Title: Bloody hell, Harry!
Author: Ellatrix Lestrange
Beta(s): none
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: K+
Genre: romance/humour
Pairing: Draco/Harry
Summary: Ron walks in on Draco and Harry- well, you can read on! A DM/HP slash. One-shot.
Disclaimer: I own nothing of the wizarding world; I am merely a fan writing fan fiction, and giving Harry Potter the ending I wish it had. Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling/Warner Bros etc.

I hope you enjoy, and please review!

'HARRY?!'

'Ron! Shi- It's not what it looks like!'

'ARRRGGGHHHH! IT BETTER NOT BE! IT LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE SHAGGING MALFOY! WHAT THE... PLEASE SAY IT WAS JUST FIGHTING!'

'Oh calm down, Weasel, it's called a kiss, not a shag.'

'A KISS? A BLOODY KISS?!'

'Ron- Ron, I was going to tell you but-'

'You're bloody BENT for Draco MALFOY?!'

'Wow, you don't miss a trick,' smirked Draco, his arms still around Harry as they sat, legs entwined, together on the bed.

'Shut UP, Draco! I told you we should have put a bloody locking charm on the bed curtains!'

'Argh, Harry, be more kinky.'

'ARRRRGGGGHHHH!'

'Ron, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-'

'You're GAY and you never told me?!'

'Weasel, in all fairness, he didn't know himself for too long.'

'SHUT IT! WHAT'VE YOU DONE, GIVEN HIM LOVE POTION?!' Ron bellowed, his wand pointed at the Slytherin's face.

'That's rather insulting, I think I can get a date without the help of Amortentia.'

'Please, Ron, I was going to tell you but I knew you'd blow up like this!'

'BLOW UP LIKE THIS?! You were fucking your worst enemy!'

'He's not my enemy, Ron!'

'Yes he bloody well is! Get him out of our dorm, Harry!'

'I think I'm fine here,' commented Draco lightly, tightening his grip around Harry's waist.

'Ron, you don't understand-'

'ALL I UNDERSTAND IS THAT MALFOY - DRACO MALFOY, PUREBLOOD, SLYTHERIN AND YOUR ARCH ENEMY - HAD YOU PINNED UP AGAINST THE WALL, HANDS UP YOUR SHIRT AND HIS LIPS OVER YOURS!'

'He really needs to learn the definition of kiss, doesn't he?'

'GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!'

'No.'

'Draco, I think you shou-'

'You call him DRACO now?! Bloody disgusting!'

'And I call him Harry.'

'NOBODY ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION, BLOODY DEATH EATER!'

'Shut up. Shut up right now.'

'Oh, that hurts you, does it? It's your own fault you muggle-torturing, Dark-Lord-worshipping villain!'

'I recommend you shut your freckly little face right now, Weasel, or you might not make it out of this room alive,' said Draco icily.

'Both of you, please, stop! Draco, calm down-'

'You want ME to calm down?! He's the one who's got his wand in my face!'

'BE QUIET!'

Both Draco and Ron were silent this time.

'Draco, just leave, babe-'

'BABE?'

'-I need to talk to Ron in private; Ron, please, stop being so angry.'

'YOU BLOODY LIED TO ME! FINE, YOU - REPULSIVE SLYTHERIN - CAN STAY HERE, I AM GOING TO GO FIND HERMIONE AND ASK HER TO OBLIVIATE ME. Bloody hell, Harry!'

'Ron-'

'Good FUCKING day!'

The door to the dormitory slammed shut with a bang, leaving a panicked Harry and a seething Draco to themselves.

'I was so angry,' hissed the Slytherin, 'that I didn't even comment on his unusually extensive level of vocabulary.'

'Draco, you're not a muggle-torturing death eater, I know you're not.'

'Your fucking ginger friend thinks so though, doesn't he?' The Slytherin sat down on the bed angrily.

'It was just a surprise to him. Dr- Draco?'

'What?' Draco asked, his voice softer as he heard the stutter in the Gryffindor's voice.

'I'm sorry.'

'Why're you 'sorry', it's not your fault your best friend is insane.'

'We really should have made sure we were more private.'

'You blame everything on yourself, Harry.'

'I'm sorry.'

'There it is again, stop being sorry, it really wasn't your fault,' said the boy, gently tugging the cuff of Harry's shirt so he was lowered down on top of the Slytherin.

'It was, I should've been more-'

'Will this convince you?'

'Will what convince-' Harry's question was cut off by a soft kiss on the lips. Harry's eyes were wide yet excited as Draco broke the kiss; he was still not quite used to the novelty of kissing him. 'Possibly. I'm still not entirely sure though,' he winked, quirking an eyebrow at the blonde.

'Fine by me,' Draco whispered, repeating the gesture.