Hey! So I'm putting this story as Eclare, but its from Eli's point of view. I might switch POVs in later chapters, but as of now it's all Eli. This story is about Eli making a wish that Julia never died and his whole life changes forever. I plan on bringing in J.T Yorke :) to be Eli's angel and to guide him through his new life after the wish is granted. So J.T comes in in Ch.2! Please review and let me know what you think! Truely yours, DegrassiLuv16.

I don't own degrassi

Chapter 1

"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." -Havelock Ellis

"All love shifts and changes. I don't know if you can be wholeheartedly in love all the time" -Julie Andrews

"I can't believe this!" She shrieked. I stood there in the rain. I usually loved the rain; It helped me think. The skies open up and my mind opens up with them. But not tonight. No, tonight the rain felt like acid, pouring onto my skin, burning it. I just wanted to get out of the thunder storm and take her inside, where she'd be safe. We needed to talk this through inside my parents' warm house, curled up by the fire, safe. But as she screamed at me in the rain, I could tell she wasn't planning on going anywhere.

I was parked outside my parents' house, standing there with her, face to face.

"What do you want me to do?" I yelled over the wind. Water swirled around in the wind and rain drops beat on us from every angle. I could barely see her, the wind was so strong.

"Go inside and tell him we'll move out!" She yelled. "I have a place!"

"What do you mean a place?" I yelled back.

"I bought an apartment! It was supposed to be your freaking birthday present!" She yelled.

"I can't move out, I'm sixteen!" I screamed, now rather infuriated. "How could you buy a house at sixteen?"

"I have money, Eli. I work. My dad has a trust for me." She reminded me as if I was stupid.

"So then what! You just want to forget everything my parents have done for you, for us, and go off on our own!" I yelled.

"Yes!" she screamed. "More than anything!"

"Are you insane! How would we finish high school?"

"We'd make it work! All I know is that I love you!" she yelled.

"They want you and Ren to move out!" I screamed. She scoffed.

"They hate me!"

"They hate the fact that you're a teenaged mother!"

"You're a teenaged father!" She countered, rage seeping from her tone.

"You think I don't know that?"

"Eli, get a grip! We'll move out with Ren, and we'll finally have a better life where we can raise our son together!" she yelled. I scoffed.

"No, I have a great life here. I'll keep my son here, you get the fuck out of my life!" I screamed.

"He's my son too!" she shrieked.

"No, he stopped being your son a long time ago. Ever since you started hanging around with Amber!" I yelled. She shrieked out in annoyance and slapped me. Her cold hand collided with my face and I winced in the sudden shock of pain. After a moment it faded away and I glared at her.

"Amber has ruined you! Smoking, drinking, this isn't you Julia!" I yelled.

"No Eli, it's who I am! I've finally found myself and now you want to rip me away from it!"

"I want to protect you because I love you!" I bellowed. She scoffed.

"If you loved me, you'd fight for your parents to let me stay!"

"Julia, they found pot in your jacket! They don't want you to do drugs in their house!"

"I don't do drugs in the house!"

"It doesn't fucking matter!" I yelled. "You put yourself and our son in danger every time you come home high!"

"You know what? Fuck you Eli!" she took her bike from its place leaning against the fence. "I'll be back to pick up Ren and my stuff tomorrow!"

"Are you crazy? You can't go anywhere now, you're too upset!" I said, trying to stop her. She just buckled her helmet and ignored me.

"Jules! Jules, be rational! We'll go inside and talk to my parents where it's safe!" she scoffed and got on her bike. I grabbed her and pressed my lips against hers. For a second, she kissed me back. But then she pulled away and slapped me again.

"Fuck off, Eli!"

"Jules! Wait, it's not safe!" I yelled as she started riding. "JULIA MCCALLISTER!" I screamed down the quiet street. She just kept riding. Then the headlights turned the corner and zeroed in on her. The path it took was curvy, swerving around on the road.

"JULIA LOOK OUT!" I yelled, racing down the sidewalk toward her.

But it was too late.

The truck rammed into her, sending her flying into the air, throwing her about ten feet. The truck stopped and the guy just sat there watching.

"Jules!" I screamed, tears flooding my vision. I ran over to her, dropping down next to her fragile body. Blood gushed from her head and she was breathing raggedly. I pulled her into my arms, blood coating my black jeans.

"Eli." she whispered. I pressed my lips to hers softly. After I pulled away, she slid a piece of paper into my hand. I opened it up to see her will.

"Julia what is this?"

"My…dad said I should…write it…because I had…Ren…"

I pulled out my cell phone and dialed 911.

"There's been an accident! Come quickly!" I said into the small silver phone. I then proceeded to give the dispature on the line my location and she promised to send help. I hung up and put my phone down.

