Disclaimer: I own not.

Phone Call Fun

One-Shot

Arnold walked into the room, hitting a button on his phone before he sat at his desk and began putting away some papers, listening all the while with a tired mind. Today had been a rough day, after all...

"Hey Arnold, baby. It's Rhonda Lloyd. But of course, you already knew who I was. Anyway, I'm calling to see if you were able to pull your strings for me, and get me reservations for Gerald's restaurant for next month. I know that the waiting list is long, and ordinarily I'd just get them myself, but Gerald gets a kick out of being able to boot me from his own restaurant. Hmph! But I need those reservations Arnold. Harold and I have had hardly any romantic us time in a while. Harold isn't exactly the most romantic guy around. So it would be great if-"

Her words were cut off from a voice bellowing loudly in the backround. Arnold could just hear it. "Hey! I'm very romantic!"

"Is that why you proposed to me in the Pizza Hut?"

"That was very romantic! You nearly cried when you bit into that double cheese pizza and spit out a diamond ring the size of a walnut!"

"I was crying because I broke a tooth on that honker!"

"Don't tell me you weren't pleased!"

Arnold heard Rhonda sigh. "Yes, the walnut diamond was definitely worth the trip to the dentist."

"You know darn well it was."

"...I'm sorry for that, Arnold. Anyway, I really need those reservations. Don't get me wrong. Harold and me are still going strong. Five years of marriage, and we're still here and happy. But Harold tends to get a bit on edge when he hasn't had his regular ten-thousand calories a day. Well, give me a call back then. Chow!"

Click

Arnold smiled slightly in amusement, the next message beginning as he threw some old papers away in the trash.

"Hey, Arnold, it's Gerald. I know that you and Helga are out to... I don't know. You wouldn't tell me. I guess it's too private. You naughty boy. Well, anyway, I'm just calling to let you know that I'm breaking into your house. It's night, and I left my paperwork over here for my work. I really need it, so hopefully you won't mind. I just wanted to tell you just in case I left a mess or something looking for the papers, it's not because a burglar or a raccoon broke into your home. Nope, it's just your old buddy, Gerald. I'm already in. Oh, by the way, you should think to hide your key somewhere else. The doormat is so old school. You're lucky a raccoon hasn't broken into your home yet. Anyway, I'm looking for the papers now... Oh! I found them! Good, now I can get home and-OW! Paper cut! That hurt! Ehhhhhhh! I hope you don't mind if I steal a band aid from your bathroom too. I'm on my way there... Okay, let's see. Band aids... band aids... Oh! There they are. Okay, let me just get one out and-... Oh, good Lord, Arnold. Your band aids are plaid TOO? What is wrong with you man? You've gotta have some normal ones somewhere... Here's some more and... they're pink. I'm guessing those are Helga's? Yeah... I think I'll stick with the plaid. Well, I'm just gonna go now. Talk to ya soon, buddy!"

Click

Arnold couldn't help but chuckle slightly at all that, but his chuckle was interrupted suddenly with a yawn, and he picked up his pace in cleaning off his desk. The next message started to play...

There was breathing... and some more breathing... and some more breathing. Arnold stopped in his cleaning up a moment, raising an eyebrow. "Uh... hey... It's Brainy." Arnold smiled then in understanding, going back to work. "Uh... Astrid wanted me to ask... you guys if... you wanted to come over... for tea or something... sometime... we have an important announcement... but we'd rather tell you guys in person... uh..."

There was a sudden, feminine squeal of delight from the line, and she then spoke excitedly in a British accent,"Oh, Helga! Arnold! Brainy finally proposed! Isn't that simply brilliant?" She squealed.

Arnold grinned, knowing that Brainy truly had moved on from Helga now, officially.

"Astrid... I thought you wanted to wait..." He could hear Brainy breath.

"Oh, what fun would that be? Screw it! I'm too happy to wait in giving them the good news! You hear that, guys? I'm getting married!" She giggled joyously, causing the grin on Arnold's face to grow slightly.

"Oh... uh..." There was a moment of silence... and then..."Oh, screw this crap! I'm soon to be a married man! Whoo hoo! ...You hear that, Helga, sweetie? I've officially moved on! I'm in love with another woman! Take that people who said that no one would ever reciprocate my obsessive feelings!"

Arnold heard Astrid squealing with giggles, and it made him chuckle to himself. Astrid could be so strange sometimes. She reminded him of Helga in some ways, but in others the two woman were completely different. Astrid was more excitable, but a total tomboy, with a very feminine, sophisticated feel to her and the clothes she wore, but she was never afraid to get down and dirty, which seemed strange for a Brit but it worked for her. She could be sarcastic at times, but was more times than not, a brutally honest person, but acted very sweet to everyone she met, and was NEVER shy. Though the first time she met Brainy, she had seemed like a very shy girl. But later on, once she was more comfortable, she shocked everyone with just how strong her personality really was. She brought out the dare devil in Brainy, which was a side to him that no one had ever been able to bring out or even knew was there. Normally Brainy was a total gentleman, a very high class, intellectual man with a vast vocabulary, and very poetic... but around Astrid he was... Arnold couldn't even describe it. He just knew that her and Brainy were good for each other, and he was happy for them.

