Quicksilver's Quill Offers:
Shine
"Chasing a Dream" Lyric Wheel
mbsilvana@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Most assuredly not mine. Lyrics are "After All" by Dar Williams. Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon is Naoko-sama's. Sailor V translations are done by Alex Glover.
Personal Note: This got dropped on me with four days notice, since someone withdrew from the SMRFF lyric wheel and it's my job to fill in. Still, I do love Minako, so... this song called out to her. I really wish I had more time with it. Thanks to Mehg for the last minute edit! More thanks go to Lyra for her help.... She knows why!
Setting: After Sailor Stars, Manga/Anime fusion.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
% Go ahead, push your luck
Find out how much love the world can hold %
"You can do it!" Artemis said to his charge enthusiastically. He sat in the padded basket he habitually rode in, a bright cat smile on his furry face as he tried to encourage the girl who stood before him, clenching her hands nervously.
Aino Minako, once known to the world as Sailor Venus, stood in the crowd, nibbling on her lower lip. Her soft blue eyes were worried, and the way she held absolutely still was telling to the cat who had spent the last three years cajoling, guiding and occasionally bullying her. Minako didn't do still. She was full of energy, in constant motion - bouncing, gossiping, laughing, gesturing... when she stopped, there was something wrong.
"I.. I don't know anymore..." Minako admitted, glancing over at her friend. "Now that the battle is done... I should be able to do this without reservations, right? I should be confident, right?" she whispered, bending over and pretending to rummage through the basket, but really just getting close to Artemis so they could speak without looking crazy.
Artemis looked into her troubled face. "You won the last one... what's the difference now?"
Minako shivered a bit. The golden idol costume she was wearing wasn't that warm, but the coldness she was experiencing wasn't external. "I think... it's because I've run out of excuses. If I win this one... I should take it. It's always been my dream to be an idol as Aino Minako... and now's the time. If I really want to do it, now's the moment I have to take that chance."
Artemis looked into her eyes, and stared hard at her. "Do you?" he asked.
"I don't know anymore," she replied softly. "I'm not the same Aino Minako who first became Sailor V. She died... I'm the Aino Minako who is Sailor Venus, and she leads the Inner Senshi..." She sighed softly. "Reconciling myself to who I was... can I go back to that dream I had? Or was it merely a child's dream, with no basis in reality?"
% Once upon a time I had control
And reigned my soul in tight %
"Number 16!"
Minako went to the stage, hoping that the glow from her skin would be attributed to the overhead lighting. Lately she'd been having problems keeping herself under control when excited. Artemis had attributed it to her growing powers, but none of the other senshi experienced such issues; he had pointed out that none of the other senshi were direct reincarnations of goddesses, either.
That had never made sense to her, but it wasn't her nature to dwell on the past. She was always acting towards the future, not living in the memories, the way Ami and Rei did... or Setsuna.
The lights were hot, and she had a hard time seeing the panel of eight judges arrayed before her. Still, she gave them a stage smile, remembering that the first impression of a young, innocent girl was what she wanted to project. "Hello! Aino Minako, number 16, age sixteen!" she announced.
The judges whispered, and she knew they recognized her. She was the one who had turned down the chance to have a song produced a year ago, rejecting a virtually guaranteed spot as an idol. Coming back into auditions must have surprised them. Still, the question round was first, and she knew that they would throw her the hardball first.
"Aino-san... I recognize you," one of them said. "My question is why you're trying out now, after turning down the chance to have a song produced."
% Well the whole truth
Is like the story of a wave unfurled %
Minako looked him directly in the eye. The easy thing, the simple thing, would be to spit out the classic idol answer, the one they were expecting. I want to share my dreams, I realized that my music was important, I need to convey my message... any of those answers would have done.
But she wasn't going to take the easy route. She knew the game, but sometimes, you had to break the rules. Her smile didn't fade, but some kind of almost tangible intensity surrounded her as she stared back at the executive. "Because it's time," she said simply. Venus and Minako, both of her identities, rose within her, and she had to try hard to keep from letting her soldier's power from overwhelming the man.
She met his eyes levelly, and he was the one forced to look away first. The other industry personalities wrote furious notes, but he nodded after a moment, smiling as he returned his gaze to her. "Do you still hate mushrooms?" he asked.