"Julia, you're not going to die!"

"I am."

"No! No Julia, you're not!"

"I want to be cremated."

"Julia, stop!"

"Spread my ashes wherever you want."

"What? Why?" I asked, my voice full of pain.

"Because I knew you will find the perfect place." She whispered, clutching my hand. Her hair was usually black as night, but it was now stained red by the blood matted in it.

"Julia, don't die." I whispered, hearing my voice crack. All the rage I'd had built up at her was erased now, and was replaced by fear and sadness.

"Take care of Ren." She whispered.

"Julia, no!" I cried.

"I'm so sorry Eli. Really, I'm sorry for everything." She whispered, tears running down her face. I kissed them away.

"JULIA! Stop, please!" I heard sirens in the distance. "C'mon! Hold on, Julia!"

"Good bye, Eli." She whispered, her voice filled with pain. "I'll always love you."

And then I woke up from my nightmare.

"Eli? Eli, baby are you okay?" Clare asked, shaking me awake. I sighed rolled over to look at my beautiful wife. Her blue eyes were ignighted in worry and her forehead was creased, indicating she was stressed.

"Clare, blue eyes I'm all right. Don't worry, I just had a dream." I tried to sooth her. However, she just kept staring at me with the same apprehensive expression.

"You were screaming for Julia." She said quietly, stroking my face. I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Again?" I asked.

"Yes Eli. Are you sure you don't want me to make an appointment with Dr. Sandra?" She asked. I opened my eyes.

"Please make one." I said. She nodded.

"Okay." She promised.

I rolled over to look at the clock. It was eight o'clock in the morning on Saturday, September 18th. I sighed in frustration and got up. I walked over to Clare's side of the bed and stroked her now calm face.

"You're so beautiful, Clare. I love you so much." I whispered against her lips. She smiled and I kissed her deeply. Then I stood up and went into the bathroom to shower. I tried not to think about what today was and what I would have to do.

"Eli! Pancakes!" Clare called up the stairs. I came down and walked into the kitchen to see my family waiting for me. My son, Ren, was sitting at the counter, staring down into a cup of half drunken coffee. Ren's dark black hair was tussled, and he looked extremely hung over. I smirked at Clare who gave me a knowing look. I came up behind him and slapped him on the back, yelling in his ear,

"Morning, son! How'd you sleep?" I asked. He jumped in surprise and turned to glare at me with Julia's bright blue eyes.

"Not cool, Dad." He muttered. I laughed.

"Dude, where did you go last night and who were you with?" I asked.

"The library. I was alone." He muttered, laying his head down on the counter and covering his ears with his hands.

"C'mon Ren, you're not fooling anyone. We know you're hungover, we know you went drinking last night, and we know you were with a girl." I said, pouring myself a cup of coffee. My daughter Kristi laughed.

"You should've seen him. He came home and he tripped over the shoes by the back door. I found him lying on the floor, sleeping this morning.

"Alright, we get it. I'm an idiot." Ren said, taking a long sip of coffee.

"You're not an idiot. You have no common sense, but you're not brainless." Clare assured him.

"Yeah. Besides, you're going to Stanford. We know you won't have time for drinking." I said, sitting down with my children at the kitchen table. I examined my children.

Kristina, Kristi for short, was scribbling in a sketch pad. Her blond hair fell around her face in soft waves. She had a pretty face and bright green eyes. She's 15.

Mercy, who's 14, has short black hair and green eyes like me. She has a small frame, not curvy like her sister, and is always playing the piano and singing.

Bret, my son, is 12. He has dirty blond hair like Clare and her blue eyes. He is a sports star, like his older brother, and loves soccer and basketball. He's on a traveling basketball team and Clare takes him to all of the games.

Alec is six. He also had Clare's dirty blond hair and blue eyes. He's kind and playful. He loves animals and is always playing with our yellow lab, Molly.

Finally, there's Will. He's two years old and had dark black hair and green eyes. He's all me, and looks just like I did when I was a baby.

"So what's going on today, guys?" I asked as I took a sip of my coffee.

"I have a game after lunch." Bret informed me, smiling. I nodded in approval.

"Mom will drive you. What about you, Merc?" I asked.

"I have a band rehursal. I'm playing the keyboard." She announced, smiling with pride. She was now in an all boys band with Adam's son Kyle and Drew's son Nile.

"That sounds cool, can I come?" Kristi asked.

"We all know you only want to come so you can suck face with Nile." Mercy told her sister. Kristi scowled.

"I do not. I'm interested in rock music."

"I've never heard you listen to rock." Mercy laughed. Kristi rolled her eyes.

"Fine. I guess you won't have a ride home then." She said.

"Kris, you can't drive." Bret reminded her. She laughed.

