Favor for a Favor for a Favor for a Favor

by frostyfreezyfreeze54

Buster's jealousy of Halley reaches a breaking point when Sparky inadvertently invites them both to a Chance the Rapper concert. Meanwhile, Wade and Jaylynn try to take down RK when they get caught up in the middle of a prank war.

1. Favor for a Favor Script

Thank You, Heavenly

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 5

EPISODE 23

Airdate: April 2, 2017

"Favor for a Favor for a Favor for a Favor"

#TYH523

SCENE 1

The Newman Condominium

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

One day, Buster is watching TV when Sparky walks in.

SPARKY: What's up, Buster?

BUSTER: Oh, it's you. I'm surprised Halley's not tied to your back or anything.

SPARKY: What are you talking about?

BUSTER: Well, it just feels like I haven't seen you lately. You're always hanging out with Halley these days. Going to movies, studying together, eating together. I can eat too.

SPARKY: That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I know you and I haven't been doing stuff lately, so I got two tickets to a Chance the Rapper concert this weekend. I figure we could have some fun there.

BUSTER: Who the hell is Chance the Rapper?

SPARKY: He's a rapper, Buster.

BUSTER: Why would he call himself what he already is? Is that like a joke or something?

SPARKY: How have you not heard of Chance the Rapper? He's the guy in the Kit Kat commercials.

BUSTER: Oh yeah, that guy. I always thought that was J. Cole or something. Okay, sure, why not? I'd love to go.

SPARKY: Great. I'm telling you, Buster, you and I are going to have a lot of fun at this concert. There won't be a single trace of Halley anywhere.

BUSTER: Really?

SPARKY: Of course. You know most girls don't like rap music. Oh, by the way, you should turn the sound back on your TV.

BUSTER: Oh no, I like it that way.

SPARKY: You're watching TV with the sound off? Why?

BUSTER: Well, I have to practice if I go deaf one day or my ears fall off.

Beat.

SPARKY: Okay?

SCENE 2

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

The next day, RK and Jaylynn are at their lockers.

RK: You know, I've always wondered who the genius behind peanut butter cups was.

JAYLYNN: Beats me.

RK: Of course it does. You're a Jaylynn. Jaylynns aren't expected to know anything.

JAYLYNN: Dude, I'm not a freaking species.

RK: Maybe you are and you just hate the fact that I caught on.

JAYLYNN: I feel like punching you every single day, but you're like, one of my favorite people. I don't get it.

RK: KG says it's most likely early puberty.

Wade walks up to RK with an annoyed look on his face.

RK: Hey there, Wade. What's going down?

WADE: RK, I know it was you.

RK: Alright, fine, but Buster dared me to do it! I didn't know it was going to get all over the floor. At least I cleaned it!

WADE: What are you talking about?

RK: What are you talking about?

WADE: I'm talking about you replacing my Listerine with green Hawaiian Punch!

RK: Oh yeah. Okay, forget that other thing I said.

JAYLYNN: You seriously did that? How?

RK: Well, it was pretty simple. Just get the same color of Hawaiian Punch that the Listerine was. It's basic physiology.

JAYLYNN: I don't know what that word means, but I'm pretty sure you don't know either.

WADE: RK, I take my oral hygiene very seriously and I would prefer you respect that.

RK: Oh, come on, Wade, it's just an April Fools prank.

JAYLYNN: April Fool's Day isn't even until next week.

RK: Are...are you pointing that out like I wouldn't already know? And you see, that's the point, guys. Every year on April Fool's Day, I come up with this beautiful, amazing, carefully crafted prank and you guys figure it out every time. So this year, I figured that if I create a series of pranks leading up to April Fool's Day, you guys won't see the big one coming.

WADE: That just means we're anticipating the big prank even more.

RK: True, but at the same time, you won't know what prank to expect. I've created over 100 pranks this year, each one more hilarious than the last. I'm picking them out at random so not only are you guys on your toes, so am I. It's another RK Jennings signature moment.

JAYLYNN: I'm pretty sure I'll figure out your prank.

RK: In order to do that, you have to be me. But you're not, so what are we really talking about here? Consider yourselves warned, guys.

RK snickers to himself and leaves the scene with a devious expression.

JAYLYNN: Are we in the middle of a prank war?

WADE: About as much as Sisyphus is rolling that boulder up the hill.

Jaylynn gives Wade a confused expression.

WADE: He's a character from Greek mythology.

JAYLYNN: And you actually expected me to get that?

SCENE 3

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

Buster is eating a sandwich by himself when Halley walks towards him.

HALLEY: Hey Buster.

BUSTER: GAH! Halley, what are you doing here? Giving me a heart attack?

HALLEY: What, I can't say hi to you now?

BUSTER'S BRAIN: Probably not.

BUSTER: Probably...not, not. So yeah, I guess you can.

HALLEY: Is everything okay?

BUSTER: Yeah, sure. I mean, taxes are going up and, um...you know those Democrats. Always doing something Democratic.

HALLEY: I have the feeling you don't want to talk to me.

BUSTER: No, it's not that. But you have been around a lot lately and it is keeping me away from Sparky. But you don't have to worry about it this weekend. Sparky's taking me to see Chance. You know, the rapper?

HALLEY: I know who Chance the Rapper is. And Sparky got an extra ticket for you?

BUSTER: What do you mean he got an extra ticket?

HALLEY: Well, it's just that he told me I was going with him to the concert.

BUSTER: Are you kidding me? No, seriously, is this some kind of sick joke?

Sparky comes in whistling "Nothing Even Matters" by Big Time Rush when he sees Buster and Halley staring at him.

SPARKY: What, is my fly down?

HALLEY: Why did you invite Buster to the concert after you told me I was going?

BUSTER: And why did you make it seem like Halley wasn't gonna be there when she was always gonna be there...to take my ticket?!

SPARKY: Well, um, you see, that's...something. Damn, I really screwed up here, guys.

HALLEY: So how do we settle this?