She laughed, and the moment faded, though it wasn't forgotten as she let her idol identity return to the forefront of her mind.
% But I held the evil of the world
So I stopped the tide
Froze it up from inside %
"Minako... you're acting a bit oddly," Artemis said when she came back to change for the dance segment of the audition.
"Am I?" she asked, shooting him her trademark "V" with her fingers. "I'm fine!" she assured him. "Just a little bit stressed out! It's been so long since I've been to one of these, and I think I've forgotten how to! Just a bit!"
Artemis studied her for a moment before nodding. "It's been six months... the one with Yaten judging you, right?"
"And I won it!" Minako said, grinning brightly, though there was a hint of something manic in her eyes, and a desperation that Artemis knew the others called "psycho Minako." He knew this side of Minako better than most, and he shivered a bit, remembering the time she had tried to donate all her blood to prove that her heart was pure. Every now and then, something in Minako would go haywire, and everyone else would run for cover until it blew over.
"You did... but that doesn't matter now," Artemis said grimly. "This is a new audition, and if you're going to be scaring the judges, you won't win." He had encouraged her earlier, but that was before she had nearly lost control on the stage, letting Sailor Venus' powerful personality come out.
"But I won't lie," Minako replied quietly. "I don't know the reason why I came back to the circuit... it just felt like the right time." Her eyes grew distant and unseeing.
% And it felt like a winter machine
That you go through and then
You catch your breath and winter starts again
And everyone else is spring bound %
She had decided to wear all gold and blue outfits to the audition; whether it was a conscious mimic of her senshi uniform, or simply because they suited her well, she didn't know. It wasn't anything she really gave much thought to, not that she tended to reflect on things that often. Reflection brought pain, and she had known too much pain in the past few years to embrace it willingly. She still wore her trademark red bow, though, knowing that it was a tie to her past...
"It would be nice if you put a ribbon on the back. A big, red ribbon." Higashi-sempai had said that to her, years ago. He had been the first monster she had faced in this lifetime, but that was why she wore it - to remember.
Never be tricked - and she hadn't. She fell time and time again for the bad guys, but so far, the situation hadn't been irredeemable. It was probably because though she pretended to love them, a part of her heart never really committed to them. She wondered, sometimes, if the Senshi of Love was really capable of the true depth of feeling that was needed to sustain a relationship.
Irony and her always went together. She was the definition of a dichotomy.
% And when I chose to live
There was no joy - it's just a line I crossed
It wasn't worth the pain my death would cost
So I was not lost or found %
These auditions seemed so petty now. Why would being an idol singer matter? She had died, more than once. She remembered what it felt like to have her starseed ripped from her, the very core of her being. Now she was coming back to this, and it seemed childish.
Artemis scratched his claws against the basket, breaking her reflection. Minako straightened her blue skirt, looking into the mirror. "I have half an hour before the judges call me out again," she told Artemis, twirling for him, feeling the skirt flare flirtatiously, but not too high for modesty.
"Then you can get me something to eat," Artemis grumbled.
"Did you eat everything Makoto made you?" Minako asked, not really surprised. Artemis ate twice his weight daily, and that was when he wasn't particularly hungry.
"It was soooo good," Artemis said, licking his whiskers with remembered pleasure.
"You'll have to wait. I need to find my center," Minako replied. It was true. She wasn't sure why she was here.
Artemis rolled his eyes.
% And if I was to sleep
I knew my family had more truth to tell
And so I traveled down a whispering well
To know myself through them %
"Are you going to the dance portion?" Artemis asked. "It starts in five minutes, and being late isn't a way to make a good impression!" He poked his head out of the basket as she pinned the round button with her number over her heart.
"Saa, Artemis, you're such a Mother Goose!" she insisted, laughing lightly. "I'll have plenty of time!"
"It's mother hen," Artemis corrected her with an exasperated sigh.
She knew that. Her "Minako-isms", as Ami had dubbed them, were something that assured her friends she was all right, and more often than not, she slipped up intentionally to watch people's reactions. As long as she was screwing up metaphors, people tended to believe she was all right. The bubble-headed blonde stereotype was useful for something, and Minako played it to the hilt.
Still, he was right, and she was cutting it close. The other contestants were already heading for the stage, and she would have to go as well. Her number had put her in the second row - not one of the best places, but as long as she danced with her heart, she would get noticed.
