TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT

The song in the following fanfic is called Too Close for Comfort by Mcfly. You might have heard if from the movie Just My Luck with Lindsay Lohan. ANyways I heard it and thought it was a perfect GSR song. Please enjoy!!!!!

They were just finishing up a huge rape case. An out of control, drunk father had beaten and raped his wife and daughter and then shot them both. The case had been emotional for everyone, but had hit Sara very close to home. No one knew of her past. Grissom knew a couple details, but that wasn't even the tip of the iceberg.

On her way back from the interrogation with one of the neighbours, Sara had passed the father in the hallway. By this point the evidence against him was piling up, and the CSI's had a pretty good idea that he was the murderer that they were looking for. Being completely on edge from the interrogation, and the rest of the case, Sara cornered the man. When he became arrogant and rude Sara started yelling and almost punched the man, when Grissom came out of the room from across the hall. "SARA!"

Lead by rage, Sara was ignored him, and was about to slug the father when Grissom grabbed her arm. "Sara stop!"

Sara spun around to face Grissom. Despite his calm exterior, she could tell that he was enraged. "Grissom he-"

"He is innocent until quality evidence proves otherwise."

"But Grissom this jack ass raped and killed his wife and 14 year old daughter!"

"Sara Sidle you will leave this man alone and meet me in my office NOW!"

Sara was so embarrassed being reprimanded like that in front of the suspect that she followed quickly behind Grissom to his office.

Once inside his office Grissom shut the door and turned towards Sara. "Sara what the hell do you think you were doing out there!"

"He….he… he was just standing there in the hallway, and we know that the evidence points towards him, and …..and.."

Grissom sat down and rubbed his temples. "And you got emotionally involved again."

She could feel her anger started boiling inside her again. "Everyone is getting emotionally involved Grissom! Catherine can barely process the daughters clothing without thinking about Lindsey, Nick is always angered when the crime involves children, and-"

"Yes but you're making this case special Sara and you can't do that. You know you can't. Otherwise you might become biased with the evidence. Why is this case hard for you?"

Sara could feel her face start to flush and she struggled to keep her anger in check. She couldn't look at him anymore, and her voice was a mere whisper. "Don't go there."

"Sara-"

"DON'T!" He could see the anger in her body language, but her eyes were deep wells of pain. "Please" she whispered. "Just leave it alone."

"Sara you have to let this case go. You have to let the girl and her mother go as well. I…I … I want you off the case. You're becoming too involved. We can't risk having empathy for these people Sara."

Sara's mouth dropped and she stared at him with wide, angry eyes. "Emapthy! You have no idea Grissom! You have NO idea what it feels like to be them. You don't know the never ending pain, or the constant state of fear, never knowing what he'll do next." Sara looked away with tears starting to fall from her eyes. She hugged herself tightly trying not to remember the nightmares that still haunted her.

Filled with a sudden sense of concern, Grissom went up to her and put his hand on her shoulder. "Who hurt you Sara? Was it your father?"

Sara's eyes clouded other with memories from her past and her mind filled with fightening images: her drunken father, he arguments and beatings, screaming, the shadowy figure in her bedroom doorway, and her father's bloody body on the kitchen floor.

Grissom heard her whimper and sniffle as she got lost in her past. She shut her eyes tight trying to block out the images. "Sara?"

She took in a couple deep breaths and got herself under control. When she opened her eyes, her face was damp with tears, her skin was pale with fright, and her eyes were filled with unshed tears. "The past is the past Grissom." Needing some escape, Sara changed the topic quickly. "I….. I'll finish up on my paperwork while you…… while you wrap up the case." Turning around, Sara opened the door and hustled out of Grissom's office as fast as her feet would take her.

After she had left Grissom stood staring down the hallway and he couldn't help but feel like he had touched on a very emotional and unstable topic.

I never meant the things I said to make you cry

Can I say I'm sorry?

His heart broke when he saw her crying like that but he couldn't pull up the courage to help her. Grissom was a smart entomologist and CSI, but when it came to Sara Sidle he's completely clueless. She was so strong and independent and yet so broken and fragile, and no matter how badly he wanted and tried to fix everything, he always seemed to make it worse.