BUSTER: I think we should play extreme rock paper scissors. First one to four wins gets the ticket.

SPARKY: Or I could take Halley.

BUSTER: What? But Sparky, you said that...

SPARKY: I know what I said, Buster. But I promised Halley first. I'm really sorry, man, but fair is fair.

BUSTER: Fair is fair? Of course, take the girlfriend everywhere all the time. This is a conspiracy theory, isn't it? Jesse Ventura needs to investigate this.

SPARKY: It's not a conspiracy.

BUSTER: That's exactly what it is. And to think I used to respect you guys.

Buster walks away from both Sparky and Halley and leaves the lunchroom.

HALLEY: I feel like a lot of this is my fault.

SPARKY: Don't worry about it, Halley, I'll make it up to him. I just can't believe I bombed this.

Buster walks back to the scene to get his sandwich.

BUSTER: I can't leave this behind. You know, unless girly over here calls dibs and you give it to her.

Buster grunts in frustration as he walks away while aggressively biting his sandwich.

SCENE 4

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Wade is watching TV when Jaylynn walks down the stairs on the phone.

JAYLYNN: Oh yeah. Oh yeah, that's real funny, RK. You know what else is real funny? A boot up your ass the next time I see you!

Jaylynn hangs up furiously.

WADE: What was that all about?

JAYLYNN: RK totally pranked me. He called from Anja's phone, pretended to be her, and told me that not only is she in love with me but that Lynne moved to Wyoming forever.

WADE: You fell for that?

JAYLYNN: Dude, he nailed Anja's voice. And the worst part is, she was in on it! I had no chance.

WADE: Man, RK is really putting effort into these pranks. If only he put this much energy into his science homework.

Wade starts cackling and walks towards the kitchen. He sees a pack of Starburst on the kitchen table.

WADE: What the hell? Did I buy these? I mean, it looks like I did.

Wade opens the pack and unwraps one and starts eating one.

WADE: Uh huh. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. That's that good lemon flavor. Hey Jaylynn, you want a Starburst?

JAYLYNN: I don't know. Is my tongue going to change colors too?

WADE: What? Starburst doesn't change the color of your tongue.

JAYLYNN: Well, in that case, you might want to look in the mirror.

Wade looks into the living room mirror and sees that his tongue is now black.

WADE: GAH! RK, that son of a bitch did it again! Him and his gag candy. If we don't stop him now, we probably won't even live to see April Fool's Day.

JAYLYNN: That's what I'm saying. So are we going to get RK back with a prank so badass, he'll cry himself to sleep thinking about it?

WADE: I wanna say yeah, but...what am I saying yeah to?

Jaylynn gives Wade another confused expression.

WADE: Seven Guitars. You know, the 1995 play by August Wilson?

Jaylynn's expression does not change.

WADE: Come on, Jaylynn. Go on Twitter, read a book. Something!

SCENE 5

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

Buster slowly walks towards Halley's locker clutching his backpack to his chest. Halley takes some of her books and stretches out her arm to put them in her locker. She then turns to see Buster right near her.

HALLEY: How are you holding up?

BUSTER: Good.

HALLEY: That's good. You know, I didn't think you would be here today.

BUSTER: Yeah, I bet.

HALLEY: Look, I'm really sorry about everything. And you know, if you ever need anything...I got your back.

BUSTER: No, you stabbed me in the back.

HALLEY: What?

BUSTER: You set the whole thing up.

Buster begins to pull out a water gun.

HALLEY: Buster, come on, I didn't even know Sparky asked you.

Halley notices that Buster is beginning to pull out the water gun.

HALLEY: Is that real?

BUSTER: All this time, you pretended to be my friend.

Buster pulls out the entire gun and aims it at Halley's face.

BUSTER: You made me do this.

Halley takes a deep breath, and slowly starts walking backwards as Buster closes his eyes. Halley then starts running away as Buster proceeds to start spraying her.

HALLEY: AAAAAAHHH!

Halley falls to the floor and collapses after being soaked with the water gun. The scene is revealed to be a fantasy sequence as it fades into Buster at his locker with RK right next to him.

BUSTER: Hey RK, do you have any water guns that can really hurt someone?

RK: Oh, I swore off water guns after what happened at the picnic last year. Why do you ask?

BUSTER: I want to hurt Halley and make her cry.

RK: But I thought you two were friends.

BUSTER: We were before she conned me out of my Chance the Rapper concert.

RK: Since when did you start listening to Chance the Rapper?

BUSTER: I don't, but Sparky does. He wanted me to go to the concert with him, but Halley screwed me over!

RK: Are you sure he didn't just ask Halley before he asked you?

BUSTER: Oh yeah, he did. But that still doesn't excuse the fact that...

HALLEY: Hi Buster.

Buster turns around to see Halley.

BUSTER: What are you doing here? I have nothing else valuable. You want to eat my new sandwich? I might as well see if Sparky actually made this for you and it just ended up on my table. And I know that doesn't make any sense since I bought this from the deli, but you just make me want to spit.

HALLEY: Look, Buster, I'm really sorry about what happened yesterday. I didn't know Sparky asked you to go to the concert after he asked me. I would never play you like that.

BUSTER: Your word means as much to me as my old Rugrats underwear.

HALLEY: Well, I may not be able to go back in time and fix this, but I can at least owe you one.

BUSTER: Owe me one?

HALLEY: Yeah. I really owe you for this. I don't want us to fight, so whenever you need something, just let me know.

BUSTER: Alright, Halley, I guess that's fine.

HALLEY: Are we good? Because I still feel like you don't want me around you.

BUSTER: You know what? It's okay, Halley. It just sucks not having Sparky around sometimes.

HALLEY: I understand. But if you want to talk, you can call me later.

BUSTER: Um, sure. Thanks.

Halley walks away at that point when Buster sighs.

RK: What's the problem, man? Halley apologized, said she owed you one, and even said you could call her. If you were both single, you would be all kinds of in there.

BUSTER: Eh, I don't know. What does "I owe you one" even mean? Probably going to buy me an ice cream and act like this never happened.

