words echo in his mind as clear as day, not caring that he couldn't read her lips of hear her speech.
'Never give up.'
A new strength coursing through his veins, Xander's previously pathetic attempt at resistance became stronger, fueled by Tara's words and the pure instinct of the will to survive. As he forced the vampire's head away from his bleeding neck, their eyes met. The determination and will in his focused on the demon's panic and ... fear. In this moment of disbelief, Xander summoned all the strength of his will, shoving the vampire to the ground; a petrified visage still painted upon its features. Groping the body of the tree, Xander's fingers found a short, thick branch. Keeping his eyes on the demon the whole time, he gripped it tightly, blood trickling down his palm from the multiple large splinters as he tore the improvised stake from the tree. Bringing it down upon the vampire's unbeating heart, it turned the previous bringer of death into nothing more than dry dust and ashes.
The remaining vampires were quickly dispatched thanks to Tara's timely intervention, and the concerned group rushed over to check if their wounded friend was okay.
The slow thud of his circulation was about the only thing he could comprehend at this point. His body was screaming out at him to give up, to let the now dulled pain subside and surrender to the oncoming darkness. Her words struck a cord deep within him, spurring him on even in this weakened condition. He had always been a stubborn person when it came to certain things - dying was one of them. He simply and bluntly refused to die. Somewhere in the distance her could feel himself being turned over, his friend's worried voices a crescendo of wails.
'Please, don't die.'
As before, her words cut like a razor-sharp sword to the heart of things, calling out to him, but her voice was clear and near to him, unlike the cries of the others. Clawing his way out from the abyss that was trying so hard to pull him in, Xander fought to keep conscious and felt himself being pulled to his feet and taken out of the graveyard, the entire world a blur.
Coming towards them from the distance a pair of powerful lights focused on the group and someone got out, running towards them. At this point Xander couldn't stay awake any longer and fell unconscious.
*******************************************
At Sunnydale memorial hospital, a small band of friends surrounded the bed of one Alexander Harris, hopefully awaiting their comrade's return to reality. To the outside world it appeared that he was dreaming, his face twisting ever so often in reaction to something in the dream. On the inside however, Xander was at war with his psyche.
The smell of cordite and gun oil permeated the air, but it didn't seem to offend his nostrils. The aura of the battlefield felt ... familiar. Like he had been here a thousand times before. His eyes snapped open and he looked around at the scene before him. He was lying face down in the foliage of some unknown jungle. Around him were piled the decaying bodies of his enemies, and friends. There were two people dressed in clothing similar to him, all over black jumpsuits and equipment pouches, and then an innumerable quantity of roughly dressed men carrying a variety of weaponry, mostly AK-47s. Each corpse was surrounded in a puddle of its own blood that soaked into the ground around it. Instead of the usual human sensation of vomiting Xander expected to feel, he was overcome with a grim sense of duty, and pulling himself to his feet, ran off into the night leaving his teammates bodies behind him.
Suddenly the scene of battle was torn away and a thousand lifetimes flashed before him, each different than the last but equally powerful in nature, effecting all that surrounded them in unexpected ways. He saw kings, emperors, soldiers, great oracles and visionaries and then, he saw himself. Undefined, formless masses clawed at him from the dark, wounding him over and over, shouting his worthlessness and weaknesses at him, crippling him inside. Then a strange being cloaked in red cloth, its face shrouded in shadow approached him. The sheer presence of the creature rolled off of it.
It pointed to him and said one word from the empty maw of its face.
'Unnatural'
The creature then faded into the immense darkness surrounding him, leaving him totally alone.
'I always knew I'd end up here', Xander thought to himself, his mutterings seemed to echo as if he spoke them.
Unaware of Xander's condition, Buffy, Willow and Tara were all lazily slouched on an old row of seats outside of his recovery room, drinking coffee and thinking heavily. They were all highly shocked by Xander's outburst of courage/stupidity, and were trying to rationalize his actions that evening.
'What was he thinking charging into the fray like that', Buffy thought to herself, not so much shocked by Xander but upset that he had put himself in danger willingly, again.
