Beca hated showering. Okay, correction. Beca hated showering at Barden. She wasn't the type who particularly enjoyed having to share anything with strangers, the idea made her feel anxious and invaded. So to have to share showers, to Beca, was her least favourite part of the day. Especially after her team-mate Chloe had barged in on her stark naked, and singing, earlier that school year. Such a thing had replayed in her head often when she was in the same position, preparing herself to quickly have to cover her body in case a similar incident were to happen again.
As mortifying as it was, Beca was secretly grateful Chloe had done that. Not for the reason it sounds, but because if she hadn't, Beca would've never sucked it up and auditioned for the Bellas. Which, speaking of, had just won the 2012 ICCAS. Beca would like to think it was all thanks to her, with her brilliant rearrangement of the set and her out of the ordinary ability to mash up music, but she knew it was all down to her girls. The dedication, time, and pure love they all put into the group, especially Chloe and Aubrey, was admirable, and Beca adored them all for it. But if anyone ever told them that, she swore she'd kill them. Summer was a week away, but she was returning next year to co-captain with Chloe (who recently found out she was repeating the year as a result of "accidentally" failing Russian lit). She was going to miss the Bellas, and deep down she knew she was going to miss Barden itself, just not the showers.
It was one in the morning on a Tuesday, she knew not a lot of people would be in there, if any. Beca had made a little game in her head, see how many college students she could avoid throughout her education. She was doing okay until, of course, the Bellas, and then Jesse - her now boyfriend. She wasn't really expecting much social interaction in her first year at college, especially not a boyfriend. Or - a girlfriend? Beca was a little confused on that subject. She wasn't into girls, but there were a couple things that constantly played on her mind, sending a wave of confusion and self-doubt through her body until she gave up thinking about it all together. Avoiding it. That's how Beca dealt with majority of her problems.
It's not that she had a thing for her fellow Bella, at least she didn't think she did. It's that sometimes, she considered maybe Chloe had a thing for her. It wasn't even necessarily the shower incident that made her believe so. That was weird, super weird, but something about hearing their voices harmonise so well together made Beca's heart beat just a split second faster. Or maybe that was just anxiety from being barged in on while showering. She never worked that one out. Chloe had been very adamant about Beca being a Bella, and Beca was never one to be persuaded so easily, especially over something she thought was so lame. Maybe it was because her dad had offered to help her move to L.A. if she joined a club, but the Bellas? Of all things? Maybe, perhaps, it was just because of the way her heart had beat just that split second faster that day.
When they had that first super aca-exclusive a cappella party, Beca swore she was about to be kissed by Chloe. They had stood, chatting about their new found friendship, and Chloe, again, had gotten a little too close for comfort. But Beca wasn't compelled to pull away, if she wanted to, she certainly would have. She was never afraid of being assertive and standing her ground. If any boy had've even tried to get as close as Chloe did, he would've had a very sore pair of balls. She let Chloe, however. She could tell the girl was a good judge of character, and considering she was so kind and believed in Beca, she, probably for the first time, would've felt bad pushing her away, as she does with everyone else. Physically and emotionally. So she didn't, she let herself stand there believing this very clearly bold and intoxicated redhead was about to kiss her. She didn't, instead Beca watched as she walked away and got herself another drink. That was before Chloe forgot about said drink, threw it on the ground and began sucking some dudes face off, the same dude she recognised as the one who Chloe had been in the shower with the day she barged in on hers.
She felt disappointed after that moment. Although she was already starting to accept she was probably going to catch feelings for Jesse, she thought maybe for the first time someone was going to like her for her. Because Chloe believed in Beca the moment she saw her, then a little more after she heard her sing. She believed in her when she stood up to the controlling leader of the Bellas, Aubrey, constantly stating that maybe Beca could be good at rearranging a set for them. Aubrey shut her down, time after time, but Chloe never faulted. Beca never mentioned anything, but it made her tiny heart warm how much Chloe believed in her. She wasn't her boyfriend, she had no obligation to do so, or to tell her that her remixes were the best she'd heard, or to occasionally bring her hot tea on the mornings they had early Bellas rehearsal so her vocal chords could "wake up". She didn't have to do any of that, but she did, which proved to Beca it was genuine.