RK: Dude, Halley's in your debt. She just gave you the keys to the kingdom, man.

BUSTER: What keys? I don't have any.

RK: No, it's metaphorical.

BUSTER: What the hell does meta humor have to do with Halley giving me imaginary keys?

RK: Look, Halley just gave you the golden opportunity to get whatever you want. You can ask her for absolutely anything. If I were you, I would milk this cow until it gets sick and goes to the slaughterhouse to die.

BUSTER: I really don't think you should use metaphors around me.

SCENE 6

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

That afternoon, Wade walks through the door with his backpack.

JAYLYNN: You have the ultimate prank?

WADE: Of course I do. It has a 99.9% chance of success.

JAYLYNN: What about the 0.1%? That makes me feel queasy.

WADE: Oh, 99.9% is just what the science community says to troll people. Here it is.

Wade pulls out a large vanilla cupcake from his backpack.

JAYLYNN: That's the best you could do? A big ass cupcake? How is that even a prank?

WADE: Jaylynn, this isn't any ordinary vanilla cupcake. It's filled to the brim with pressurized, wasabi-laced hot sauce. Don't ask me how I did it.

JAYLYNN: Okay, I like where this is going. But how does it work?

WADE: Well, I engineered this cupcake to be like an explosive. As soon as RK's lips make contact with it, his face will be covered in burning condiments. See, the problem with RK's pranks is they lack finesse. He gets by on luck and timing, but what he does is amateurish at best. This requires sophistication to pull off.

JAYLYNN: This is going to be so awesomesauce. We're finally going to show RK what a real prank is.

WADE: You said it. He'll never see it coming.

SCENE 7

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

RK is watching TV when he hears the doorbell ring. He opens it to reveal Wade and Jaylynn.

RK: Oh, hey guys. You don't have to ring the bell. Only cops and Jehovah's Witnesses do that.

WADE: Whatever you say. You're the boss.

JAYLYNN: Of course. You are the master of your domain.

RK: Wait a minute. Jaylynn making a Seinfeld reference? What the hell is going on here?

WADE: Nothing, we just wanted to give you this little treat we got at the bakery.

JAYLYNN: We know how much you love cupcakes, so here you go.

Wade pulls out the hot sauce cupcake.

RK: Oh my God, it's an absolute beauty. Thank you. Wait a minute, you guys aren't trying to pull a fast one, are you?

WADE: Of course not, buddy.

RK: This isn't a set-up or a premeditated assault, is it?

JAYLYNN: Do we look like gangbangers?

RK: Eh, I guess not. Come on in, we can watch some syndicated TV. You know, how they edit out all the crap from shows that matter?

Cut to a scene from Full House where Stephanie is yelled at by Danny.

DANNY: Stephanie, what you did was the stupidest thing you've ever done. You could have killed yourself!

Cut to Danny and Stephanie hugging.

DANNY: I promise you, we'll have more father-daughter time.

Cut back to RK, Wade, and Jaylynn.

WADE: Unfortunately, we can't stay for long. But you enjoy your cupcake.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, man, eat up. Why don't you take a bite now?

RK: Eh, I don't know. We're having spaghetti and meatballs later and I wanna make sure I'm regular for that. I'll just put this in my room.

WADE: Hey, why not?

RK takes the cupcake and walks upstairs with it. Wade and Jaylynn run into the kitchen.

WADE: Well, all we have to do is let nature take its course and RK will walk right into our trap.

JAYLYNN: Dude, this is no fun. I want to see him eat it. Why can't we just watch him squirm and take a couple candids for Facebook?

WADE: Because, Jaylynn, it will be too suspicious.

Cut to RK placing the cupcake on his bed, then greeting KG in the upstairs hallway.

RK: Brother man.

KG: Brother man. Heading to the bathroom?

RK: Hell yeah I'm heading to the bathroom. Keep it cool.

KG: Is there any other choice?

RK chuckles as he walks into the bathroom. KG almost goes downstairs, but he gets distracted by the cupcake sitting on RK's bed.

KG: Damn, that's one big daddy. Should I really eat it? Beat. Eh, I'll buy RK another one.

Cut back to Wade and Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: I really think we should watch him eat it.

WADE: And I really think we should go before lightbulbs start flashing in RK's brain.

KG: AAAAHHHH, SON OF A BITCH!

WADE: I think KG found the cupcake.

Wade and Jaylynn rush upstairs and see KG covered in hot sauce.

JAYLYNN: Holy shit, so that's what finesse looks like!

WADE: KG, I'm so sorry. This whole thing was supposed to sucker RK in.

KG: You guys are in the middle of a prank war, aren't you?

JAYLYNN: Yeah.

KG: Okay, but next time, could you let me know in advance? Because last time I was uninformed, I ended up in the infirmary.

WADE: Absolutely.

KG begins tasting the hot sauce.

KG: You know, this isn't as painful as you might think.

RK walks into the room and sees the mess.

RK: You bastards, I can't believe you tried to get me all along! Wait, you know what? I can. KG, you need something? A moist towelette?

KG: No, actually, I really like this sauce. I'm just going to get some Doritos and eat them off of me.

RK: You know, you don't have to be sarcastic.

KG: I'm not, I actually really dig this. Mmmm, what is this, wasabi? Dude, somebody get some Doritos.

RK stares at a nervous Wade and Jaylynn.

WADE: Gotcha?

SCENE 8

The Newman Condominium

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Buster paces back and forth that night as LPC rests near him.

BUSTER: What do I do? What do I want? I mean, I could really get anything from Halley. She owes me something. It's her word, it came out of her mouth. I don't know. LPC, do you think I should get a favor from Halley? Meow once for yes, twice for no.

LPC proceeds to lick Buster's ankle.

BUSTER: I'll just take that as a really awkward yes.

Cut to Halley brushing her hair in the bathroom. She gets a phone call at that moment.

HALLEY: Hey Buster, what's up?

BUSTER: Hey Halley, um...you know how, like, you said you owe me one?