It's hard to forget,

And yes I regret all these mistakes.

Sighing he grabbed his lab coat and went off to see how the others were doing. Maybe he'd talk to Catherine. She might be able to sort out his Sara-problems.

csicsicsicsicsicsicsicsi

After a hot meal and a couple mind numbing hours in front of the TV, Sara Sidle had come to a conclusion. She was quitting. She didn't see why she should have to put up with the lack of respect Grissom had for her, constantly putting her on simple cases with either Nick or Greg, or why she should have to explain herself and her past to her boss. Everyone gets emotionally involved. She told herself. Catherine, when it's a young girl reminding her of Lindsey, Warrick, when a criminal might be getting off the hook, Nick went its in the abuse and parental neglect of children, and even Grissom, where an innocent young child is involved. So why shouldn't I?

At her computer, Sara had typed up her resignation, and had filled in the required forms. Then she took out a piece of stationary and a pen and sat down at her desk to write a note to Grissom explaining her reasons for leaving Las Vegas. At least this way he'll know one way or another how I felt about him, and I won't be carrying this regret around with me after I leave.

After that had been sealed inside an envelope and the front door locked tightly, she headed off to bed where she spent the night being plagued by old nightmares.

csicsicsiciscsiciscisciscisciscisciscsi

Sara walked into Grissom's office at the end of shift and dropped the form on his desk. Grissom read the slip in his hands at the end of shift. He read it over again just to make sure. But everything was there and in order.

I don't know why you're leaving me,

But I know you must have your reasons.

He looked up at Sara confused but all he saw were the silent tears rolling down her cheeks. She gave him a weak smile, shrugged her shoulders, and left. "Bye Grissom", she had whispered.

There's tears in your eyes,

I watch as you cry,

But it's getting late.

He was shocked by the piece of paper in his hands. She's quitting? His mind replayed what had happened a couple days ago in his office. The rape case, her emotional connection to the victims, the way she avoided talking about her past, the scared look, and the tears. Did he do this? Did he force her to resign? What had he stumbled across that day?

Was I invading in on your secrets?

Was I too close for comfort,

Your pushing me out,

When I wanted in.

What as I just about to discover?
When I got too close for comfort,

Driving you home.

Guess I'll never know.

csicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsi

Sitting in one of the empty lab's at CSI headquarters Sara thought back to a particular case a couple years ago. The young nurse who had been murdered in her shower had been obsessed with butterflies. She remembered Grissom's emotional attachment to that case and sighed. She also remembered the interrogation she had overheard between Grissom and Dr. Lurie. The relationship that she had with Grissom until then had been pretty good … way better than it was now. When Grissom had admitted his feelings for her but also admitted that he was unable to act on them she had been heartbroken.

Remember when we scratched our names into the sand

You told me you loved me.

But now that I find

That you've changed your mind

I'm lost for words

She fumbled with the letter in her hands. She still hadn't given it to Grissom although she had handed in her resignation awhile ago. Sighing she stood up. I guess I better get it over with, she told herself.

csicsicsicsiciscsicsicsiciscsi

Grissom saw her walk into his office and hand him the white envelope. Still in shock from what she had handed him the other day, he was overcome with a feeling of dread, as to what the letter would contain.

She wanted to leave, afraid of his reaction to the letter, but part of her wanted to stay and watch his reaction at the same time.

She saw him gingerly open the envelope and unfold the letter. His sharp eyes quickly read through the emotional information.

And everything I feel for you

I wrote down on one piece of paper.

The one in your hand

You won't understand

How much it hurts to let you go

As Grissom read through the letter he could feel his pulse accelerate and he could see his skin turn pale.

Sara saw this reaction and blushed. She realized that she had hit upon a touchy subject and she was truly embarrassed. She started fumbling with the lock on the office door. "I'm sorry. M….maybe I should go. S….s….sorry."

Was I invading in on your secrets?

Was I too close for comfort,

Your pushing me out,

When I wanted in.

But she suddenly stopped and turned back around. "You know what Grissom? I'm not embarrassed by what I wrote. I should have told you long ago. I just……" She broke off, desperately hoping that he would say something anything.

