The real Hero
The real Hero
Tell me something.
Suppose the world was in danger and you had played a relatively large part in saving it, you'd want at least some credit, wouldn't you?
A scratch behind the ear? A carrot? A pat on the head at least! Wouldn't you? Well I do! I mean, I carry the oaf all around Hyrule, I run I jump, I get shot at, all for the good of the kingdom and what do I get?
Nothing! Now you might say, "but Epona, you've got your own song!". Well if that's what you wanna say you better think about it twice, unless you want a kick in the stomach.
Or in the male case, a little more south…
Have you heard that song? Have you?! I have! Toooo often! It's getting on my nerves!
When he didn't have the Ocarina anymore I was thrilled! It was the happiest day of my life! Yes! No more stupid song!
Just silence! Nature sounds! Peace, quiet! And then the bastard finds out he can play it on a piece of grass. Grass for the Goddesses sake!
And if that wasn't good enough, that twit Ilia gives him Horse call! When she told me she was gonna give Link that charm I thought I was gonna break down
and cry! But I got her back for that one. How do you think she got amnesia in the first place? Abduction by raging beasts? Nope, sorry. A kick from me hind legs. DING DING DING! We have a winner!
So I think you get the picture. I fucking hate that song!
The only reason I still come running when he calls is because I hope I might knock him over or something.
Seriously, I frickin' hate that song! I swear to the Three, next time he plays that song I'm tearing him a new one..
I mean, don't I get a say in this too? I work and I slave and I take him everywhere and not so much as a thank you!
He never says a word to me! Well, not counting the occasional "Hiya!" followed by a whipping. A whipping!
Like dragging his sorry ass around Hyrule isn't enough, I get beaten!
One of these days I'm throwing him off and he can walk! You know…thinking about it…I don't deserve this!
I'm a good horse! I deserve better! He should treat me better! Get me better food! Lose a little weight! Get rid of that whip!
I mean, I get him around! Without me, he'd be walking all over the place! He'd be running from those boars! (Mental note: gotta see that sometime…)
That's it! I'm going on strike! Let's see him get around to saving the world without his ride!
Starting today, Taxi Epona is officially closed! If that bastard thinks he can just take advantage of me like-oh well!
Speak of the Devil, there's the asshole now! Covered in bruises and cuts again…He definitely took a beating…good!
Link joins Epona and pats her on the neck
'at least you still love me, right girl?'
Psssh, whatever makes you sleep at night…