1.

There were, perhaps, hundreds upon thousands of concepts and instances in this universe that Ren was uncertain of. Was there a heaven or hell? Could there possibly be a chance for life somewhere other than this big, beautiful, blue planet he had called "home"? When he gazed up at the stars – what few he could see past the city's pollution – was it possible something else out there would be staring back at him? He could think about these and other such things for an entire lifetime, and he would probably never receive his answer.

Of the few things he was certain of, however, this was pretty damn high on his list:

He did not want to spend his evening before a big final at a strip club.

The rather large yet slim man sat wedged between some of his fellow classmates who were arguing amongst themselves over the loud and booming bass.

"What the fuck do you mean you 'read the schedule wrong'?!" the one on his left shrieked in a panic, certainly a bit dramatic for a college student in his third year.

"I told you, I thought ladies' night was tomorrow!" the one on his right flailed, almost but not quite as dramatic. Ren fidgeted slightly.

"And what tipped you off, all the fuckin' chicks in here?" His eyes darted over a bit further to his right at another classmate grouped around him.

"Guys..." Ren spoke up though not nearly loud enough to be heard over the music, let alone the intense and unfounded bickering going on. The classmate on his left bounced onto his feet as he grabbed his things in one fluid motion.

"Whatever, let's just go. We can come back after our final and get some real action." He pointed his thumb over his shoulder toward the stages across the room, earning a subtle eye-roll from the quietest of the four. Ren sighed slightly, somewhat irritated with the fact that he was not only dragged out here despite his protests, but he had wasted time he could have spent to do some last-minute cramming only to not even stay to not-enjoy himself.

"Fine. Let's go, Ren. I have some questions I wanna ask you about the study guide," the man on his immediate right lightly tapped his shoulder with his palm.

"Yeah."

Ren joined the others and gathered his things, throwing his bag over his shoulder and rising out of his seat to turn just as the tune over the intercom changed in this sensual R&B number and a chorus of excited screams followed only seconds after.

I like the way she movin' on me

He glanced over his shoulder, attention grabbed, and on that stage in the center of the room he could see a spot of blue swaying in time with the rhythm. He couldn't quite make out the dancer's face, but in just the right lighting he could see a few tiny speckles of glitter reflecting off their back and shoulders where torn denim wasn't concealing the skin.

The sight was enough to make him stop in his place.

Their skin was pale, almost like porcelain- no, maybe ivory. It seemed so smooth, the way it pulled and twisted with the muscles that lay just underneath it. Long strands of gorgeous, deep blue hair pooled down the dancer's body almost like a stream, and Ren found himself staring at the way their back muscles tensed as their hips swayed and when they had turned their body completely around, he could've sworn they locked eyes for a moment.

And shawty she a certified freak

Oh, wait. That's right, it's a guy.

It was like they both froze for the briefest of seconds out of shock and embarrassment and, as though he were in disgust with himself for checking out another dude's body, Ren turned his head away and lightly jogged out the door to catch up with the others.

"Maaaaaan, what a fucking let-down," the classmate from his right sighed. The other two were about to turn the corner to part ways. Ren lifted his hand to bid them good-bye as he and the other continued down this road.

"Well, what can you do? Maybe we can go some other time," Ren shrugged.

God, I hope not.

"Yeah, I guess. Like Matsuda said, after finals would probably be better. I don't wanna take my test and think of nothing but tits the whole time."

"Hm."

Ren didn't really have much to say on the subject, seeing as how he didn't really find naked bodies attractive. The whole concept of sex in and of itself kind of made him uncomfortable to begin with, and being forced into a situation where he would have to stare at it practically in the face gave him the heebie-jeebies, for lack of a more sophisticated term.

"Oh, yeah. Ren, you finished the guide, right?"

"Ah, right!" He paused in his step to dig through his bag in an attempt to search for his – thankfully – completed study guide. Ah, found it. "Here, you wanted to see this, right?" He handed his pal the packet full of information about what would be on their final.

"Wow, thanks Re-" His friend stopped mid-sentence upon examining the packet. "You seriously finished it?"

"Yeah."

"HOW? There are some things in here that are practically impossible to figure out."