HALLEY: Yeah, I know what I said.

BUSTER: Okay, well, as a favor, could you make me breakfast tomorrow?

HALLEY: Why exactly?

BUSTER: Well, you said anything I wanted and I want that. It will remind me of how my mommy used to do it.

HALLEY: Okay, sure, why not?

BUSTER: Great. I can't wait to see you. Oh, and can you make sure to bring Aunt Jemima syrup? I can't eat any other syrup, it messes with my system.

HALLEY: Um, yeah. I can do that.

BUSTER: Great. Well, see you tomorrow morning.

Halley hangs up at that point and goes back to brushing her hair.

HALLEY: I'm seriously making him f***ing breakfast?

SCENE 9

The Newman Condominium

Interior Kitchen

Seattle, Washington

The next morning, Halley is making eggs and bacon for Buster. She takes the food and puts it on Buster's plate.

BUSTER: Thanks Halley. Everything looks great.

HALLEY: Of course. Hey, how long are you going to take? I have to get to school.

BUSTER: Oh, I don't know for sure, but you don't have to wait for me. You already owed me one.

HALLEY: Okay, cool. See you in school.

BUSTER: You too.

Halley runs out of the condo while Buster starts eating the eggs.

BUSTER: Hmmm, they're a little burnt. And I hate yolks, I don't even know why I wanted them. You know what? Maybe I could ask Halley for a new favor. That will make up for it.

Buster goes to the refrigerator and then stops to look at the camera.

BUSTER: Hey, don't judge me. RK said to take the cow to the slaughterhouse.

SCENE 10

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

That morning, Halley is sorting her things out when Jaylynn walks up to her.

JAYLYNN: Hey Halley, what's going on?

HALLEY: Not much. How about you?

Jaylynn starts smelling Halley.

HALLEY: What are you, a bloodhound? Get off me.

JAYLYNN: I'm sorry, it's just that you smell really good. Like bacon and Aunt Jemima.

HALLEY: Yeah, that's because I was making breakfast for Buster. I owed him one.

JAYLYNN: Does Sparky know you did that?

HALLEY: No. Besides, it's not like he has to know. I did Buster a favor and that's that. It's over.

JAYLYNN: Wait a minute, you're doing favors for him and not me?

HALLEY: What are you talking about?

JAYLYNN: Well, I still have two I.O.U.'s from a couple months ago. One in which you and I were going bowling but you bailed on me to hang out with Sparky.

HALLEY: You're right, that did happen. But what do you want? And if you even think about asking me for a foot rub, I'm blocking your number.

JAYLYNN: Relax, I just need you to do my history report on the Louisiana Purchase. It's due on two days and I started it, but now I just think it's a lot easier to pass it onto you.

HALLEY: I don't know, Jaylynn, I have my own homework.

JAYLYNN: Oh, that is so like you half-assing favors like that. You may not owe me today, honey, but you still owe me. And I don't wait for anything.

HALLEY: Ugh, fine, I'll do it. You happy now manipulating me like this?

JAYLYNN: Kinda. Oh, by the way, you really should make sure you do your research. It won't make any sense if the first half of the essay is a B-plus and the second half is a C-minus.

HALLEY: Bitch, don't even think about testing me. This isn't the day.

SCENE 11

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

That afternoon, Wade and Jaylynn are watching TV.

JAYLYNN: We need a new prank and we need it now. This morning, I woke up to a giant plastic spider on my chest.

WADE: How did RK sneak into your room at night and place a spider on your chest?

JAYLYNN: I don't know, this kid is not normal. He's not even human, he's just a mammal!

WADE: Technically speaking, humans are mammals so...

JAYLYNN: Are you kidding me? I was victimized today and you couldn't even let me have this one?

WADE: Sorry. But you're right. We need to seek immediate retribution or RK's super prank will just be ten times worse.

JAYLYNN: You know what we need to do? Hit him where it hurts. Go for the gut, get those tears flowing.

WADE: I think I have an idea, and before you ask, this does not involve any explosives.

JAYLYNN: I wasn't going to ask you anything.

WADE: Great, then we're on the same page and we don't have to waste valuable time going over this.

SCENE 12

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Wade and Jaylynn walk in wearing ski masks.

JAYLYNN: I don't think it was a good idea to wear ski masks. I could have sworn a lady saw me and started calling someone.

WADE: I don't know, they add a layer of danger. Okay, so RK's at Anna's place and KG is upstairs. This is the perfect way to get what we want.

JAYLYNN: You really think faking Mrs. Tuxedo Pants' death will work?

WADE: Of course. This fake blood is so close to the real thing, some doctor actually tried using it for a transfusion. It didn't go well, but the point is, we'll have RK begging for mercy once he sees this.

JAYLYNN: Alright, let's do this. I can't wait to find out how RK reacted to his precious little cat being killed.

WADE: Are we sadistic for doing this?

JAYLYNN: Of course not, it's just jokes. Alright, let's go.

Wade and Jaylynn run upstairs and head towards RK's room. They open it and see Mrs. Tuxedo Pants walking around the closet area.

WADE: Okay, the cat's right there. Now we get the fake blood and the "Gotcha" note out. Along with the dinner plate cover.

JAYLYNN: Okay. Man, this is giving me chills. I feel like this is art and in a way, we're part of the art because of this beautiful thing we're creating.

WADE: Did you make that up yourself?

JAYLYNN: I love art. Is it so wrong to express that?

WADE: From you, a little bit. Okay, let's get Mrs. Tuxedo Pants in position.

JAYLYNN: That reminds me, Wade. How are we going to prank RK if Mrs. Tuxedo Pants is moving around?

WADE: Oh, well, I actually have a special knockout serum that will put Tuxy to sleep for a couple hours. By the time RK gets back, she'll still be sleeping.

JAYLYNN: Well, it better work because this stupid cat won't stay in one place. Hey, you, stay. Stay, dammit!

WADE: Jaylynn, Mrs. Tuxedo Pants isn't a dog.

