Title: The Return
Author:twbird18
Rating:PG
Disclaimer: Don't own Harm or Mac. Never did. Never will. And I'm a poor grad student who owes thousands of dollars so if you sue me all you'll get is me declaring bankruptcy :-)
Spoilers: anything
Summary:Harm and Mac finally say what they really think about each other
Email: twbird18@yahoo.com
Author's note: I haven't written anything in a while and have kind of had this idea floating around in my head for a while. Feedback is appreciated. I will try to get the rest of the story finished shortly.
'I'm glad we're finally back' I think to myself. 'It was a pretty long ride with Harm barely speaking to me. I wish he would tell me what is bothering him now.' "It's good to finally be home Harm. I'm glad the hospital released us both at the same time so we could come home together."
"I guess." Harm answered shrugging, "Let me get your bags for you. You shouldn't be carrying them yet."
Climbing out of the car, I head for my apartment with Harm following close behind carrying the bags. Opening the door, I toss my keys on the table and kick off my shoes before turning to thank Harm. "Thanks for carrying my bags up. It feels good to finally be somewhere that isn't moving."
Acknowledging my thanks with a nod, Harm drops my bag inside the door to my bedroom before sitting down on the sofa.
"I'll see if I can't get us something to drink." I say heading into the kitchen and returning after a moment with two glasses of water. Handing one glass to Harm I say, "Here you go. Sorry, it's the only thing I have left. Guess I'll have to hit the store in the morning. It's a good thing that we got back on a Friday. At least we have the weekend before we have to go back to JAG." I continue talking trying to fill the silence because Harm still isn't speaking. I wonder why he didn't just go home if he wasn't going to talk to me. "It'll be good to get back. I have to admit that I missed it. Think we'll have any interesting cases when we return?"
"I don't know what kind of cases you'll have, but I won't be getting any." Harm says in reply, not bothering to explain why he would have any cases.
"Of course you will. I'm sure there are plenty of cases piling up with the Admiral missing not just me unexpectedly but then having to send you to come find me." 'Why would he think that he won't have any cases? Sometimes, I just don't know what this man is thinking.'
"There probably are, but I still won't be getting any of them, Mac." Harm says crossly.
"Why not?"
"Because Mac, the Admiral didn't send me to find you. In fact, he ordered me not too. I resigned my commission to come find you. That means..." Harm starts to respond.
"You what!?" I interrupt, shocked. I'm beginning to see why he stayed and why he's been so quiet.
"I resigned my commission when the Admiral wouldn't let me come after you."
"Harm, what were you thinking? Maybe the Admiral won't accept it. You can't just leave JAG on some whim." I begin to say trying to make sense of what he just told me.
"A whim? You were lost and needed my help. If it had been me, I know you would have done the same thing. You have followed me all over the place. It's about time that I returned the favor." Harm says, giving me a lopsided grin. "You once asked me what I would give up for you, but you never waited for my answer. I guess now you know. It's too bad you couldn't wait for me. I guess that's part of our problem. You're never willing to wait for me." Harm says in an offhanded manner.
"What are you talking about? Wait for you? I've been waiting 8 years for you to make up your mind. Let's not..." I start to say let's not talk about this now, wanting to stay focused on the problem at hand and not get sidetracked with our biggest problem right now, but Harm interrupts me before I can finish.
"Really, well you could have fooled me. Seems like there's always some other guy that you go running to every time it even looks as if we might have a chance at working things out. I guess I should have known that the reason you didn't want to talk to me before you left is because you already knew that you had someone else and didn't need me." Harm says a little bitterly.
"Someone else? What are you talking about? How can there be someone else when there isn't even an us? What do you mean me running away? Every time I even approach you, you get scared and start running the opposite direction, usually straight into the arms of some other woman." I answer starting to grow a little angry before taking a deep breathe and trying to calm down.
"There isn't an us? There is, you know it and I know it. Just because you're never willing to admit it doesn't mean it's not there and I'm not running, I haven't been in a long time. You just haven't bothered to notice. I've been right here waiting for you to realize that our beginning really was the beginning of something new, different from what we used to have. Instead, you're the one running into the arms of someone else. At least I have sense enough to realize that I could never be completely happy with anyone else and don't jump head first into a committed relationship with every woman I meet." Harm answers loudly. "You NEVER wait and you never listen to what I'm trying to say to you."
" I never wait? Look who's talking. Of course you don't have any committed relationship, you just hop from person to person. Not even bothering to try and make something work. And there is no one else, Harm. Why do you keep saying that?" I contests hotly.
"Oh, so now you're just kissing any man who comes along and it's not supposed to mean anything to me. I saw you Mac. I saw you kissing Clayton Webb." Harm says his voice growing quieter, sounding a little hurt.
