She rubbed his tight shoulders, gazing at his neck which was bent over his table working on his current case. She pushed her thumbs into his shoulder blades, all the way up to his neck and down his arms. He carried all of his tension in his shoulders, especially towards the end of a case when the pressure was on to close the trial successfully. He let out a contented sigh and leaned his body towards her. She leaned down and placed her lips on his neck above his collar, running her lips across his skin and gently pulled his earlobe between her teeth.
"Sophie...what are you doing?" He asked genially, already knowing what she was up to
"Mm...I don't know, what am I doing?"
She walked around and slid onto his lap, touching her nose to his, searching his eyes for what he was thinking. Rafael couldn't fool anyone who looked into his eyes. He was tired and nervous about the trial. Everyone always assumed that he was so cocky and never doubted himself, but it was actually quite the opposite. He nearly made himself sick with worry and attention to all of the details of each and every case. He constantly wondered out loud to her how people could be so awful. But she tried to remind him that there were just as many, if not more, people trying to seek justice and do right, just like him.
"I'm so glad you're back. I've missed you" he put his arms around her hips, pulling her closer to him. Sophie had been gone for nearly five years on a medical humanitarian trip counseling child soldiers in the Congo. They spent two weeks together each year for vacation, the last time had been on saint barths. She was a brilliant therapist and wrote children's books as well. She was everything that he needed, but he was too proud to admit it. He was fortunate that she knew without him telling her. She had been home for a week and hadn't been to her own apartment yet. He loved having her at his place, working side by side at night, ordering food and drinking good scotch. Waking up with her beside him, wearing his clothes.
She smiled, it felt good to hear him say that. They didn't often communicate their feelings towards each other verbally, it wasn't in either of their styles. For fifteen years they had been a couple but without the title. They were each welcome to date other people, sometimes they did, but they always came back to each other. There was something familiar, and comforting about the others presence
"Prove it" she swung her leg over his and kissed him. She felt his body stiffen and lean into hers. Smooth silk under her fingers and his strong hands holding her hips close to him, neither of them wanting to leave.
"Sophie...not here" he told her, his voice betraying his words.
She smiled, tightening his tie. She knew that he was mostly business in his office. He was very compartmentalized that way; personal life and work life were kept separate, as much as he could help it.
"I know, just a preview for later"
She stood up, slipping her shoes back on. He gently held onto her wrist and sat her up on the desk, smirking at her. He slid his hand up her thigh and gently touched the inside of her, making her giggle. He stood beside her, his back to the window, circling her clitoris with his thumb. She was biting her lip, reaching for his penis, trying as hard as she could not to come immediately. The shades were drawn in his office, he pulled down her underwear and parted her lips and ran the tip of his tense tongue from her opening to the clit. He flicked the tiny bundle of nerves over and over, feeling it enlarge. She had grabbed his hair and was pushing his tongue deep into her. "You going to finger fuck me?" She whispered, her voice strained.
He inserted his fingers into her, sucking and licking at her insides until she stiffened her body, covering her mouth and relaxing. He helped her out her panties back on, feeling his erection push against his slacks. Her face flushed, she wasted no time in unbuckling his belt and suspenders, and switching places with him. He gripped the desk while she dropped his slacks and boxers to his knees. She sucked on his balls, he loved that. Tongue up the shaft, paying special attention to the head. She stood up and backed against him, her panties down. She held onto his chair and cursed as he pushed into her from behind. His hands on her hips, he rhythmically pushed in and out, his balls slapping against her.
"Are you going to come inside of me mi rey" she murmured, she knew what he liked to hear. He gave a final push and lost it. He kissed her back, wrapping his arms around her waist. She pulled up her panties, straightened her dress and leaned against him, feeling overwhelmingly vulnerable.
He pulled her tight, whispering "I love you so much Sophie".
"I love you too baby" she breathed in his cologne, his slow breathing comforting her.
Once that door opened, there was nothing between them. He didn't want to let her go, but he had to. He gave her a final kiss on the cheek, promising to see her later.
Walking down the hall, she needed to get back to her office and work on her latest book, which her publisher was pushing her to get finished. She pulled out her phone to check on her messages and didn't see the person rounding the corner. A hard knock into them and she fell to the ground along with all of the papers and folders that he was carrying.
"Aw Je..sus" he said, his Long Island accent very apparent.
"Actually, I'm Sophie" she smiled, trying to hide her embarrassment and handing him some of the papers.
"Sonny Carisi, SVU" he offered her his hand. She knew who he was. One of the newer detectives that Rafael was working with and had taken under his wing because he was training to become a lawyer. Rafael said that he was green but that he showed plenty of promise; not that he would ever let him know that.
"I know who you are" she winked.
"Yeah?" He asked, sounding confused.
"Rafael talks about you. Keep it up" she figured that was good enough, and that he wouldn't bring that up to Barba.
"you know Barba? He looked confused at that, most people had that reaction when it came to Rafael. He could be a hard ass but that was how he got to where he was.
"Yeah" she kept it simple as they stood up and shook hands again.
Carisi watched her walk away, her hips swaying confidently and her curls bouncing off of her back. He didn't think that Barba was into women, but the counselor was full of surprises.
He walked into the open office to give Barba the details on the case they were working on. Barba was standing behind his desk with his hand on his neck.
"hey counselor, I met your friend Sophie in the hallway" he said and waited for a reaction. Barba looked up as if to say 'and?'
"she seemed really nice and if you don't mind me saying, beautiful. " he finished, feeling flustered as normal around him. He was a sucker for feisty women and she seemed very quick on her feet.
Barbas expression changed slightly "she is a very accomplished woman" and he bent his head down to hide his stormy expression; Carisi was a younger guy, closer to Sophie's age than him but he was trying to tone down his jealousy because Sophie wasn't his property. He had no right to be jealous but he felt the fire burning up into his chest.
If only Carisi knew how foul of a mouth that Sophie could have when she was angry or when she was dirty talking to him at night. It might seem trite but whenever she pushed up against him and whispered "fuck me with your big Cuban dick", it really got him going. She played into his ego and he knew it. She could also bring him right back down to size; it was the best thing about their relationship.
"do you need anything else?" He asked Carisi
"oh no" Carisi mumbled, walking out.
Later that night he walked into his apartment to the smell of simmering spices. He loosened his tie and smiled at Sophie walking around the kitchen in a tank top, shorts, and her curls piled haphazardly on top of her head. She was so casual and carefree, it was something he really needed right now. The case was tough, all cases in SVU were, but some were so prejudicial that he had to fight uphill the whole way.
She turned around and waved a spoon at him. He walked over to the kitchen nook and settled into a quick embrace. She ran her hands down his chest and began unbuttoning his shirt. She unclipped his suspenders and unbuttoned his slacks.
"I know you're stressed mi Rey, let me take care of you" she whispered into his ear before nipping his lobe.
He took out her hair tie and watched her curls tumble around her face. He kissed her softly, the familiarity of her lips was comforting.
"I love you so much Sophie" he told her, watching the small smile creep to her lips.
"I know, I love you too" she kissed his cheek, breathing in his cologne; amber, cedar, vetiver, and a slight hint of tobacco.
He tugged her shirt off over her head, watching her breasts peek out, two perfect mangoes. She unzipped his slacks and kicked them aside, taking his hand and leading him to the couch. She pushed him down playfully and kneeled in front of him. She ran her hands over his body, massaging his thighs, admiring his penis which was already straight up, anticipating her touch. He tangled his fingers in her hair, skimming her lips with his. He moved his hands down to her nipples, gently squeezing and flicking them. He leaned his head back and blew out a contented sigh.
She leaned down and took him into her mouth, going super slow and pushing the tip of her tongue along the underside of his penis. She sucked and swirled her tongue around the tip as she felt him grow harder like cement. She went down lower and sucked his balls gently, causing him to curse. She knew what he liked and gently put a finger into his behind and pushed on the rim while she alternated between sucking his balls and grazing his inner thigh.
She pulled his penis softly with her hands and deep throated him, sucking and stopping when she felt him getting close. He suddenly pushed her away, and got on top of her, kissing her and sliding off her shorts. He took her nipple in his mouth and sucked, and she yelled out his name. He continued to suck and squeeze with his left hand while his right was fingering her clitoris, in circles then pinches and circles again, he was so good at getting her to almost come then stop. It lead to mind blowing orgasms. He went down and opened up her vagina with his tongue, slowly tonguing her clitoris and entrance. He sucked and pushed with his tongue while putting his thumb into her vagina and finger at the entrance to her rim. She was writhing and letting out a string of expletives so fierce that it would make any hardened criminal blush. He felt her pulse and her back stiffen and knew she had come, so he gently kissed her neck and lips, straddled her and slowly pushed in. She grabbed his hips and sat up so she was on his lap and grinded against him. He pushed and his whole body went stiff and she felt his penis pulsate and relax along with his body.
"I love you so much" she whispered, laying her head on his shoulder
"I love you too" he murmured, sounding tired and vulnerable.
She stood up, pulling him with her, and led him to the shower to clean up.
"You're very smart, and your heart is breaking. Because you are a good man, you are my good man. You're hurting and you don't want to show it. You take care of everyone else, continually seeking justice. Let me take care of you like you take care of me and everyone else"
She had spent so long away from him, wondering if he would find someone else. They always had an understanding that they weren't tied to each other but that didn't mean that it wouldn't upset her. She spent a year and a half counseling child soldiers, it was draining work that never left her. She didn't sleep well, didn't eat well, and couldn't find a way to atone for all of the horror that had happened to those children. She needed to help Rafael, needed to let him know just how much she loved being in his presence and how soothing it was to her.
He took a long look at her, the concern evident in her face, the humility as she wiped his body in the warm water, her fingers massaging his scalp and the soft lips against his cheek. He knew her work weighed heavy on her, the same as each case did on him. It was the curse of having a heart that sought justice.
When they first met, she was an assistant at the law firm that Barba was working at. She was in college, he was working his way up the ladder. They started having dinner together and she took some liberal breaks after the other lawyers went home but Rafael stayed. Both of them were stressed with schooling and enjoyed the sarcastic, and sometimes vicious back and forth banter that helped to blow off steam. It was a few months into their friendship when Sophie walked into the office space that he shared with another lawyer and she saw him at the breaking point. She took him up to the roof and made him lay on the cold cement. "Look at the stars, see how small and insignificant that we are? It may seem insurmountable, but it's not. Everything will have an end result"
She leaned in, and kissed him. She was timid, full of reserved passion. He was so glad that she did. He didn't want to hurt her by engaging in a relationship and then leaving because he wanted to get to the top. Maybe he needed to let go.
"you'll feel better soon" she whispered. He had his heart broken by Yelena a year or so prior, she decided that Alex was the quicker ticket to the top. He was working for the Latino progress, and she felt that Barba was trying to turn his back on his race and be one of those white fat cats. It was a sticking point for him, Sophie never made him feel that way.
Her hair was soft against his legs and in between his fingers, he watched her taking her time making him feel good; realizing without words how close he was to the breaking point, to giving up on his dream. For once, he didn't need to be the backbone, the load was shared. They spent that night under a blanket on Sophie's balcony, talking and making love. Admittedly, the beginning of their friendship was very physical and not much else. As the years progressed, the more they reveled in the company of each other.
He snapped back to reality and pulled her into his arms and let the water run over them. He poured her citrus mint soap over her body, taking the time to feel every curve. There was no trial, no killers or rapists, just each other and the love between them.
-—
Barba awoke with a jolt to his phone ringing, he reached over and grabbed it "yeah Liv?"
She needed him to get to the precinct early, not an uncommon request, but he didn't want to leave this morning. Sophie had woken and was stretching beside him. He had woken alone for a year and a half, fully realizing how much he took for granted. He acquiesced to Olivia, saying that he would be in as soon as possible. She asked him if he knew any child therapists, the doctor they normally used had moved onto a different job. He smiled, and told her he did and he would ask her for help.
"Work wife?" Sophie asked, grinning and taking off her shirt and kissing his stomach.
He raised his eyebrow, wondering how he could keep up with her sexual appetite. But he also loved that she wasn't bothered by his close proximity and friendship with Olivia.
"Yeah, would you like to help out with a case?"
She straddled his lap but didn't bother to contain her shock "you want me to work with you? Isn't that overstepping some boundary?"
True, they had never worked together. It was scary. And it meant seeing a side of each other that might disrupt their flow. He knew that it was a conflict of interest but he could only bring her to Olivia and let her decide.
"I know that you're the best and that kids love you and they kind of hate me...Liv will decide if you can help but I want the credit of bringing you to her"
She smiled at him, his trust in her was endearing.
He wanted to spend the morning staring at her, talking easily with no point to make, but he loved his job and was needed to be there as well. He gave her a kiss and with a smirk said "let's make this quick"
They walked into the precinct together, feeling the eyes turn to them. Barba was trying to distance himself from Sophie, trying to put the poker face on but feeling as if it wasn't working. The zipper on the back of her cobalt blue dress wasn't completely up and he had to restrain his hand from fixing it. He could still feel her smooth skin under his fingertips.
Olivia reached Sophie first, shook her hand and upon hearing her name Olivia remarked "I've read your studies on child soldiers, they're fascinating".
Sophie dipped her head graciously and thanked her; it was a mannerism that she had retained from living in Japan for two years.
They walked into Olivia's office where a small girl in a hello kitty sweater with jet black hair was sitting all curled up. Sophie walked over to her, and asked if she could sit down; the little girl shrugged.
Sophie pulled out two brightly colored ponies from her bag and said "I think I'll name my pony after me, my name is Sophie. How about you?"
The girl gave a small smile, brushing the purple Ponys hair "marnie"
"Marnie, that's pretty. My pony is 33 years old, how about yours?"
"Not that old. Mine is just five".
And just like that, Sophie helped Marnie talk through the story of her abuse for the first time. Olivia noticed the soft look in Barba's eyes as he watched Sophie talk to Marnie and realized why he had sounded so grumpy that morning. He was enraptured by this woman that much was obvious, at least to her. However, she knew why he wanted to keep it under wraps; it was dangerous to let your personal life out in the open here.
"sorry for interrupting your morning" she smirked
"you didn't interrupt me" he answered right back, not looking at her
"alright then" she kept smirking with her arms folded across her chest.
Sophie and Marnie walked out of the room then, Marnie squeezing the pony tightly
"I like this pony, it's soft" she said with the hopeful lilt that only a small child could posses
Sophie smiled "well, then it's a good thing that you get to keep it. Here is my number, if you ever feel scared or sad then you call it, okay? I'm very proud of you, you are a very brave girl Marnie" and she held out her hand but was given a tight hug instead.
Rollins walked her out of the office and Olivia turned to the two of them, thanking Sophie for her help. She dipped her head low again and said her farewells. Barba knew that they were being covert, but he wanted so badly to touch her and to give her a kiss goodbye, he felt his lips burn and tingle at the memory of her coconut scented lip balm against his lips. Sophie gently brushed against his arm with hers and ran her fingers across his thigh while walking out with Olivia, then she turned and winked at him. It may have been fifteen years but they felt the heat boiling just beneath the surface.
"you alright counselor?" Carisi asked, handing him the case file.
"of course, are you going to brief me on this?" He snapped, annoyed that he got caught in a vulnerable moment.
"yeah yeah sorry. Listen, can I ask you a question first?" Carisi asked, tempting fate
"if you must" he answered, trying not to feel irritated.
"your friend Sophie, could I ask her out? There's like, nothing between you guys right?"
Barba clenched his hand inside his pocket, forcing himself to remain calm. He wanted to say that there was no way in hell that Carisi should ask her out, that Sophie was off limits. But she wasn't. They had no agreement, no commitment. He wasn't going to allow himself to become possessive, that was a trait that had destroyed his family life. If she wanted to go on a date with him, she was more than welcome to do so. Carisi had no social boundaries, he was thoroughly annoyed with him at this point.
"why would you need to ask me that" he answered smoothly.
"awesome, could I get her number from you?"
"you want me to ask her out for you too?!" Barba barked, losing his cool.
"sorry! Here's the case file..." Carisi opened up the ubiquitous Manila folder and laid it on the desk.
—-—-
Sophie was walking out of the precinct later that day after having lunch with Olivia. She hadn't known her for long, but she enjoyed the camaraderie of a strong, confident woman who knew what she wanted in life. She needed friends like that, who didn't constantly need her to support them. And, she had a soft spot for kids. Noah was adorable and she was always up for being someone's fun "aunt". She wasn't sure that she would ever want to become a mother, but spending time with other people's children was good enough for her.
"hey Dr. Saint James! Wait up!"