"Maybe for you," Ren nudged at his ribs playfully, bearing a shit-eating grin. "Feel free to borrow it for the night if you're having trouble, though. I think I should be good at this point."

"Holy shit, Ren, you're the actual best!"

Ren only chuckled, hiding the fact that there was actually still a lot he wasn't quite 100% sure on even if his answers in the packet were correct. But, his classmate was in need and, well, who was he to let another student suffer when he could've done something?

"This is where I gotta head off. See you tomorrow?" Ren asked his classmate as he began to turn a corner down another path.

"Yeah, maybe for coffee in the morning. I'll text you. Later," was all he got in response. A sense of uneasiness began to grow deep in the pit of his stomach, but he tried to brush it off and turned on his heel towards his apartment.

A couple streetlights and three flights of stairs later, followed by an agonizingly long trip down an even longer, winding hall, and Ren found himself opening the door to his one-bedroom apartment.

"I'm home."

He knew he wouldn't get an answer. He didn't know when he had picked up this strange habit, alerting an empty household of his arrival, but here he was – calling out to nobody.

After kicking off his shoes and neatly placing them in the cubbyhole by his front door, he shut the door, stepped over the veranda, and abandoned his bag at the foot of the couch on his way to the kitchen to grab some leftovers as a snack.

Ren had managed to score this apartment with the inheritance left by his grandmother. They weren't particularly close, but he was her only grandson and she had her own ways of showing her adoration over the boy. Upon hearing news of her death, he wasn't too terribly distraught – sad, of course, but he was able to go on about his normal life with not much really changing.

That thought alone used to eat away at him and leave him awake late into the night. Should he feel this bad for not being so sad over the death of his grandmother? He was an awful grandson, surely. Who didn't mourn the passing of family?

He searched around in his refrigerator, remembering too late that he had already tossed out those leftovers because they went bad. Silently cursing himself, he shut the fridge door to rummage through his pantry in the hopes that- oh, hell yes.

Peanut butter.

After digging through his utensil drawer and snagging a spoon, he took the biggest spoonful of peanut butter he could muster, holding the spoonful in his mouth while he screwed the lid back on and returned the peanut butter to its rightful place. He tossed the spoon into the sink to soak, lapping at the wonderful mix of sweet and salty in his mouth the way a dog would when it got stuck to the roof of its mouth.

He left the kitchen, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it into the laundry basket near the bathroom. Half of the peanut butter was consumed by the time he made it to his bed and plopped down onto his back to stare at the ceiling, his shoulder-length black hair bunching up below his skull.

Without warning, the thought of that guy at the club came to mind. The look he gave him started to bother him, that expression of surprise and- Ren could've sworn he saw the other man's body jolt slightly when they saw each other. Did seeing another man at a strip club on ladies' night really shock him all that much?

More than anything, though, the thing that bothered him was that Ren could've sworn he'd seen that guy before, somewhere. Maybe it was just in passing while he was running errands?

No, he wouldn't have left that lasting of an impression.

"Ah, whatever." Ren turned onto his side. Most of the peanut butter was gone at this point. His eyes scanned the room before landing on the illuminated numbers of his alarm clock.

12:04

His test was in eight hours and fifty-six – make that fifty-five – minutes. If he were to fall asleep right this instant, he could potentially get maybe five hours and fifty-five minutes of sleep before he would have to get out of bed to shower, brush his teeth, eat breakfast, and mentally prepare himself for the exam. But if he were to sleep in and make it six hours and fifty-fi- four minutes, he would have to skip breakfast; not bathing or brushing teeth was out of the question. If he really wanted sleep that badly, he could forgo the whole preparation entirely and just wing it on the exam, earning him a good seven hours and fifty-four minutes. But if he were to wing it on the exam he ran the risk of failing and if hefailedthenhemightnotgettograduatean-

"AUGH."

He tossed over onto his back, throwing his arm to cover his eyes. Why did he let his classmate borrow his notes? He could've used them in the morning to ensure success, but noooooo, he had to go and be a nice guy and do this huge favor for people he was almost positive didn't really want him around, anyway.

He slightly lifted his arm and glanced back at the clock.

12:07

xxxxxx

The night was long, and it was hell.