"Oh please. I meant I'm not giving her a ride with my friends to school on Monday." Kristi said. I watched my children with a smirk plastered across my face. They were so cute when they fought.

"Save it, Kristi. You can come, but i=you still won't get me a ride on Monday." Mercy said. I nodded in agreement.

"She's right Kris. If I know you, you won't let her ride with you."

"Shut up dad!" She said, laughing. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm going to Kelsey's house." Ren informed us. I laughed at him.

"No your not." I said. He frowned at me.

"C'mon dad! Bianca will be there to watch us!"

"That's what worried me. Bianca had a kid in high school and the father ditched her."

"Who was the father?" Ren asked, knitting his eyebrows together. Clare glanced at me.

"Mark Fitzgerald." I told my son. "He's in jail now. Anyway, you can't go over there without supervision. And you're spending the day with me anyway."

"What! Why?" he asked, now annoyed.

"By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest." I said, quoting Confucius. He gave me a confused look.

"What does that even mean?" he whined. "Mom! Dad's throwing annoying metaphors at me!"

"Eli, please. The boy is already confused enough." Clare warned me. I laughed and gave her a kiss as she placed the dished on the table.

"I don't understand why I can't go to Kelsey's house! Who cares if her mom had her in high school? You guys had me in high school!" Clare and I both froze and glanced at each other. Now would be a good time to tell you that Ren doesn't know he's not Clare's son. He doesn't know Julia even exists.

"Ren…now isn't the time." I warned. He sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Whatever." He muttered.

Our family ate breakfast together, talking and laughing, but I felt alone. I cleared my plate and went upstairs into my office and locked the door.

I slumped down in my chair in front of my roll top desk and opened it up. I woke my laptop and opened the photos folder, typing in the password and hitting enter a little too hard. The folder opened and I scanned all the pictures. Clicking on one, it lit up the whole screen. There was Julia, smiling and laughing. She was sitting in my lap and in her lap was a tiny baby Ren. I examined her happy face, her beautiful smile, her bright happy eyes…and then the tears came.

Today would be the anniversary of her death. Today was seventeen years. Today was the day I would tell Ren that Clare wasn't his biological mother, even though she loved him like a son. She treated him right. She'd raised him and he loved her like a mom. Because she was his mom. Julia may be his mother, but Clare is his mom and nothing will ever change that.

I opened up a small draw that I'd covered with a pile of books and pulled out a small red box about the size of a pack of cigarettes.

I held it in the palm of my hand and turned it over, examining it. It was smooth and red, with tiny blue and black gemstones forming different floral designs. I ran my finger over the small box and gave it a small shake. Inside was a small portion of Julia's ashes. I'd chosen to spread them at the beach, somewhere she loved. But before the service, I'd taken a small scoop of them and placed them in the red box. Don't think I wanted to keep Julia in my house, that'd be crazy. No, I wanted to spread them myself when I was truly ready to let her go. And now, 17 years later, I finally felt ready.

"So why are you making me come to lunch with you?" Ren asked me bitterly. I bit into my tuna melt as we sat in the crowded Dot. I chewed slowly, examining my son. He wore his Degrassi football jersey and over it he wore his Degrassi varsity jacket. His style was the opposite of mine in high school.

"I wanted to talk to you about your mother." I said.

"Is mom okay? She's not pregnant again, is she?" Ren asked, suddenly full attention on me. He loved Clare so much…I couldn't do this…but I really had to.

"Yes, Clare is fine." I said, trying to keep my cool. I was worried that I'd suddenly have a bipolar attack and freak out. I had to stay strong for my son's sake.

"Dad…you're freaking me out." he said. I looked him in the face and sighed heavily.

"Ren…I don't know how to say this." I said.

"Say it in French." He joked. I rolled my eyes at his obscure idea and started tapping my foot in anxiety.

"Ren…Clare isn't your birth mother." I said, not making eye contact for a while. After what seemed like an eternity of him not saying anything, I glanced at him. His eyes were pointed at my stomach but I could tell he wasn't staring at it. He was staring at something far off, in his mind. His mouth hung slightly open. His eyes were dull, like he'd just been told he had six weeks to live.

"Ren?" I asked.

"So I'm adopted?" he asked, suddenly making eye contact again.

"Not exactly…you're my son. I had you when I was sixteen with your birth mother…Julia." I said. He stared at me like I'd just slapped him.

"Isn't Julia that girl you always wake up crying about?" he asked.

"Yes…Ren, she was hit by a car. She died when we were sixteen…she loved you very much." I said, trying to sofen the blow and sudden shock. However, I'm not good at being sensitive like Clare is, and could tell I wasn't much help in the situation.

"You never told me?" he whispered. "You let me live my whole life as a lie?"

