The 12th Precinct was in hysterics as Beckett casually made her way to her desk, staring at the crazed flow of people trying to get past the restraints and populate the workplace. They had seen this type of behavior before; when Castle started to consult for the detectives, a lot of people tried to get the inside scoop just because he had to post it on all of his feeds. Kate thought that the man should be a little more discreet – he was a highly revered author, after all. He can't wander around with a sword prop from The Lord of The Rings and expect nobody to notice.
She sat down and pulled out the drawer to fill out some technical information related to the case she had closed merely yesterday. The suspect was easy to catch; it wasn't meant to happen. It's never meant to happen. Just like she wasn't supposed to live, but there she was; breathing… living. Beckett pulled down her sleeve, conscious of the huge cast on her arm from her attacks a few days ago. The high-profile case of a sniper killing off innocent, successful people had really gotten to her and even worsened her condition, which wasn't too good to start off with. It was only a matter of time before she would break down again. But next time, Kate Beckett will be ready.
Her partner, Castle, was not present. She knew that he wouldn't come around just for paperwork, but she did know one thing. Castle loved her. It was a hard thing to accept at first, but she realized this as she had dropped to the floor, clinging on to the last shred of hope she had as the life drained out of her eyes as he caressed her; at a funeral, no less. What better place is there to get shot? During his brief visit with her at the hospital after her surgery, he had asked her if she remembered anything. She lied straight to his face. She told him she needed time; she needed to think things over. But, in reality, she needed to come to amends with what she had become… and she still hasn't. Beckett started to believe that it was impossible to change so late in her life, that she should just stick to the obsessed bookworm she was.
But she wanted to be more than she was. She had told that to her therapist, and he had agreed to help in whatever way possible. She wanted to change for the better, and finally be able to face even the slightest mention of her mother's murder without tearing up. That was her dream, and her goal. Beckett wanted all this just so that she would have a shot with the man she loved, Richard Castle. Realizing her thoughts were straying, the detective stared at the paperwork, reading it over in her head as slowly as possible. It's funny how things like that can erase thoughts from your mind.
She was a little surprised at how readily she was able to accept to loving her partner, and it scared her a little bit. She did want to be with him, it did seem like a good idea, but at the same time… she didn't. It was a funny thing. Kate finished up the last few documents, put them in the correctly labeled folder, and slid it into one of her desk drawers. Tomorrow, she would check over everything and file it away with the rest of the cases she had worked on.
Beckett stood up, pushed in the rolling chair, swiped up her red trench coat and slung it over her shoulder, heading for the elevator. Today was a pretty laid-back day, she thought aimlessly. The paperwork had successfully taken her mind off of things it shouldn't be on, and she was proud of herself for being able to do so. Still, it haunted the back of her mind; she wasn't all she wanted to be.