JAYLYNN: Like that means anything. If the damn cat has home training, it should know about a simple command.

WADE: Okay, let me help before you...

Jaylynn starts shaking Mrs. Tuxedo Pants.

JAYLYNN: If you don't pretend to be dead, I'll make sure I turn it into the real thing, you got me?

WADE: Jaylynn, this is still a living creature!

JAYLYNN: I'm sorry, man, I just want to make sure RK gets what's coming to him.

WADE: Let me take care of this.

Wade places Mrs. Tuxedo Pants right near RK's bed and she collapses.

WADE: Wait a minute.

JAYLYNN: You gave her the knockout serum already? That was fast. You suck, I wanted to see it!

WADE: Jaylynn, I never gave it to her. She just fell down.

JAYLYNN: What? That can't be good. Let me see.

Jaylynn runs to Mrs. Tuxedo Pants and checks one of her paws.

JAYLYNN: I don't think her eyes should be rolling in the back of her head like that.

WADE: Oh my God. J...Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN: Yeah?

WADE: WE KILLED RK'S CAT!

JAYLYNN: WHAT?! Come on, sweetie, if I told you to jump off of a cliff, would you do it?!

WADE: WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!

JAYLYNN: SHE TOOK MY WORDS TO HEART, SHE'S HEADED FOR THE GRAVE, NOW, WADE!

WADE: What the hell are we supposed to do?

JAYLYNN: Bury the body?

WADE: WHAT?!

JAYLYNN: Look, if RK finds out we shook his cat to death, he'll never forgive us. And besides, cats get run over every day, B. We can always pretend like that happened, never talk about it again, and let RK know the truth on his deathbed.

WADE: I'm not about to have my handprints all over a dead body! Foul play all around, man!

JAYLYNN: Well, what else can we do?!

Beat.

WADE: Get our stuff and GET OUT OF HERE!

Wade and Jaylynn pack up their stuff and run out of the room, leaving Mrs. Tuxedo Pants behind.

SCENE 13

The Vidal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

That night, Halley is doing her homework when she gets a phone call.

HALLEY: Buster, what is it?

Cut to Buster at his condo.

BUSTER: Hey Halley. You know, I liked your eggs and bacon today but I feel like they could have been better.

HALLEY: They could have been better?

BUSTER: Yeah, like, the bacon felt a little undercooked. It has to crisp. It didn't crisp the way I'm used to so maybe that's why I didn't like it.

HALLEY: Well, what do you expect me to do?

BUSTER: Make it again. Or if you want to, you can make me dinner. I have an out of this world chicken recipe you can try out.

HALLEY: Buster, I'm not your personal chef. I owed you one and that was it.

BUSTER: Well, could you owe me another one? I mean, after all, you did kinda swipe the ticket away from me.

HALLEY: I never swiped the ticket! Look, as one more "I owe you one," I could skip the concert. You can take the ticket. Will it make you happy if I don't go?

BUSTER: Actually, yeah, it would. But you're serious about this?

HALLEY: If it gets you off my back, then yes, I'm serious.

BUSTER: Alright, yes! Thanks!

Buster hangs up and screams in celebration.

BUSTER: I can't believe this. Somehow, some way, I ended up getting the ticket back! Yes, I'm going to the concert with Sparky!

Buster looks at the camera again.

BUSTER: What, you think I planned this? Half the time, I can't even remember to flush the toilet.

Buster trips and falls.

SCENE 14

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

The next day, Wade and Jaylynn look traumatized as they stand by their lockers.

JAYLYNN: It's just awful. It keeps playing over and over in my head.

WADE: I know. Last night, I had a dream that RK chased after me and drowned me in Mrs. Tuxedo Pants' blood. And he kept asking me how I liked it over and over until I lost consciousness.

JAYLYNN: Kid, you have some demons.

WADE: Nightmares are sometimes representative of nothing! The point is, I can't face RK. What am I supposed to say to him?

JAYLYNN: Nothing. In fact, RK will never see us again. We're avoiding him from now until we graduate, and then we tell him the truth.

Cut to RK walking towards the guys.

WADE: Too late.

JAYLYNN: Well, shit, this hasn't been the best life, but it was a good run.

WADE: Okay, the key is to play it calm, cool, and collected. We'll be safe if we just act normal.

RK: Hey guys.

WADE: NOTHING HAPPENED! Oh, hey RK.

JAYLYNN: Jesus, we're already down for the count.

RK: You guys okay?

JAYLYNN: Yeah, why wouldn't we be?

RK: No reason. Just wanted to check in on my buddies. So anyway, I had a real crappy night. KG and I had to take Tuxy to the vet and I didn't really sleep.

WADE: The vet? Why...why would Mrs. Tuxedo Pants need a trip to the vet?

RK: Eh, she wasn't feeling well and she was moving real slow so she's going to be there for the next couple days. It really sucks, man. I don't want her to die.

JAYLYNN: Your cat's not dying, man. That's just a bunch of nonsense.

WADE: Of course. Pets fall ill all the time. Mrs. Tuxedo Pants is going to make it, I swear to you. She HAS to make it.

RK: You know, you guys are the best. I was almost going to stay home today but being around my friends just takes the crust away from my heart. And just for that, I'm calling off the prank war.

JAYLYNN: You are? Oh, please, we know your big super prank of all pranks is coming up.

RK: Eh, I don't really have any ideas for it. Besides, at this point, getting you guys would be like pouring water in the ocean so what's the point?

WADE: Makes perfect sense. We should all try not to pour water in the ocean.

RK: Exactly what I was thinking. Hey, you guys want to come for dinner tonight? I don't know what KG's cooking, but it's vegetable-free so shit might get a little crazy.

JAYLYNN: Why not?

WADE: Yeah, Jaylynn, why not?

Jaylynn stomps on Wade's foot.

WADE: You monster!

RK: Ha, you two are ridiculous. Alright, I'll give you the details later.

RK walks away from Wade and Jaylynn who wave goodbye to him.