That's where she got confused. She could never figure out if maybe Chloe had a thing for her, or if that was just Chloe being Chloe. It almost drove her insane thinking about it, sometimes, but again, she'd just do her best to push it aside and ignore it. She knew she definitely wouldn't be opposed to it, Chloe liking her. If Chloe ever kissed her she would kiss her back, she thought. That wasn't to say Beca certainly liked her, or liked girls. Chloe was just different. She had a kind-heart, and the best part was that she, mistakingly, saw almost every flaw Beca had and never ran away, never critiqued her for it. Because Chloe was the kind of person who accepted people for the way that they were, because she knew there were always reasons behind all of it. She saw the best in them, especially Beca, and Beca never felt she deserved it. She always felt like she owed Chloe for being so nice to her. Chloe made her feel special, as cliche and stupid as that sounded. She didn't need to feel like she was special, but Chloe had always known that.
So what if Chloe had liked her? There would be times where Beca would be certain, like when she'd catch Chloe drunkinly staring at her lips, or randomly holding her hand on Bella outings, you know, just because. But then she'd see Chloe wondering off with some guy, or kissing him, which she found gross, and Beca would be back to square one. She didn't know if Chloe liked her, and she didn't know if she liked Chloe. She did know that the unknown was just something she was going to have to put up with for a long time, especially now she was with Jesse.
She walked along the damp tiled floor of the bathroom, wearing flip flops of course, and a robe barely covering her nude body. A towel in one hand, and a hard plastic bucket of various shower tools in the other. The room looked abandoned and Beca was about to begin humming in relief when she turned a corner and heard the sound of a running shower head and singing. Familiar singing.
"And she's watching him with those eyes. And she's loving him with that body, I just know it. Yeah, he's holding her in his arms late, late at night,"
Beca knew that voice anywhere. A strange turn of events had occurred and this time Beca had been the one to stumble upon Chloe singing in the shower. Beca inserted herself into a shower cubicle a few down from who she believed was Chloe and began to giggle a little. She quickly covered her mouth with one hand, not wanting to interrupt the song she was so blissfully listening to. Beca loved Chloe's voice, a lot. She thought it was the perfect combination of soft and strong. Sometimes she would catch her quietly singing to herself in rehearsal and Beca found pleasure in listening without Chloe noticing. It was when she found Chloe singing alone that she thought she always sounded her best. It was honest. It took a moment for the lyrics she heard to register in her brain but they did and she recognised the song instantly. Her smile faltered immediately and her hand dropped down from her mouth to uncomfortably play with the hem of her robe she was still wearing.
"You know I wish that I had Jessie's girl.I wish that I had Jessie's girl. Where can I find a woman like that?"
"The fuck?" Beca mouthed to herself. It was no secret she had recently gotten with Jesse, in fact she had confided in the Bellas when she was dumbfounded about how to try and not push people away so much. Chloe knew Beca and Jesse were well, a new item, and there she was, at one in the damn morning, belting out the lyrics to Jesse's Girl.
"And I'm looking in the mirror all the time, wondering what she don't see in me,"
Beca could've sworn she heard a crack in the usually angelic vocals that came from the redhead.
"I've been funny, I've been cool with the lines. Ain't that the way love supposed to be."
Her suspicions were confirmed when she heard her voice began to falter and a small sob escaped her lips. In a usual situation Beca would've brushed it off, it took a lot for her to feel sympathy. Right there in that moment though, she felt ill. She felt, guilty? But for what reason, she wondered. After Chloe finished belting out the last verse of the song, all there was to be heard was the very weak-pressured shower head, a sob and a small sniffle every so often. Beca stood in her cubicle a few meters down, completely unmoving and silent. She was never good at comforting other people, that was not a skill she was blessed with, especially when it involved her. She quietly inhaled through her nose and exhaled out her mouth.
"Chlo?" She tentatively, and ever so softly spoke. A breath hitched and Beca's heart stopped along with it.
"Beca?" Chloe's voiced returned. Beca wasn't sure if she felt relieved or slightly terrified.
