The Forgotten Forest: Riku
Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts belongs to Square Enix and Disney.
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I'm Riku, I turned twenty five a couple months ago, I work at a middle school as a student guidance counselor, and I am currently struggling with...depression. I don't know if it was pre existing, or if I fell into it after one of my students fatal accident, or if this trip we took heightened it. Either way, I deal with it as best as I can, I don't approve of medication, so the therapist thought writing down everything that happened would help. I know, that when she reads it, there will be a few things that will sound far fetched. I understand that as I begin, and I can only hope that this writing exercise helps...Nothing else seems to.
I guess I'll start with my chosen profession. I chose to become a guidance counselor because I remember being a troubled teen. I had so many questions about our existence, that no one could answer for me, so I searched for answers on my own and...lets just say I became a different person because of it.
I know what it's like, not knowing how to express certain feelings or emotions at that age, and that was something else I wanted to help with. I had been the troubled teen, and all I wanted to do was help kids before they got hurt...
It's hard, as I write, to think about what I need to open up about. You want to save them all, to be there for them, but every now and then, one somehow slips through the cracks, and all I can do is feel responsible.
His name was Timmy, he'd recently turned thirteen and was always getting into mischief. He wrote on bathroom walls, he'd start food fights in the cafeteria, and he'd cheat on his assignments. Not the most offensive boy, he wasn't a bully. He was just prone to acting out, and it was my job to try and figure out what was bothering Timmy.
At one of our many meetings in my office, he started talking about other worlds. Other existences, and because of my previous experiences in life, I had assumed that Timmy was a miniature explorer. That he wanted to someday find other worlds, and now, I see that I was wrong in my interpretation.
A month and a half ago, I found out that Timmy had overdosed. The kid, he'd gone into his parents medicine cabinet and taken pills. That's when his other world talk made me think, that maybe he'd been unhappy and wanted to see what was on the other side...Heaven. He was considering suicide, and all I did for him, was hand him information about becoming an archeologist, thinking that'd help him.
Timmy's death was hard, going into work and trying to help kids cope with it while I was still trying to accept it. I'd go home feeling cold and empty, like all my energy had been poured into trying to ease the other students pain.
I'd go shopping and nothing sounded good, usually I'd leave the store empty handed. Food just didn't taste right anymore, like I was eating playground sand.
One of the times I'd stopped into the market, a friend of mine had noticed me and we had talked. I think that's when she noticed the change in me, because shortly after I was informed that we were all going on a trip, and that I needed to ask for time off. Of course, the school was completely understanding, they gave me a whole week off. If my friend, Kairi is her name, if she hadn't invited me on this trip, I don't know where I'd be right now. I say that, but by the end of our trip...No, I will write this in order.
So, this trip we were going on had another person in it. He's my best friend from when we were little kids, his name's Sora. Now, because of his...work...we hardly ever see Sora. By we I'm meaning both Kairi and myself. The sad part is, she's dating him, and has been for years and she still barely gets to see him. I'm digressing, the point of all this, is that Sora and I haven't been on a trip together in forever, and it was nice to expect some quality time.
Sora, I suppose I need to try and describe him, he's almost six feet tall, he's lean, built kinda like a swimmer. Sora's hair is wildly spiked, I don't even want to know how much he spends on spiking gel. He's a very loyal person, and likes to laugh and joke a lot. He's still emotionally like a child, he's so carefree and untainted by adulthood that you have to wonder if he's secretly Peter Pan in disguise. All joking aside, he's my buddy, and I'd do anything for him.
Kairi's an average sized woman, she has long red hair that stops at the middle of her back. She has really pretty eyes, this deep blue color. Kairi, she's one of my best friends too, and when things ever start to feel...off...she's usually the first one to sense it.
Like I've mentioned before, Kairi and Sora are together. They've been together for a long time now, and when they showed up at my house with all their camping gear, I could tell that something was off. It bothered me that Kairi was saddled with carrying all the gear, Sora had nothing in his arms or strapped on his back. So when I came down to meet them, I offered to carry some of her things.
Sora was talking about places he had been while traveling for his work, and I helped Kairi readjust her baggage so that she only had to carry one backpack. She had looked relieved, then when we turned to Sora she sorta got an irritated look on her face. Anyway, I had noticed this and mentally prepared myself for relationship therapy, I got the feeling eventually she'd open up and tell me what was going on between her and Sora.
Sora took us to this special camping spot, it's not really known around here, but he called it the Forgotten Forest. The trees were all mature, and resembled pines. It was a very dense forest, I think we hiked eight miles in before we found a little clearing overlooking a creek some twenty feet below in a ravine. It was a pretty view, as we began to get out tent poles and work together on setting up our site.
Mostly it was Kairi and I, Sora kept getting distracted and he'd lope off to do something else. I didn't mind, Kairi and I were more than capable enough to set up a three person tent, but her glares Sora's way told me she was less than impressed.
As night rolled in, we started a fire and began roasting hotdogs and marshmallows. It was like being a kid all over again, laughing and joking...it was nice. Kairi was laughing along with us, but she also kept looking around us, at the dense forest. I finally asked her if she thought we'd see Bigfoot, just joking with her, and she asked if I had noticed we hadn't seen or heard any animals since walking into the forest.
