Title: Don't Know Why

Author: GEM

Date written: 2/11/06

Rated: K+

Word count: 1,186

Story Timeline: Post Black Market

Category: Drama

Warnings: Tissues may be needed

Characters: Roslin/Adama

Summary: Denial and Realizations

Spoiler: season 2 Episode 214

Laura Roslin sank down into her chair and threw her glasses on top of the report that the Admiral and Captain Adama had left. Why did she do that? She'd acted like such a bitch. Why?

Laura sat back and put her head in her hands. This isn't as easy as it seems. I need to be strong even ruthless at times. Lee is right there will always be some sort of black market. I don't want to accept that but I believe him. We don't have a strong economy and people have to survive.

She was torn. She picked up her glasses and put them on then she read the report again. Lee's investigation was spotless and his answers to her questions were sound. She knew he would look after this. He had a personal stake in the matter. Lee reaction to her dismissal of the two of them didn't bother her as much as the reaction of the elder Adama. There was something about the way he looked at her that made her cringe, it made her heart ache and she didn't know why.

She was very happy to be alive and it was all thanks to him. William Adama took a risk. She didn't know why she had spent the last three weeks obsessing over it either.

Was she mad at him for his actions? He did disobey an order from the President. She thought about this as she read Lee's closing statement on the report. No she wasn't mad at him. She had come to rely on him and she has pushed him away. She needs to act. She can't deny her feeling anymore.

----

She's pissed at me, at us. I don't know what she wants we did our best. We will always have to deal with a black market. I know she knows that. We are always at each other. I wish it didn't have to be that way.

Lee has left and now I'm left with my own thoughts. Lee has been a concern. He hasn't been himself. He's distant and looking for comfort in the wrong places. What am I looking for? Am I looking for comfort?

I'm upset. I feel regret over how I left things after our meeting.

Her cold demeanor hurt him. She hasn't talked to him since her recovery. She's been clearly avoiding him.

He is also guilty of avoiding her. He's been hiding behind the rank, the job. He needs to act. He can't deny his feelings anymore.

---

She walks off the shuttle the determination clearly displayed on her face. As she walks down the corridor she has a one-track mind. She needs to get to him. It's late the crew won't see. They don't even mind when she's here anymore. They have gotten used to her presence.

---

He's nursing his third drink when something in him breaks. He has to do this now. He can't just sit here and deny his feelings. He needs to act. He stands up, buttons his uniform jacket, and walks out of the hatch and down the corridor.

---

She turns the corner and runs into something- no someone and falls to the ground. She waits a moment before opening her eyes. They have reflexively closed due to the impact. He kneels on the ground and touches her face. She knows it's him she's memorized this feeling. The sensation is the same as the time he helped her stand up on Colonial One. She was weak then but his touch was soft and his hands were strong as if willing her to live a while longer. The same touch now was willing her to be all right.

"Madame President?"

She opened her eyes and was met with a concerned face. "Hello, Admiral. Sorry to bump into you like that."

"Are you alright?" Please be all right. Please say I didn't hurt you.

"I'm fine." I answer as a sit up. I sit against the bulkhead for a moment to get my bearings. "Where were you headed in such a hurry?" I decide it's a good question to start a conversation. Hopefully by the end we won't be ripping each other apart. He smiles a little as I finish the question.

"You're not going to believe this but I was coming to see you."

He extends a hand and helps me stand up. "Really, that's funny. I was coming to see you." He looked surprised at my admission. "I didn't like the way we ended things earlier."

"Neither did I." She smiles at me and we decide that we should take this conversation elsewhere so we walk back to my quarters.

---

"I've let things slide. I want the best for the fleet in this situation and keeping the black market operational is not for the best." There I said it. I take a drink and it's cold going down. I said my piece but I haven't told him the whole truth.

"The thing about war is that there will always be things we don't like about it. The black market is a safety valve. You may not like it but it exists. If we take it down it'll be bloody and the fleet will be worse off." I take a drink and wait for a response. I don't expect what she says.

"You're right but that not the real reason I'm here." She's stepped off the cliff now. Hopefully he will be there to catch her. "I don't know what's happened to me. I stared death in the face and I've found that my life is missing something"

My heart stops at her admission. "What are you missing?"

"Love." She's holding her breath and she stares down at the table they are sitting at. She can't look at his face she can't see the disappointment. It will break her heart. "I know it not what you were expecting. I know you don't feel the same way."

"You're wrong." He says as he reaches for her hand. She looks up at him. "These last few weeks have put me through the ringer. Laura. I've come to realize that I can't live without you. I don't know where this will end up but I know I need you."

She wasn't expecting that confession but she could tell by his expression that he was dead serious. "I didn't mean to hurt you tonight. I was busy. I was pissed at both of you and I didn't trust myself to say anything. For what it's worth, it hurt me just as much as it hurt you."

He brings her hand up to his lips. "I didn't mean to hurt you either. We were just trying to tell it like it is. I trust Lee he will keep an eye on them. I don't want an apology Laura. I want your friendship. I want your love."

He let go of her hand and stood up. He went over and stood in front of her. She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. He brushed a lone tear from her eye. "You have it Bill."