"Uh," Beca let out a small, uncomfortable chuckle. "Are you okay in there?" Chloe didn't respond, instead she left the conversation completely in the open which made Beca nervous. It sounded like Chloe was holding her breath, or maybe she was crying more, or maybe she had died? "Can i, like, come in?" Beca hated how that sounded. She heard a throat clear before Chloe spoke again.
"Yeah, sure." Her words came out a little slurred and sputtery and Beca realised they had been that whole time. She put down her bucket and carried her towel up the hall toward the sound of her friend. She cautiously pulled back the curtain to find Chloe just standing, her head down watching the water trickle around her feet and the fingernail of her left thumb in between her teeth. Her hair had clearly been half up half down with a bun on top, but was very aggressively coming out and hanging down back around her neck. Her hair was in a damp state and Beca could see mascara was running down her cheeks from a mixture of which she assumed was the water and her tears. Also, she was, shockingly, completely naked.
"Dude, are you okay?" She asked again. Chloe's gaze was brought up to Beca's face and she let out a loud, genuine giggle. She nodded, and Beca sighed. "You're drunk?" It was half a question, and half a statement, because Beca already knew the answer. Beca had seen Chloe intoxicated many times, but never in this mixed state before. She was, what they call, a 'happy drunk'. If possible, alcohol seemed to amplify her confident, cheerful, and flirtatious manner, but not by much because there was barely any room for expansion in those areas. This wasn't anything like Beca had gotten so comfortably used to. She liked the way Chloe was, and hated the feeling she had gotten in that moment. Beca leaned forward behind Chloe and shut the shower off, much like Chloe had done last time they were there together. Chloe took a step to the side, appearing only inches away from where Beca had moved to.
"Hi." Chloe giggled again. Beca let out a confused chuckle in response before it dropped away. She had just heard Chloe belting her heart out, followed by sobbing, and now she was standing face to face with Chloe, laughing, and still naked. Beca's eyes flickered down Chloe's body, only briefly. It was a rather confusing, distracting situation to be in. Her eye movement was long enough for Chloe to notice and a smirk grew on her lips. "Like what you see, do you?" She winked. Beca tried to stop her eyes from going wide, she certainly did not mean to do that, to look at her like that.
"Uh, here." Beca swung the towel she had in her hand up and held it out for Chloe to take. Considering they were so close, the space was limited and Beca was almost touching her chest. She gulped. Last time she had been creeped out, Chloe had been close to a stranger and she had felt claustrophobic and exposed. This time, she was anxious. She felt more awkward than usual and more clueless about how to acceptably socially interact and handle the situation. She knew Chloe now, she wasn't weirded out at that point, although it wasn't usually a daily activity to see all her friends naked. Usually.
Chloe took the towel and smiled in thanks. Beca stepped back to give her room to wrap it around her but Chloe stood unmoving. Beca eyed the towel, motioning for her to do something with it.
"D-do you need help?" Beca offered. Chloe just looked at her with a soft expression that Beca knew meant Chloe had rather conveniently forgotten how to use a towel. Beca wanted to roll her eyes and huff but she knew her friend was in a bad state and maybe that would be a little mean. She took the towel out of Chloe's hands and outstretched it wide for Chloe to step into. Beca's arms wrapped around the wet girl's body and hesitated for a moment, her hands slightly rubbing and patting Chloe dry.
Chloe let out a small hum of comfort, she had her eyes closed tight and a small smirk on her lips. Beca realised they were doing what was as close to a hug as they had gotten. That made her feel weird and she released Chloe from her hold. She closed one of her hands into a fist and held her arm out so that her fist was resting against her hip, gesturing for Chloe to insert her own arm through Beca's.
"What a gentlewoman." Chloe slurred. Beca decided to roll her eyes that time. She walked Chloe over to a wooden bench that was at the end of the row of showers and held her as she sat down, Chloe almost stumbling on the way.
"So, what's up?" Beca questioned, unsure how to really get the conversation going.
"I was trying to shower and you rudely interrupted." Chloe said in a matter-of-factly, serious tone, before erupting in an infectious giggle, once again, that even had Beca grinning.
"Sounds familiar." Beca joked in return, reminiscing back to last time. "Seriously though, why were you crying?" Chloe scoffed.
"I," She drunkingly paused, as if she had to rethink what the whole conversation was about. "Was not." Beca's eyebrows shot up.