% Growing up, my Mom had a room full of books
And hid away in there
Her father raging down a spiral stair
'Til he found someone
Most days his son %
She knew her mother had been glad she went to this audition. Her mother had been worried about her lately, for good reason. She had been depressed, not that that was unusual. With all the ups and downs of her love life, depression was a natural thing for her to accept.
Minako, though, hadn't bounced back from the last battle with her usual speed. Her mother at first assumed it was another crush that had been more serious, and then blamed it on grades. Three months past with no talk of idol dreams, and then there was talk of sending her to a counselor.
Minako hated to think of how that would have worked out.
"Hello, your mother is worried for you. Do you want to tell me what your problem is?"
"Well, I'm secretly the reincarnated Goddess of Love, Sailor Venus, and about three months ago, I died for the second time in two years... it gets to you, you know? And I'm also living under a curse that keeps me from finding happiness in love ... how's that for ironic?"
That would have gone over just swimmingly. She doubted that even Setsuna would have been able to fish her out of that mess.
% And sometimes I think
My father, too, was a refugee
I know they tried to keep their pain from me
They could not see what it was for %
Her father was quieter in his concern. Still, she knew it was there. She was their only child, and though he was distant sometimes, she knew they both loved her very much.
It was one of her powers, detecting love.
When she announced she was taking this audition, they bent over backwards to help her, even buying her a new dress without her asking for it. They didn't care if she made it or not; they just wanted their laughing daughter who danced and sang back.
Sometimes she wished she could tell them that that Minako had died as soon as she had picked up the compact and transformed into Sailor V, four years ago.
%But now I'm sleeping fine
Sometimes the truth is like a second chance %
As she stepped out onto the stage, she found her place between the other would-be idols. She was mid-range for age. The fourteen-year olds looked scared, and the twenty year olds were desperate, knowing that they were just about too old to become stars. She flashed a reassuring smile at the young girl beside her. "Just dance, and think of your dream," she whispered to the girl. "The judges aren't looking for technical perfection - that can be trained. They're looking for someone who can shine."
The girl, probably the youngest on stage, relaxed a bit. "Thank you," she said. "I've never done this before."
"It'll be okay. We all go through a bunch of auditions, and sometimes you get picked, and other times we don't," Minako assured her. "Just let the music embrace you, and have a good time!"
The girl nodded, and gave her a bright grin. "I will!"
Minako listened for the music, and was surprised to see that of the three songs the contestants had been sent; they had chosen the slowest one. It didn't give much room for displaying elaborate moves, but Minako supposed the judges wanted to see what they would do with something that was harder to dance to.
She smiled, and ran her hands through her long hair, brushing against the bow. The song was about longing to be loved... and never finding it. She knew about that better than anyone... after all, hadn't Ace promised her that?
"I'll tell your final love fortune," he had said. "Your love will be hopeless for all eternity."
%I am the daughter of a great romance
And they are the children of the war %
Ace had loved her, she reflected, moving to the sad, hopeless music, her smile nostalgic as her arms and legs moved. She wasn't on stage anymore, but rather back on that roof, trying to hold onto Ace as he disintegrated beneath her hands...
"What's wrong? You should look happier. Now you can go on living, without having to torment yourself over the ultimate choice, your love or your duty. Your fate is to continue fighting."
Had he been right? Should she even be here? Or should she be out, once again as Sailor V, fighting crime, now that Venus wasn't needed? There was always evil in the world that needed to be fought.
She was unaware of how she kept drawing the judges' eyes, her eerie dance beautiful and haunting.
"She's beautiful," whispered one. "I don't care if she can sing, I think she'd make a great model."
"She's terrifying," another one said, one who had known pain and sorrow in his life. "I want to embrace her, but something about her tells me that to do so would be to embrace sorrow."
"She's... I need to hear her song," a third said.
%Well the sun rose with so many colors
It nearly broke my heart %
"They've randomly drawn the numbers around for the singing portion," Minako told Artemis. "I'm up first," she said. She sighed and finished adjusting her third costume, a golden dress that reminded Artemis of a dream he had of her from the Silver Millenium.
"You can knock them dead!" he assured her.
