Title: Unexpected
Rating: PG-13
Category: Romance, Humor, PWP
Genre: Het
Pairing: Tony/Abby, McGee/Ziva, hints at Tony/Ziva and McGee/Abby in parts
Summary: Our fearless foursome realize they've been looking for love in all the wrong places.
Spoilers: None.
Disclaimer: These characters belong to DPB, CBS, Paramount, et al. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: Written as an NCIS Hangman prize.

Ziva sat silently at her desk, casting glances every so often over to Tony's desk. She sighed. The last thing she had wanted was to fall for her partner, yet she had done exactly that. And the worst part was that he didn't even notice. She let out a frustrated huff, turning back to her computer and punching in data.

Across the aisle, McGee looked up with a glare as he heard Ziva's dramatic sigh. What did she have to be in a bad mood about? He was the one in a funk. Abby was down in her lab, giving Gibbs his test results and probably fawning all over him again. Why was it so hard to get over her? He snapped his pencil in half, frustrated.

"Looks like someone has writer's block again," Tony's voice came from his desk, filled with more venom than usual. He was also, as you've probably guessed, angry, all because Ziva was sitting at her own desk, shooting him death glares. At this point, he'd rather she be actually shooting him than have to put up with this any longer. He ripped a small piece of paper from his notebook and began wadding it up, with the intention of turning it into a spitball aimed in Ziva's direction.

"Do it and I kill you," Ziva spoke, not even looking up from her computer.

"Go for it, Tony," McGee insisted, his mood rubbing off on his words as well. "Then I wouldn't have to worry about being killed by a stray evil look." He smirked, proud of his snarky response, as Tony and Ziva both turned to glare at him.

"What's your problem today, Probie?" Tony asked.

The elevator opened and Gibbs walked out, proceeding through the bullpen and slapping Tony upside the head, all before McGee could respond. "That's what I want to know about all of you," he said, snatching Tony's spitwad paper from his hand and storming to his desk. "And I want to know which one of you pissed off Abby."

McGee's mood suddenly changed once he heard mention of Abby's name. He stood from his desk, stumbling over to Gibbs. "Abby's in a bad mood, too? Did she say why?"

Gibbs looked up, giving him a similar look to the ones he had received from Tony and Ziva just a few minutes prior. "No, but if you're asking, I'm going to guess that it was you."

McGee's eyes widened. "I'll – I'll go talk to her . . ." he offered, but Gibbs shook his head, motioning with his hand.

"DiNozzo."

Tony jumped from his chair. "Yes, Boss?"

He fixed the agent with a look. "Go talk to Abby."

Tony nodded. "Yes, Boss." He turned to leave, leaving McGee dumbstruck.

"You're sending Tony to talk to her?" he asked incredulously, watching the other agent enter the elevator. He faced Gibbs again and saw the questioning look on his face, his "How dare you talk to me that way?" face. McGee gulped. "Sorry, Boss."

"Yes, McGee, I'm sending Tony to talk to her." He acknowledged Ziva's presence in the room. "I didn't want to be witness to DiNozzo's death by Mossad interrogation techniques." Ziva steamed to herself, but didn't make the same mistake as McGee of saying what she was thinking out loud. Gibbs continued. "And I don't want to have to listen to angry typing, either. You two, go somewhere." He made a shooing motion, causing Ziva and McGee to temporarily forget about their frustration and look to each other in disbelief.

"Where, Boss?" McGee asked.

Gibbs shrugged, logging into his computer. "I don't care." He looked up at them. "Just as long as it isn't here."

McGee looked to Ziva again and she simply stared back. "Okay, Boss . . ." He turned to leave, Ziva trailing behind him.

"And McGee," Gibbs called out after them. They stopped and faced him. "Don't come back until everyone is in a better mood."

"Right, Boss," McGee responded, brow furrowed in confusion. How the hell were they supposed to know when Tony and Abby were in better moods? He knew he didn't want to walk in on that conversation.

"McGee," Ziva said, breaking him from his trance. He looked up as she pointed to an empty interrogation room. "In here."

He let out a sigh. "What, you're going to interrogate me now? Great. Should I prepare for your torture now or wait?" He stomped into the room, sulking, as Ziva followed him in and closed the door.

"I do not understand why you are so moody today, McGee," she said, walking around to the side of the table opposite him and sitting. "It is not like today is any different than any other day."

"No," McGee agreed, then leaned forward. "Then why are you in a bad mood?"

Ziva narrowed her eyes at him. "That is none of your business."

"Well, there you go," he responded, leaning back again. "If you won't tell me why you're in a bad mood, then I have no reason to tell you why I'm in a bad mood, right?"

Ziva continued to glare at him. "You are sneaky, McGee."

