Chapter One
Ignis & Ravus Apartment - early morning
"Are you not talking to me Love?"
Ignis stills his hands in the washing up water but does not turn around, nor respond. He hears the pained sigh from behind him and feels another tear slide down his cheek.
"I guess not."
Another sigh and Ignis' whole body stiffens as the other man's foot steps draw closer, he can feel his lovers hands hovering over his shoulders and screws his eyes up tight. The hands do not make contact however, the harsh sound of the phone interrupts. As usual. The other man takes a step back, away from Ignis to answer it.
"Hello? Yes. Well shit. Alright, yes. Yes I'll be right there."
"Ignis. Please turn around. Please talk to me Love. I don't want to part on a quarrel..."
Ignis cannot disobey, he takes his hands from the water and dries them slowly, keeping his body turned away from the other man. When he finally turns his heart breaks again at his lovers expression as he knew it would.
"What can I say?" he mumbles, voice tired and thin, "nothing I say makes a difference anyway."
A hand is brought up to run through the raven hair, greying at the temples but so soft and beautiful, in a customary sign of frustration from the older man.
"Of course it does Love, everything you say to me has value, on this matter however -"
"Don't!" Ignis cuts him off, furious all over again, "Don't you dare talk to me like I'm one of your staff! I am not a tough deal on which to negotiate!" Ignis slumps against the sink as the other man opens his mouth to retort but stops as his phone rings again. He doesn't take his eyes from Ignis' as he answers it with a snarl.
"What? Clarus, I've told you I am on my way. I will be there shortly." He hangs up and pinches the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath.
"I'm sorry Ignis." He starts but Ignis makes a disparaging noise of disbelief. "No, I truly am. Please, please can we discuss this later? I have to go. It's urgent."
"It always is isn't it?" Ignis' voice is devoid of emotion, "Just go."
"I love you Ignis, my heart beats for you."
"I'll see you later."
The other man looks down sadly, he nods and leaves the apartment quietly, pulling a hood over his head as he goes.
As the door snaps closed something snaps in Ignis as well, he snatches a clean glass from the draining board and throws it against the opposite wall with a defeated scream. It smashes and he doesn't feel better; now he just has to clean up broken glass. His hands shake as he finds the dustpan and brush and starts to sweep up the shattered pieces, he feels more hot, angry tears sliding down his cheeks as he sweeps. He picks up a larger chunk of glass and grips it tightly in his palm, squeezing until blood flows. He doesn't feel better, not yet, he squeezes tighter and grunts as the glass embeds itself deeper into his hand. The tears stop and he lets out a long breath. His hand springs open and he drops the bloody glass into the pan with the rest, dumping it in the recycling.
The front door opens again and he hurriedly grabs a dish towel, holding it in his injured hand to cover the blood. His heart leaps as he dares to hope that, for once, his lover has put him before work. It falls again as his housemate Ravus walks in.
"Hello Ignis," he greets with a nod. Hanging up his white trench coat and placing his keys on the table beside the door, he regards his friend from the corner of his eye. He analyses the slumped shoulders, the red rimmed eyes and the slightly bloody dish cloth screwed up tight in Ignis' hand. He feels a swell of anger towards Ignis' "boyfriend" and wishes for the millionth time that they would just break up already. It's not that he dislikes the man, he is friendly enough to Ravus. The three of them have been known to enjoy Ignis' cooking together of a night time, watching a movie or discussing various subjects. Ravus enjoys debating different topics with the older man and can understand Ignis' attraction. He is glad that their bedrooms are at opposite ends of the apartment though, there are some things he really doesn't need to hear. He goes into his bedroom, closest to the kitchen, and takes out a first aid kit.
He approaches Ignis slowly, taking in the pristine kitchen; clean dishes on the rack, sides wiped down... Ignis has been rage cleaning. He wordlessly takes Ignis' clenched fist in his hands and prises it open, removing the blood soaked towel and throwing it straight into the trash. Ignis keeps his head bowed and flinches as Ravus pulls his hand flat to examine the jagged cut across his palm, its deep and the blood is still flowing freely. He turns on the cold tap and puts Ignis' hand under the water, the other man hisses as the water washes away the blood and encourages more to flow, cleaning it thoroughly.
"This is going to need stitching Ignis. What did you use?"
Use, what did he use, not what did he do. Ignis does not have a housemate for nought, he doesn't need one to afford the spacious apartment they share, neither does Ravus. They are both financially comfortable in their own right. They had met as students, sharing a house at university, quickly become friends and Ignis' problems quickly revealed themselves. Ravus still tries not to remember walking in to their home to an unconscious Ignis, open pill bottle and empty whisky bottle by his side. Ravus acted swiftly, and Ignis was grateful eventually. They'd talked it out, there had been tears and revelations from both sides (though Ravus would never admit it), and they had bonded.
"I broke a glass. One of the heavy whisky tumblers that Gladio got us."
Ugh. Gladiolus. Ravus' least favourite of Ignis' friends. Loud and brash, never wearing a shirt, huge mountain of a man. The tumblers were hideous, Ravus is not at all upset that one of them has bitten the dust.