"I still... I was thinking of Ace," she told Artemis. "And how he said I had my duty..."
Artemis saw the sorrow in her eyes. "Minako... would he want you to be unhappy for the rest of your life? To do nothing but be a soldier? If he really loved you?"
Minako was quiet. "Did he love me?"
"I don't know... but what about Yaten? Didn't he tell you that you shone the brightest?"
%And worked me over like a work of art
And I was a part of all that %
Minako looked out over the judges, and smiled slightly, ready to make her performance. "It's time," she whispered to herself as the music began.
Yaten told her she shone, and Yaten had never lied to her. He was always painfully honest, and that was the one thing she had admired most about him. Of the Starlights, he was the one she had gravitated towards most. He was the one she might have been able to learn to love...
The song they were allowed to choose had to be under a minute, to give the judges a chance to hear all of the contestants, yet still get an idea of range. She usually auditioned with Route Venus, but Haruka and Michiru had written a new song, recording the music on a tape for her. It wasn't often a contestant had world-famous musicians write something just for them, and she was thrilled when Michiru had pressed it into her hands a week ago, telling her that it would bring her luck.
It was Michiru's way of telling her that the Outer Senshi approved of what Minako was doing. The battles were done... it was time.
Ace's dying words echoed back at her, and she shook her head imperceptibly to try to dismiss them. She wouldn't think of it, not now. It was time to shine, like Yaten had assured her she always did. To do so, she needed to clear her head, and share the dream of youth and hope - not the grim duty of a soldier. Minako pulled the microphone off its holder, relieved when it didn't feedback, and began to sing:
"So go ahead, push your luck
Say what it is you've got to say to me
We will push on into that mystery
And it'll push right back
And there are worse things than that
'Cause for every price
And every penance that I could think of
It's better to have fallen in love
Than never to have fallen at all!"
The judges sat in silence as she concluded the short song, then begin to write on her score sheet. She felt eerily calm as she replaced the microphone before bowing to them. "Thank you for your time," she said politely.
"No... thank you," one of the judges said, and the sincerity in her voice made Minako give her a true smile. "You'll receive the competition results in a week."
Minako bowed again, and headed off, stage left, for where she had left Artemis. Her number one fan had crawled entirely out of the baskets and was sitting neatly with his tail wrapped around his feet, his blue eyes glowing with pride. "I did well," she said, picking him up and hugging him.
"You did!" Artemis said. "There's others who are almost as good, but... Yaten's right. You're always the one who shines the best."
She gave him another smile before touching her nose to his affectionately, uncaring who saw her with her cat. "Of course I am! I'm Venus, the morning star! I'm always the last star to set!"
% 'Cause when you live in a world
Well it gets in to who you thought you'd be %
"How did the audition go?" Usagi asked.
Minako looked at her friend as they sat together in the Crown Fruit Parlor. The others would be meeting them later, of course, but for now, she had Usagi to herself. She liked that; sometimes it was nice just to be alone with her princess. Usagi's warmth was always special when it was directed only at her.
"It went well," Minako said, smiling slightly. "I'll know in a week if I won."
"I'm sure you did!" Usagi said, her soft sapphire eyes wide and full of faith for her friend.
Minako blushed a bit, hiding her embarrassment by taking a sip of the chocolate soda in front of her. "There was a lot of talent there, Usagi," she said.
"But if you were there, you won," Usagi replied, digging her spoon deeply into the chocolate deluxe sundae in front of her. "Will you take it this time?"
"Yes... it's time," Minako answered. "I don't really think it matters if I actually won, though. I think... the victory comes from actually going through with it. I had forgotten... what it was like to chase that dream. To dream an ordinary dream, rather than a soldier's dream."
Usagi touched Minako's hand compassionately. "I don't think you ever did. Otherwise, you wouldn't have been able to fight... it's your dreams that make you able to fight so fiercely. It's our dreams that let us win against everyone we face."
"But..." Minako remembered Ace's face as he fell, promising her that she no longer had to struggle between duty and love.
Usagi's gentle smile snapped her back to the present. "You added dreams... you didn't forget them. Our duty is to dream, and to fight to protect those dreams and the dreams of others."
If Usagi said it, then it had to be true. Minako smiled, laughing as the last weight on her was discarded.
