Evangelion Fan Fiction
Scent of the Seashore
By Kraven Ergeist
The war of the angels was merciless. It had taken its toll on the soldiers of Earth. Shinji knew not the meaning of friendship, Rei knew not the meaning of self, and Asuka knew not the meaning of love.
The arrival of another signaled a change, however, as he stood as no mere human.
"So, this is the fabled Soryu Asuka Langley," Kaworu said, glancing down at the sleeping form.
The hospital wing was usually empty at this time of night. Shinji and his other were asleep, as Kaworu checked on the last of the fighters for the side of Earth.
"Pathetic," he huffed, and turned around.
A hand clutched the back of his shirt. "You wanna repeat that?"
Kaworu turned around, facing the girl staring coldly back at him. "I said 'pathetic.' To be honest, you're hardly in a position to argue."
Asuka responded by yanking him off to the side, before sitting up to give him a good stare down. "I am sick and tired of washed up nobodies making judgments about me!"
Kaworu shrugged, looking away. "Well, then, I guess you're fed up with being a human, then. Human beings judge all around them, it's their nature. You, Ms. Soryu, are guilty of judging everyone you meet."
"You don't know anything about me!" Asuka yelled. "And I have every right to judge those lesser than me!"
Kaworu blinked. "Oh, really? Who died and made you queen? Just like any other human, when faced with their own weakness, they invent some irrefutable nonsense to prove their own existence."
Asuka rolled her eyes. "Whatever that means."
Kaworu smiled. "It means you're making excuses. If you're so brilliant, prove it. If you're so talented, prove it. If the rest of us are so inferior to you, then be superior, don't just act it."
Asuka glared at him. "I don't need to prove anything!"
Kaworu sighed. "And why not? If I were to judge you based off NERV's record of your accomplishments, what am I to believe?" He then removed a list from his pocket, and began pacing around the perimeter of the hospital room. "Campaign against the 6th angel, assisted by pilot Ikari. Campaign against the 7th, assisted by Ikari. 8th, you were rescued by Ikari, 9th, three pilot co-op. 10th, three pilot co-op, 11th, the Eva's weren't even involved. 12th, defeated by pilot Ikari, 13th, defeated by the dummy plug system. 14th, defeated by Ikari, 15th, your one solo mission, you failed miserably. Defeated by pilot Ayanami. 16th, defeated by pilot Ayanami."
Kaworu returned to Asuka's bedside. "Now, you tell me, what does it sound like you've accomplished? You were never even an asset to NERV once, Ms. Soryu! Not once!"
Asuka returned a cold glare at the stranger. "Who the hell are you, anyway? What the hell do you want? What are you trying to prove, anyway? Is this some sort of psychological trip or something?"
Kaworu sighed. "Ms. Soryu, I'm here to give you a perspective on things. Both the First and Third Child are still going about their duties here at NERV, and while it's as difficult for them as it is for you, and don't even try to deny it, they're sticking to it, while you're here, in a hospital bed, feeling sorry for yourself. Who's the better person for that?"
Asuka clenched her fists into tight balls. "I'm going to say this once, you asshole. Get out. Right now."
Kaworu smirked. "Or you'll what? Hit me? That's seems to be your solution to every social problem you run into, now doesn't it? Ms. Soryu, I don't see how you possibly can justify hurting other people the way you do. As much as you claim otherwise, you of all people have no right to-"
SMACK!
"-Assume any authority in other people's business when you haven't even solved your own. Now you can hit me as much as you like, but that doesn't change the fact-"
WHUMP!
"-That you're simply running away, just as you claim everyone else does."
While Asuka's palm and knuckles stung like nothing else, Kaworu's face seemed spotless. What was this kid made of, Asuka wondered?
Kaworu turned to go. "You can sit and think it over as much as you want, Ms. Soryu, but it seems to be you've had all the time in the world to do that. Now, either shape up your act, or give it all up. You can linger as long as you want, but you're just going to end up right back where you started."
Asuka just sat there, pretending to ignore the jabs from this complete stranger. Who the hell was he? Who did he think he was? What right did he have to talk to her like that?
Fed up, feeling angrier than before, she rolled over and went back to bed.
xxxxx
It was later, much later, when Asuka decided to get up and stop moping around. Trying to kill herself via malnutrition didn't seem to be working – thank God for the feeding tube.
Venting her anger on others seemed to be the only outlet she really had. It had proven effective in the past, until the people she brutalized started becoming unresponsive. Piloting Eva for a ruthless megalomaniac does that to you. But this newcomer, this pale-faced boy from God knows where, seemed like a decent enough recipient.
God, she just wanted to punch his lights out!
The logic center of her brain kicked in and reminded her that she had tried that already, and aside from a sore fist, she had gained nothing from the act. The guy didn't even flinch. That just made her hate him even more.
Her fist made contact with one of NERV's steel walls. She could have sworn it hurt less than that boy's face.
Deep down, she knew she was losing it. Letting herself slip away into delirium, and falling into malnutrition were hardly sane qualities, and she knew it even in her possessed state. Deep down, she also knew that everything the boy had said to her was true.
Which made her hate him even more.
"Good morning, Ms. Soryu," Kaworu said, causing said girl to jerk away. "Feeling better?"
Asuka recoiled at the sudden breach of silence, giving the boy a harsh glare. "Mother fucker! Why the hell do you keep stalking me?"
Kaworu shook his head. "Such language, Ms. Soryu. I haven't been stalking you, Ms. Soryu. It's been three days since our last encounter. Since then, I have been conversing with the other staff members of NERV. I believe you lost consciousness again and have remained there for the past 80 hours or so."
Asuka turned and walked away. "Whatever, just leave me the hell alone!"
Kaworu shrugged. "I will in a moment, but I have to ask you – have you given any thought to my advice the other night?"
"Advice?" Asuka gawked. "You basically told me that I was worthless! I'd hardly call that advice!"
"I'd call it constructive criticism."
"Constructive?"
"You got up, didn't you?"
Asuka walked away.
"You haven't answered my que-"
"I said leave me the fuck alone!"
"I believe the expletive you used before was 'hell' if I'm not mistaken-"
"Shut up!" Asuka was screaming now. "Shut up, shut up!"
Kaworu just stared back at her. "No. You see, Ms. Soryu, and it hasn't taken me long to notice this…you're more lost than anyone around you. When you look at the world around, you don't see what's actually there – instead, you see the illusions that you've constructed out of an entire life's worth of isolation, dedication, and most of all, fear. Isolation from human compassion…dedication to an ideal that is ultimately just as unattainable as it is to the rest of the world…and fear that, despite all your hard work, you still might fail. After all the time and effort you put into building yourself, you're more afraid than anything else that you might still be just as helpless as the rest of us."
Asuka blinked. She stood still for a long time, not doing anything. Kaworu had hit a mark, and he knew it. At long last, the shell had cracked, and Asuka was ready to come out.
"Who…who in God's name are you?"
Kaworu smiled.
"My name is Kaworu Nagisa."
xxxxx
Too tired to talk, though I will say this: In my experience, if you want to break a tough nut, there's only one solution - Get a tougher nut.