Okay guys, I just dramatically ended my first story, Subjective Chills, and it was really just a blast. But now, I have an itch for another story that has been on my mind for a while. This is actually a Full Metal Alchemist story as you can see. They were actually my first (and still my favorite) pairing of all time. So here we go, Closer To Something Real.

Summary: Edward is trapped in a mangled mess of emotions left to heal on his own. With only one person on his mind and the pressure and frustration overwhelming him, he begins to walk down a path of self destruction. Roy is lost in the young teen's emotions, working to unravel them and get to the core emotion hidden deep inside, but will he make it in time before Edward traps himself behind the darkness? Ed x Roy. Hurt and Comfort. The rating is predicted to change in the near future.

Chapter 1: Each Step

Edward's P.O.V

I felt myself drag my feet along the halls, walking slowly towards the Colonel's office. I had finally returned from my mission, after destroying about half the city, and I was tired as hell. Honestly, I didn't have it in me to give a shit about the rest of the day, I just needed to drop this report off, and leave.

But it never seems to work out that way.

"Ah, you're back Full Metal," I heard him say. I had just opened the door, and hadn't even had the time to walk through it yet.

"What are your damages this time?"

"Read the damn report, I'm sure it's in there somewhere," I grumbled.

"With your hand writing and lack of concern, I doubt I'll find it,"

"Well fucking boo hoo colonel bastard cry me a river," I snapped.

"Hm, short temper today. Suits you well shrimp."

I could feel his cocky ass smile burn through my skin. It hurt. I would never admit it, but it stung. This time though, I wasn't going to stick around to hear any more of it. Before he make any other snide comments, I opened the door and slammed it behind me. I was really starting to get fed up with the same old bull shit every day. For once, I wish he could just see..

Roy's P.O.V

A stack of papers fell to the floor as he left the office. I gave a sigh of annoyance and went to pick them up.

Since when is he so sensitive? I thought.

I tried to assess the situation, remembering his expressions, the way he came in, the way he left. It was no different than before, other than the lack of ranting on his height. And yet… Something was different.

Did I actually hurt his feelings? Nah, that can't be possible… It's not like him to be so… Emotional…

I shook the thoughts from my head. The whole thing would probably blow over by tomorrow. By then, we would be cussing and laughing at each other again without an issue. I mean, it wasn't that serious right?

"Sir, what happened to Edward?"

"Oh lieutenant, I didn't even see you come in,"

"Edward?" She repeated.

"He was just being his normal terse self, don't worry about it," I shrugged.

"He seemed really hurt after leaving your office sir. He proceeded to run from the building after wards," she said, her expression displaying her concern for the young alchemist.

Ed was a strong kid, having lived through hell more than once, and coming back each time stronger. I doubted a small squabble was really going to affect him. And yet… And yet I still felt guilty.

"He's a teenager, just let him blow off some steam, I'm sure he will be fine by morning,"

"But sir,"

"He's fine Lieutenant," I repeated, trying to imply my sincerity in the statement. But even I was still unsure.

Edward's P.O.V

I ran from the building, the tension building around me. I couldn't help but feel the need to get as far away from that place as I could. It was too much to bear at once sometimes.

I finally stopped somewhere in central. It looked like a park, but I wasn't sure. It was getting dark fast, and I hadn't been paying attention to where I was going. I found a bench and took a seat on it, burying my head in my hands.

Why is it that every time I'm around him, my heart beats a little faster, and every thing seems to move a little slower? Why can't I control myself any more? It's like the closer I get to him.. the more it hurts when we move away; the more it hurts when he makes fun of me without intending to; the more it hurts when I can't even describe how I feel… What the hell is going on? I used to be so strong, so sure! I'm Al's older brother for Christ sake, I'm the youngest state alchemist there is. Hell, I managed to battle the sins and demons around me for so long, so why can't I do that now? Why is it that every time I need an answer, I just end up with more questions?

In the end, it's like some type of fucked up cycle. You watch the words you were trying to find fall right off the tip of your tongue, and all is lost in some type of misconception. Each time you figure out the hows, you always end up lost in the whys. A free fall of oblivion, where you watch everything move and make connections and patterns around you.. Only to forget it when you need it the most. The source of insanity at the intersection of truth. In the end, it was never really worth it to figure it out at all. That's where I'm at. In the intersection, trying to figure out if it's worth it to go down either path.

I can't help but feel the frustration build up inside of me, turning into bitter angst. I'm wasting my time with all of this thinking… I try to clear my thoughts, to sort them and organize them, but here I am sitting in a pile of indescribable emotion that tugs me every which way. All I want is for things to finally be right.. Is that so much to ask for?

I finally lift my head from my palms and stare at my surroundings to figure out the day light has vanished, and it looked as though it was about to rain.

I stuffed my hands into my pockets and shuffled down the street, feeling tiny drops accumulate on top of my head until it turned into a full fledged down poor. Fantastic.