"I think all that make up running down your face says otherwise, buddy." Beca retorted, waving her pointed finger up and down Chloe's face. Chloe's vibrant expression faded and she was back to looking down at her feet. She brought her free hand up, the other holding her towel shut, as an attempt to wipe away said make up, almost as if to try and get rid of any evidence of misery.
"Uh," Beca spoke, willing Chloe to look back at her. She did, and Beca noticed for the first time how intensely blue Chloe's eyes had turned from the tears that had invaded them. She brought a hand up to Chloe's face. "Here." Beca used the delicate touch of her thumb to erase the mascara stains that had been left on the soft skin. The intoxicated girl just batted her eyes lazily and smiled. "See? All better. No more sadness."
Beca had a lot of questions to ask, but she wasn't sure how to. The situation already made her uncomfortable enough, you know, the whole being comforting and not being an ass thing, she was sure how to extend that and potentially make it harder for both parties.
Beca had been completely different when she was young. She was taught to talk about her feelings and things that were bothering her, to show love and kindness and affection. She loved to give hugs. That was, however, when she was very little. Around when her parents divorced was when she forgot how to do all that. She watched her mother and father relentlessly argue almost 24/7, and once they were completely over, nobody wanted to talk about anything anymore. She never really found out the exact reason why they had split up, but she did learn it was best to keep her mouth shut and not ask questions. Her mum left after that, and from then on the goal was to not let people in too much because they'd probably just leave too. She figured all people felt the same way she did until a bunch of girls at her middle school wanted to be besties and know everything about her, you know, the important stuff, like what she thought the 'album of the moment' was and which boy in math class she was crushing on. Even at that age she never understood why people cared so much about what everyone else liked. That's why most of her friends were always boys; the boys didn't care, they just wanted to hang out.
That's why she appreciated the Bellas, most of them didn't care to know about all that irrelevant bullshit either, they just wanted to get the job done. Apart from Chloe. Chloe was the most invasive, socially and physically. Emotionally too. In every sense of it, Chloe seemed to want to know things about Beca. But it was never just the superficial things, Chloe always wanted to know the deep stuff of Beca's personality; what made her tick, what calmed her down, why she was the way she was. That meant something to Beca. Everyone else in her life, including Jesse, had never tried to understand the depth of her, and as uncomfortable as she felt sometimes, she did feel safe letting Chloe in, but just a little. She knew Chloe was one of the weirdest people she had ever met, so who was she to judge Beca?
"Are you gonna tell me why you're so drunk?" Beca tried her best to use a calming manner, resting her hand on the lower half of Chloe's thigh.
"Aubrey and I had a drink to celebrate the Bella's win." Chloe blinked back at Beca.
"A drink? As in one?" Beca questioned in disbelief, one of her eyebrows raising.
"Okay, okay, maybe it was a little more. Like, the teeniest, tiniest bit." Chloe held her hand up, holding her pointer finger and thumb close together, and squinting her eyes to exaggerate just how 'little' it had been. Beca knew that was bullshit. That, or Chloe was an overly extreme lightweight.
"It's super late, I think we should get you to bed, don't you?" The now fresh-faced girl only stuck her bottom lip out, pouting in refusal until she eventually gave in and agreed, knowing she couldn't fight with Beca. They collected their things and headed up to Chloe's dorm, her still in a towel and Beca in her robe. Chloe explained that her roommate had gotten mono halfway through the year and decided to leave school, which was why Chloe got to enjoy a whole dorm room to herself.
When they reached her room, Beca helped her fish for pajamas from her drawers and handed them to Chloe. They were a pink tank top and shorts with small ducks printed on them. The brunette mouthed a small "oh" when Chloe had immediately dropped her towel right there and then, in the middle of the room, to change. Not that it meant anything, but Beca knew how insanely beautiful Chloe was. The way her body curved and her whole face lit up when she smiled. She understood why she got a lot of boys' attention. Her red hair had completely fallen out of its hairstyle and was hanging in rough curls around Chloe's shoulders, still a little damp. Beca found a bottle of water sitting on her drawers and passed it to Chloe as she sat down on her bead, crossed legged on top of her pillows. Beca shut the curtains and switched off the lights, preparing Chloe to sleep, before she took a seat on the edge of the single bed, facing her friend.