He gave her a knowing smile. "I learn from the best, Ziva."

She allowed a smirk to play upon her lips. "Touche." She paused, contemplating whether she should tell him about Tony or not, when he spoke.

"It's Tony, isn't it?" he asked, and she looked up at him, surprised.

"How did you . . . Was it that obvious?" She sighed, melting into her chair. She should have known she was acting like a jealous girlfriend.

"Well, it's kinda hard to miss you and Tony staring daggers at each other," McGee said.

Ziva narrowed her eyes, this time in confusion. "How can you stare daggers at someone? That makes no sense."

He shrugged. "Don't ask me. It's just the saying." He shook his head, eager to get back on-topic and back to work – or go see Abby and find out what he did to make her so mad. "That's not the point, Ziva. What did Tony do to piss you off so much?"

She sighed. She didn't even feel mad that McGee had phrased it that way. She was just frustrated with the entire situation. "It is more like what he did not do," she responded, looking at the table.

"Ah, I see," McGee responded, nodding slightly. "Well, don't take it personally, Ziva. Tony can be pretty dense when it comes to seeing what he's missing out on."

Ziva smiled to herself, still focused on the table, then looked up at him, curious. "And you have found yourself, what is the word, entrenched with Abby?"

McGee coughed, her mistake providing him with all sorts of interesting mental images. "It's entranced, and yeah, I guess I am." He sighed. "She's been completely ignoring me. Either that or hanging on Gibbs like she'll die if he leaves. Personally, I'd rather have her ignoring me."

Ziva narrowed her eyes, nodding in understanding. "So, here we are. Tony is ignoring me and Abby is ignoring you."

McGee nodded, it being his turn to look at the table. "Yeah. That about sums it up."

He didn't look up from the table until Ziva reached over and slapped his gently across the face. "Wake up, McGee."

He gave her a curious look. "I am awake."

She rolled her eyes, standing and walking around the table before leaning against the space next to where McGee was sitting. "Do you not see what should have been so obvious from the start?"

"Now you've really lost me," McGee admitted, and she gave an exasperated sigh.

"We have been searching in the wrong places for love!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in disbelief.

McGee continued to look at her as if she had just grown feral spikes. "And we should have been looking where?"

Ziva tipped her head at him, shaking it. "McGee. Tell me. Do you not find me attractive?"

"No," he responded slowly, unsure of what she was asking. "I mean, yes. I think." He paused. "Are you suggesting we hook up?"

"Hook up?" she repeated, and he nodded. "Well, I was thinking we would have sex."

McGee started in on another coughing fit, this time because the implications of that statement were all too literal. "You want to have sex with me?" he squeaked.

She nodded slowly. "Well, yes." She narrowed her eyes at him. "You do not want to have sex with me?"

"No!" McGee quickly responded. "I mean, no, that's not at all what I was saying!" He attempted to regain some dignity. "Uh, I guess I would have sex with you . . ."

"You are not convincing me that this is a good idea," Ziva said dryly.

McGee closed his eyes. "I know," he muttered. He opened his eyes again to find Ziva staring at him. "I'm just so . . . bad at this stuff. You know?"

She nodded. "Yes, I can see why it is that Abby was ignoring you."

"Hey!" he exclaimed, insulted. He narrowed his eyes at her again. "You ever consider that your attitude was what was causing Tony to ignore you?" He raised an eyebrow in wonder.

Ziva huffed. "Well." She searched for more words and, fruitless in her efforts, threw up her hands. McGee smirked in triumph and she turned to face him. "I think we are both, how do they put it, losers at love, yes?"

McGee frowned. "Yeah. That's unfortunately true."

Ziva nodded, contemplating her next move. "Well, then, I say we change that right now."

McGee sighed, closing his eyes. "You don't have to take pity on me, Ziva . . ."

"Hey," she silenced him, placing a hand on his. He opened his eyes to look at her. "I do not pity you, McGee. In fact," a faint blush colored her cheeks, "I have often envied someone like Abby, who was able to be with you." She smiled. "I may have attempted to get Tony's attention, but it was often because I was afraid you would not be interested in me. Tony made it perfectly clear he was. Or at least I thought he was." She frowned slightly again.

McGee lightly stroked her hand. "Tony's an idiot." They both laughed at that. "And I've never not been interested, Ziva. I thought the same thing about you, actually."

She let out another laugh. "Looks like we both got our signs mixed."

McGee smiled. "Signals crossed. But yeah, you're right."

They were silent for a moment, then McGee spoke again. "So, what next?"

She looked over to him, a mischievous look in her eye. "We torture Tony and Abby."

NCISNCISNCIS

"I want to just grab McGee and torture him!"

