CHAPTER 1 – The Ugly Grimm
For the past couple of weeks we had been living in Baba Yaga's (aka my soul mate) house. I knew she hated living with the Grimms. I don't blame her; I mean they all have this weird smell on them (I think it's kindness) and I try to stay as far away from it as possible. Not to mention that stinkpot, also known as Sabrina Grimm, is probably one of the ugliest creatures I have ever seen in my 4000 years living as a fairy. Anyways, everyone who wanted to bring this Mirror guy down had to work as a team. So in order to kick his butt, Baba Yaga was forced to agree in sticking together.
It was cool living in the old hag's house. She had books wrapped in human skin, a chandelier made of cow ribs, necklaces that had canine teeth on them and socks made from snake skin. Really, what can I say? This was my Disneyland! It was pretty hilarious scaring Sabrina and Daphne with the many epic items in this house. The other day I put Baba Yaga's purse (which is made from rat fur) onto Sabrina's face and she ran like the wind shrieking, "Mommy!" Good times. My belly ached from laughing so hard. Whenever I remind her of that fine day, she just punches me in the gut, but it was way worth it!
This morning, I was the first to wake up and decided to pull another prank on Sabrina, as usual. These days, I'm always prepared to have a camera with me to capture the moment. For this prank, I decided to put some super glue, along with a bit of bird gunk onto Sabrina's hand. She was fast asleep and barely even noticed. I had to put my fist into my mouth to stop me from barking into laughter! Next, I turned on the video camera and aimed it at Sabrina's hideous face. Last but not least, I pulled out a feather and tickled her nose lightly with it. Her nose started twitching like she was about to sneeze. She couldn't help but scratch it with her sticky gunk covered hand. When she realized she couldn't move her hand from her face, her eyes fluttered open.
"PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" she screamed furiously.
"Surprise stinkpot! You're on camera!" I smiled.
"I'm going to kill you!" her voice came out muffled for her hand was covering half her mouth. I laughed with glee and flew out of the girls' room, but unfortunately Baba Yaga's ceiling was so low that the fast little Grimm got a hold of my foot. She yanked with all her might dragging me to the floor.
"You're going to pay for this! Now give me the camera before I pummel you to death!" she said filled with rage.
"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Anger management Grimm! Thanks for the offer but I think I'm going to put this on … what's that site called again? Oh, right … Youtube!" I smirked.
"You wouldn't dare! Give. Me. The. Camera!" she grunted as she reached for it while I raised the camera in my left hand.
This was the most fun I had in years. Whenever Sabrina was angry, her face would turn bright red, her nose would flare up (almost like an angry bull) and her eyes were murderous. It was hilarious! "No way, ugly! The world will finally see the Trickster King for who he really is. The best prankster in the universe! I will become an internet sensation! Maybe you can get some fame too. Well, if you weren't so difficult to look at!" I teased.
She growled and tackled me down, wrestling me for the camera. Now, I must admit … Grimm wasn't so hard on the eyes, but I would never tell her that. It was better with her not knowing, besides it was way more fun making her mad than telling her all this mushy stuff. Did I like Grimm? Pfft, NO! Maybe. Maybe a little. A teeny bit. No bigger than a crumb. She wasn't so bad. We were kind of alike in some ways. We were both sneaky, violent and hated each other's guts. She was also pretty gross. Plus, she was a rule-breaker. One of the most important qualities I'd look for in a woman. Her luscious blonde hair—the way it glowed it when the sun shone upon it, when the wind blew it from her moldy blue eyes. Always glaring at me … her soft, full pink lips … our first kiss. See, this is why I hate talking about this lovey dovey stuff. It makes me queasy.
"Puck, why do you look so green?" she asked, as I gazed upon her disgusting blue eyes. My stomach began churning and I could feel something begin to rise in my throat. "Ew! Puck you just vomited on me!" Sabrina yelled in disgust.
As Sabrina ran off outside to hose her vomit covered self at least 90 times, I decided to wash myself up in the washroom. I splashed my face with ice cold water and even gargled a little to get the vomit taste out of my mouth. This is why I hate thinking about romantic stuff. I just end up getting sick and start throwing up. Sabrina Grimm should never know how I really felt about her. She would just make fun of me, or worse, what if she didn't feel the same way I did about her? Not that I care!
I decided to look at my gorgeous face on the bathroom mirror, when I saw something golden and stringy. I leaned in to get a closer look … it was a hair! I was growing a beard. Pretty soon I might even rival Santa! I ran out the front door and pointed at Grimm accusingly, "This is all your fault! You're making me grow up! I-I-I HATE YOU!"
"Oh, you hate me? You just barfed on me Puck! I should be the one who's angry!" she snapped.
I ignored her and pointed at my upper lip, "See this? I'm turning into a man! Thanks a lot Grimm!"
"Oh please! You are still immature as ever! And besides, you could just pluck that thing right off!" She quickly took hold of my face. For a moment I thought she was going to … never mind.
"YOOOOOWTCH!" I screamed in agony. She pulled the golden hair and held it up to my face.
"There! Problem solved! Now go away!" she shooed me. Impulsively, I snatched the hose from her and soaked her with water.
"PUUUUUCK!" she struggled as some water got into her big, stupid mouth. She threw a wet sponge into my face. "This means war!" she snarled. We chased each other outside of the house splashing ourselves with water. We were completely drenched but really didn't have a care in the world. For once, in a long time since Granny Relda's body was in possession of that Mirror guy, Sabrina's face brightened. She was laughing like a carefree kid and acted like a normal 12 year old girl again.
"Ooh, water fight!" Daphne opened the front door of the house, rubbing her sleepy eyes. "Can I join?"
"Sure, Marshmallow!" I winked at Daphne as I spun the hose around. "As long as you join my team!"
"I'm in!" she grabbed a sponge and aimed at Sabrina.
"Daphne! I'm your sister!" Sabrina cried.
"Hey, I'm just here to have a mucho goodio time!" she threw another sponge at Sabrina's fat head. "TEAM PUCK!"
"Sabrina ran after her sister, "Why you little … I'm going to get you!" She took Daphne into her arms and started tickling her. The little girl giggled wildly telling her to stop.
"Hey! That's my teammate!" I swooped down and tickled Sabrina on her side. She fell to the ground and laughed uncontrollably. Daphne joined in as we tickled Sabrina together.
"What's that racket?" Henry opened the window and furrowed his eyebrows, he especially glared at me. "You've woken the whole house up, including Basil! Now he's crying!"
"Daphne and I helped Sabrina up and we all said, "Sorry." I didn't actually say it. I just mouthed the word sorry. The Trickster King never apologizes!
Veronica held Basil up on the other window, and tried calming him down by patting his back. "There, there Bazy. Kids! Why don't you come in for breakfast? Then we can talk about getting Granny Relda back."
"Gosh, I miss that old lady!" I said as I took Daphne and Sabrina in my arms and flew inside the house. I really did miss her…and her cooking.