CheekyBrunette
A/n: This is CheekyBrunette's challenge. If you want to know more about it, well here is what she wrote:
So, I thought of a cool challenge. We all dig into the lives and emotions of our favorite characters, but what about ourselves? So here's the thing. It took me a while, but I did some soul searching, and I came up with some stuff I didn't know about myself until I really looked. So now it's your turn! Post it on your wall, send it here, whatever. Post it. And if you get a little emotional along the way, it's okay. I was a wreck when I wrote mine. I sort of realized how tired I was, and it really got to me.
I saw it on the BTR archive and the story was called CheekyBrunette's Challenge by Peace-Love-Star-Girl. I had read it this morning while I was getting ready for school. I almost cried. I went to CheekyBrunette's profile and found it and read hers and the other ones she posted on her profile. They made me so sad. Well I want to write one. Unfortunately my mom won't drive me to the library, and the online books cost money so I can't soul search. But I'll try my best.
My TDF lovers, I can't explain how sorry I am. I know this is my chance to type again, but I really felt the need to type this.
BTR is mentioned in it, so don't go yelling at me for why it's on the BTR archive.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize. This is all true.
She lays on her bed, 12:00 am and she's still awake. A few stray tears fall from her watery eyes, they roll down her cheek and silently fall onto her blanket.
She stares at the corner in her room, should be seeing a corner, but no she sees her life.
She goes through every bad and embarrassing memory. There is too many to count. She sighs and closes her eyes, falling into a troubled sleep.
She puts her shirt on and looks into her mirror. She doesn't like what she sees.
Straight, super thin, brown hair that looks like she never brushes it. She does.
A heart shaped face with scars, only one visible. The scar is in between her eyebrows, paler than the rest of her face. Her eyebrows are dark, dark brown, almost black, making it look like she dyes her hair. Her eyebrows have long hair, every which way, and between them, are little hairs, making it look like she has a tiny unibrow. Her jaw is kind of square, a thing that usually guys only have. Her left eye has a lazy eye lid. She has black round glasses, with zebra print on the sides.
She is medium height in the range of classmates, and her breast size is small. She isn't that curvy, but skinny. Her pinkies are oddly shaped, and she bites her fingernails,.
She looks at her outfit. A green hand me down shirt from her two year older sister. It has a peeler peeling an apple and another apple "saying" 'you monster!'. She looked at her pants, skinny jeans, also hand me downs, with a faded leopard print on them.
Four other siblings. Two of which are half brother and sister. 2 sisters, 2 brothers. Oldest brother: in the army. Oldest sister: living at home where she bosses everyone around and give them crap all the time. Youngest older sister: Bosses her around. Little brother: Annoys the frick out of her.
Her mom and dad have been split up for over 5 years, that's why her mom, older brother, oldest sister, youngest older sister, she, and her little brother moved states. They are getting a divorce soon, and her mom has a bf.
Everyone at her house gives her crap all the time. They yell at her, bully her, aren't fair to her, etc.
She dreads coming home, only to be yelled at once again.
A silent tear trickles down her cheek, that feel all too familiar to her, and she starts think about school and her friends.
She's smart, let's face it; no one really wants to be friends with a smart person. But yet she is at least acquaintances with everyone. No she's not a part of the popular group; she and her two best friends are like their own group. Weird, crazy, fun, smart, hilarious, group they all it. But she wasn't always weird, she was shy, and still is.
Up until last year, she mostly kept to herself, never believing she could express herself. Then she started to realize that she shouldn't care what anyone thinks. She opened up, but her shyness never went away.
She hates public speaking, she blushes and smiles like an idiot when a guy talks to her, even if she doesn't like like him, she never raises her hand, doesn't really talk in class expect when spoken to by a teacher.
Her shyness is one of the many flaws she has.
Honestly, she can't find one thing she is good at. Drawing, singing, dancing, sports, etc., nope. Nothing. Of course she is good at, math, language parts, science, history, reading, etc., but that is school stuff. She wants a hobby. Something she's good at.
She has a ton of secrets that she wants to tell someone. Namely her two best friends. Her crush, that's he loves BTR, family drama, stuff like that. Of course she wants to, but it just can't come out.
She puts on a shield, to protect her, and she hates it.
She hates that she will probably never see Big Time Rush in concert. All because she can't tell her family she likes them. She's too scared.
She hates that she likes a guy, and she knows he will never like her back.
She hates that she can't stand up for herself.
She hates that she can't tell her friends all her secrets.
She hates herself period.
That's why she writes. When she writes on FanFiction, all of her stress, flaws, worry, sadness, and rage, go away, or she pours it into her story.
Writing for her favorite TV show, band, singers, and celebrities makes her feel perfect. But makes her flaws seem like nothing. And what little success in her life, it shines bright.
Writing takes her to this perfect land where it's just her, and the computer.
She looks into her mirror again, wanting to shed this flaw filled body, and living in a new one, wanting to do something to relieve her pain, and she sees this broken girl.
She is stronger than that. She knows not to do anything harmful; she knows she is stuck with this body, besides a lot worse could happen in a year.
She smiles and wipes her eyes. She puts on her shield and doesn't recognize herself. She knows one day, one day, someone will finally see her behind her shield. Then it will all come crashing down. But for now, she will just keep pretending. Because, that girl is me, and I don't give up until I have too.
A/n: Bad, good? Hopefully CheekyBrunnette will put this on her profile. Just in case you didn't read the end, the girl is me.
Please review and do her challenge! Mine is a little longer than most…..
Till next time,
ElevateALittleHigher
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