WADE: Ooh, why not, RK? Why not make sure we get in even more trouble than we already are, RK?

JAYLYNN: You know damn well I never said that. And what was I supposed to say? If we skip the dinner, RK's going to start being like Sherlock Holmes and piece everything together.

WADE: I highly doubt that. He sounds genuine to me.

JAYLYNN: Genuine? You two have been best friends for how long and you haven't figured out his tricks yet? He's about to catch us in the act, bro. He knows we tried to put his cat in the grave and now he's setting the trap.

WADE: So what are we going to do? You know, since you already have everything figured out?

JAYLYNN: Well, we have to stay on code tonight. Make sure we outsmart him every chance we have. And we're going to see that vet. If Mrs. Tuxedo Pants dies, it's our responsibility to bury her.

WADE: We're not her family. We're not going to bury her.

JAYLYNN: Wait, so you want her cremated? You sick son of a bitch, this is no time to start talking like that!

Wade groans in annoyance.

SCENE 15

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

Sparky is eating lunch by himself when a noticeably tired Halley walks over to him.

HALLEY: Sparky, I have to tell you something.

SPARKY: What is it, Halley?

HALLEY: Oh, I won't be able to make the Chance the Rapper concert on Saturday so I just gave Buster the extra ticket.

SPARKY: Hmmm. Okay. Any particular reason why?

HALLEY: Yeah, I got some homework to do. I mean, I'm so swamped with it, it's ridiculous.

SPARKY: No wonder you look so out of it. But hey, I respect your dedication.

HALLEY: Thanks. When was the last time you spoke to Buster?

SPARKY: Not since he thought there was a conspiracy. He's been avoiding me all week. But hopefully, us going together can help get things back to normal.

At that point, Ashley and Sanna walk up to Halley.

SANNA: Hey Halley, what's going on?

HALLEY: Well, I had to make up some homework last night so I'm tired from having to catch up. But what do you guys need?

ASHLEY: We were wondering if you could do us both favors like you did for Buster and Jaylynn.

Halley's eyes widen and she pushes Ashley and Sanna aside to speak to them privately.

HALLEY: Look, you guys can't bring up the whole favors thing around Sparky.

SANNA: Why not?

HALLEY: Because I don't want him thinking something's going on.

ASHLEY: What is going on?

HALLEY: Absolutely nothing, so if something becomes nothing, that's good. What do you guys want anyway?

SANNA: Well, I'm having some friends over from my old school and I want to vacuum my place so I was hoping you could do it.

HALLEY: You're...you're kidding, right?

SANNA: If I was, I wouldn't look at you like this.

Sanna gives Halley a somewhat serious expression.

HALLEY: The hell is that?

SANNA: I'm trying to be serious.

HALLEY: You look constipated.

ASHLEY: And can you also try turning down Manny for me? He keeps asking me out and it's starting to piss me off.

HALLEY: Since when have I owed you guys favors?

SANNA: Since last year when I gave you my last stick of gum since you didn't have any.

ASHLEY: And don't forget the time I helped you cram for that math test the night before.

HALLEY: Wow, I really need to stop saying "I owe you one" to people. Wait, how did you even know I did favors for Buster and Jaylynn?

SANNA: Oh, Jaylynn told us.

Beat.

HALLEY: I'm going to kill Jaylynn and when I do, no one's going to put me in jail for it.

SCENE 16

The Jennings Household

Interior Dining Room

Seattle, Washington

That night, RK, KG, Wade, and Jaylynn are eating dinner. Wade and Jaylynn are visibly worried.

KG: Hey, how's the macaroni and cheese, guys?

RK: It's probably your best batch yet.

WADE: Superlative, KG. Top-notch, even.

JAYLYNN: It's cool.

Jaylynn's phone vibrates and she pulls it out.

JAYLYNN: Okay, Halley's sending me death threats now and I'm just going to ignore this because I have bigger problems.

WADE: What did you say, Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN: Nothing.

RK: Are you sure? Because it sounded like you just said something.

KG: Yeah, cat got your tongue?

JAYLYNN: Oh, that's not even close to subtle. I mean, if you're going to take sneak shots, take sneak shots. Don't just aim at the face.

KG: Dude, what are you talking about?

WADE: Yes, Jaylynn, what exactly are you talking about?

JAYLYNN: I don't know, Wade, what are you talking about?

WADE: I didn't even say anything!

JAYLYNN: Well, maybe, you should.

RK: Hey KG, any update from the vet?

KG: No, Mrs. Tuxedo Pants is still pretty sick. It might be a few days before we hear any good news.

JAYLYNN: I hate my life sometimes.

WADE: Will you excuse us for a moment?

RK: Sure, man.

Cut to Wade and Jaylynn in the upstairs bathroom.

WADE: What was that about? I thought we were going to play it cool.

JAYLYNN: I know, but I was trying to out-RK RK. You know, try to figure out his moves. I don't think that was a good idea.

WADE: You think?! We have to get out of here. It's too unsafe. At this point, RK's probably realized we killed his cat.

JAYLYNN: But the vet said that...

WADE: I know what the vet said, but these doctors are just trying to prolong the inevitable. We're getting Mrs. Tuxedo Pants out of that place tomorrow and giving her a proper burial. That way, she doesn't have to die in a shack full of heartworm and rabies.

JAYLYNN: You're right. We should bury her ourselves. Maybe if RK finds out one day, we can beg for forgiveness and still go to heaven.

WADE: I didn't know you believed in the concepts of heaven and hell.

JAYLYNN: Eh, I go back and forth.

SCENE 17

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

Buster is sorting out his locker when Sparky walks up to him.

SPARKY: Hey Buster.

BUSTER: What's up?

SPARKY: Are you still mad at me? Listen, I would never try to...

BUSTER: Don't worry, it's okay. I was acting pretty silly anyway. I mean, it's not like you asked me on purpose just to hurt me. You would never do that.

SPARKY: Of course not. You're my best friend, Buster, and I'll always be there for you. You don't have to be jealous of Halley. She's my girlfriend, but you and I go way back. There's nothing better than spending time with you.