Abby slammed around her lab, Tony watching with concern for his own safety.

"Uh, Abbs, take it easy," he said, blinking as she threw a glass beaker into the trash, shattering it.

She walked over to him, coming within inches of his face. "Tony? I am going to be nice . . . and ask you to shut the hell up!" She turned away, balling her hands into fists and letting out a roar of aggravation. "Argh! You men, you're all the same!"

He frowned. How dare she compare him to McGee. "What do you mean, Abbs?"

"See!" She threw her hands up in frustration. "Just the fact that you have to ask should tell you."

Tony let out a snort of indignation. If she was going to be pissed, then so was he, damnit! "Okay, I don't know what kinds of things go on in that little brain of yours, dear, but I'm not a mind-reader. And women in general seem to think I am. So, unless you spell things out to me, I'm probably not going to figure out what the hell you're talking about."

Abby came closer to him, her eyes narrowed, until she was inches from his face. "You're an investigator. You figure it out." She pulled away, stalking to a far corner of the lab.

Tony threw his head back in exasperation. "Abby . . ." He walked towards her, dragging his feet. "Okay, so what I know – you're pissed at McGee. And you're pissed at men in general, myself included. I'm going to guess he did something to . . . I don't know, romantically stunt you." He gave her a shrug. "How's that for investigating?"

Abby turned to him, her face showing less anger than earlier. "Well, I wouldn't say he stunted me."

Tony nodded, one eyebrow raised in curiosity. "But it is something the lovely Probester did?" He flashed her a smile, hoping for one in return.

She smiled slightly, then sighed. "He's just so . . . I don't know, Tony." She scrunched up her face. "I love him, Tony, I really do, but . . ."

"Not your kinda probie?" Tony finished for her.

She nodded. "Yeah." She let out a sigh. "I feel bad for ignoring him, Tony, but I don't know what else to do!"

Tony shrugged. "Well, maybe he'll find someone else to distract him."

Abby scoffed. "Like who? Ziva? I mean, I know he totally digs her, but . . ." She made a face. "She's kinda into you, Tony."

Tony spluttered. "Oh, right." He shook his head. "She's too busy threatening to murder me with office supplies to think about getting into the DiNozzo trunks."

Abby rolled her eyes. "Like I said, Tony, you can be really stupid sometimes."

"Hey!" he exclaimed, just as annoyed as McGee had been with Ziva.

"Aww, it's okay," she insisted. "Not everyone was meant to be a computer geek."

Tony pouted. "Not helping, Abbs."

She sighed again. "Tony, what do I do? How can I get him distracted enough to forget about me?"

"Well . . ." he started, an idea formulating in his head.

Abby gave him a curious look. "Whatcha thinkin', big man?"

He gave her a sly look. "We're friends, right?"

She nodded. "Duh, Tony. I think we've established that."

"So . . ." he drawled, "how would you feel about our relationship being a little more than that?"

Abby fixed him with a stare. "You want us to date?"

He shugged a shoulder. "Or just have sex." She punched him in the arm. "Ow! Okay, okay, we'll date. Sound good to you?"

She smirked. "Sure, but how's that get Timmy to forget about me?"

Tony tapped his forehead. "It leaves him to find comfort in the arms of a certain Mossad agent – and gets her off my back."

Abby rolled her eyes. "You're such a guy, Tony." A smile spread across her face. "I love it."

Tony echoed her smile. "Great! Then we'll just go up to the squadroom, announce to our intrepid couple that we're no longer on the market – out of Gibbs' earshot, of course – and leave them to do the rest. Easy as pie." He tapped her gently on the nose. Abby continued to smile, Tony having changed her mood completely, but suddenly a thought hit her and her smile disappeared. Tony noticed and got a worried look on his face. "What? Bad idea? You don't really want to date me?"

"No, it's not that, Tony," she said, soft-spoken. "But I have to know – are you just doing this to get Ziva off your back?" She bit her lip, self-conscious.

"Oh, Abby," he breathed, realizing how it must have sounded to her. "I didn't realize . . ."

"No, it's okay," she insisted, putting on a brave face. "I'm a big girl. I can handle disappointment."

"Abby." He took her by the arms, holding her out in front of him. "There is absolutely no reason to be disappointed. Unless you mean it's disappointing to be with me, in which case, that's not very nice." That elicited a small giggle from Abby, and Tony smiled. "That's better. But Abbs, you gotta realize, I'm not doing this for any personal gain – only the pleasure of being with you. And that, my Goth girl, is better than revenge on Ziva any day." He gathered her close to him, allowing her to snuggle into his embrace.

"Thanks, Tony," she murmured into his shirt, then looked up at him. "I knew there was a reason I liked you."

