Author's Rant: This fic is not related to the poll in my profile. This is just one fic I already had in my laptop, and seeing that I haven't updated at all, I at least want to post something. A series of one-shots and will always be labelled "complete" since it's all one-shots. Another one of my pathetic attempts on Humour/Crack. A Few Close Calls, Of Amethyst and Ruby, and Your Eyes will all be updated either tomorrow, or the latest, on Friday. I promise.
On another note, I haven't watched the last episode yet, maybe after I update.
General Idea: The title says it all. I was rereading bedtime stories to my cousin then I came upon the idea.
Full Summary: Folktales, Legends, Theater Plays, Fairy Tales, and Bedtime Stories presented by our beloved Kuroko no Basuke characters. Of course, each story goes haywire from there.
Warnings: FWA, BWS, and OOC moments would occur. Crack!Fic because it was supposed to be that way. Gender-bending might occur due to the lack of female characters in the series. Also contains homo pairings. Read at your own risk, you have been warned.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroko no Basuke and its characters. I also don't own the story "Little Red Riding Hood."
Littl-...er... Red Riding Hood
Once upon a time there was fair, young gir— rather, boy who lived in a village that's resided beside a dark forest. Whenever he went out of his home, he would never fail to wear a red riding cloak. Because of this, he was originally called the Little Red Riding Hood. Originally, please take note of that word, because right now, they just simply call him Red Riding Hood because for some unknown reasons, anyone who had called the boy 'little' had met an unfortunate accident soon right after.
One nice morning, Red Riding Hood came to his ah…er… mother (?) and spoke. "I haven't met grandmother for so long now. Don't you think it would be nice to pay her a visit?"
His mother (?) visibly stiffened at his words. "You mean you'll go into the dark forest? I can't accompany you; Oha-Asa said that I shouldn't go out today."
"How else would I see her then since she lives in the forest?" He replied impassively, getting himself ready to go out.
His mother (?) fixed her glasses up. "Very well… but you should remember a few things." She paused as she twiddles a few of her green locks. "First, don't scare the hell out of people." She received a small glare which made her clear her throat. "Second, go straight to your grandmother's house."
"I understand." Red Riding Hood acknowledge as he put on his red cloak and got his basket ready.
"Don't dawdle along the way and do not talk to strangers." His mother (?) added.
"Yes, yes. Seriously you're like a mother." Red Riding Hood muttered by the doorway which earned him a flustered, tsundere reaction from Midorima. "I'm not— It's my damn role!"
Anyway, back to our story.
Red Riding Hood entered the forest and walked leisurely as he appreciated the scenery. A dark figure in the woods easily caught in his cobalt eyes the striking red colour of boy's cloak. And when I said dark, it's not figuratively. The dark blue wolf was hiding behind one of the trees as his eyes trailed the boy's back. And then he licked his lips. 'Isn't that…'
"Red Riding Hood?"
"Red Riding Hood…"
The wolf was surprised to hear somebody to speak almost simultaneously as him. He glanced towards his left and he found another wolf staring right back at him, just few tree trunks away. The infamous red wolf.
"Oi! Scram, that boy's mine." Aomine snarled at the other wolf.
"He's not yours. He's my prey." Kagami growled back.
Aomine felt absolutely livid. "BaKagami, have you forgotten that the story just have one wolf?" He scoffed when the red wolf was obviously provoked. "I'm the wolf in this story, and I get to eat Tetsu."
"Shut up. As if I'll let any of you arrogant Generation of Miracles take Kuroko's first." Kagami retorted, obviously aggravated.
"Oh, you weren't as idiotic as I thought you were. You actually knew what I meant by 'eat' him." And as if Aomine was struck with realization, he changed from provoking to suspicious. "Don't tell me you're after him too?" And a smug grin crept on to Kagami's face with that statement.
Before the blue wolf could tackle the red wolf in his anger, he was stopped when something, or in this case, someone pulled his wrist back.
"The hell—" He was about to claw whoever stopped him in his tracks but halted his actions when he realized it was the woodsman.
"Kise!" Aomine struggled against the hold till he was able let himself loose from the vice-grip. "Why the hell are you here already?!"
"Eh?" Kise pouted. "But I am to save Kurokocchi from being eaten by the wolf right?"
Aomine visibly face-palmed himself. "You were supposed to save him while he's running away from the wolf!"
"I see," Kise seems to be in deep thought. "I see!" He said, more enthusiastically this time around. "He'll be asking for my help, then I'll save him from the vicious wolf, he'll fall in love with me for saving him and then we'll live happily ever after!" And Kise's story goes on and on.
Both Aomine and Kagami looked incredulously at Kise before starting to whisper at each other.
"Does Little Red Riding Hood fall in love with the woodsman in the story?" The red wolf muttered. The blue wolf shook his head. "Nope. Nothing like that happens."