She turned around, recognizing the voice of Carisi following her. He was a nice guy, Rafael was hard on him but only because he saw talent. She smiled at him and waited for him to speak
"I uh...I wanted to know if I could take you out to dinner? Maybe tonight?"
She raised her eyebrow. She was used to getting asked out, but she didnt give just anyone the time of day; she always ended up comparing them to Rafael. Carisi seemed genuinely nervous, even if she didn't expect to have a love connection she could at least have a good conversation.
"sure, let me give you my number"
"great, um, you sure this is okay with Barba?" He shifted uncomfortably on his heels, thinking that he probably crossed some sort of line with his coworker.
"Barba isn't in charge of me, so yes, it's fine" she answered with an edge to her voice that had nothing to do with him asking, but all to do with her own growing insecurities about the situation.
Carisi seemed like a nice guy, a little younger than her probably but not by much. Olivia told her that he spent much of his free time with Amanda Rollins; the two of them were friends. She headed back to her office to finish some editing on her new book and prepare for her dinner, trying to dissect the growing unease that was crowding her mind.
"so, where are you from?" Sonny asked her as they ordered their dinner at a mid range diner whose appearance belied it's delicious food
"Originally, my parents were from Kansas but they are lifelong Peace Corps workers so I grew up in pretty much every country in central and South America. I spent a good amount of time in Argentina though" she took a sip of her beer, Corona with lime.
"That's awesome!" he replied enthusiastically, and she actually believed that he thought that it was awesome. Life as an expat kid was rough, and it didn't get much easier as an adult.
"what brought you back here?" he continued.
She paused for a minute, that was an interesting question. She had planned to take a trip to Cuba when she was eighteen but Columbia university offered her an insane, full ride scholarship that she couldn't turn down. She was a confused almost adult. She spent her whole life helping others and enjoying it but she had been looking forward to a furlough of being selfish and simply focusing on herself. She ambivalently went through her first year of college adjusting to American culture and feeling lost and unsure of life's purpose.
"Well...that's an interesting question...I got a scholarship to Columbia that I couldn't in good conscience pass up. I had intended to explore Cuba and the Caribbean islands but when an opportunity presents itself..." She trailed off waiting for his response
"That's definitely more interesting than my boring childhood on Long Island" he chuckled with a reminiscent look on his face
"Don't undersell the value of a normal, American childhood" she smiled, thinking that she still struggled somedays with the unspoken rules of American society.
"Can I ask you a question?" He asked a little more serious. She knew what was coming and nodded "what's up with you and Barba?"
She took a deep breath, wondering how much to divulge to someone who worked with Rafael everyday.
"we met when I was nineteen. I was working a summer job at a law firm doing grunt work and he was working there getting experience, trying to get into the judicial system. We just got along really well and we've been...friends ever since" she stopped, recalling that Sonny was more of a traditionalist. She wasn't sure that he would approve of their open relationship.
"just friends? It didn't seem that way to me, but if it's none of my business then tell me to shut up" he laughed
"I'm sure that it will get around but keep it under wraps because Rafael is a very private man. We're in an open relationship and we have been for years"
She waited and gauged his reaction.
"does that work for you guys? I think I would get jealous" he admitted.
"it has worked, we enjoy our freedom". She didn't want to get into specifics unless asked
"I didn't think that the counselor was into women, honestly" Sonny looked a little embarrassed but Sophie saw no reason for that
"There's no reason to limit the love that you could get in life" she smiled and left it at that. She knew that Rafael had boyfriends and girlfriends in the past, it didn't bother her. Why should it?
"I suppose so" he looked like he was trying really hard to be accepting but was fighting his own inner stigma. She appreciated that, most people didn't try that hard. They spent the rest of the date making good natured talk about family and work but she knew that it wasn't going anywhere. She was fine with that. She offered to pay her half but he shooed her away and gave her a hug. He was a sweet man, she knew he would find a good woman eventually.
She looked at her phone, she had a message from Rafael "coming over?"
she texted back "of course" and almost immediately the ellipsis appeared and he said "ill pour you some wine". She smiled, her heart skipping a beat involuntarily.
She keyed in the code for his door and she saw that the lights were dimmed except for his work space, where he was sitting with his shoulders hunched over. He had at least changed out of his work clothes and was wearing a thin cotton shirt with his favorite pajama pants. She walked up behind him and ran her thumbs up his shoulder blades. She leaned into his familiar body and smell, melting onto him. He felt like home.
"how was your date?" He asked dryly, turning around so that he could pull her onto his lap.
"you know how some people use mayonnaise to make something more palatable? It's common, not a bad thing, but nothing intriguing about it?"
he smiled and nodded "I guess so. That's a very strange metaphor"
She leaned in "well, you're my saffron spice. Not many think to use it because it's so rare and expensive, but it makes everything better"
He grinned, placing his hand on her cheek. She nipped his lip and rested her head on his shoulder.
He whispered "I missed you Sophie..."
She was taken aback to hear the vulnerability in his voice. He was much more open since she has been back in the states and it didn't bother her, she just wasn't sure how to handle it. His hand was inching up her thigh, she opened her leg slightly, nestling against him "touch me..." She murmured.
He pressed his thumb softly into her clitoris, doing slow circles of varying pressure. She loved it, it was so discreet but it made her crazy. She squirmed against him, left hand gripping the base of his hair, remembering the times that he got her off in the back of a darkened theater or while dancing in a dark corner at a salsa club; it was not the usual behavior of a highly respected ADA but he broke all of his rules for her. She moaned into his ear as she came hard against his hand.
"Fuck...mi rey...I love you" she was breathing hard, she looked into his eyes searching for his state of mind. He had a sad and determined look on his face, mixed with a fierce protectiveness that she had never seen before.
"you know that, right? That I love you so very much. With my whole heart. Honestly, all I thought about while I was away was you."
He nodded, and motioned for her to stand up. He walked past her and into the bedroom. She didn't move, a growing sense of unease creeping into her chest. She felt a little used, and a spark of anger propelled her forward. He was undressing to get into the shower and she blocked his path
"You don't get to walk away from me" she fought to keep her voice steady, she didn't want to yell.
"Sophie..." he sounded exasperated
"What's wrong?" she dropped her tone and waited
"I can't talk about it right now...I'm exhausted" he put his hand on her hip so she moved out of the doorway and laid down on the bed. She picked up her book and switched her focus to something productive.
a few minutes later he walked out of the bathroom with his robe on and his hair wet and tousled. He sat down beside her uneasily until she broke the silence
"I love your hair like that..." she whispered, feeling the tears stinging her eyes.
he gave a small smile, self consciously running his hands through his hair
"Do you want me to leave?" She bit her lip to keep a string of expletives from coming out
"that might be the best idea..." He kept his eyes downcast.
She wanted to call him a coward; it was the only word that fit. But she knew that it was his trigger word. It would start a fight. It would send him down a shame spiral. His father called him that. She desperately wanted to call him out and get her hurt out into the open.
She walked over to him and using all of the willpower that she had said "this isn't going away, you know, I'm not just going away", and walked out before he could see the angry tears splash down her face.
He would usually call her a cab but tonight he stayed put, feeling so confused and ashamed. He didn't deserve that calm exit, he deserved the screaming match. He knew that she was storing up curses for him. He needed to explain to her that he was afraid, but he had trouble with that. He was a very prideful man...but pride conceals a plethora of insecurities. It boasts and laughs loudly all the while shaking in fear. Fifteen years of open ended affairs, no guilt, no shame. Now, he felt this urge pulling her to him, seeking only solitude. His chest burned with a jealousy that he hadn't felt in years when he thought of her out to dinner with Carisi, when he thought of her with anyone for that matter. He didn't want to be possessive, he wanted to be neutral. But he couldn't. He wanted her to stay, to make her coffee
And now she had walked away and he had blown that chance. He was so publicly eloquent, winning over juries with his words and emotions but he couldn't explain that he was so desperately in love with the one woman who made that possible. He selfishly wanted to make her feel so good and realize that he was the only one who could make her feel like that; the only one who knew her body so well, every birthmark and curve; the freckle on the inside of her thigh and the scar on the inside of her wrist from her tortured teenage years. That he was the only one who knew all of her secrets, who knew what would upset her and make her bounce with excitement and that she knew his, and they would protect that until their dying breath. That he never would have given any person this much of his life, or even considered monogamy until he met her.
he walked into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of scotch, feeling more alone than he had in years.
