Notes: Everything lyrics belong to Pacifier.

You've got the perfect girl

And it's a perfect world

Brendan wrapped his arms tightly around Grace. She smiled into his shoulder, and looked up at him happily. They shared a passionate kiss, until Carlos told them to get a room and they broke apart. Brendan kissed her on the cheek, and headed down to the 55. He changed into his police uniform, and walked out of the changing room, bumping right into Sully.

"Watch it Finney." Sully said dully.

Brendan gave him a strange look. He didn't use the usual tone of disgust when he was talking to him. He decided it was nothing, and continued walking.

You build a fortress around you

Can see no reason not to continue

Davis finished putting on his jacket. "Hey, Davis" Sully called. Davis turned around.

"Do you think Fin should be back so soon? I mean with his father's accident and all…"

"Accident" Davis hissed, "right."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know damn right what I'm talking about, Sul. Your not that stupid, are you? Working on his car in a suit, come on."

Sully looked at him, a little surprised, "You mean he-

"Yeah, he committed suicide."

Davis kicked the lockers, and left the changing room.

Brendan watched Davis storm out angrily. "Hey, you alright?" he asked, following him outside the precinct.

"Fine." He said stiffly, and they got into their car.

After a few minutes of driving, Davis looked over at him. "Don't you feel…sad?"

Brendan gritted his teeth. He hated people asking him that. Of course he was sad. His father committed suicide for Christs sake. But the only way he could deal with the pain was pretending it was not there, and going on with his life as normal.

"I am, Davis. But there's no reason to dwell on it. He's gone, and nothings going to bring him back."

And if this comfortable life

Is your only passage through time

Brendan looked out the window of the police car, tapping his feet continuously. A moment later, Brendan and Davis got a call for armed robbery at a grocery store. They got there, and found that seven people had been shot. Brendan spotted Grace and Carlos loading a guy onto a gurney. He rushed over to her. She pecked him quickly on the cheek.

"No love at the crime scene!" Carlos sang. Brendan laughed and rolled his eyes. His laugh cracked though, his sadness was hard to cover. He looked at the man on the gurney, how white his face was, just as his fathers had been the night he found him in the car, just four days ago….

"Finney!" he heard Sully shout, but he was lost in the memory. "FINNEY! MOVE! I NEED A CLEAR SHOT!" Brendan jolted out of his memory and quickly stepped aside, but not quickly enough. The shooter had just turned the corner.

"Great! You just let him get away!" Sully yelled angrily, and stormed past him. A lump formed in the young officers throat, but he quickly swallowed it.

"Fin, lets go. It's over." Davis put a hand on his shoulder.

"It's BREN-DAN. Okay? Brendan!" he yelled. Davis was taken aback and nodded his head.

"Come on, let's get lunch" Davis said understandingly, and they got in the car.

Make sure you can break through

The walls that you are building around you

They drove around, looking for a good place to eat, but eventually resorted to McDonalds.

"You know" Davis said as Brendan chewed on a fry, "those fries won't mold after two months."

"Wow" Brendan said sarcastically, "where'd ya hear that?"

"Deleted movie scenes on a movie called Supersize Me."

"I've heard about that." Brendan said unenthusiastically, and slurped the last of his Coke. He stood up and dumped his garbage in the trash.

"Fin- Brendan…Are you sure you're okay?" Brendan turned around.

"I'm okay, Davis, really. I appreciate the concern, but drop it buddy, okay?"

"Yeah. Okay."

Wanna be part of the world?

You gotta hand somethin over

"We haven't got a call once today" Davis complained loudly.

"Good day. No crime."

Suddenly Brendan's cell phone rang.

Brendan: Hello?

Doctor: Brendan Finney?

Brendan: That's my name.

Doctor: This is Doctor Finch, from Angel Of Mercy. Your mother was brought in here an hour ago.

Brendan: Oh My God, why?

Doctor: We'll discuss her medical needs when you get here, okay?

The doctor hung up. Brendan stared at the phone angrily. "We have to get to Angel Of Mercy, now" he said to Davis.

"Why?"

"My mother was brought there and hour ago."

"Oh man, I'm sorry-"

"What in the god damned hell are you sorry for!" Brendan snapped, "you didn't do nothing. Just drop me off there, you hear?"

Davis nodded. "Just take the rest of the day off. I'll tell the boss."

Brendan didn't say a word, he just nodded. They got to the hospital, Brendan thanked Davis, and he got out of the car. He ran into the ER, and asked at the front desk where his mother was. He was startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Finch. You must be Brendan." He shook his hand.

"Can I see my motha now?"

Dr. Finch nodded. "But I think you should know, officer, she slit her wrists. Neighbor found her."

"Jesus" he whispered, "take me to her now, doctor. Is- is she awake?"