I sigh softly finally understanding that Harm's silence and anger isn't just about leaving JAG, "Harm, that was nothing. I was just trying to make Webb feel better about what had happened. How was I supposed to now that you would see us and jump to the wrong conclusion and how was I supposed to know that you weren't running anymore. We've never even talked about it."
"We never talk about it, because you're always putting me off. You never think I'm taking anything seriously between us. Admit it. Not only don't you see that things are different now, I haven't seen anyone since the Video Princess and I have tried to talk to you about it but you never want to listen, but you also thought that the only reason I came after you was because the Admiral sent me. I can't believe that after all this time, you thought that I wouldn't come and look for you no matter what anyone else told me. You can't even begin to imagine what I had to do in order to find you." Harm says yelling at me, running his fingers through his hair in frustration.
"That because you've hardly said two words to me since you found out I was okay and we started our trip home. It's always the same Harm. You never want to talk to me except when I don't have time to listen to you. I didn't ignore you before I left on this mission, I didn't have time to talk with you about what you wanted to talk about. I've waited almost a year for you to do something that would say this time was different, but you haven't. We just go along pretending like everything is great between us, as if we are right where we want to be even though we both know it's not true." I answer almost as loud as him.
"You never said anything to me either. I assumed that if you wanted things to be different you would let me know. Instead, you keep disappearing and I have to keep going after you. I thought you must need time after Mic left. How was I supposed to know that you didn't need more time. I waited as long as I could Sarah. I didn't want you to leave again without talking, but you didn't have time." Harm says a little more calmly now. "Besides, that wasn't the first time I tried to talk to you or the first time I've followed you. It's just like old time except now I'm the one trying to keep you safe instead of the other way around. I followed you before, you know I did, but you weren't ready to hear me. How am I supposed to know what you're thinking. I can't read your mind you know."
"I'm sorry, Harm. God, How do we let things get so mixed up? We're here now and we both have time. Maybe it's time we finally try to talk with both of us listening and not jumping to conclusions and then maybe we could figure out together how we're going to salvage you career again." I say.
"Okay." Harm says taking a deep breath. "I don't even know where to begin anymore."
"Just say what's on you mind. Be honest." Mac articulated. "Keeping everything from each other is how we keep ending up in this mess."
"Okay."
End Part 1
Author:twbird18
Rating:PG
Disclaimer: Don't own Harm or Mac. Never did. Never will. And I'm a poor grad student who owes thousands of dollars so if you sue me all you'll get is me declaring bankruptcy :-)
Spoilers: anything
Summary:Harm and Mac finally say what they really think about each other
Email: twbird18@yahoo.com
Author's note: I haven't written anything in a while and have kind of had this idea floating around in my head for a while. Feedback is appreciated. I will try to get the rest of the story finished shortly.
'I'm glad we're finally back' I think to myself. 'It was a pretty long ride with Harm barely speaking to me. I wish he would tell me what is bothering him now.' "It's good to finally be home Harm. I'm glad the hospital released us both at the same time so we could come home together."
"I guess." Harm answered shrugging, "Let me get your bags for you. You shouldn't be carrying them yet."
Climbing out of the car, I head for my apartment with Harm following close behind carrying the bags. Opening the door, I toss my keys on the table and kick off my shoes before turning to thank Harm. "Thanks for carrying my bags up. It feels good to finally be somewhere that isn't moving."
Acknowledging my thanks with a nod, Harm drops my bag inside the door to my bedroom before sitting down on the sofa.
"I'll see if I can't get us something to drink." I say heading into the kitchen and returning after a moment with two glasses of water. Handing one glass to Harm I say, "Here you go. Sorry, it's the only thing I have left. Guess I'll have to hit the store in the morning. It's a good thing that we got back on a Friday. At least we have the weekend before we have to go back to JAG." I continue talking trying to fill the silence because Harm still isn't speaking. I wonder why he didn't just go home if he wasn't going to talk to me. "It'll be good to get back. I have to admit that I missed it. Think we'll have any interesting cases when we return?"
"I don't know what kind of cases you'll have, but I won't be getting any." Harm says in reply, not bothering to explain why he would have any cases.
"Of course you will. I'm sure there are plenty of cases piling up with the Admiral missing not just me unexpectedly but then having to send you to come find me." 'Why would he think that he won't have any cases? Sometimes, I just don't know what this man is thinking.'
"There probably are, but I still won't be getting any of them, Mac." Harm says crossly.
"Why not?"
"Because Mac, the Admiral didn't send me to find you. In fact, he ordered me not too. I resigned my commission to come find you. That means..." Harm starts to respond.