BUSTER: That's why I'm looking forward to the concert tomorrow. I mean, anyone can go to a concert, but it's just not the same without your best friend.

SPARKY: I feel the same way. Don't worry, tomorrow night, it's just going to be the Dawg Pound at it once again.

BUSTER: I'll make sure to bring the doggie biscuits.

Sparky and Buster laugh at the joke, and Sparky begins walking away.

SPARKY: Alright, see you at lunch, man.

BUSTER: You too. Wow, I was actually able to get rid of Halley for once. I mean, it may have turned out weird, but in the end, she's staying home and I get to hang out with Sparky again.

HALLEY: So you did plan this?

Buster gulps in fear as he turns around and sees an upset Halley.

BUSTER: No, Halley, you got it all wrong, I didn't...

HALLEY: I can't believe you. If you really had a problem, you shoulda just said something.

Halley storms off from Buster and he sighs, then turns to face the camera.

BUSTER: I'm going to hell for this, aren't I?

SCENE 18

McCullough Veterinary Clinic

Interior Waiting Room

Seattle, Washington

After school, Wade and Jaylynn are there waiting for their names to be called. They look around at all of the sick animals, some of which include a parrot struggling to get off the ground, a lizard in a tiny neck brace, and a hamster coughing up blood.

JAYLYNN: Alright, I'm out of here!

WADE: Jaylynn, stay. We have to do this for RK. Putting his cat to rest is our only option left.

JAYLYNN: I get that, but you know how morbid this is? Being around pets that are only going to live for two more weeks tops? How big is the euthanasia rate in this place anyway?

WADE: Don't think like that! It's bad luck to bring that crap here.

DESK LADY: Um, Wade Saltalamacchia and Jaylynn Hernandez?

WADE: Right here.

Wade and Jaylynn walk up to the front desk.

DESK LADY: Can I help you?

WADE: Yes, we're here to pick up a Mrs. Tuxedo Pants. She was brought here earlier this week.

DESK LADY: Yes, by a Ryan and Kevin Jennings. Unfortunately, pets can only be admitted or taken out by the owners or the owners' relatives.

JAYLYNN: Oh, we're actually the owners' brother and sister.

Wade slowly turns his head towards Jaylynn.

DESK LADY: You are? But you look nothing like them.

JAYLYNN: We were brought in by the system. You know that show The Fosters? It's like that, except we don't smoke weed or try to find murderers or commit SAT fraud.

DESK LADY: Yeah. Okay, well, Mrs. Tuxedo Pants is not ready to be removed yet. She's still in pretty bad condition.

WADE: Yeah, well, we actually decided to put her down. It's more emotional if the family takes care of things.

DESK LADY: Okay, in that case, I can allow you guys to take her.

The lady goes into the back.

WADE: Nice save with the foster thing.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, but you showed her with the whole "family puts her down" crap. The only question now is, where do we bury her?

SCENE 19

Ike's Ice Cream Emporium

Exterior Back Alley

Seattle, Washington

Wade and Jaylynn have taken Mrs. Tuxedo Pants behind Ike's to put her to rest.

JAYLYNN: You know, I've been to funerals before, but this will always be the stupidest one.

WADE: Are you serious right now? We ended the life of our friend's pride and joy and that's the most sensitive thing you can say?

JAYLYNN: Hey, I'm sad, but I'm also honest. Let's just do this. I wanna clean my hands of this whole thing.

WADE: Of course. We are gathered here for the ceremony of Mrs. Tuxedo Pants, the pet cat of RK Jennings. Mrs. Tuxedo Pants was a wonderful mother. She gave birth to three beautiful kittens, one of which is currently in an unknown location. LPC, Santa's Little Helper, and that third one will carry on the legacy...

JAYLYNN: Wait, wait, hang on a minute. Sparky and Buster's cats were born from RK's cat?!

WADE: Yeah.

JAYLYNN: What?! I thought you guys just all decided to buy cats one day like a bunch of lames.

WADE: No, Mrs. Tuxedo Pants gave birth to three kittens, one of which was...

JAYLYNN: Oh my God, I killed a mother! Rest easy, little angel. We never meant to hurt you. It was just a stupid prank. I've never even wanted to hurt animals with kids. I once heard about a guy who ran over a deer, and the deer's parents ate alone that night. Please, this isn't the end! *singing "Is This the End" by New Edition off-key* Is this the ennnnnnnnnnnnnd? Are you my friennnnnnnnd?

Wade starts crying and joins Jaylynn. At this point, RK sees the guys and starts walking towards them.

JAYLYNN AND WADE: It seems to meeeeeee, you ought to be freeeeeeeeee.

RK: What the hell are you guys doing?

Beat.

WADE: Nothing.

JAYLYNN: You're dreaming. This is only a magic trick.

RK: Oh, shut up, Jaylynn. What I'm seeing is my friends singing early 80s R&B in a dark alley over my sick cat. I want answers. Question one, how come you guys never did this with me?

WADE: Look, RK, we were trying to get you back for your pranking and we were going to fake Mrs. Tuxedo Pants' death. But we shook her too hard and gave her a terrible illness. We were just going to give her a funeral and cut to the chase before you found out.

RK: Guys, you can't give a funeral to something that's not dead.

JAYLYNN: HER DAYS ARE NUMBERED! WE'RE DOING HER A FAVOR!

RK: Look, Mrs. Tuxedo Pants just has the flu. You guys didn't do anything. Except for not telling me my cat was about to croak and letting me see her a sprawled mess on the floor.

WADE: We're sorry, RK. We should have told you what happened.

JAYLYNN: We were just scared you were going to kill us if you found out.

RK: Well, if you guys do end up killing my cat, I got something for that ass, but you weren't responsible so who cares? Besides, in a way, this was like my super prank without even trying. I think we can call it even.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, I guess. Hey, is that Daniel Bryan walking into Ike's?

RK: Is it?! No, that's just an albino.