Dr. Finch nodded. They got into the elevator, and rode up to the third floor. They finally got to her room. "Ma, what in Christ were you thinking?" He yelled, looking at his pale-faced mother lying on the gurney, her wrists bandaged.

"He told me to do my hair pretty that night, Bren" she said monotonously, "what'd he want, huh? Did he want me to look pretty when he died?" She began to sob.

"Ma, I know its hard. But you can't just let go." Brendan's voice shook, and a tear ran down his cheek.

"He's gone. The only thing that mattered in my life is GONE."

"Your not the only one who lost someone…" he said quietly.

"Brendan, you don't understand!" she cried.

Brendan let out a sob. "I understand damn well, Ma! And I'm leaving. I'll come by tomorrow."

"DON'T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME!" she screamed as Brendan left the hospital room, "DON'T YOU LEAVE YOUR OWN MOTHER!" He let out one last sob, and got into the elevator.

The things that you always dreamed about

You know that in time, they'll be running out

Stop turning around

Brendan went home, and took a long rest. He woke up around eight o' clock. He checked the phone for messages, and sighed when he had none. He grabbed a six pack of beer from the refrigerator, and drank two. He took the remaining four with him, as he got into his car. He knew he shouldn't drink and drive. But he simply didn't care anymore.

As soon as he got on the road, he pushed the gas full on. He drove fast, and cried hard. His vision was either altered by his tears and the alcohol, but he couldn't tell which.On his ride, he had two more bottles, and at that point he was drifting between lanes. It was good he was in a small neighborhood. He was so drunk he could barely see. When he got onto the busy roads, he heard a siren behind him.

"Shit" he said angrily, and pulled the car over. He tried to wipe away the tears from his face, but his red eyes and wet cheeks totally gave him away.

He looked away, until he heard the familiar tap at his window. He looked up and was shocked to see Sully. He rolled down his window and forced a smile. "Workin nights, Sul?"

Sully stared at him, bewildered. It was obvious the young officer had been crying, also obvious he was drinking. Sully opened the car door and pulled Brendan out.

"Tryin to commit suicide too?" he asked softly. He didn't mean for it to be harsh.

"Oh, what's this, Sull-ee-van?" he laughed joylessly, "showing your 'caring' side?"

He stumbled and almost fell on Sully. Sully caught him by the waist, and helped him walk over to the car. "Actually, my shift just ended."

He opened the back door of his car, and pushed Brendan into the backseat.

He got into the drivers seat, and began to drive. "Arresting me, huh?" Brendan asked sarcastically.

"No, I'm taking you back to my place. Your obviously not well."

"Obviously drunk is more like it." Brendan spat, "I don't want to go back to your place. Take me home."

"You can't stay alone."

"God dammit Sul, I'm not eighteen."

"Well you sure as hell are acting like it! Drinking and driving, shit Finney!"

Brendan's eyes filled with tears. He didn't speak the rest of the way to Sully's place.

Everything you wanted will be falling down like castles in the sand

Everything you needed in the world your holding, holding in your hands

Sully helped Brendan out of the car and into the building. When they got in the elevator, Brendan slumped to the floor, closing his eyes. A tear trickled down his cheek. Sully saw this, but said nothing.

They got to Sully's floor, and Sully practically dragged Brendan from the elevator. He opened the apartment door, and helped Brendan to his couch. He sat him down on the couch.

"You can sleep there for the night." Sully said, and began to go into his small kitchen.

"Sully" Brendan said softly, "why do you hate me?

Sully turned, and sighed. He sat down next to Brendan and said, "Finney, I don't hate you. I-

"Yes you do. Or you hate my father. Yeah, you hate my father. I'm sorry my dad killed Davis' dad, but it ain't my fault. I'm sorry my dad was dirty, but it ain't my fault. You're blamin me for my daddys mistakes, and it ain't fair! Why Sully, why?" His voice shook terribly, and he was crying openly now.

"Finney, I guess that I have a lot of hate built up-

"That don't give you no right! You wanna know somethin? My ma tried to slit her wrists today! I got no one that is there for me. I got no one." He lowered his voice, and buried his face in his hands, sobbing.

"Finney, Brendan, hey- I'm sorry-

Sully reached over and touched his shoulder. He sighed, and pulled the sobbing man close to him. Brendan buried his face into Sully's shoulder, andcried harder.Brendan gripped his jacket tightly. "Everyone said I didn't like him at all, but I loved my dad. He was my dad, no matter what he did" he sobbed harder. Sully sighed, and began stroking his back.

"I'm sorry you had to go through this, Brendan" he wthispered softly to the young man. Brendan cried for a long time on Sully's shoulder, and when he finally pulled from his grip he apologized profusely for getting his jacket wet. Sully laughed and patted his shoulder, telling him it was alright. Brendan knew things were horrible, but eventually, they would get better.