% And now I laugh at how the world changed me
I think life chose me after all %
Shine
"Chasing a Dream" Lyric Wheel
mbsilvana@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Most assuredly not mine. Lyrics are "After All" by Dar Williams. Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon is Naoko-sama's. Sailor V translations are done by Alex Glover.
Personal Note: This got dropped on me with four days notice, since someone withdrew from the SMRFF lyric wheel and it's my job to fill in. Still, I do love Minako, so... this song called out to her. I really wish I had more time with it. Thanks to Mehg for the last minute edit! More thanks go to Lyra for her help.... She knows why!
Setting: After Sailor Stars, Manga/Anime fusion.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
% Go ahead, push your luck
Find out how much love the world can hold %
"You can do it!" Artemis said to his charge enthusiastically. He sat in the padded basket he habitually rode in, a bright cat smile on his furry face as he tried to encourage the girl who stood before him, clenching her hands nervously.
Aino Minako, once known to the world as Sailor Venus, stood in the crowd, nibbling on her lower lip. Her soft blue eyes were worried, and the way she held absolutely still was telling to the cat who had spent the last three years cajoling, guiding and occasionally bullying her. Minako didn't do still. She was full of energy, in constant motion - bouncing, gossiping, laughing, gesturing... when she stopped, there was something wrong.
"I.. I don't know anymore..." Minako admitted, glancing over at her friend. "Now that the battle is done... I should be able to do this without reservations, right? I should be confident, right?" she whispered, bending over and pretending to rummage through the basket, but really just getting close to Artemis so they could speak without looking crazy.
Artemis looked into her troubled face. "You won the last one... what's the difference now?"
Minako shivered a bit. The golden idol costume she was wearing wasn't that warm, but the coldness she was experiencing wasn't external. "I think... it's because I've run out of excuses. If I win this one... I should take it. It's always been my dream to be an idol as Aino Minako... and now's the time. If I really want to do it, now's the moment I have to take that chance."
Artemis looked into her eyes, and stared hard at her. "Do you?" he asked.
"I don't know anymore," she replied softly. "I'm not the same Aino Minako who first became Sailor V. She died... I'm the Aino Minako who is Sailor Venus, and she leads the Inner Senshi..." She sighed softly. "Reconciling myself to who I was... can I go back to that dream I had? Or was it merely a child's dream, with no basis in reality?"
% Once upon a time I had control
And reigned my soul in tight %
"Number 16!"
Minako went to the stage, hoping that the glow from her skin would be attributed to the overhead lighting. Lately she'd been having problems keeping herself under control when excited. Artemis had attributed it to her growing powers, but none of the other senshi experienced such issues; he had pointed out that none of the other senshi were direct reincarnations of goddesses, either.
That had never made sense to her, but it wasn't her nature to dwell on the past. She was always acting towards the future, not living in the memories, the way Ami and Rei did... or Setsuna.
The lights were hot, and she had a hard time seeing the panel of eight judges arrayed before her. Still, she gave them a stage smile, remembering that the first impression of a young, innocent girl was what she wanted to project. "Hello! Aino Minako, number 16, age sixteen!" she announced.
The judges whispered, and she knew they recognized her. She was the one who had turned down the chance to have a song produced a year ago, rejecting a virtually guaranteed spot as an idol. Coming back into auditions must have surprised them. Still, the question round was first, and she knew that they would throw her the hardball first.
"Aino-san... I recognize you," one of them said. "My question is why you're trying out now, after turning down the chance to have a song produced."
% Well the whole truth
Is like the story of a wave unfurled %
Minako looked him directly in the eye. The easy thing, the simple thing, would be to spit out the classic idol answer, the one they were expecting. I want to share my dreams, I realized that my music was important, I need to convey my message... any of those answers would have done.
But she wasn't going to take the easy route. She knew the game, but sometimes, you had to break the rules. Her smile didn't fade, but some kind of almost tangible intensity surrounded her as she stared back at the executive. "Because it's time," she said simply. Venus and Minako, both of her identities, rose within her, and she had to try hard to keep from letting her soldier's power from overwhelming the man.
She met his eyes levelly, and he was the one forced to look away first. The other industry personalities wrote furious notes, but he nodded after a moment, smiling as he returned his gaze to her. "Do you still hate mushrooms?" he asked.
She laughed, and the moment faded, though it wasn't forgotten as she let her idol identity return to the forefront of her mind.
% But I held the evil of the world
So I stopped the tide
Froze it up from inside %
"Minako... you're acting a bit oddly," Artemis said when she came back to change for the dance segment of the audition.
"Am I?" she asked, shooting him her trademark "V" with her fingers. "I'm fine!" she assured him. "Just a little bit stressed out! It's been so long since I've been to one of these, and I think I've forgotten how to! Just a bit!"
Artemis studied her for a moment before nodding. "It's been six months... the one with Yaten judging you, right?"
"And I won it!" Minako said, grinning brightly, though there was a hint of something manic in her eyes, and a desperation that Artemis knew the others called "psycho Minako." He knew this side of Minako better than most, and he shivered a bit, remembering the time she had tried to donate all her blood to prove that her heart was pure. Every now and then, something in Minako would go haywire, and everyone else would run for cover until it blew over.
"You did... but that doesn't matter now," Artemis said grimly. "This is a new audition, and if you're going to be scaring the judges, you won't win." He had encouraged her earlier, but that was before she had nearly lost control on the stage, letting Sailor Venus' powerful personality come out.
"But I won't lie," Minako replied quietly. "I don't know the reason why I came back to the circuit... it just felt like the right time." Her eyes grew distant and unseeing.
% And it felt like a winter machine
That you go through and then
You catch your breath and winter starts again
And everyone else is spring bound %
She had decided to wear all gold and blue outfits to the audition; whether it was a conscious mimic of her senshi uniform, or simply because they suited her well, she didn't know. It wasn't anything she really gave much thought to, not that she tended to reflect on things that often. Reflection brought pain, and she had known too much pain in the past few years to embrace it willingly. She still wore her trademark red bow, though, knowing that it was a tie to her past...
"It would be nice if you put a ribbon on the back. A big, red ribbon." Higashi-sempai had said that to her, years ago. He had been the first monster she had faced in this lifetime, but that was why she wore it - to remember.
Never be tricked - and she hadn't. She fell time and time again for the bad guys, but so far, the situation hadn't been irredeemable. It was probably because though she pretended to love them, a part of her heart never really committed to them. She wondered, sometimes, if the Senshi of Love was really capable of the true depth of feeling that was needed to sustain a relationship.
Irony and her always went together. She was the definition of a dichotomy.
% And when I chose to live
There was no joy - it's just a line I crossed
It wasn't worth the pain my death would cost
So I was not lost or found %
These auditions seemed so petty now. Why would being an idol singer matter? She had died, more than once. She remembered what it felt like to have her starseed ripped from her, the very core of her being. Now she was coming back to this, and it seemed childish.
Artemis scratched his claws against the basket, breaking her reflection. Minako straightened her blue skirt, looking into the mirror. "I have half an hour before the judges call me out again," she told Artemis, twirling for him, feeling the skirt flare flirtatiously, but not too high for modesty.
"Then you can get me something to eat," Artemis grumbled.
"Did you eat everything Makoto made you?" Minako asked, not really surprised. Artemis ate twice his weight daily, and that was when he wasn't particularly hungry.
"It was soooo good," Artemis said, licking his whiskers with remembered pleasure.
"You'll have to wait. I need to find my center," Minako replied. It was true. She wasn't sure why she was here.
Artemis rolled his eyes.
% And if I was to sleep
I knew my family had more truth to tell
And so I traveled down a whispering well
To know myself through them %
"Are you going to the dance portion?" Artemis asked. "It starts in five minutes, and being late isn't a way to make a good impression!" He poked his head out of the basket as she pinned the round button with her number over her heart.
"Saa, Artemis, you're such a Mother Goose!" she insisted, laughing lightly. "I'll have plenty of time!"
"It's mother hen," Artemis corrected her with an exasperated sigh.
She knew that. Her "Minako-isms", as Ami had dubbed them, were something that assured her friends she was all right, and more often than not, she slipped up intentionally to watch people's reactions. As long as she was screwing up metaphors, people tended to believe she was all right. The bubble-headed blonde stereotype was useful for something, and Minako played it to the hilt.
Still, he was right, and she was cutting it close. The other contestants were already heading for the stage, and she would have to go as well. Her number had put her in the second row - not one of the best places, but as long as she danced with her heart, she would get noticed.