Now, I thought for a moment, and I honestly couldn't recall hearing any wildlife noises. That's when we all got quiet and tried to listen for an owl, maybe, or some critter scurrying about the trees. We must have sat there a good twenty minutes, and all we ever heard was the swaying of trees in the light breeze.
"Animals sometimes avoid people, that's probably it." Sora spoke up, all of us looked at each other wearily, uncertain if that was the real reason.
Sora wandered into the tent, giving into sleep shortly after, we could hear his loud snores through the tent.
"He never thinks anything strange is going on until its too late." Kairi told me, and I had to admit, Sora never really looked for the bad things that might be waiting.
"You two doing okay?" I was being polite, I wasn't trying to pry but the looks she'd been giving her boyfriend weren't nice ones.
"It's like he's here, but not really. He's off thinking about his next mission when he should be focusing on what's in front of him..." Kairi was tossing little pebbles into the fire, and I held back my desire to pull her long hair behind her ear, to see her face better.
"Listen to me, I'm not the one who's dealt with a real tragedy. Riku, how have you been doing?" She turned her attention onto me, and I could feel the warmth within her eyes radiating towards me.
I told her it was hard, but I was managing. That this trip was really helping me relax. It made her smile, and her smile made me feel comforted. She squeezed me hand before heading into the tent, leaving me alone with the slowly dying fire.
I listen again to the wind, hearing the trees moaning lightly, but never catching sound of creatures. It was odd, but I had hoped that the next day would be different, that maybe we'd hike a bit and see some wildlife. With that hope in mind, I put out the listless fire and climbed into the tent.
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That morning, I was the last person to wake up. I popped my head out of the tent and saw Kairi at the campfire, using a Dutch oven to cook breakfast on. As I meandered out, I noticed Sora wasn't around.
When I asked her where he'd gone, she gave a shrug, and nodded off towards the path through the woods.
"He wanted to go exploring, couldn't even wait till after breakfast." She explained in a less than pleased tone.
I sat down next to her and kept her company, in the back of my mind, I wondered if going off alone was such a good idea, but Sora was resourceful. He could manage if something happened, and he wasn't a child to be looked after. Though according to Kairi he behaved like one still.
We ate in silence, and I was trying to listen for animal sounds, when a loud shriek pierced my eardrums.
Kairi and I jumped from our seats and tore off into the forest. We were both calling out Sora's name as we ran, hoping to reach him in time. We came to a dead end, and turned around. There, laughing and pointing, was Sora.
"I got you guys good!" He laughed, and I had to physically restrain Kairi. She was furious with him, cussing up a storm and trying to escape my hold to clobber Sora. I wasn't pleased either, but Kairi was mad enough she really wanted to physically harm Sora. He couldn't understand why we were mad at him, as we walked back to our camp. Kairi was seething in my arms as I lead her towards the camp, making sure she didn't get too close to her prankster boyfriend.
When we arrived at camp, she bolted out of my hold and into the tent, warning both of us to leave her alone. It was horrible, Sora just didn't comprehend that we had thought the worst, that he'd really frightened us. He ate the remains of our breakfast before taking off with a fishing pole. He was going to climb down to the creek and catch fish for dinner...if there even were any fish.
After he trampled off, Kairi had slowly exited the tent. She had been crying, her eyes were bloodshot. I didn't know what to say or do for her. She sat next to the fire ring and stared off into the woods.
After a long moment of silence between us, she spoke to me.
"I don't know what I'm still doing with him." She had been angry, so I said she didn't really mean that.
Kairi turned to look at me, and her eyes were cloudy. "Riku, can I tell you something? Something personal?" It worried me, what she might have to say, but I was her friend. I told her that she could tell me anything.
"Sora and I...we aren't like other couples...we aren't very intimate." I felt my cheeks reddening, I hadn't wanted to hear about my friends problems in that way.
"He and I...We don't have sex." The look of shock on my face must have embarrassed her, because she looked away from me and started making symbols in the dirt.
I found it hard to believe, but her reaction to my shocked behavior meant that she wasn't making things up. It probably wasn't a religious reason, the three of us weren't in the mind set that you went to Hell if you had sex before marriage.
"Do you think it's normal?" She finally asked, glancing in my direction.
"Has he ever explained why?" I had to wonder what Sora was thinking, being in an eight year relationship and not reaching that level of intimacy?
"He's childish, he giggles and laughs and blushes and gets embarrassed and doesn't want to touch me that way. He told me it makes him feel 'uncomfortable'. So here we are, together but I'm more like a mother taking care of a child than his girlfriend." She had been so sad, when she looked at me, her eyes getting glassy. I didn't know what to say.
Kairi took my hand in hers and squeezed it. She thanked me for listening to her problems, then shakily she made her way alone into the tent. I could hear her light sobs, and I wanted to go in there, to rub her back and tell her things would get better. I wanted to wipe away her tears, to tuck back her long hair, but I also knew that if I did, I might also find myself in a situation.
I couldn't guarantee that my emotions could withstand her need for comfort, I could see myself losing it and doing something no friend should do with his buddy's girl. That's exactly why I left the tent and the crying girl inside it, to talk with Sora down at the creek. Maybe I'd see his side of how their relationship was going. I wanted to try and help them, I wanted to do the right thing.
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