"One down, one to go I suppose," he replies, he presses some gauze onto Ignis' hand and applies pressure. Ignis grunts in discomfort. "Hold that on there, tight." Ravus tells him and the other man nods. Ravus slides gloves on and preps the dinning table for surgery, it's so clean in here that it's probably a better environment than the one he usually works in at the hospital. He beckons Ignis over to sit, he sits opposite and gets to work on repairing the damage.
"So what did you fight about?" He starts, voice low and even.
Ignis takes a deep breath, "The usual. Everything."
"Keep talking Ignis."
"I... I just want him to put me first once Ravus, just once." Ignis is speaking quietly but Ravus can tell that he's not stable. He knows that there is a storm brewing behind the green eyes, he just hopes that he can finish suturing before it breaks.
"You know he can't Ignis. The man is a father, he is a CEO..." Ravus notes that Ignis' other hand has balled into a fist, nails digging into his palm; he quickens his effort to get his work finished. To his relief and surprise Ignis remains silent and still until the wound is stitched and dressed. Ravus puts Ignis' hand down on the table gently and cleans up, passing the smaller man his gloves which fit snugly over the dressing. He flips on the kettle and stands watching it, while he is waiting for the storm he may as well make tea.
"I want him to want to tell people about us, to be proud of me. Of what we have." Ravus rolls his eyes at the kettle, knowing full well that by people, Ignis means person. Ignis means his lovers son. Why on earth he'd want to add that pressure onto an already, in Ravus' humble opinion, rocky relationship is beyond him.
"I know what you're thinking Ravus. Yes Noct. I want Noct to know about us!" Ignis' voice raises and Ravus can hear the edge to it, for a man so reserved around everyone else, so upright, so proper, so controlled and so quiet Ignis can certainly be explosive. It is fortunate that between the three of them and his psychiatric team that they have managed to get his medications balanced and correct...
Now there's a point.
"Ignis." He turns to face the other man, two mugs of tea in hand, "when did you last take your medication?"
"No no no, don't start with that shit Ravus! Don't you fucking dare!" Ignis stands up so fast that the table moves, Ravus blinks at the shorter man calmly, setting down the tea. He takes a seat, looking up at Ignis until he sits back down. He pushes the other mug over to him.
"I think you should take them now." He says, pitching his voice low and meeting Ignis' glare unflinchingly. The fight goes out of the other man as quickly as it came and his shoulders slump, defeated. "You'd take pain killers for a broken leg," Ravus reminds him quietly, "this is no different."
Ignis takes a deep breath and raises his head, "You're right." He says, swiping a hand over his eyes, his voice is clear and normal. He's back in control, well spoken and polite. "Of course you're right Ravus."
He gets up and walks across the apartment to his bedroom, when he returns he is carrying a box of tablets. He shows them to his housemate before carefully opening the box and taking the tablets inside with a swig of tea. Ravus removes the doses from the days Ignis hasn't taken them and stores them inside his first aid kit to dispose of later, responding to Ignis' small smile with one of his own.
"Now, do you want to talk about it? Or would you rather do something else?"
"You've heard it all before Ravus," he sighs, "I just don't know what to do about it, any of it. Regis loves me, I know that... And I love him. It's just so difficult. Should it be so difficult to be in love?"
Ravus doesn't know personally, he can only offer insight on other couples he's observed. He considers for a moment before saying, "I've heard it both ways... Some people say that true love is effortless, others say that every relationship takes work. Why are you so obsessed with Noctis knowing? I'm not sure that he would cope with the information well at all..."
"I... I just hate lying to him Ravus. He's one of my best friends... I didn't mean to fall for his father... I thought it was just a crush and he would never like me back… Even after it started I didn't expect for it to last… I just can't give up either one of them... I... I..."
Ravus lays a hand over Ignis' as his friend starts to spiral. "I know Ignis, I know all of this. It's alright, please don't upset yourself." The other man nods, turning his hand and gripping Ravus' tightly. He takes a few deep breaths, wordlessly counting to ten slowly; Ravus watches his mouth move as he goes through the numbers. First in English, then again in Latin.
"Come on Ignis, lets go for a walk. Clear your head? Punt some irritating children into the lake..." Ignis sniggers at him and nods. He squeezes Ravus' hand and stands up, running his hands over his immaculate shirt and pants to smooth out any wrinkles. He fishes his phone from his pocket and puts in on the kitchen counter to charge, toeing on his shoes as he goes.
"Okay, lets go. But minimal child punting."
Ravus barks out a laugh and nods, he walks towards the door and holds it open for Ignis.
Outside the apartment the air is crisp and clear but the weather warm, there is standing water on the road from rain the night before but Ignis does have to concede that it is a nice day, too nice to be sat inside fretting. He takes a deep breath of the autumnal air and smiles at Ravus, they walk side by side in a comfortable silence towards the park at the end of their street.
Ignis can hear sirens from far off and is glad that Ravus got off shift when he did, he tries not to think of how those sirens could have been for him if his friend hadn't come home on time. He shakes his head firmly to expel the invasive thoughts (not voices – he reminds himself) and Ravus puts a hand on his shoulder, ever the seemingly psychic doctor understands him like no one else. He allows the other to steer him into the park and smiles as Ravus makes small kicking motions towards the children playing with their remote control boats on the lake.
Back at the apartment, on the pristine kitchen counter, Ignis' phone begins to ring.