% Growing up, my Mom had a room full of books
And hid away in there
Her father raging down a spiral stair
'Til he found someone
Most days his son %
She knew her mother had been glad she went to this audition. Her mother had been worried about her lately, for good reason. She had been depressed, not that that was unusual. With all the ups and downs of her love life, depression was a natural thing for her to accept.
Minako, though, hadn't bounced back from the last battle with her usual speed. Her mother at first assumed it was another crush that had been more serious, and then blamed it on grades. Three months past with no talk of idol dreams, and then there was talk of sending her to a counselor.
Minako hated to think of how that would have worked out.
"Hello, your mother is worried for you. Do you want to tell me what your problem is?"
"Well, I'm secretly the reincarnated Goddess of Love, Sailor Venus, and about three months ago, I died for the second time in two years... it gets to you, you know? And I'm also living under a curse that keeps me from finding happiness in love ... how's that for ironic?"
That would have gone over just swimmingly. She doubted that even Setsuna would have been able to fish her out of that mess.
% And sometimes I think
My father, too, was a refugee
I know they tried to keep their pain from me
They could not see what it was for %
Her father was quieter in his concern. Still, she knew it was there. She was their only child, and though he was distant sometimes, she knew they both loved her very much.
It was one of her powers, detecting love.
When she announced she was taking this audition, they bent over backwards to help her, even buying her a new dress without her asking for it. They didn't care if she made it or not; they just wanted their laughing daughter who danced and sang back.
Sometimes she wished she could tell them that that Minako had died as soon as she had picked up the compact and transformed into Sailor V, four years ago.
%But now I'm sleeping fine
Sometimes the truth is like a second chance %
As she stepped out onto the stage, she found her place between the other would-be idols. She was mid-range for age. The fourteen-year olds looked scared, and the twenty year olds were desperate, knowing that they were just about too old to become stars. She flashed a reassuring smile at the young girl beside her. "Just dance, and think of your dream," she whispered to the girl. "The judges aren't looking for technical perfection - that can be trained. They're looking for someone who can shine."
The girl, probably the youngest on stage, relaxed a bit. "Thank you," she said. "I've never done this before."
"It'll be okay. We all go through a bunch of auditions, and sometimes you get picked, and other times we don't," Minako assured her. "Just let the music embrace you, and have a good time!"
The girl nodded, and gave her a bright grin. "I will!"
Minako listened for the music, and was surprised to see that of the three songs the contestants had been sent; they had chosen the slowest one. It didn't give much room for displaying elaborate moves, but Minako supposed the judges wanted to see what they would do with something that was harder to dance to.
She smiled, and ran her hands through her long hair, brushing against the bow. The song was about longing to be loved... and never finding it. She knew about that better than anyone... after all, hadn't Ace promised her that?
"I'll tell your final love fortune," he had said. "Your love will be hopeless for all eternity."
%I am the daughter of a great romance
And they are the children of the war %
Ace had loved her, she reflected, moving to the sad, hopeless music, her smile nostalgic as her arms and legs moved. She wasn't on stage anymore, but rather back on that roof, trying to hold onto Ace as he disintegrated beneath her hands...
"What's wrong? You should look happier. Now you can go on living, without having to torment yourself over the ultimate choice, your love or your duty. Your fate is to continue fighting."
Had he been right? Should she even be here? Or should she be out, once again as Sailor V, fighting crime, now that Venus wasn't needed? There was always evil in the world that needed to be fought.
She was unaware of how she kept drawing the judges' eyes, her eerie dance beautiful and haunting.
"She's beautiful," whispered one. "I don't care if she can sing, I think she'd make a great model."
"She's terrifying," another one said, one who had known pain and sorrow in his life. "I want to embrace her, but something about her tells me that to do so would be to embrace sorrow."
"She's... I need to hear her song," a third said.
%Well the sun rose with so many colors
It nearly broke my heart %
"They've randomly drawn the numbers around for the singing portion," Minako told Artemis. "I'm up first," she said. She sighed and finished adjusting her third costume, a golden dress that reminded Artemis of a dream he had of her from the Silver Millenium.
"You can knock them dead!" he assured her.
"I still... I was thinking of Ace," she told Artemis. "And how he said I had my duty..."