Sophie had gotten all of her things put away in her apartment. All of the furniture was cleaned and the groceries were stocked. She had been there for a month, wanting to give Rafael his space. The air was musty and smelled old and dead. She didn't have much sentimentality for places or things, her life had been so hectic growing up that she never had the time to get attached. She sat down her grocery bags and began putting away her food.
The windows were open and the smells from the vendors below were wafting in. She used to love that, it reminded her of all of the different lives going on in the world and all of the history and action that the city had to offer. Maybe she was suffering from culture shock, it was tough to reintegrate into society after being away for so long.
Although everyone had problems to deal with, it seemed more necessary to help people through the trauma of war and the lifestyle of human trafficking rather than petty workplace drama. also, she wasn't expecting the deluge of feelings towards Rafael.
When she had left, their agreement was that their relationship was open and that there was no expectation of monogamy or commitment. It had worked for them for nearly fifteen years, and there was no reason as to why it should change now. She would refuse to be that woman who needed a man in her life. She wouldn't put that pressure on Rafael either, he had so many other things to worry about.
Their lives had been about furthering their careers while providing each other with friendship and company. Now she was feeling a burden in her heart. Typical, she thought angrily. She didn't want to get attached and she had. It was stupid of her to think that after all of these years that anything should change or that Rafael would want anything more. It was just fine.
There was a knock on her door, and it would have only been one of a handful of people. She walked over and opened it to find Rafael in his work clothes. He must have came here straight from the office. He shut the door behind him and sauntered around her apartment with his head down.
"hey mi Rey..." She said quietly, not knowing what was wrong.
"I'm still your king?..." He asked quietly
"You will always be my king." she felt her voice crack beneath the emotional tension as he pulled her close, his arms enveloping her body, she had lost a lot of weight while she was away. She wrapped her arms around him and tangled her fingers in his hair.
he pulled back "I don't know what to say...I've argued against juries and faced murderers head on...and I don't know what to say to you".
she loosened his tie, longing for any type of familiarity. She knew they were in uncharted waters. She slipped it off and unbuttoned his shirt. She stopped and laid her head on his chest, not wanting him to see the tears falling from her eyes.
"what are we doing?" He murmured against her hair
"being stupid" she answered honestly.
He smiled slightly, putting his forehead against hers in their favorite way of expressing some physical love.
"
"make love to me" she said, her voice wavering slightly. She needed the comfort of his body, the normalcy, the intimacy.
"Are you sure that this is the right time?" He ran his thumb along her lip, looking concerned that her lip was quivering.
"I need you. Do you need me?" She knew she sounded so broken, so clingy but she didn't care.
"More than I've ever wanted to admit" he pulled her close, pulling off her blouse gently over her head.
"then yes, completely this is the right time" she held onto his neck, kissing the spot right under his Adam's apple.
He picked her up and carried her into her bedroom, the walls a light sage green with paintings of trees and birds and candles on all available surfaces. She sat down on her bed, deftly removing his belt, slacks, boxers, and suspenders while he worked all his buttons down and slipped off his shirt. She wiggled off her skirt and panties, wanting desperately for him to touch her.
He climbed into bed beside her, kissing her and pulling her close. He knew what he needed to tell her; that he never wanted to be with anyone else again. That he wanted to take that plunge with her. That he knew that no one would ever come close to her and that he wanted to stop searching. He felt terrible because he never wanted her to feel that she wasn't enough to be his, he didn't even know if she felt that way but he wanted to disprove it as quickly as possible. He never wanted a serious relationship but that was before they had spent years together, doing life, having dinner, watching dramatic telenovelas, wandering the city together, taking vacations, having the relationship of people's dreams while being completely afraid of saying the words. He was so naive to say never to all of those things, and he knew that she was feeling that too.
"I love you so much" she whispered, starting to cry
"Mi reina, please no..." He wrapped her up in his arms, starting to cry himself
"Sophie, please don't cry. I love you too, with my whole heart, and I was so stupid not to say anything before this. I need you, more than I've ever needed anyone in my life. You are the only woman I ever want to be with, I'm done searching, and honestly we've both quit searching years ago"
She looked surprised "Do you mean it?"
He nodded "Yes, always"
She smiled with the tears still streaming "I never want anyone else Rafael, you are the only one that I have ever needed. Forever?"
He kissed her "para siempre"
Slowly, carefully, and in a love clouded haze they made love, the weight of the world finally gone.