'I swear when he gets out of here, he and I are going to have a serious chat about his participation in combat. He nearly got himself killed this evening because he wanted to run off to the rescue ... again. He must have the biggest 'Knight in Shining Armor' complex on the planet, that jerk', Buffy fumed at her friend.
While she was considering what to do about Xander's self-sacrificial tendencies, Willow had the most distraught expression painted on her beautiful face.
'Oh God, oh God, oh God, what will happen if he doesn't come around. What if he's trapped in a coma for the rest of his life and can't get out? What if he's scared? What if...' Willow ran through all the worst-case scenarios if her head.
From next to her, the small voice of Tara said softly,' You're babbling in your mind again honey'.
'How could you tell?' Willow said, surprised at her girlfriend's insight.
'You get this cute concerned look on your face, and your expression changes a little bit every few seconds', Tara said simply.
'You know me too well', Willow said tenderly leaning her head on Tara's shoulder, making her envelop Willow with her arm.
Tara was also thinking a lot about the events of the previous battle and Xander's actions in it, although she hid her concern a little better than the two other women next to her.
' I never thought of Xander as the dashing into danger type. Those hand signals he was making were definitely from the army, even if the others didn't notice. Great Uncle Robert told me all about those. I think the one Xander did was like 'look over there'. Willow never said anything about Xander being in the army, where else would he learn those signals from. Oh I hope he's all right. Maybe we should sit with him, the nurse is gone now...'
In through the heavy double doors at the entrance to the ward came Anya, barreling down the hall towards them like all the fires of Hell were hot on her tail. Approaching Buffy first, she began shouting at her, obviously distraught at her boyfriend's condition.
'What the fuck did you do to my boyfriend slayer!' Anya spat out, causing Buffy to rise from her seat to stand eye to eye with the former vengeance demon.
'I didn't do anything to him, he did that all by himself', she retorted pointing towards Xander's prone form through the window.
'What! You must have done something, Xander doesn't try and play hero by himself!' she shouted vehemently.
Seeing the tension growing between the two, Willow steeped in-between them and tried to calm them down.
'Please, both of you calm down. Let's sit down and talk about this okay?' Willow said calmly hoping to persuade the two women from ripping into each other.
Unwillingly the two women sat down on the seats and began talking.
'Okay', Buffy said, calmer now after Willow's intervention,' We were patrolling in the cemetery, when I noticed a group of vampires approaching us. While we were fighting them, Xander ran straight at them. He was completely reckless. We managed to kill all the vampires but the last one bit into his neck before we were able to kill it. Then he collapsed and Giles picked us up and we took him here. Giles is at his apartment grabbing some of his clothes in case he wakes up.' The worry in Buffy's voice was clearly wearing through her aggravation at the young man that was unconscious in the room next to them.
'Oh yeah, and Tara cast a really powerful blinding spell that really helped us win', Willow said, her tone a little higher at her pride in her girlfriend.
'O-oh, it was n-nothing', Tara stuttered, her embarrassment showing clearly in her voice at the sudden attention.
'I'm sure'; Anya said briskly,' but ... how is he?'
Slightly annoyed at the quick dismissal of Tara's actions in the battle, Willow gave the doctors analysis,
'The doctors said that he'd be fine but that he's in a deep coma. He should be okay but the longer he keeps himself in it, the lower his chances of recover are.'
'What do you mean 'keep himself in it'. Last time I checked a coma wasn't voluntary', Anya snapped back.
'They reckon that he's in some kind of heavy dream that he will have to break out of to wake up. It's completely up to him.'
'Well isn't there anything we can do for him, to, you know, wake him up. I read something in a magazine that said you can wake people up from a deep sleep by putting their hand in warm water, or something like that.' Anya said, almost on the brink of tears.
'No, that'll just make him pee his pants', Buffy said nonchalantly, staring off into space.
'Oh.' Anya replied.
'Well, w-we could take t-turns sitting with him. Talking to people in comas can help them come out of it, sometimes they can even hear w-what you say to them, but not always.' Tara said to the group.
