"France I have something to tell you…"
"No! That's bloody awful! Bloody hell, how on earth do you tell someone that you plan on bloody leaving?!"
Exasperated, the island nation banged his head on the desk, causing an explosion of papers.
Suddenly he bolted upright, "Wait a tick! Pull yourself together old chap! You're Britain, the sun never sets on your bloody Empire! I'm sure you can come up with a bloody way to say goodbye!"
"Hey Ennnnggglllaaannnd! Who ya talking to?" America burst in.
"No one, go away!" He grumbled, scrambling to collect the fallen documents.
"Okay brosky!" The younger nation snickered.
Agitated Britain shot him a glare, "Why the devil are you here?!"
"What?" America questioned, easily distracted from his mission. "Oh right dude! I need some ketchup. I tried asking Canada but he said he used the rest of his ketchup on his KD and gave me maple syrup instead. Haha, what's KD?"
"How the bloody hell should I know?!" Britain barked.
"King Dragon? Um...Kangaroo Dive. Uhhhh..." He drifted off into oblivion before ecstatically announcing, "Ketchup Drinking! Hey England, I figured it out! Hahahahaha!"
Said nation clenched his teeth as America's grating laugh filled the room. Sighing, England laid his head between his hands trying to regain his composure.
"Great job America, now go away." His voice was tight, laced with sarcasm.
Not at all offended, America grinned , shooting Britain a quick, "Haha okay dude!". The fact that he hadn't obtained the ketchup he so desired didn't seem to register.
Shaking his head, Britain turned his attention back to the daunting task at hand.
"France." England stammered, clutching his notes like a lifeline, "I have something talk to you about."
France brushed him off, "Not now Angleterre, I'm busy."
Throwing down his notes in annoyance, England pointed his finger at France accusingly. "YOU FROG! ALL YOU'RE DOING IS MAKING EYES WITH THAT BLOODY MAID!"
His attention caught, France leapt off his chaise lounge, somehow managing to avoid spilling the glass of wine he had in hand.
"You black sheep of Europe! Leave moi to what moi must do!"
Almost delirious with anger and fear, France's apathy pushed England over the edge.
"So much you know, you frog! You can't call me that anymore since I'M LEAVING EUROPE! Hahaha!"
With that England turned on his heels and sauntering out the door, shot a mocking "Au revoir" over his shoulder. He expected France to respond with his infamous 'ohonhonhon', but alas that was not to be. Had England stuck around for just a minute more, he would have seen how far off mark his prediction had been.
England's announcement rocked France to the core. With a crash, his wine glass shattered, staining the carpet. Not heeding the eyesore, France crumpled into a heap, rendered completely incompetent.
Meanwhile, England was completely unaware of the trail of agony he had left behind. Fuelled by his outburst of mockery, he decided to inform the rest of the world that he was leaving the EU.
"Hey Germany! Did you hear, I'm leaving Europe!" England smugly declared.
"Vat? Oh that's nice" Germany offhandedly responded, concentrating on the pile of documents before him and not realizing what had been said. This didn't deter England through, energized he went on to find his next target.
"Hey Italy! Guess what? I'm leaving." He crossed his arms in a matter of fact manner.
"Ciao!" Italy cheerfully bid him farewell, concluding that he must just be going home.
England continued his proclamation of departure, causing mass confusion. Unaware of the havoc he was causing, he returned home satisfied and content.
However, France was the opposite of satisfied and content. He'd regressed to the point of tearfully gazing at a map of England, sobbing as he rocked back and forth with a Union Jack pillow that was in his possession for some unknown reason. The only phrase he had mustered the strength to vocalize was a wobbly "Pourquoi?!"
After a few emergency European meetings sans France, Germany took it upon himself to visit said nation. Of course that meant that Italy was not far behind. Both nations were shocked at the scene that met them. It didn't take Germany long to gauge just how drastic the situation was for France.
"Errr, France," Germany scratched the back of his head awkwardly, "you've eaten something lately, ja?"
All France could manage was a faint shake of his head in response.
This caused Italy to pipe up, "I'll-a make some pasta!"
After ensuring that France had eaten, by all but shoving the food down his throat, Germany and Italy took their leave.
"Germany, Germany! I'm worried about big brother France. Will he be okay?" The northern Italian rambled.
"Ja!" He was reassured. "I'll have to have a chat with England to straighten out this mess, but he'll come around."
Sì!"
Unfortunately, Germany was incorrect. Despite his and Italy's plea to England on behalf of France, the British man would not be dissuaded.
Weeks passed, nothing changed, everything became more muddled. The spell of suspense broke when the doors crashed open during one particular emergency meeting.
"Bonjour tout le monde!" The self-proclaimed fashion leader strutted in wearing a Union Jack onesie. "I have come to the conclusion that I shall leave Europe too. That is all, au revoir!"
Everyone stared at where France had stood seconds earlier, clearly bewildered. As the countries found their voices once again, the room dissolved into chaos.
"If France and England both leave, trade will suffer! This is preposterous, I'll have to leave too." Netherlands remarked before walking out the doors France had just exited. Belgium was hot on his heels.
Cursing everyone in sight, Romano saw his chance to escape. Grabbing his younger brother by the collar, he marched out of the meeting, screaming rebukes at Germany and Europe in general. When he noticed that his little Romano had run off, Spain was quick to follow.
One by one everyone started leaving for one reason or another. Pretty soon Germany was left basically all alone gaping in shock.
"Vat the hell just happened?!"
A.N- Wrote this last June after the Brexit referendum. Back then France, Germany and Italy were kinda upset and there rumours of other countries leaving the EU too. So I wrote this to sort though my feels on the implications this could have on my OTP haha.