"Oh, come on, Brainiac! Let's go celebrate some more! We'll see you guys a bit later. Goodbye!"

Click

Arnold chuckled to himself, mentally noting that he'd have to save that one message for Helga to hear. He was shocked out of his thoughts, though, by the next voice that came booming out of his messages.

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeello! We have a great offer here! Plaid socks for only nine ninety-nine! That's our best offer yet! We've even got-"

Arnold gave the phone a dry look, just waiting for it...

"-and plaid purses, and plaid underwear, and plaid car seats! Plaid! Plaid! Plaid! ...Sound familiar, Arnold?"

Arnold rolled his eyes at Gerald's voice, waiting for the point.

"Anyway, buddy, I was just calling to make sure you got my message from before and didn't call the police about some raccoon breaking an entering. Nope, it was just me, getting my paperwork. Why haven't you been answering your calls? ...Never mind. I don't need to know about what you and Helga do in your spare time. I'm just gonna hang up now. Call me back when you can. Bye!"

Click

Arnold sat there, a slight blush settling on his cheeks, as the next message played out.

"Wuzzup, Arnold? Guess who! That's right. It's me. Thaddeus, aka Curly. You called me not too long ago about whether or not I had fully moved on from Rhonda yet. Well, I'll have you know right now that I have a sweet bachelor pad, and that the ladies are practically lining up at my door!" There was a maniacal cackle.

Click

Arnold smiled at that, the last message playing out...

"Hey, Honey? It's Helga."

Arnold's eyes widened, and he halted completely in his clean up to listen to the message, and to look at the time the message was made: 10:46. He blinked, looking down at his watch and seeing that it was almost midnight now. He cringed.

"Yeah, well... by now I'm sure you've realized that you forgot to pick me up from Phoebe's house, and you're giving the phone a very worried look..."

Despite her calm tone, Arnold feared slightly for what was coming next. Especially since she had pretty much hit the nail on the head on what he was currently doing. How she did that, he'd never know.

"...I'm guessing you worked late again? What is wrong with you, Football Head? It's an Open House! You're allowed to start kicking people out if they stay longer than when the stupid thing was supposed to end! Darn goody-two shoes. Anyway, I didn't want to be a burden on Gerald and Phoebe when they got home, so I tucked the kids in to bed, and when Gerald and Phoebe got home, I lied to them that I had a ride. I should be home in about..."

The sound of the front door opening and closing suddenly shocked Arnold out of his guilt-paralyzed thoughts, and he flew around in his seat just in time to see Helga walk in to his office, her trench coat hanging loosely on her arms, her hat nearly falling off of her head, and her entire body soaked from head to toe, no doubt a cause of the rain. Lightning flashed through the window in the room, and the thunder came shortly after, loud and clear, like a lion's roar.

Helga gave him a sour smirk, her dripping form leaning against the doorway with her arms now crossed. "...now." She finished in a raspy voice, her eyes clearly showing that she wanted revenge.

His answering machine was heard clicking in the background, signaling the end of his messages, though Arnold was too caught up in staring at Helga with wide, terrified eyes.

She smirked even broader at how scared and guilty he looked, completely at her mercy. She straightened up, taking a step forward, her soggy boots squeaking against the freshly waxed floorboards. She stood in front of him now, looking down at him as he just sat in his chair, staring up at her with remorseful green eyes, clearly seeking mercy from her.

She leaned down into his space, her nose barely touching his own. She cut her eyes at him, and whispered, "You know what this means, my dearly beloved." She grinned evilly.

He gulped.

The next day, Arnold walked into his classroom, setting his lesson plans down on his desk before turning to the chalk board so he could begin writing some figures down for his class when they came in.

The bell rang and a swarm of students flooded the room, as Arnold stood at the front of the class, waiting for everyone to take their seats. The children began noticing how he looked, though, and most of them froze, the entire classroom within seconds going from a chattering, busy room to a dead quiet one.

They all stared.

Arnold kept a straight face, though, not giving away his insecurities in the least. He stood completely still, looking at them all with his usual half-smile, his back straight and his hands behind his back as he waited for the explosion.

Like a volcano eruption, the hysterical laughs flooded from their mouths like lava, some even pointing their fingers at him and banging their heads on their desks.

Arnold took it, though, and he smiled at them all, overpowering their laughs by announcing, "Today, I only have two lessons for you, kids; Always remember to check your messages, and NEVER forget to pick up your wife."

Because there upon his head, in between his two large corn stocks of hair, was a little pink bow.

The End

A/N: Oh my gosh, I'm just so stupid. XD

REVIEW!