Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds
A/N: Takes place after the events of Elephant's Memory
The world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it.
Helen Keller
Garcia's always saying, everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it's hard to believe. Spencer Reid sat in the park watching the children at play, riding their bikes, flying kites, playing a game of tag or hide and seek or merely running with joyful abandon. At times it made him smile to see their innocent joy and at other times it made him sad, even angry, that this was yet another experience he had missed. He ran his fingers over the medallion in his pocket. He had almost memorized its numerous bumps and grooves.
A reason, what reason could there have been for the things that had happened to him. His father's leaving, his mother's illness, the senseless bullying he'd had to endure at school, the feelings of total social isolation, the torture he'd suffered at the hands of a madman, watching a kid get his head blown off by an irate father and the drug addiction that threatened his job, his sanity, his very life.
No, there was no reason that he had been chosen for such suffering. There could be no reason that would suffice, he thought as a Frisbee landed on the bench beside him and the child timidly waited for him to toss it back. He threw the Frisbee to the child who caught it and waved back at him before going to join his family once again.
All his suffering had done was induce more suffering. His mother's madness had led him to psychology. That had led him to the area of profiling. Profiling had led him to the Hankel farm in Georgia which had led him to his own personal hell.
He'd fought back from that hell only to enter purgatory once again or, more specifically, the boys' bathroom in a high school in Chula Vista where he'd watched a kid be executed before his eyes. He wanted to forget that vision but he couldn't forget it any more than he could forget being tied naked to a goalpost when he was in high school. There was no forgetting; there was no true escape.
Owen Savage, too, had just wanted to escape. The boy wanted to forget the torment he'd suffered at the hands of his father, his school and his classmates. He understood that. He knew what that kind of torment was like. He knew what it was like to have the world crumbling around you with everybody watching and no one offering to help. He had understood Owen like no one else could.
He had understood Owen like no one else could, he repeated to himself. Why? Because he had suffered like Owen had suffered. No one else would have been able to talk him down that morning. No one else got it like he did. What had David said, alienated kid, well that described him. No maternal presence, well his mother had been there, in body only. A dysfunctional relationship with a dominating father who withheld love; well that said it all didn't it.
He had only been able to save Owen and those he might have killed in the future by understanding him and he could never have understood him had he not gone through similar experiences himself. Was that the answer? Had the things that happened to him, happened, to eventually lead him to Owen? Had he been meant to show Owen that you could make it through such injustices, that you could survive, not unscathed, but still whole?
Morgan had told him once, to use it, to make him a better profiler, a better man. He had used it, hadn't he? Hotch had said it made him good at the job. He hoped so, then at least all he'd been through had led to something good. Something good, he fingered the medallion again; just a round piece of metal with little or no monetary value, but a tangible symbol that struggles can be overcome. He looked at his watch. It was time to head into the meeting. Maybe things did happen for a reason. As he walked through the park, he was once again hit by a flying Frisbee. He threw it back to the laughing child and smiled.
In the depth of winter, I finally learned there is within me an invincible summer.
Albert Camus