I lifted the red hood over my head and continued walking. I actually really didn't care where I was going, just needed the time to blow off some steam. The more I thought about Roy, and what had happened, the way I had been so weak and stupid, the more I wanted to just fade away. I felt my eyes sting. I was too old for crying. I gave up my rights as a child when I joined the military. That was 7 years ago.

Even after remembering this, I still felt the tears burn at my lids. The one thing I grew to like about rain, was that it could always hide your true emotions behind the thin curtain that it provided.

Roy's P.O.V

I finally decided to leave the office, having completed a fair amount of paper work to leave Riza satisfied enough to withdraw her gun.

I drove the car slowly, letting the rain drip onto the windshield, letting it calm my nerves. Honestly, I was slightly exhausted, and was looking forward to making it home to take a nap. In the midst of my thought, I wasn't paying attention to where I was driving, having to swerve around a figure that I almost hit. Immediately I got out from the car.

"I'm so sorry," I yelled out to the person, who was now seated on the concrete, visibly shaken.

I walked over to the person, placing a hand on their shoulder.

"Excuse me, but are you alright?"

Silence.

"I'm really sorry, I just wasn't paying attention. I didn't hurt you did I?"

He mumbled something.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"

"Even if I said that you did, you wouldn't understand," the person sniffled. His voice was familiar.

"Ed?"

"Oh what the hell do you want? Isn't it enough to fuck with my emotions just once for today? Do you really need to push yourself to do it again?"

"Edward, what are you-"

He got up with a start.

"I can't do this every god damn day Roy! If all you're going to do is watch the situation so bluntly, then I want nothing to do with it anymore,"

"Ed I just-"

"Just leave me the hell alone!" He yelled, running off.

"ED WAIT!" I called.

I began to run off after the troubled teen. I don't know what the hell is bothering him so much, but I was going to try my best to figure it out.

"Ed wait I want to talk to you!"

No response. He kept running.

I don't get it! One day he's ready to jump down my throat and challenge me on everything, and now he's acting as though he can't even trust me anymore. I really don't know what to do with this boy. What is it that I'm doing wrong that's causing him to act out? What isn't he telling me? Why is he hurting?

Beyond the obvious, I tried to search for the answers, but my mind was more focused on following the teen where ever he went, hoping to prevent him making some stupid choice… I wouldn't be able to live with myself if he did.

I watched him disappear down an alley, and I followed. That's where he stopped. He slowly slid down the wall, cornered and defeated. Silent sobs shook his body. I felt my heart sink.

"Why the hell is it so damn hard!" He yelled, choked up between sobs.

"Why can't there ever be one answer there when I need one? I don't fucking understand," he sobbed again.

"How can I find all the answers I need if they always disappear just when I thought I had it all figured out? What the fuck kind of cruel game is this?"

I watched Ed yell out in frustration, his fist banging hard onto his flesh knee. He was obviously hurt, stressed, confused. I had no idea how to help him now.

"Edward… It's alright. In the end, the answers will come. But if you do too much too soon, you'll miss them. But I promise you, they're there," I said softly. I made my way over to him and slid down the wall, taking a seat beside him. He inched away.

"How the hell would you know?"

"Everyone deals with this frustration Ed. Everyone-"

"BUT NO ONE KNOWS HOW IT FEELS TO BE LEFT WITHOUT ANSWERS WHEN THEY NEED IT TO SAVE THEIR BABY BROTHER'S FUCKING BODY!" He yelled, his voice hoarse.

"No one knows how it feels to fuck up so hard.. To be the reason why they can't taste, feel, smell… Why they have to live their life in a piece of aged tin.. No one knows how it feels to be the only chance left for them to live again, like how it used to be," He whispered, his eyes glazed over with tears. They were fixated on his boots. He refused to move his gaze.

"No one knows that pain Edward. And I know it has to be hard. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is to carry on each day. But you do. And you prove to every one else that it's possible. That's why I admire you as an individual Ed," I spoke, letting the rain pool in my hand.

"Pft, like you admire me. You barely even notice me. Ha, all I am to you is some shrimp that can't do a damn thing right. Oh the joy!" He laughed bitterly.

Is that what he really thought?

"Oh spare me Colonel. I've had enough of this shit for one day," he said, now getting up.

"Please Ed. Tell me what's wrong. Tell me why you think the way you do," I asked.

"If you really want to know, then contemplate this for a second. Maybe you haven't realized how hard it is to work in a place where your emotions are focused on one person who is too blind to even see a damn thing. Maybe you haven't realized how hard it is to be stuck in one sided love," he said coolly. Without even acknowledging me any further, he took off.

Now I sat there alone in the ally, counting each step that he took until he was out of my sight, until I could no longer here is strained breathing.

I wish you could let me in Edward.

Well that's it. I had fun experimenting this time around. I hope you guys will be reading and enjoying. I hope to update my newest project soon as well as my on going Nightmares project. With that, I will leave you to read and review, for it makes me happy.

Happy Reading,

~Eri-chan