"You what!?" I interrupt, shocked. I'm beginning to see why he stayed and why he's been so quiet.
"I resigned my commission when the Admiral wouldn't let me come after you."
"Harm, what were you thinking? Maybe the Admiral won't accept it. You can't just leave JAG on some whim." I begin to say trying to make sense of what he just told me.
"A whim? You were lost and needed my help. If it had been me, I know you would have done the same thing. You have followed me all over the place. It's about time that I returned the favor." Harm says, giving me a lopsided grin. "You once asked me what I would give up for you, but you never waited for my answer. I guess now you know. It's too bad you couldn't wait for me. I guess that's part of our problem. You're never willing to wait for me." Harm says in an offhanded manner.
"What are you talking about? Wait for you? I've been waiting 8 years for you to make up your mind. Let's not..." I start to say let's not talk about this now, wanting to stay focused on the problem at hand and not get sidetracked with our biggest problem right now, but Harm interrupts me before I can finish.
"Really, well you could have fooled me. Seems like there's always some other guy that you go running to every time it even looks as if we might have a chance at working things out. I guess I should have known that the reason you didn't want to talk to me before you left is because you already knew that you had someone else and didn't need me." Harm says a little bitterly.
"Someone else? What are you talking about? How can there be someone else when there isn't even an us? What do you mean me running away? Every time I even approach you, you get scared and start running the opposite direction, usually straight into the arms of some other woman." I answer starting to grow a little angry before taking a deep breathe and trying to calm down.
"There isn't an us? There is, you know it and I know it. Just because you're never willing to admit it doesn't mean it's not there and I'm not running, I haven't been in a long time. You just haven't bothered to notice. I've been right here waiting for you to realize that our beginning really was the beginning of something new, different from what we used to have. Instead, you're the one running into the arms of someone else. At least I have sense enough to realize that I could never be completely happy with anyone else and don't jump head first into a committed relationship with every woman I meet." Harm answers loudly. "You NEVER wait and you never listen to what I'm trying to say to you."
" I never wait? Look who's talking. Of course you don't have any committed relationship, you just hop from person to person. Not even bothering to try and make something work. And there is no one else, Harm. Why do you keep saying that?" I contests hotly.
"Oh, so now you're just kissing any man who comes along and it's not supposed to mean anything to me. I saw you Mac. I saw you kissing Clayton Webb." Harm says his voice growing quieter, sounding a little hurt.
I sigh softly finally understanding that Harm's silence and anger isn't just about leaving JAG, "Harm, that was nothing. I was just trying to make Webb feel better about what had happened. How was I supposed to now that you would see us and jump to the wrong conclusion and how was I supposed to know that you weren't running anymore. We've never even talked about it."
"We never talk about it, because you're always putting me off. You never think I'm taking anything seriously between us. Admit it. Not only don't you see that things are different now, I haven't seen anyone since the Video Princess and I have tried to talk to you about it but you never want to listen, but you also thought that the only reason I came after you was because the Admiral sent me. I can't believe that after all this time, you thought that I wouldn't come and look for you no matter what anyone else told me. You can't even begin to imagine what I had to do in order to find you." Harm says yelling at me, running his fingers through his hair in frustration.
"That because you've hardly said two words to me since you found out I was okay and we started our trip home. It's always the same Harm. You never want to talk to me except when I don't have time to listen to you. I didn't ignore you before I left on this mission, I didn't have time to talk with you about what you wanted to talk about. I've waited almost a year for you to do something that would say this time was different, but you haven't. We just go along pretending like everything is great between us, as if we are right where we want to be even though we both know it's not true." I answer almost as loud as him.
"You never said anything to me either. I assumed that if you wanted things to be different you would let me know. Instead, you keep disappearing and I have to keep going after you. I thought you must need time after Mic left. How was I supposed to know that you didn't need more time. I waited as long as I could Sarah. I didn't want you to leave again without talking, but you didn't have time." Harm says a little more calmly now. "Besides, that wasn't the first time I tried to talk to you or the first time I've followed you. It's just like old time except now I'm the one trying to keep you safe instead of the other way around. I followed you before, you know I did, but you weren't ready to hear me. How am I supposed to know what you're thinking. I can't read your mind you know."
"I'm sorry, Harm. God, How do we let things get so mixed up? We're here now and we both have time. Maybe it's time we finally try to talk with both of us listening and not jumping to conclusions and then maybe we could figure out together how we're going to salvage you career again." I say.
"Okay." Harm says taking a deep breath. "I don't even know where to begin anymore."
"Just say what's on you mind. Be honest." Mac articulated. "Keeping everything from each other is how we keep ending up in this mess."
"Okay."
End Part 1