Ren could almost feel the bags he knew were under his eyes. His body was sluggish from getting a grand total of maybe two hours of sleep during the whole night. He was sluggish and he was cranky and his hair was a mess and he was pretty sure he just blew his exam.

I'm doomed.

The text for coffee never came. He figured it wouldn't, but that didn't really help the slight sting. Whatever. He went for coffee anyway, getting the most caffeinated beverage they had in the smallest of hopes that it would keep him awake enough to make it through the final.

As he walked down the street in the direction of his university, he casually sipped at the coffee – oh, it was sweet with a bitter aftertaste – in his hand, pausing briefly to gently blow on it to cool it down before he burned himself. Gradually, he began to grow more awake as the effects of the caffeine began to kick in and-

Did a spot of blue just turn the corner ahead of him?

He stopped in his step for just a second, blinking to make sure his sleep-deprived mind wasn't just fucking around with him.

He was about to turn the corner anyway, that was on his path to school. A bit wary, he followed suit and froze because – holy shit – lo and behold, there was a familiar wave of blue pulled into a ponytail and cascading down an also familiar but clothed back.

Ren kept a good distance behind the other, finding it strange yet not unlikely for another person to take his route to school. Still...it was too convenient.

After some subtle stalking, which he didn't seem to notice because he kept his headphones on the entire time and didn't look back even once, there came a point where the blue-haired man in front of him stepped aside and stopped, looking around as though he were waiting for someone. He had managed to turn his head just enough to glance over and see Ren...who only stood there frozen, gaping like an idiot with just-a-hair-hotter-than-room-temperature coffee in his hand.

Busted.

"Oh, sorry. Was I in your way?"

Oh, God. What was with this guy's voice that just made Ren so fucking uneasy?

"N-N-No...Not at all."

The other man stood a small step back regardless, raising an eyebrow at Ren's weird behavior. Ren didn't move an inch, only gulping some spit as he steeled his nerves.

"Do you, by any chance, work at a strip club in the area?" This was probably a terrible idea and an awful way to start out a conversation with someone you didn't know, but goddamn it, Ren was tired and not thinking rationally and he just had to know. The blue-haired man's face scrunched in a way that looked not only confused, but downright offended.

"Excuse me?"

"I just think I've seen you recently, and I was curious."

"And your first thought was, 'Oh dur, maybe I've seen this guy working at a strip club'?!" Uh, oh. He was mad.

"N-Not what I meant! I usually take this route to school and I don't think I've seen you before so–"

"I've never seen you before either, dude, but I wouldn't go out of my way to just waltz right up to someone and ask if they work in a strip club."

Ren had to stop himself from bringing his hands to his face to hide his embarrassment and he was sure glad he did because otherwise he would've been screaming in pain from coffee in his eyes at this point.

God, he was so fucking stupid.

"Please, let me apologize for coming off so rudely."

"Please do."

The shorter man stood there, arms folded across his chest with an eyebrow still raised. Ren paused for a moment, inhaled deeply, and opened his mouth to speak when–

"Aoba, what the fuck, you left without me."

Ren and this man apparently named Aoba both directed their attention to the voice that came from behind Ren. Ren froze, more than wide awake now.

There stood a literal carbon copy of the blue-haired man. Sure, his hair was a little more unkempt and loose and the way he was currently holding himself just screamed "punk-ass kid" what with the baggy clothes and awful posture but he was an actual, identical copy.

Tw–

"Twins...?" Ren mumbled with confusion to himself. The other-Aoba glanced from the real-Aoba to Ren and upon their eyes meeting, he jolted and widened his eyes slightly.

"Tsurai, you weren't going to get up any time soon and we have finals today. Besides, I wanted to see Clear before class," Aoba sighed with annoyance. Tsurai glanced from Aoba to Ren then back to Aoba, as if he were trying to hide his shock.

"Who's your friend?"

"No clue, this guy just came up and asked if I worked at a strip club 'cause I guess he saw me work–"

Everything in the vicinity seemed to freeze as it dawned on all three men at once.

"TSURAI?!" Aoba practically screamed, "You're a stripper?!"

"I am not!"

"Muh?" Ren just looked back and forth between the two men he stood between. Even if he was awake, his brain was sure having a hell of a time trying to process all of this information.