"Ren, I wanted to tell you. But I met Clare a year after Julia died and we fell in love. She fell in love with you the moment she saw you and tiny one-year-old you loved her. You'd cry for her when she wasn't around…you said her name before mine. You were attached to her. And when Clare and I got married at 18, we decided to just tell you she was your mother. You loved her like a mother…I wanted to tell you on the seventeenth anniversary of Julia's death…I wanted to tell you once you were older. I didn't want you to grow up thinking you didn't have a real mommy." I said. He scoffed, tears now rolling down his cheeks.

"So you thought letting me grow up lying was a better solution?" he asked, anger spilling into his hurt tone. I closed my eyes.

"Ren, it's not like that. You're loved by your whole family!" I said.

"But they're not my real family. They're half siblings and a step mom. You and this Julia person are my only real family!" he said. It didn't take rocket science to figure out he was beyond angry at me.

"Ren…please stop." I said.

"No, Dad, you've been lying all along!" he yelled.

"Ask Clare! Ask Adam! They'll tell you all about Julia and how much I wanted to raise you with her!" I yelled, now just as angry.

"Oh, are they lying too?" he asked.

"Ren, I'm you're father, don't speak to me like that."

"Oh are you? Or did Julia cheat? Maybe I'm not even your son! How awesome would that be? I can go have another dad who hasn't been lying to me for 17 years and you can get rid of me! Everyone wins!" he shouted.

"Ren, stop! Let's talk about this. I know you're angry-" I started, but he cut me off.

"Angry?" ANGRY? I'M NOT FUCKING ANGRY DAD, I'M FUCKING FURIOUS! YOU'VE NEVER EVER TOLD ME THE TRUTH, HAVE YOU?" He yelled. I flinched at the anger in my son's voice.

"Ren, stop! We'll work this out!"

"Fuck off, Eli! If that even is your real name!" he yelled, getting up and walking out of the Dot.

I slumped back into my chair and rubbed my temples. That could've gone better.

"Fuck, Julia." I whispered, pretending she could hear me. I sighed in anger, tears rolling down my face. I paid the bill and went to my car without saying a word.

Getting out of my car outside my parent's house, I walked down the street. I shoved my cold hands in the pockets of my jeans in a desperate attempt to keep warm.

"Oh Jules," I whispered, sitting down on the curb across from the place where she'd been hit by the car. I could imagine Julia and I lying there, me clutching her, blood spilling onto the pavement.

"It should've been me." I whispered. "Julia, you never deserved this." I pulled the small box that contained the remainder of her ashes out of my coat pocket.

"Julia…if you can hear me…I told Ren today. I told him about you, I mean. He didn't take it well, obviously." I said, shivering in the night's frosty air. I shook the box and opened it, examining the contence.

"I've missed you for seventeen years," I muttered. "I've loved you for twenty seven years. I've wanted you to be by my side every day of those seventeen years…I want you to forgive me, Jules. If I hadn't yelled…if I had just taken you inside and made you some cocoa and warmed you up…you'd still be here." I said, tears rolling down my face. A large gust of wind blew and I knew it was time. I threw the box's contents into the strong wind and watched them fly away, twirling and swirling with the snow. I hugged my knees and looked up at the sky. A lone star shone and I remembered something from my childhood. I took a deep breath and made a wish. "I wish you were still here, Julia. I wish you never died and I could still hold you in my arms." I whispered. Then, feeling foolish, I got up and walked to my car. I couldn't go home tonight, I'd be forced to talk to Clare about my day. As much as I loved my wife, I couldn't bare to talk about the sad, depressing thoughts that floated through my mind like phantoms in the night. I sighed and leaned against the steering wheel, closing my eyes. I'd sleep here tonight, then go home and face Ren tomorrow. I felt as though I'd let my son down, when all I wanted to ever do was protect him. This was the last thing I remember thinking before I fell into a deep sleep I somehow couldn't prevent.

"Eli…" Someone murmured, poking me. I snuggled up under the covers of me and Clare's bed, shutting my eyes tight. I didn't want to get up, it was too comfortable in the bed.

"Eli, baby, wake up." A familiar voice said. I didn't move. Then familiar lips connected with mine, kissing me deeply. I opened my eyes, expecting to find Clare greeting me with a smile and a "I told you so". She'd always told me I should never had lied to Ren.

But when I opened my eyes, I found that the lips on mine didn't belong to my loving wife. No, they belonged to someone very different.

"Julia?" I whispered in shock.

What was she doing in my bedroom? What was she doing kissing me? Why wasn't she dead? Where was Clare, the love of my life? What had I done?

Comments? Please tell me what you think...it's not too weird, is it? It gets better in ch.2. Give it a chance! Thanks :)