'Yes, we can do that. We just tell him how much we want him back and he'll wake himself up from his stupid dream.' Anya said hopefully.
And with that decided, the four women sat back down on the seats and tried to keep themselves occupied. After the nurse had come back to check on Xander before the graveyard shift began, Anya moved into his room and started talking to him. She talked about her usual topics, ranging from the Magic Box to at one point her true reason for her fear of bunnies. Around midnight, Giles arrived with Xander's change of clothes and coffee for all concerned. He approached the group, put the coffee down then drew the small form of Buffy into his arms and gave her a strong hug. This was soon joined by a highly caffinated Willow who almost cut off their circulations with her intensity, and the unusual family sat down to watch over their fallen friend.
'Any change?' Giles asked hopefully, but he knew the answer before it was spoken from the expression on Willow's face.
'No, not yet. But this is still way too early to expect a change.' Willow said downheartedly.
Suddenly, an idea flashed through Buffy's mind, a faint glimmer of hope attached to it.
'Giles, could we use...' Buffy paused as a small group of interns passed on their rounds through the hospitals corridors,' magic to break his coma for him. I mean if he is in some kind of dream, it could be a really good one and he might not want to come back to us.'
Upon hearing the discussion turning towards magic, Tara quickly picked up on the topic and added,
'Uh, B-Buffy?' Tara said, and once she knew she had the blonde's attention continued,' Magic used for healing or regenerative p-purposes is very dangerous. If w-we tried to snap him out of it using magic it could seriously damage him. This is hard for all of us but we've got to let nature do its w-work.'
'Uh, thanks Tara', Buffy said, trying to put on her most appreciative look for her best friends new lover.
'It's just, I hate being so powerless.' Buffy said, looking quite lost.
About half and hour later, Anya exited Xander's room looking exhausted and approached the others slowly.
' I think I'm going to go home and rest. No sense staying here and looking even more ragged than I do already, Xander wouldn't like that.' Anya said before she walked out of the hospital ward, away from her stricken boyfriend, muttering something about him getting too involved in slaying.
'Okay, who wants to go and sit with him now? Will, do you want to or you and Tara can go home.' Buffy said.
' I'll do it.' Willow and Tara said at exactly the same time.
Both the senior slayerette and slayer present looked at Tara like she had grown a second head, obviously surprised by her care for Xander. Being the newest addition to the Scooby gang neither was expecting her to bond to Xander as quickly as she did and often looked away when they talked about him.
'Uh, Tara you really don't have to stay any longer. If you want to go home we can do that and Buffy can look after him. ', Willow asked her now blushing embarrassed girlfriend.
'N-No, I think I should stay here as well. Xander's always been r-really nice to me, a-and I think its kinda my fault he's here.' Tara said, a bit worried about their response.
'What? How could you think it's your fault? Xander really put himself here.' Willow said, shocked at her fellow witch's response.
'W-Well, I saw him sneaking around the back of the v-vampires before he attacked them. I should have said something but I thought he knew what he was doing. He seemed so confident, not like n-normal.' Tara explained to the two confused women in front of her, trying to hide her guilt at this admission.
'Wait, you saw him doing this and you didn't say anything to us? What made you think he was more confidant than usual anyway?' Buffy said, full of accusation at the shy witch.
'He just acted differently, a-and he used that hand signal.' Tara tried to explain to the now angered slayer standing before her.
'Still, you should have told ... hang on. What hand signal?' Buffy asked confused by what she thought happened and the viewpoint of the young witch.
'You know, he did this', Tara said, then placed her middle and index finger above her eyes, then pointed them forward, demonstrating her explanation.
'What's that mean Tara?' Willow asked, unused to this kind of perception from her girlfriend.
'It's a m-military thing. I think it means 'look over there', without saying it of course. Did Xander ever work for the army?' Tara said.
'No, no of course not. But he was once possessed by the spirit of a soldier at Halloween.' Buffy told her.
'Well t-that could be it. Victims of p-possessions often have memories of the things they were possessed by. A soldier in this case.'
