A/N ~ Inspired by the songs "Please don't go" and "Come back when you can" by Barcelona. They make nice effect music. This could be considered an afterthought to my other fic "Feelings" but not reading that wont affect how you read this. Reviews are welcome!
My heart aches with an ache that I can not bear to try and describe. Seeing Superman talk with each individual member of the Legion, giving each of them their own goodbye, it breaks me into pieces.
I hold my composure, keeping sure not to attract any attention, and slip away from the crowd. I can't make myself watch him go. Just the thought tugs hard on my heart strings. I feel my chest heave with a sob that so desperately tries to climb up the throat. 'Not now,' I think, clasping my hand over my mouth. I can't let myself cry. Not now.
The hallway seems to long now, and I start running. I have to get to my room before I lose focus, because I know that once I do, I would not be able to gain it back. I have not yet gained so much control over my emotions.
Doors fly past me, and I almost run past my own. I stop myself, sliding a little and nearly toppling over. "Finally," I breath, my voice shaking. I am so close to loosing it... I reach for the key pad, hardly able to keep my hand steady enough to press the correct key. The door slides over and I step inside. But as soon as the door closes, I can no longer stand on my feet.
My legs give out and I fall hard against the floor. My entire body quivers and tears fall like rivers from my eyes. Sobs rack my body and I grip my chest and I cough and choke, feeling nauseous from the constant spasms in my gut. I force my body upwards, swallowing my sobs in an attempt to keep myself steady enough to get to my feet. I feel so unstable while standing, almost as though one more cough could bring me crashing down again.
I wobble over to my chair, so cold against my skin, and bury my head between my knees, my hands covering my eyes. Sobs fall from my mouth, throwing droplets of saliva to the ground between my feet. I cry out, unable to keep myself quiet, my voice raw and littered with whimpers and coughs.
How pitiful I feel, acting like this. This moment is just another burden my new emotions bring with them. The sounds of my cries fill the room, echoing loudly. I wipe at my eyes, my tear soaked hands only making my face, and the floor, wetter. "H-how pitiful," I sniffle, smiling for no reason in particular. "I can't ev-even hold back my-ngh...my tears-" A sob stops my words and I am sucked back into my fit of crying. I am so distracted by myself that I don't notice my door open.
"Brainy," I concerned voice calls, unheard by my ears.
It isn't until the third time my name is called that I notice.
I jump and desperatly try to wipe away my tears, praying that he hasn't seen them. But I already know he has.
"Brainy..."
I look up from my lap, seeing his tear-blurred figure standing in the light of the doorway. I know I look pitiful, it is obvious by the pained look on his face, and I let out a sob. Muscles tug at the sides of my lips, forcing me to frown.
"Brainy...are you-"
"Please don't go," I say, cutting him off. I am not even sure if he could understand me, through all the sniveling.
He frowns at me. "Brainy, I have to-"
"Please..." I pull my legs up, pressing them against my chest, and stare down at my feet. They twitch and sway in a way that could be called thoughtful, but my mind is empty. There are no real thoughts involved, just emotion.
"You know I can't do that," he says, taking a step foreward. "I have to go back to my time. I have things that need to be done there, the history books say so."
"You haven't even read them," I reply, aggravation prominent in my voice.
"If I read them, it would alter the timeline. You know that."
"I don't care."
"Brainy, you aren't thinking clearly. You're letting your emotions-"
"Don't say another word!" My voice is suddenly louder than before. I am angry. "The state of my emotions right now is all your doing!"
"Brainy," he warned, his voice much firmer now. "Don't take out your frustrations out on me. No one is at fault here."
"Hold your tongue!" I get to my feet and clench my fists, so tightly that my knuckles turn white. "You have no right to speak to me this way! After you have stopped me from leaving the Legion, you go and leave, yourself? That is not right! If you can leave this place, so can I!"
"And what would you do when you get out there," he asks. I can tell he is restraining himself. He wants to yell at me. "You're just a regular human now. You have no powers, no place to go. This is where you belong, Brainy. You can't survive outside this place."
"Do not treat me like a child!"
"I'll stop treating you like a child when you stop acting like one!"
"I am acting in so such way!" I feel a tinge in my chest. I feel like I've just told a lie.
"Look at yourself, Brainy!"
"Be quiet!" I can feel my blood boiling. "Don't yell at me!" Fresh tears fall from my eyes and I hear myself sobbing again. "I can not believe I have just been crying over you! You...you...ugh!" My chest is heaving, and my heart aches again.
His eyes fall upon my body, giving me a look of pure pity.
I know I can't leave the Legion, I wouldn't survive on my own. Without my armor, I am defenceless. Without my powers, I am weak. I am small, lacking any muscle, and I am emotionally unstable. I could easily make myself a new flight ring, one without the Legion symbol, but if all I can do is fly, that won't get me far. I have no hope on my own. None.
"Brainy."
In my moment of concentration, I did not notice how close Superman had some to my person.
"Don't cry," he says, placing a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sure I'll see you again."
"You are sure of nothing," I say, shying away from his touch.
"You don't know that."
I look up at him, my face emotionless, but my eyes full of sadness.
"You could always come and visit me in the 21st century," he says, smiling a little.
"I cannot," I say, looking away again. "As you have previously pointed out, if the time-line is altered-"
"It wont be. You spending a few hours in my time will effect the time-line no more than the months I've spent in yours. As long as you don't tell me anything about my future, nothing can go wrong."
He has a point.
"But..."
"I know you think everyone won't forgive you," He takes hold of my face, one hand on either cheek. "but there is nothing to forgive. They know it wasn't you who fought us. They know the original Braniac was taking control. You just have to forgive yourself."
I stared at him, my eyes tearing more now. I am suddenly consumed with a kind of chill, and I press into him, fisting my hands in his cape. My body shivers and I start crying.
Superman rubs my back, his body heat pouring into me. It is a very comforting feeling, him holding me like this, and I hiccup a few times. His chin rests on my head, surrounding me with his warmth, and I smile a little.
I pull myself away, fighting the need to hold onto him, and wrap my arms around myself. "You should probably get going.".
"Yeah..." He heads for the still open door. "Remember to stop by every now and then."
I nod.
He hesitates, looking back at me, and I wave. The smallest smile crosses his lips, and he is gone.
I can feel the tears falling again, but I make no sound. I know I will see him, a great deal more often than he probably anticipates, but it is still hard...saying goodbye. My eyes drift to the ground, then back to the door, light going away as it closes. I smile at the door, as though he were still there in front of me, and the lightest whisper escapes my lips.
"Come back when you can."