"Sara, I should have told you-" Suddenly realizing what he was just about to say, Grissom sighed and rubbed his hand over his mouth and face.

Grrrr Sara thought. Why won't he just spit it out!

What as I just about to discover?
When I got too close for comfort,

Driving you home.

Guess I'll never know.

She took deep breath. "Grissom, I need to know…"

"Sara I…..I…can't."

Tears started forming in her eyes and he could see her bottom lip starting to quiver. "You can't? Or we can't Grissom?" Frustrated she threw her hands up in the air. "All these years…..all these years you've innocently flirted with me, sent me subliminal messages, toyed with my emotions, just to what? Ignore me? Reject me?"

All this time you've been telling me lies,

Hidden in bags underneath your eyes.

Some rogue tears spilled down her cheeks, and a couple stray hairs were stuck to her damp cheeks. "Just tell me what you really feel Grissom. None of these stupid quotes or messages."

"Sara I….I-"

She laughed bitterly, pulling the hair out of her eyes. "Yeah that's what I thought. There's something there, but you're too overcome by fear to do anything."

And when I asked you I knew I was right.

More and more tears started falling, and she felt so ashamed, but her emotions were uncontrollable. "Well guess what Grissom? You have no idea what real fear is. Fear is not knowing if your father's going to come home drunk or sober. Fear is hiding under your bed while you hear the shouts and screams coming from your parents abusive arguments." She choked on her tears and had to take a couple shaky breaths before she continued. "Fear is lying to the school nurse about your broken arm and fresh bruises and hoping that your father doesn't find out. Fear is …..is…..closing your eyes and praying that your father doesn't come into your bedroom that night." Sara broke down again in a fresh wave of tears and it was a couple minutes before she continued. "And …..fear …is knowing that due to bad relationships, you'll probably spend the rest of your life alone."

Grissom reached over the desk and took her hand in his. "Sara I had no idea."

"Of course not. You never do. My life is full of fear." She was sitting only a short distance away from him, on the other side of his desk, crying bitterly, completely broken and vulnerable, but he couldn't do anything. He saw her look at him with painful pleading eyes, but he felt glued to his chair.

But if you turn your back on me now,

When I need you most.

But you just let me down down down

"I'm leaving Vegas Grissom," she whispered. "I can't take the fear or pain anymore."

"Don't leave me Sara. Please don't leave me."

Won't you think about what your about to do to me and back down

"Why not? There's nothing for me here." She glared at him, secretly hoping that he would say something to stop her. But all she heard was the sound of silence. "Bye Grissom," she whispered. She pulled her hand from his and got up to leave.

Was I invading in on your secrets?

Was I too close for comfort,

Your pushing me out,

When I wanted in.

What as I just about to discover?
When I got too close for comfort,

Driving you home.

Guess I'll never know.

"Wait!"

She turned around to look at him, was caught, as she always was, by the intense blue of his eyes.

"I'm here. You have me?"

She was taken back by his sudden confession. "Whhh…..what?"

He walked over to her and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Sara I'm not perfect…..far from it, but confessing my love to you is a huge step. And if you stay……stay with me here in Vegas, then I promise to take more steps, and try. I can't promise you my undying love, or a life filled with romance. I can only offer you myself and hope that that's enough."

She took his hands off of her shoulders and held them in her own, rubbing her thumbs across the back of his hands. "It's you who I fell in love with." Tears all dried up, she smiled softly and turned her deep brown eyes up towards his soft baby blue ones, and he grinned and pulled her closer to him.

Her lips felt like soft rose petals and he could feel her melt in his arms at the passion of their kiss. Sara could feel her body completely relax and for the first time in her life, she felt truly safe, and she knew nothing could hurt her while she had Grissom's arms wrapped around her.

When they broke apart, Grissom pulled Sara into a deep hug. She nestled her head against Grissom's chest, while he rested his head on top of hers, kissing it softly. "Don't leave me Sara", he whispered in her ear. "I'll fall to pieces if you leave."

She pulled back slightly and looked up at him grinning from ear to ear with her genuine Sara-smile. "Are you kidding me? After a kiss like that? No way."

FIN