RK gets hit with a water balloon by Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: I was saving that as a reinforcement. Now we're even.

RK: Yeah, I guess we are. So can we please get my cat back to the vet? Because then she is going to die and I'll go to jail for a double homicide.

WADE: In that case, we can be there in five minutes!

SCENE 20

The Newman Condominium

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Buster is watching TV that same night when Halley walks in.

BUSTER: Halley, what are you...

HALLEY: Just let me ask you a question. Are you jealous of me?

BUSTER: Well, not exactly, but sometimes...

HALLEY: No, Buster, I didn't come all the way here for that. I don't want you to back down or run around the question. I just wanna know if you're jealous of me.

BUSTER: know what? I am. There used to be a time where Sparky and I could do anything together. But now that you're around, he has to split up his time. And it honestly feels like you're trying to take my place.

HALLEY: I'm not taking your place.

BUSTER: Oh, really? So when I was sick and couldn't go to the carnival last year, who stepped in and decided to go with Sparky? Who ends up being his field trip partner all the time? Who does he like studying with? Sometimes, it feels like you're his new best friend and I hate it.

HALLEY: You wanna know something, Buster?

BUSTER: What?

HALLEY: I'm jealous of you.

BUSTER: Jealous of me? Why? What do I have?

HALLEY: Do you know how many times Sparky talks about you when we're hanging out? How much he cares about you and how happy you make him?

BUSTER: Sparky's not trying to make a pass at me, is he?

HALLEY: No, you dope. He just loves you a lot. He can come to you for literally anything. Plus, you guys have done all this cool stuff together like write shows and go to Vegas and freaking other dimensions. I could never do that stuff with him.

BUSTER: But you're his girlfriend. You're the person he cares about more than anyone.

HALLEY: No, Buster, it's you. It's always been you. I'm jealous because I'll never have that kind of relationship with Sparky. But you already do. That's why I have to spend as much time with him as I can, because it could all go away tomorrow.

BUSTER: Wow. I can't believe this. I haven't been this shocked since I found out Mickey Mouse wasn't real.

HALLEY: Well, I had to tell you. And it really sucks that you tried to play me for my ticket because I thought we were friends. I never saw you as the kind of person that would do that.

BUSTER: I swear, I wasn't trying to play you. That's just how things happened. But I'm sorry for being such a pain in the ass, Halley. I've been acting like a baby all this time for nothing. I mean, we're both important to Sparky. We shouldn't be fighting each other.

HALLEY: Of course not. And Buster, I'm telling you right now, I would never try hurting someone that Sparky cares about so much...or someone that I care about.

BUSTER: So we're really friends? You know, not just two people that met because we're in the same state?

HALLEY: Yeah, we're really friends. I can't believe you never thought we were friends.

BUSTER: Well, I guess I always looked at you as just Sparky's girlfriend. But after tonight, I have a whole new appreciation for you.

Buster proceeds to hug Halley and she reciprocates.

HALLEY: You know, we could always do something with Sparky together. It doesn't have to be you or me all the time.

BUSTER: Won't I just be a third wheel? Because I hate tricycles.

HALLEY: No, because after tonight, I have a whole new appreciation for you too.

BUSTER: Well, it can't be tomorrow. You have a concert to go to.

Buster pulls out the second ticket.

HALLEY: Are you sure? I already told Sparky I couldn't go.

BUSTER: You did? Well, he invited you first. Besides, I owe you one.

Halley smiles at Buster.

HALLEY: Wow. Thanks Buster. Well, I hope I can vacuum Sanna's place before the concert. I owed her a favor. And Jaylynn, and Ashley, and God knows who else. I have a lot of debts to pay off.

BUSTER: I think I can help you out with that.

SCENE 21

The Qureshi Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

The day of the concert, Buster is vacuuming Sanna's floor while she sits on the couch.

BUSTER: Hey Sanna, this rug is beautiful. Is it Persian?

SANNA: No, it's Germapanese. It's a really awkward combo of German and Japanese fabric.

BUSTER: Well, it's great. You know, my mother always wanted a Persian rug but she nearly slipped into a coma when she found out how much one cost.

SANNA: Hey, how come you and Sparky never paid for the broken window? I had to get it fixed myself.

BUSTER: Oh, I didn't know we were supposed to remember that.

SCENE 22

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

A week later, Buster is approached at his locker by Sparky and Halley.

SPARKY: Hey Buster.

BUSTER: Oh, hey guys. What's up?

HALLEY: We just wanted to know what you were doing after school.

BUSTER: Well, I was going to test myself and see if I could eat an entire jar of peanut butter in one hour. Why?

SPARKY: I think you might want to cancel your plans.

BUSTER: Why? Did something happen to LPC?! DID WADE AND JAYLYNN HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT?!

At that point, Halley pulls out a ticket for Buster to look at.

BUSTER: Wait a minute. "Mariners vs. Astros." This is for today's game!

SPARKY: Yeah, it's the home opener and we want you to be there.

HALLEY: I told you we should all do something together.

BUSTER: Yeah, but don't you guys want to see it yourselves?

HALLEY: It's okay. It was my idea.

BUSTER: Alright, guys, thanks for the offer and I shall take it. Oh man, I'm gonna have like, six hot dogs, a bag of green cotton candy, and some Cracker Jack. Gotta have your Cracker Jack, no matter how much it sucks.

SPARKY: Hey, you think you could buy me a bag? I don't know if I want to spend my own money on it.

BUSTER: Sure.

The trio then starts walking away.

BUSTER: Hey, you guys think the Mariners take the division this season? I like their chances.

HALLEY: In that case, you must really hate them, don't you?

BUSTER: Hey, it's not our fault Ichiro abandoned all of us and went to go chase dirty money in other cities.

SPARKY: You really think 2001 Ichiro's just gonna come right through that door?

BUSTER: It's more hope than think.

Fade to black.

("Greenlight" by Pitbull featuring Flo Rida and LunchMoney Lewis plays in the end credits)

(C) 2017 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS