Timeline: takes place after season 8...BUT I have taken several liberties...During AOW Alexandria did not burn to the ground, Negan was killed and the Saviours are just a harmless other group, Carl isn't dead.
TW: contains themes of child loss/bereavement.
"Michonne?"...Maggie's voice was concerned as the gates to the Hilltop opened to reveal Michonne's solitary figure. Though for the last month or so they had been enjoying peace and freedom from attack, the worry was never far from anyone's mind.
"I'm ok, everyone's ok, don't worry" she hugged Maggie "I actually need a favour" she said quietly.
"Sure, come with me."
They spoke in hushed tones as walked through the courtyard. Though she knew how fragile happiness was nowadays, Michonne allowed herself to smile at how content everyone seemed. Enid was teaching a group of children how to roller blade, Jesus tending the garden, someone was cooking on a large outdoor grill. It was hard to believe the world outside was so broken.
"It's just through here..." Maggie said as she knocked on the door, Doctor Carson opened it.
"Maggie! Everything ok?" His worried face drifted to her 6 month pregnant belly.
"I'm fine, Michonne just needs to see you."
...
The jelly felt cold on her abdomen, the soothing noise of the ultrasound machine was calming her nerves slightly but she still felt her heart beating so loud it dulled her hearing. She tried to control her breathing but was all too aware of her heaving chest.
"What do you see?" She asked the doctor in what she hoped was a breezy, casual voice.
"Well, your suspicions were correct, there is a little someone in there" he smiled "you're about eight weeks along, but everything looks great."
Maggie gasped next to her, Michonne turned to see her beaming wider. "Congratulations honey!" She said and hugged her. "Does Rick know you're here?"
"No he's out on a run today, it's his birthday - not that he probably even remembers - so I wanted to surprise him."
"I'll print you out a picture" smiled the Doctor "and I'll want to see you again in four weeks time... Congratulations."
He went to go and set up the printer. Michonne and Maggie sat in silence staring at the screen. As the little blue blob danced against the black background, Michonne suddenly felt like she had been hit by a train...
Her eyes stung as she remembered the only other time she had been sat in front of a sonogram. Her precious Andre, her sweet baby boy. It seemed a thousand lifetimes ago but she remembered it as clear as day, the sonographer confirming that everything was ok, the feeling of happiness swelling inside her as the weeks of nausea and exhaustion had been worth it.
She remembered carrying him inside her, the feeling when he kicked and moved. She remembered endless days spent talking to the bump, promising him everything in the world. It all seemed to take so long then, those nine months waiting to meet him had felt like nine years. "It wasn't enough time" she thought with a pang, wishing she had treasured those days more. The days when he was safe inside her.
She remembered the day he was born, the feeling of pushing him out of her body. The agony but excitement as he made his way into the world. The warm feeling of his skin against hers...That first cry...The night they brought him home, holding him as though he was made from glass. Even in the bassinet right next to the bed he was too far away from her.
Her sweet boy, she promised him so much. She wanted to travel the world with him, to teach him everything, to never ever let him feel pain. She remembered the day he left this world. The feeling inside her as though someone had ripped out her heart and lungs and guts. The suffocating feeling inside her, the broken parts of her that would never be whole again.
She was crying now, the tears spilling uncontrollably down her cheeks, her shoulders heaving with sobs.
"Hey..." Maggie next to her, Maggie who had lost so much to this world, Maggie whose eyes were full of empathetic pain for her friend "come here."
No more words were said as Maggie held her tight, she let Michonne cry until she was empty. Until she felt an odd happy peace, she never believed in the afterlife but since Andre dying she had always felt he was somewhere looking out for her. This felt like a sign, like a gift. He brought her so much happiness when he was alive, it made perfect sense for him to keep bringing her happiness now.
Her head drifted to Rick, unaware and out with Daryl. She couldn't wait to tell him, to see his face, to celebrate with him. He has wanted a baby with her for so long, and it was finally happening. And Carl, lovely Carl who was her ray of light in this world after wadding through darkness for so long. Carl had unlocked a part of her heart she swore would be closed forever. Carl was the reason she knew she'd be ok with this baby, the reason she knew she would be able to love another child as she loved Andre. In this new world blood relation meant less and less, and while she knew she could never replace Lori, Carl was her son. She was excited to tell him he would be a brother again.
"Come on" Maggie said quietly, holding the sonogram picture from Doctor Carson "I'll get Jesus to drive you home."
...
"Carl, where's your Dad?" Michonne said as soon as she entered the front door.
"He's still out" said the teenager.
"Ok good, we're gonna cook him a surprise dinner ok? You know it's his birthday right?"
Carl snorted "Michonne, when was the last time anyone celebrated a birthday around here?"
"Well I'm bringing it back ok? We need some happiness! Go ask Carol to bake a cake."
"Ok" he said sceptically and headed out the door.
She got to work in the kitchen, finding an unused box and wrapping it in any paper she could find. She sniggered to herself, it looked like Judith had made it. She tied her dressing gown ribbon around it, cut up an old lace top and adorned the outside. She placed it in the middle of the table and set to work cooking.
Spaghetti bolognaise was Rick's favourite, though their pantry was well stocked she still had to make a few adjustments. "Hope he likes lentils" she thought, bulking out the chopped mushrooms she had used to replace ground beef. When he was out just for the day, he was never home past seven (they had put this in place so that people knew when to go looking for each other) and so at 6:45 she called Carl down from his room.
"Carl! Come and set the table! And get the cake from the refrigerator." She said as she strapped Judith in her high chair.
"What's in the box?" Carl looked at her with his eyes narrowed and a smile on his face "and where did you go today?"
"All will be revealed" she said, smiling widely.
"Oh come on...What is it?"
"Ok" she said, excitedly "what if I told you...You're gonna be a big brother again.."
"For real!?" His smile was wide.
"For real..." She said as he hugged her.
"Ohmygod ohmygod! And Dad doesn't know? He's gonna be so excited!" It was rare to see such an outburst from Carl, even in the apocalypse a teenager was a teenager and nowadays he favoured a more monosyllabic discourse. As he smiled he looked exactly like he did when she met him.
He was still smiling as he sat down tucking into the garlic bread (well, it was some kind of flavour anyway. Made from whatever Michonne could find in the cupboard.)
"Hey" she slapped his hand away from grabbing more "wait til he gets here! And don't give the game away."
...
"Honey...I'm home" came her favourite southern drawl, walking through the door at bang on 6:55. "Damn, something smells GOOD!"
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Carl and Michonne said in unison...Showering him with makeshift confetti. Judith giggled.
"What?!" He chuckled "it's my birthday?" He surveyed the table...the plates and glasses all laid out, candles in the middle of the table, what looked like one of Carol's chocolate cakes and the box that contained his gift.
"April 20th right? Well that's today."
"Well I never..." he said, walking towards the table "what's in the box?"
"It's your present...Open it."
He untied the ribbon, taking a painstakingly long time. He stopped as he opened it, he looked from the box, to Michonne in disbelief, his hands were shaking as he lifted out the picture.
"Is this...Is this our baby?" His eyes were wide, his words sticking in his throat as he looked at her "honey?"
She nodded "I'm pregnant."
His eyes were welling up, he let out a quiet chuckle and made his way over to her, holding her belly with both hands so gently as if she was suddenly made of glass. He picked her up and spun her round, his face buried in her shoulder. "I can't believe it, we're gonna have a baby!" He wiped away happy tears and turned to Carl "did you know about this?" Carl nodded.
"Congratulations guys" he smiled, as Rick pulled him into their hug too.
"Baba!" Said Judith, they all laughed.
"Sit down honey" Rick quickly grabbed Michonne a chair "I'll sort dinner."
"Oh don't be ridiculous" she chuckled and went to serve dinner.
"Kind of makes my gift seem bad in comparison..." he reached into his pocket and pulled out a single tube of toothpaste and put it on the table.
Michonne giggled "no way, baby. But that better not be the only tube."
"Daryl made the mistake of opening the box in front of everybody, I was lucky to get that one. It was like a zoo!" His face distorted in mock horror.
She surveyed the scene in front of her, Rick messing around with Judith, Carl looking at the sonogram picture ("I just can't figure out where the baby is!") and eating the garlic bread again. Her mind wondered back again to the night she lost Andre, the night she made a decision. That even though all she wanted to do was curl up on the ground and disappear, she would carry on. She knew he was with her every step of the way, he was her strength every time she got knocked back, he was what guided her to this new life. The biggest part of her heart would always belong to him. But, she knew as she looked at her family, there was still plenty of room left.
THE END