A/N - This is pure crack. Probably not good crack, but crack nonetheless.
"What are you doing?" Regulus' eyes widened in alarm as Severus leant against the doorframe, wearing women's lingerie, fishnet stockings and six-inch stilettos. Severus batted his fake eyelashes, his red-painted lips twisting into a smirk.
"Do you like it?' Severus stretched his arms above his head, arched his back and thrust his hips forward, narrowing his charcoal-lined eyes. He tipped his head back, and Regulus followed the line of his throat, down to prominent, heavily-glittered collarbones.
"Um…" Regulus leant back slightly as Severus pushed himself away from the door and walked unsteadily towards the bed. "I don't understand what's happening."
"I think you know," Severus lowered the register of his voice to speak, thin lips forming a slight pout.
"No, I really don't," Regulus squeaked, leaning back further. He refused to believe this was going where he thought it was. It had to be a joke. Right?
Severus reached the foot of the bed, smirked down at Regulus, and threw one of his fishnet-covered legs across Regulus' lap, straddling him.
Wrong.
Severus shifted his hips, bracing himself against Regulus' shoulders with his hands, until he found the position he wanted.
"Did you shave your legs?" Regulus asked before he had fully registered the thought, unable to stop himself from saying it aloud.
"Of course." Severus frowned at that, as though Regulus was the one behaving oddly.
This was going to be a long night.