They stopped speaking to each other when Kise suddenly stops. "What is it, woodsman?" Kagami inquired at the blonde who kept looking around.
"Where's Kurokocchi?" He asked, and the wolves realized their mistake.
"Fuck! I didn't ask him where his grandmother lives." Aomine swore as he tried to look around.
"I know," Kise claimed before stopping a bit and then just stared at the ground for a minute. "Shouldn't you eat Red Riding Hood's grandmother and pretend to be the grandmother instead?"
Kagami felt nauseated. "What?! You'll eat the grandmother?!"
"Of course not! I'll just hide her in the closet or something." The blue wolf replied, feeling sick by the idea as well.
"Kagamicchi, Aominecchi… You can fight later." Kise tried to mediate between the two. "In this case, Red Riding Hood will simply find his grandmother's house with no problems and then the end. We would all lose our screen time." Indeed. So the three came running towards the said house.
Meanwhile…
Red Riding Hood knocked on the door of his grandmother's house. "Grandmother?"
"Who's there?" A low voice, barely above a whisper answered his call. He immediately answered. "Red Riding Hood."
"Come in dear." And so Red Riding Hood went inside the house. As soon as his eyes landed on the figure on the bed, he asked. "Grandmother?"
Hiding behind the covers, his grandmother answered. "Yes?"
"Your voice is odd." Red Riding Hood commented. His grandmother shook his head and replied. "I just have a touch of cold."
This doesn't seem to appease Red Riding Hood so he added. "You seem… less tall than before." But rather than backing away, Red Riding Hood is starting to form something similar to grin in his face. The grandmother reasoned out anyway. "So I could easily fit in your arms."
"You're not eating snacks." This time, Red Riding Hood said it in a more sarcastic tone. The grandmother then lifted the covers and spoke. "So it won't get in the way, our way."
Red Riding Hood smiled and pulled down his hood, revealing blood-red hair and mismatched eyes. "Ne Tetsuya, isn't the grandmother supposed to be Atsushi?" He smirked as he leaned towards Kuroko who was lying down on the bed. Apparently, Red Riding Hood was Akashi.
"So you could eat me up, Akashi-kun." The light blue-haired boy replied. Akashi placed chaste kiss on those inviting lips before pulling away. "I see. But where's Atsushi?"
"I gave him two packs of chips and asked him to stay at the closet." As Kuroko answered, Akashi eyed the closet before striding towards the said object and opening it.
"Ah," Murasakibara reacted as his line of vision included the redhead in it. "Aka-chin."
"Atsushi," And the purple-haired giant looked up to him. "Isn't the wolf supposed to be Daiki?" Murasakibara nodded in agreement. "Then why did you let Tetsuya take his place?"
The taller of the two finished whatever he's eating before answering. "Mine-chin didn't come. And since Kuro-chin was his shadow… that means Kuro-chin was also a wolf."
"I see." But before anything else, the door burst open to reveal three panting figures.
"Did we make it?" Kagami asked, eyes shut, trying to catch up with his breathing. When he didn't hear any answer to his question, he glanced towards Kise and Aomine who was staring shocked at…
"Akashi?!" Both Aomine and Kagami reacted.
"Akashicchi?!" Kise simultaneously said with the two.
The redhead settled with looking at them pointedly. "What?"
"But… Isn't Kurokocchi supposed to be Red Riding Hood?" The blonde asked with much suspicion as he stared (or glared) at the red riding cloak on Akashi's shoulder.
He simply raised one brow at the copycat before inquiring back. "And what do you mean by that?"
"Isn't Kuroko the protagonist of the story?" Kagami asked incredulously.
A smirk graced Akashi's lips. "And so?"
"It only means that Tetsu was supposed to be Red Riding Hood." Aomine concluded for the three while both Murasakibara and Kuroko stared blankly at them.
"Tetsuya as Red Riding Hood? Isn't Red supposed to be me?" Akashi exclaimed in a rather deadly tone. "Are you seriously trying to teach me colours?" His edge had now a hint of madness.
Aomine took a small step back, and as fear finally kicked in, he ran from where he came in, not looking back. Kise and Kagami also realized the dangers of being within the devil captain's reach and also ran away.
As Akashi watched the retreating figures leave, he brought his attention back to the remaining occupants of the room.
"Now where was I?" Akashi glanced from Kuroko to Murasakibara before he smiled. "Atsushi, want to join us?"
And only the sound of abandoned empty plastic falling into the floor was heard before Murasakibara spoke. "Sure, Aka-chin."
End Rant: If I would say so myself, this is not worth anything. I feel like that in all of my fics. Still there are more to come, the next one is "Snow White." Anyway, if you didn't read Author's Rant, I shall repeat, A Few Close Calls, Of Amethyst and Ruby, and Your Eyes will all be updated either tomorrow, or the latest, on Friday. I promise.