"Are you feeling okay?" Beca questioned, considering it had seemed like Chloe had sobered up a little, grasping onto her plastic bottle. Chloe smiled lazily and nodded, Beca didn't buy it. She gave her a look of disapproval and Chloe knew she wouldn't stop until she spilled.
"When we were drinking, Aubrey went to bed for the night and I got sad. I remembered how she wasn't going to be around next year and i'll miss her. She was a controlling bitch, sometimes," Beca chuckled. Oh how she agreed with that statement. "but nobody understands her the way I do. I love her, and I don't know how i'm going to run the Bellas without her." Chloe's expression had dropped and she was uncomfortably looking in any direction that wasn't at Beca.
"I'm sure you're going to call her everyday, Chlo, and you know I'll be there to help you, right? I mean, we're co-captains now. We'll do it together." Beca reached out to Chloe's leg again, and tried hard to smile through how badly she was cringing at her own words. She was being way too soft. It was kind of worth it though, when Beca saw the way Chloe's eyes had brightened at the word 'together'.
"Thanks, Beca." She smiled, her teeth shining brightly through her curved lips and Beca could make out the small scar on her forehead deepening. Beca never knew exactly how she got that scar, but she could only imagine it was probably some clumsy accident. Sounded like Chloe.
"Hey?" Beca said after a moment had been left in comfortable silence.
"What?" Chloe asked feeling wary. Beca wasn't the type to bring something up and she had a feeling she knew what was coming.
"So um, you were singing this song, in the shower and-" Beca was cut off by Chloe rushing to interrupt with an excuse.
"Oh, yeah. I love that song, it was totally stuck in my head all day." Chloe laughed, hard, to the point it almost came out as nervous. She tilted her head backwards and took a large skull of her water.
"Yeah, of course." Beca chucked, almost scoffing at how dumb she had been to assume it meant anything. "But, like, you started crying." She felt annoying, like she was pushing something that she could feel did not want to be pushed, even touched. She wasn't usually the nosy type, nor the type to check on somebody else's feelings, but it felt like every confusing moment from that year had been sitting on her shoulders at that moment and she needed answers.
An answer may've come when the girl across from her suddenly leant forward from her spot on her bed and kissed Beca's lips. Her eyes had fluttered shut for a second, almost as if she got a fright. A pleasant fright. It was quick, to Beca it felt like it ended before it even began, but there was a slight hesitation in Chloe's kiss that they were both uncertain about. There was a small gap in the curtain where Beca had failed to close them all the way and the crescent moon was shining through onto one side of their faces. Chloe pulled back and almost looked as confused about what she had just done as Beca did. There was silence, and the smaller girl got a whiff of all the alcohol her friend has consumed earlier that night.
"You should sleep." Beca hurriedly stood from her seat on Chloe's bed. The still tipsy girl nodded and chuckled and Beca followed. "Here." Beca picked up a pale green blanket that had been folded on the end of the bed, passing it to Chloe, who wrapped herself in it. The air around them was loud. Nothing was making sound, the halls and the nightlife outside was dead, but there was a ringing occurring in both their ears like they were getting lightheaded. Beca shuffled over to the door, almost tripping in the darkness and on her own ecstasy on the way.
"Well, night Chlo." She stood holding the doorknob, threatening to shut it. The events of the night hadn't yet sunken in for either girls, and they both had a feeling that the other would be thinking about it once they were alone.
"Goodnight. Thanks for taking care of me." Beca could make out a grateful smile coming from the girl in the darkness. Beca saluted through the crack left open in the door, and gently shut it. She heavily exhaled out her nose and almost had to put effort into keeping herself up right while she stood outside of the girl's room who had just kissed her.
"Holy shit." She mumbled to herself. Her lips were delicately tingling.
Also, she still hadn't showered.
They never spoke about that night. Chloe decided Beca probably hadn't felt what she had felt, that what happened had been a mistake, and that she needed to let her move on with her life, with Jesse. Beca convinced herself Chloe had probably just been still too intoxicated, she could've sung any song, and kissed anyone who was around. Considering Chloe never bought it up again, eventually Beca came to the conclusion she had been correct. They never spoke about that night again.