"Bullshit! What the fuck are you doing?!"

"I told you, I'm not stripper!" Tsurai's face turned a bright hue of red, though whether it was due to embarrassment or anger, Ren couldn't tell.

"I knew there was a reason you were coming home late and sleeping all the time! Jesus fucking Christ!" Aoba was absolutely mortified at just learning his own brother was a stripper.

"Holy shit, you're not listening," Tsurai threw his hands into the air in irritation, rolling his eyes. "I. Am. Not. A. STRIPPER."

Ren was vaguely aware of the scene they were all causing as he watched people gathering around from a distance to check out the commotion. "Uh..."

"Then why does this guy recognize me- well, you?" Aoba glanced to the right at Ren before returning his glare to Tsurai. Tsurai avoided eye-contact but gradually began to buckle under the pressure.

"Well-"

"I can't believe you."

"Would you let me finish? Goddamn."

"Maybe we should take this conversation somewhere we won't draw a crowd," Ren chimed in, alerting the other two of the audience they had conjured up in such a short amount of time.

"Fine," Aoba huffed. He led the way to a quieter area as Tsurai dug his hands into the pockets of his over-sized hoodie and followed, Ren tagging along behind. Before too long, there was a secluded part of the alley where the three could talk in peace. "Okay. Go."

"Thank you." Tsurai leaned back against the wall, folding his arms over his chest in a similar manner to Aoba. "Do you want the long version or the short?"

"I don't give a shit, I just want an explanation."

"Fine. To put it bluntly, I work at a strip club. Name's Glitter." Aoba opened his mouth to protest but Tsurai cut him off, "BUT. I work as a DJ."

Ren and Aoba both blinked with confusion.

"So...you don't strip."

"No." Tsurai rolled his eyes impatiently before glancing over at Ren and pointing a thumb in his direction. "The reason why this asshole recognizes me is because...yes, there was one instance I had to because we had a call-out last night and were short-staffed and we worked with what we had."

"'Asshole'...?" Ren felt an incredible level of guilt. He basically just outed this guy to his brother when he was now obviously trying to keep it a secret. Fuck.

"Anyway, I didn't want you and Granny getting on my ass about it like you are now. Point is, I get paid a decent amount of money and seeing as how your broke ass doesn't have a job that can pay the bills, I don't think you have any right bitching at me about it. And you," Tsurai turned his attention towards Ren, who jumped a little under his gaze, "I would greatly appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone else about this. It's none of your goddamn business."

"You're right. I sincerely apologize for causing such an uproar." Ren bowed his head a bit, feeling absolutely awful for dragging the twins into something that he honestly shouldn't have even dwelled on for nearly as long as he had.

Tsurai twisted his mouth, sensing Ren's guilt and uneasiness.

"...Well...Sorry for the mishap, and for my brother and I being assholes ourselves."

"Speak for yourself."

"Anyway, m'name's Tsurai, in case it wasn't obvious by now. This piece of shit with his panties in a bunch is my brother, Aoba." Tsurai tilted his head in Aoba's direction, earning a tch in response.

"Older brother."

"Holy shit, by two minutes."

Ren almost dropped his coffee just trying to wrap his poor brain around everything. First the final, then being forced out of his comfort zone, then this whole mess he had a huge hand in causing, not to mention all the sleep he lost and-

Oh, shit.

"You guys go to the university down the street from here, right?" Ren inquired.

"Yeah, and wow, rude."

"Sorry. My name is Ren."

"Thank you. Anyway, why do you ask?"

"Because finals are about to start, so we–"

"Oh, fuck." Tsurai hopped off the wall and led the other two down the alley in the direction of their college. "Come on, I know a shortcut."

Ren walked with the two in a hurry, feeling absolutely exhausted even though it was only about 8:30, maybe, in the morning.

Today is going to be a long day.

Author's Note:

Welcome back, all! Sorry I've been away for so long, I've been busy with work and life's troubles and such. I heard this song this weekend and it was like a bolt of inspirational lightning struck. Here's to a good run!

DRAMAtical Murder and all of its characters belong to their respective owners. I am in no way, shape, or form making a profit off of the use of their content.

The lyrics from "Certified Freak" belong to their respective owners.