AN: An attempt at preemptively fixing tonight's episode 4x19, "47 Seconds" for our poor tortured shipper hearts. ;)
Spoilerwarning: Contains spoilers for US promo for the episode only (not the sneak peeks; I haven't watched them this time). Written before the episode airs.
The Us in Trust
He didn't see it coming. The moment his heart would break. But he hears the words, and feels it shatter. Splinter in his chest. Shards, like razors against his ribs.
"I was shot in the chest, and I remember every second of it!" She hisses the words, her dark harsh truth. Not meant for his ears but the punch in the gut is just as painful. Maybe more.
Air. He can't breathe. Thoughts, fast and destructive, like bullets through his brain. She knew. Fool. All this time, she knew. She had lied. Lied to him. Those smiles for him, the tentative, hopeful pattern. All a lie? He is such a fool.
The door to the interrogation room flies open. She stalks out, fast, on a mission. Stops in her tracks when she sees him. Their eyes connect. He swallows, ice in his veins, frozen thoughts. She lied to him. She lied.
He turns around. Walks away.
She stands frozen, shocked. That look on his face. His eyes. Almost grey. Cold. He had never looked at her like that. She hadn't known he was here. At the precinct. Since when was he here? Oh. He must have- What did he-?
"Espo?" She yells, barely recognizes her own voice. "Esposito!"
His head peaks around the corner.
Her stomach in knots; anxiety, like a band around her ribcage. "How long has he been here?"
"Five, ten minutes maybe? Why?"
She can't breathe. Oh god. Oh no- Castle, no!
And then she runs.
Two stairs at a time; she barely sees where she's going. She needs to find him. Get to him. She runs through the lobby of the precinct, long strides, her heels echo loudly on the stone floor. Outside she turns, left, right, Castle, where are you? Where would you-
There, his head in the crowd, bobbing away. Fast. Away from her. She runs again.
"Castle!" Gets closer but he doesn't turn around.
"Castle!" She knows, she knows he can hear her. Please, don't go. Everybody always leaves. Please don't leave!
"You promised, Rick!" She yells, desperate and fearful. "You said 'always'!"
He stops.
It gets to him. Her voice. He doesn't want it to, tries to drown her out. He needs some distance, space to think. Tears well up; not very manly, he inanely thinks. Tries to gulp them down but the knot inside of him grows ever tighter.
Then she calls his name, like she is drowning in the middle of the street. And he stops. He doesn't turn. But he stops.
He can't not.
His head thrums. His heart hurts.
"Rick." She's behind him now. He feels her presence. Then, a hand between his shoulder blades. Warm, soft. Too much. He shrugs her off.
She sniffles.
He whirls around, his hands wrap around her biceps, and he pushes her to the side, into the arched entryway of the closest building. Towers over her.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry Rick," she sniffs, urges, her hands against his cheeks, holding on, holding him close. "I'm so sorry."
"Why?" It's all he can get out at first, his brain a fog, a tortured mess. He gulps air into his lungs; his heartbeat making him nauseous.
"Why, why did you lie to me? I trusted you! Why did you lie?"
She lays a hand on his chest, his rapid heartbeat against her palm. Shhhh, Castle. Shhhh.
"I was scared." There was so much, so much, too much to explain within the urgency of the moment. "So scared Castle, so scared," she murmurs, her forehead close to his. She feels his breathing stutter against her face.
"Of what?" His fingers clench into her shirt.
"Everything." She breathes out the word; the swirl of memories, of pain still harsh in her chest, flares brightly in her mind. "The shooter. Dying. The truth. Not being good enough." She nudges his nose, please look at me. Please.
"Losing you."
He doesn't understand. She can see it in his eyes, a hazy swirl of cloudy blues. She tilts his face toward hers, cradles his cheek.
"So I asked for time instead."
He remembers. I can't have the kind of relationship I want until that wall comes down. Remembers the moment, her drawn, tense face, almost sapped of all life. His heart aches, for the pained woman he saw that day. Realizes how far she's come since.
His grip on her loosens; instead he wraps one arm around her waist, holding on.
"To heal," she continues, more urgent now. "To find myself. I wanted, needed to be better. Needed to be more than this." Her hand around his neck now, a hot urgent grip.
"For you. I wanted to be better for you."
His thoughts stumble, try to catch up. His heart, leaping. Hope, that ever elusive emotion, he can't stop it from welling, a warm flush in his limbs.
He pulls her tighter, against his body, soft and lean and fluttering against his chest.
"Kate," his voice almost a growl, a deep dark sound, "God Kate…" He tunnels his fingers through her hair, tilts her head. "So you…?"
"Yes," she nods, sniffles down tears, her heart thumping, leaping. Her skin tingles. "Yes. I do."
"You?" He looks at her, his eyes burning into hers, darkest blue, finally, finally, wanting, needing.
"Yes. I do. Love you." She runs her fingers over his cheek, her other hand caressing his neck.
And he exhales, pulls her up, against his chest and her feet come off the ground.
"I love you Rick," she murmurs against his neck, "I love you so much. So much."
She feels his chest lift and fall, fast, rushed; his hold on her tight, desperate. He tilts her head and then his lips are on her, finally, finally. Hot and fast and strong. Delving inside of her and she answers, her love for him strong against his lips. She arches and gasps and he takes, draws from her, with longing and need and ache.
He cradles her against his neck. "I'm still upset about this," he murmurs finally, holding her tightly.
"I know," she whispers, "I know."
She slides down to her feet, her arms around his neck. "We'll fix it."
End of Scene