He let out a short laugh. "Good one, Abbs. But I got one better." She looked at him again and he waggled his eyebrows in anticipation. "Squadroom?"

Abby grinned. "I like the way you think, Tony."

NCISNCISNCIS

"Should we just go down to Abby's lab?" McGee paced the interrogation room nervously. He still wasn't sure if he could handle facing Abby quite yet. "I mean, God, she'll probably still be mad and I don't know if I can handle her when she's mad. Have you seen her when she's mad, Ziva?" His eyes flashed with worry, and Ziva swaggered over to him, stopping his babbling by wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pressing a lingering kiss to his lips.

The kiss was brief, but long enough to disorient McGee. Ziva pulled away, licking her lips seductively, and McGee closed his eyes against the image, not wanting to distract himself any further.

"You were saying?" Ziva all but purred.

"Um, I, well," McGee stumbled. He gave her a questioning look. "I don't remember."

Ziva chuckled. "Nice to know I still have the touch."

McGee frowned. "It's kinda scary, actually. It's nice to keep track of my thoughts."

She slapped him gently across the face, causing his frown to deepen. "Relax, McGee. We were just going to go back to the squadroom, then search for Tony and Abby."

"We were?"

"Of course we were," Ziva said, smirking. She laced her fingers through his, leading him to the door. "Unless, of course, you wanted to make good use of that table."

McGee's eyes widened. What the hell was he getting himself into here? "Uh, no, torturing Tony and Abby sounds like all the . . . fun I'd like to have today." He saw the start of a pout on Ziva's face and quickly continued. "At work, that is. We can definitely continue . . . this later."

The pout turned back into a smile. "And I shall be eagerly anticipating it."

McGee let out a deep breath as Ziva left the room ahead of him, and allowed himself to smile. "Me too, Ziva. Me too."

NCISNCISNCIS

"Tony, Tony, Tony, I am so excited!" Abby bounced up and down beside Tony in the elevator, as he watched the numbers change on the display.

"Uh, great, Abbs, but can you keep the bouncing to a minimum? I'd really hate to get stuck in here."

Abby pouted. "You don't want to be stuck with me?"

Tony chuckled to himself, turning to face the Goth, who had slowed in her bouncing. "No, I didn't say that. I simply want to get back to the squadroom so I can see the looks on Ziva and McGeek's faces." His eyes lit up at the thought.

"And then?" Abby asked suggestively, trailing a hand up Tony's shirt.

"Well, and then we can make plans for this evening," Tony supplied, catching her hand as she attempted to unbutton the top button on his shirt and kissing her palm. "You are free this evening, aren't you?"

Abby nodded, smiling sultrily. "All night, Tony love."

Tony let out another chuckle, this one tinged with lust. "This is turning out to be an amazing day."

Abby grinned, and the elevator stopped, opening to the squadroom. They turned to look at each other, before exiting into the hustle and bustle of activity.

"Look," Abby whispered, nudging Tony in the side. She pointed to McGee's desk, where Ziva was leaning over his shoulder, focused intently on something on his computer screen. "They seem to be in a better mood."

Tony narrowed his eyes. "Not for long." A slow smile crept its way across his face as he took Abby's hand and wandered over to McGee's desk. He cleared his throat as they arrived, causing Ziva and McGee to both look up.

"Yes?" Ziva asked, straightening behind McGee.

Tony glanced over to Gibbs' desk – now empty – and said, "We just wanted to let you two know that we resolved things."

"Oh?" Ziva asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

Tony smiled. "Oh yes. You see, we're planning on going out tonight." McGee's mouth dropped open, just the reaction Tony was looking for. "And I'm sure we'll be out all night."

"All night," Abby added, grinning deviously.

"That is nice," Ziva responded, and Tony frowned. Not the reaction he had been hoping for. Ziva walked out from behind McGee's desk, coming face to face with Tony. "McGee and I will likely be doing the same."

Tony narrowed his eyes again. "And doing what? Playing World of Warcraft?"

Ziva smiled knowingly. "Perhaps." She moved to return to her own desk, Tony turning and following her every move. She stopped just before she reached her desk and slowly spun to face him again. "And just so you know – you may want to avoid using Interrogation Room Three." She made a face, leaning in to whisper to Tony. "It got a bit messy after we . . ." She made a few motions with her hands. "You know."

Tony's eyes widened as he swiveled to face McGee, who simply had a satisfied smirk on his face. "You didn't," he said in shock.

Just then, Gibbs walked through and slapped Tony upside the head, mumbling, "That's what you get for ignoring Ziva, DiNozzo."

Tony's expression turned to disgust, as Abby's eyes widened, and Ziva, McGee and Gibbs all chuckled in amusement.

THE END!!!