'That explains the whole rocket launcher thing.' Willow said absent- mindedly.
'Rocket Launcher?' Tara said
'Yeah a few years ago we were fighting this big demon called the Judge. Basically no weapon forged could kill him. So we found one that wasn't forged. Xander knew how to work it and stuff then, but I would've thought those kind of memories would have faded by now. I mean, I don't think cars are demons still.' Buffy said. Tara was going to call her on the 'cars are demons' thing but thought better against it.
Picking up on the avid discussion, the previously sleeping Giles put in his own view.
'I think he has forgotten most of the soldier's memories, by his own admission. But perhaps he has some of the stronger instincts burned into his psyche. He may not even of know he did it.' Giles said, clearing up a few of the girls' questions,' Any further speculation should be saved for later, when Xander awakens. Buffy, I'll walk you home and Willow and Tara can stay here and keep him company. But don't stay too long, you both need your rest as well.'
Pulling herself to her feet, Buffy stood with Giles for a few moments while the four exchanged their good-byes, and then walked out of the hospital as quickly as possible, Giles in tow. Willow and Tara also stood and walked through into their friend's room and took up the two empty seats on the side of his bed.
They sat their like that for an hour, Willow occasionally asking Xander to get better of exchanging childhood stories, but her worry shone through. Eventually, she fell asleep and joined her friend in his unconscious state. Standing up from her seat, Tara walked over to Xander's bed and stared down at him. His skin was a deathly pale from all the blood taken from him; a large IV bag attached to him through a plastic tube, trying to replenish his supply. Watching closely, she saw that every so often, he twitched violently, as if he was being chased by something, or in pain. Tara reached out and placed her hand on top of his head, trying to calm him from whatever was coming for him.
'Goddess, he's not in a dream, he's in a perpetual nightmare.' Tara said to herself, worried now for her newfound friend's mind. That kind of inescapable nightmare could drive him mad, even if he eventually awakened. Stroking back some of his hair, she prayed to all of the Wiccan deities for their protection upon the young man as his absence caused the group to seem a bit lost without him. To her knowledge, Xander had never really been taken away from them before. She stared down at him, and tried to detect how he was by her enhanced Wiccan senses.
'Come on Xander, wake up, we need you back up here.'
He was running as fast as his legs would carry him, sweat dripping off of his brow into the endless darkness surrounded him, as unknown demons and fiends chased him, wanting his blood with an unholy hunger. This torment seemed to go on forever, with no hope of ending. As it often did, the endless blackness took form around him, showing before him the Magic Box, all colour draining from the environment. On the floor were all of his friends, various horrific wounds covering their pale bodies. Everyone was there, all of his friends, people he knew, all dead because of his failure.
'So this is what I get for trying to help. I'll never be able to save them. I'm worthless...'
The darkness seemed to envelop him, enhancing his despair at his failures, their eyes all locked onto him, staring at him accusingly. He saw everyone he knew gone, almost everyone. Someone was missing. Given a task that didn't involve feeling sorry for himself, he searched the entire shop for that one missing person. Then it struck him like a bullet train.
It was Tara. She was the one not dead. This bit of information gave him a sliver of hope that maybe there was one person who had survived, that he cared about. That's when the aforementioned person appeared at the entrance to the Magic Box.
Dressed exactly the same as she had been the same day that he had been wounded, she strolled towards him and smiled at him.
* How long have I been away from them? Oh god, what if they're not dead? This could just be some kind of sick dream. *
The realization of hope had a profound effect of the environment around them. Colour poured back into the shop, flooding the stacks of books, walls, and ceiling, returning it to its former glory. The odd thing was that Tara had remain full of colour all the way through this transition, leading Xander to believe that she was able to help him.
She was still there, smiling at him mischievously, and it proved that her smiling was very infectious. He could feel one spreading across his face.
'Come on Xander, wake up, we need you back up here', Xander heard Tara's voice echo around the shop but her lips had not moved at all. Instead she pointed towards to door, smiled at him once more and then exited the shop. Following her lead, Xander walked out of the shop, and into the daylight.
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