Artemis saw the sorrow in her eyes. "Minako... would he want you to be unhappy for the rest of your life? To do nothing but be a soldier? If he really loved you?"
Minako was quiet. "Did he love me?"
"I don't know... but what about Yaten? Didn't he tell you that you shone the brightest?"
%And worked me over like a work of art
And I was a part of all that %
Minako looked out over the judges, and smiled slightly, ready to make her performance. "It's time," she whispered to herself as the music began.
Yaten told her she shone, and Yaten had never lied to her. He was always painfully honest, and that was the one thing she had admired most about him. Of the Starlights, he was the one she had gravitated towards most. He was the one she might have been able to learn to love...
The song they were allowed to choose had to be under a minute, to give the judges a chance to hear all of the contestants, yet still get an idea of range. She usually auditioned with Route Venus, but Haruka and Michiru had written a new song, recording the music on a tape for her. It wasn't often a contestant had world-famous musicians write something just for them, and she was thrilled when Michiru had pressed it into her hands a week ago, telling her that it would bring her luck.
It was Michiru's way of telling her that the Outer Senshi approved of what Minako was doing. The battles were done... it was time.
Ace's dying words echoed back at her, and she shook her head imperceptibly to try to dismiss them. She wouldn't think of it, not now. It was time to shine, like Yaten had assured her she always did. To do so, she needed to clear her head, and share the dream of youth and hope - not the grim duty of a soldier. Minako pulled the microphone off its holder, relieved when it didn't feedback, and began to sing:
"So go ahead, push your luck
Say what it is you've got to say to me
We will push on into that mystery
And it'll push right back
And there are worse things than that
'Cause for every price
And every penance that I could think of
It's better to have fallen in love
Than never to have fallen at all!"
The judges sat in silence as she concluded the short song, then begin to write on her score sheet. She felt eerily calm as she replaced the microphone before bowing to them. "Thank you for your time," she said politely.
"No... thank you," one of the judges said, and the sincerity in her voice made Minako give her a true smile. "You'll receive the competition results in a week."
Minako bowed again, and headed off, stage left, for where she had left Artemis. Her number one fan had crawled entirely out of the baskets and was sitting neatly with his tail wrapped around his feet, his blue eyes glowing with pride. "I did well," she said, picking him up and hugging him.
"You did!" Artemis said. "There's others who are almost as good, but... Yaten's right. You're always the one who shines the best."
She gave him another smile before touching her nose to his affectionately, uncaring who saw her with her cat. "Of course I am! I'm Venus, the morning star! I'm always the last star to set!"
% 'Cause when you live in a world
Well it gets in to who you thought you'd be %
"How did the audition go?" Usagi asked.
Minako looked at her friend as they sat together in the Crown Fruit Parlor. The others would be meeting them later, of course, but for now, she had Usagi to herself. She liked that; sometimes it was nice just to be alone with her princess. Usagi's warmth was always special when it was directed only at her.
"It went well," Minako said, smiling slightly. "I'll know in a week if I won."
"I'm sure you did!" Usagi said, her soft sapphire eyes wide and full of faith for her friend.
Minako blushed a bit, hiding her embarrassment by taking a sip of the chocolate soda in front of her. "There was a lot of talent there, Usagi," she said.
"But if you were there, you won," Usagi replied, digging her spoon deeply into the chocolate deluxe sundae in front of her. "Will you take it this time?"
"Yes... it's time," Minako answered. "I don't really think it matters if I actually won, though. I think... the victory comes from actually going through with it. I had forgotten... what it was like to chase that dream. To dream an ordinary dream, rather than a soldier's dream."
Usagi touched Minako's hand compassionately. "I don't think you ever did. Otherwise, you wouldn't have been able to fight... it's your dreams that make you able to fight so fiercely. It's our dreams that let us win against everyone we face."
"But..." Minako remembered Ace's face as he fell, promising her that she no longer had to struggle between duty and love.
Usagi's gentle smile snapped her back to the present. "You added dreams... you didn't forget them. Our duty is to dream, and to fight to protect those dreams and the dreams of others."
If Usagi said it, then it had to be true. Minako smiled, laughing as the last weight on her was discarded.
% And now I laugh at how the world changed me
I think life chose me after all %